They were born not as two, but one. Cut from the belly of a woman who was hardly human. Her womb, an experimental lab a petri dish, an incubator of life not fit for earthly habitation. But life, still.
Strange!
No, not strange:
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Gratitude & Regret
Like Bread & Pickle (LOVE their lattes) but it serves turkey chowder in an air-sickness bag.
Life is full of gratitude and regret. Both should be acknowledged. Hopefully via a Zeichen Press card. I am sure that if we all thoroughly examined our consciences, we would discover a whole room of regret. That room would be furnished with a urine-stained futon, a musty trunk, and an ash tray. That’s sad!
CONVERSELY, the gratitude room is full of Daylilies and cookie jars.
Here are some cards for both occasions: And don’t act like you don’t need both cards.
We still love you.
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Speaking of Snakes
There was a pet store in my neighborhood (Petcetera) that had all kinds of fascinating creatures. The best creature was a full-size (5 feet, from snout to tip of tail) alligator in a steel tub. The tub had a makeshift screen cover so that the alligator couldn’t escape.
A screen cover.
So the ALLIGATOR couldn’t escape.
I think it was drugged anyway it just laid there, blinking it’s beautiful eyes.
Of course there were snakes, and I don’t know much about snakes, but what I do know is pretty scientifically accurate. When snakes speak, they drag out their s’s.
They’re usually pretty shy but if you give one a frozen mouse they are your friend for at least 5 seconds. -
Wanted: Design Pimp
It was a fat PVC pipe, coated in Crisco, pitched at a 25° angle and suspended over a pit filled with filthy water. A $5 bill was clipped to the high end and my job was to shimmy my way to it. (Why am I always shimmying poles?) With my glasses pushed tight to my face, my stringy blonde hair moved back and forth as I slid myself toward my goal. I wore my lucky shorts Granny Smith green with pink piping and “my 4th of July” shirt red and blue striped off-brand Izod.
A crowd gathered.
I wanted that $5 and the glory that came with it. With that $5, I could buy enough candy to satisfy my aching sweet tooth and with that glory came a lifetime of bragging rights. “The greased pole in the Hollow in Barnstable? Yeah, I did that.”
I entered a competition today. This one does not involve poles, pits, or Crisco. It does involve money and Jen and I have both agreed that we will do (almost) anything for money.
Uncommon Goods invited us to submit designs for an iPhone case and after slathering myself in Crisco, I submitted some designs. I know you’ve seen these before. I’m really into recycling.
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Hang Your Skirt On The Flagpole Day
I know that Native Americans can anticipate the change of seasons by paying close attention to the subtle signs in nature. I’ve been doing that too.
Sign number one was seeing a rat splattered on the street in front of my house. When the rats crawl out of the sewers it means we are in for a serious drought. Or that I need to move.
Sign number two was seeing a man peeing on the side of my garage. When a man pees on the side of your garage it means that I need to move.
Okay, the school year is fizzling out like a dud of a firecracker and that’s good because I’ve seen those mangled hands and it is difficult to fill in those little SAT bubbles with a nub-hand.
Once Upon A Time, I made the difficult transition from Catholic Grade School to Catholic High School this meant going from blue and green plaid skirts to brown and gray plaid skirts. THIS meant that I had to inch my way up the school’s flagpole and fly my skirt like a flag.
Just like Hayley Mills (in The Trouble With Angels!) sans cigarette.
It’s not too late to send your favorite graduate from the Class of 2012 a Zeichen Press card stuffed with money!
(You’re welcome, graduates.) -
Heavy Metal Type
One fully loaded California Job Case weighs as much as I do and I have spent the week proving this.
We are in the process of rearranging the shop and I am in the process of atoning for my sins via physical labor my hair shirt is at the cleaners and flip-flops don’t hold small rocks like Uggs.
Here’s how it works: I carefully slide one 100 lb case out of the cabinet and onto the floor.
And then I do that, like, 60 more times.
If I realize there is a case of type I need on the bottom of the pile, I simply pick up each and every case on top of that case and create another pile on the floor.
At some point, intern(s) get involved.
Their apprenticeship is very old-school: They sort type/hate me. That’s how they used to do it in the good ol’ days, I’m just trying to keep tradition alive.They’ll thank me later.
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COLOR ME IMPRESSED!
Do you need ANOTHER thing to do this Holiday Season?
YES, PLEASE.
How about a COLORING CONTEST??
But, Fran, how could I possibly fit this into my busy schedule??
THAT’S EASY BECAUSE WE BROKE IT DOWN INTO STEPS!
~ Step 1: print this picture
~ Step 2: color the picture like your life depends on it
~ Step 3: take a photo of your colored masterpiece with your super smartphone OR scan
~ Step 4: send to info@zeichenpress.com ~ or snailmail to us
Zeichen Press will choose the winner AND and that person will receive free cards!!!
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
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We want to be more than just friends with: i like you too
i like you too -> 416 Snelling South Saint Paul, Minnesota 55105
ANOTHER profile in that special series dedicated to bringing our readers biased reviews of shops that carry our goods.
The gals
knew it wasn’t right to deprive the good people of St. Paul all of that hand-crafted goodness for one more minute. After all, they are THE purveyors of one-of-a-kind-locally-made-gifts.
They remind me of me and Jen except Jen has way more tattoos and piercings. Some day you’ll be as cool as us, ladies. SOME DAY.
They transformed
a blank canvas on Snelling
into something WORTHY ENOUGH to carry Zeichen Press cards.
And they have other cute stuff too. Or whatever.
PS:
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Custom Customer & Choirs of Angels
Now that my fireplace is ready for Winter,
Jen can finally print Holiday cards for our favorite custom customer.
Akustiks is a fancy company of acousticians who design the architectural acoustics for theaters and concert halls.
And, correct me if I’m wrong, but a group of acousticians were actually hired by God to assure the residents of Bethlehem that His choir of angels sounded better than some music pouring out of the earbuds crammed in my earholes.
Despite my lo-fi circumstances, I created a new card. Only 38 shopping days till Christmas!
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House Calls
Sometimes your web developer
has to come over and gnaw on bricks (gluten-free scones) and discuss dogs wearing sweaters so your mobile site can function properly.
TECHNOLOGY.
And Jen loves meetings because she’s a social butterfly
and craves attention. Oh, Jen! When will it be enough??
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My Heart(h) Will Go On
As my eyeball filled with blood,
I thought to myself, “should I have someone redo my hearth,
or stop working on our 2017 catalog?”
I decided to both because I’m an over-achiever.
AND THEN I wrote a card
because it’s cheaper than therapy.
