Category: COLD

  • MORE LOVE

    Like a chicken, I am cooped up in my house… Day after day after day, longing to be free-range. I busy myself with cat photographyDinah close upand new designs for RSVPWhich will be chosen for Valentine’s Day 2017?? Stay tuned…rsvp.your love.revisedrsvp.sloth thinking

  • Urban Hermitage

    Discovering Instacart might change my life.instacart.IMG_8593These modern services enable my dwindling desire to engage with the outside world.

    IN JANUARY. IN MINNESOTA.

    And why should I leave my house when Millie the Dog is learning to speak Human?

    If only the shop were actually connected to my house.back door to shop.IMG_8614Just look at that commute! Ridiculous.

    Or… inspiring? It must be inspiring because I made this.mozart revised

  • Sort of an Epiphany

    I’m pretty sure it was our Jewish neighbor (and not Santa Claus) who put our presents under the tree when we were at Midnight Mass.

    I got a globe.world events never bothered himBut I barely remember that! I barely remember crying and sulking in my bedroom! Because this was the Lord’s day, not mine!

    Merry Christmastime, everyone!OMG, Balthasar.new

  • The Perfect Christmas Cards

    Thank you, Religion News Service, for appreciating the ho-ho-Holiday-humdrum-hole-filling.  religion news service devoured by wolvesAnd thank you, Dinah the Cat, for understanding the true meaning of Christmas.Dinah Christmas 2015And you’re right, you should be in the new Christmas card.merry christmas perfect family

  • This Time of Year Fills Me With

    this time of yearThe No Coast Craft-O-Rama is TODAY and tomorrow (December 4th and 5th) and Jen has been feverishly printing in preparation.

    She must have been too busy to notice my new woodpile!wood pile.IMG_7916Come see all of the Holiday Goodies at the Midtown Global Market today — Jen will be giving out free hugs with every purchase!

  • Gracias…

    …El Niño. I know I’m supposed to be cursing Climate Change… I KNOW.

    But how can I curse when meteorologists are predicting a warmer-than-usual winter??

    I must embrace the phenomenon the way a mother embraces her wayward son.

    IN OTHER NEWS, Jen and I chose 12 cards for the next release using darts, a cardboard cutout of Steve Buscemi, and our first-aid kit.

    Here’s a teaser:curse this curse.vertAnd because I always plan ahead, here’s a new Father’s Day card:GOLF browner

  • Vultures and Wood Type and Birthdays

    I won’t even speak of the weather BECAUSE IT’S UNSPEAKABLE.

    You can’t break me, Weather.

    You’ll never break me.

    Everyone knows that the only cure for the cold is wood type. And alcohol. western wood type case

    Jen and I have been having a debate about the next birthday card. And by debate, I mean she is, like, “I don’t care.” Doesn’t she know the dangers of Not Caring??

    ANYWAY, here’s the card. BTW, that’s a vulture, waiting for you to die.

    look good for your age.new size

  • Out Like An Impolite Lamb

    Just when I thought it was safe to burn my foot-shaped Smartwool socks, Spring decided to retreat.smartwool standing 2At least I have feet.

    Am I right?? Although, I’d be grateful for stump-shaped Smartwool socks.

    I WOULD.

    Here’s a card:let go of the old bad memoriesOh, and Jen and I chose the cards for The Spring Release!*revised.vert.devoured by wolves*christmas miracle.dog antlers*new.blackmail revenge*dear snow*vert.success failures*vert.like like you*your love.defib.vert*BETTER DAYS AHEAD*LIFE.You better wear a nut cup*getting old*heaven is a castle*heaven is

  • Same (expletive), Same Day

    As I said goodbye to yet another kitten from our cat ranch,all kittens and dinah white chairI thought to myself, “I bet this is exactly how Beyoncé feels when she drops an album.” And then I thought, “My skin is so dry.”

    I wish I could travel back in time… back to the 1970’s when there were environmental chambers built into the walls of health club locker rooms… (I think this is a real memory and that I’m not just pasting a false memory on top of a traumatic childhood locker room incident… those topless moms blow-drying their hair… Wait, am I?? Omg… Beep beep boop: Tropical Rainforest?? Yes, please!)

    NO MATTER, here’s a new card!NOW the party can start

  • Send Cheese

    My grandpa’s battleship was bombed and he had to tread water for 13 hours WHILE he kept his unconscious buddy afloat. That was just like the time in 2009 that I swam out to meet the seal.

    SPEAKING OF TREADING WATER.

    It’s mid-February in Minnesota.*LIFE.You better wear a nut cup