Zeichen Press

Category: Franimals

  • Mirror, Mirror On The Wall

    Who’s the fairest one of all?

    There is SO much happening around here! First, I had to bait a squirrel trapsquirrel-trapto catch the Kitchen-Squirrel. I was going to fill the trap with my kitchen garbage (her favorite) but I decided to go for something more bourgeois: Skippy Peanut Butter.

    And then there was a serious decision to make: Which card would Paper Source like more?somisunderstoodsup-dawg-betterI hope we chose wisely because one of our lives (Jen’s) is on the line.

    Oh, and I didn’t forget that it is Valentine’s Day today, I am very romantic. Here is proof:hello-lover-blue

  • Meat Suits And Building A Fan Base

    For Immediate Release: In an attempt to build the Zeichen Press Fan Base, Jen Shea and Fran Shea will appear on a local cable-access show locked in a cell and covered in Fancy Feast™. 1,000 cats will be released into the cell through a small hatch. Fran and Jen will sing a medley of famous duets, including Islands In the Stream, Endless Love, and You Don’t Bring Me Flowers.

    ###being-a-sheep-2

  • Understanding Your Target Demographic

    Hello.

    My name is Pevenshire Wiffynuts and I’m here today to talk about targeting your demographic. Whether you are marketing adult diapers, cowboy hats, or cemetery plots, it is critical that you understand your audience. That may mean that you have to poop in your pants, herd cows, or bury a loved one.

    Don’t be afraid to do these things — they will help you effectively move product and change lives. 

    Wow! Thanks, Pevenshire.

    I hear what you’re saying — I ripped off my mom-mask to reveal the face of an eight-year-old-boy so I could create this birthday card:you-look-like-a-monkey

  • Fairy Tales And True Tales

    The poor peasant said it best, “even if we had only one and it were quite small, and only as big as a thumb, I should be quite satisfied, and we would still love it with all our hearts.”

    If Fairy Tales were true, hedgehogs would speak and donkeys would spew gold. And poor old peasants could wish and receive tiny children.

    I wrote a Fairy Tale about an old childless couple and a duck. Inspired by true events. In the story, there is a duck, a baby, and an angry mob.

    But I’ve said too much!

    I’ll get that published someday but MEANWHILE here is a card for the new parent — it features a disgruntled chick.phew-you-arrived-chick

  • General Sherman’s Men Are Praying For You

    Isn’t that a comforting thought?

    If I had a tumor, I’d want a group of strangers to pray it away.

    Less messy than surgery.

    Also, if I could train a field-full of meerkats to pray for me, I would.meerkatsThat would be adorable.

    Thanks (or no thanks) to Facebook, phrases that were once packed with meaning, are like a watered-down drink: You are in our prayers… We are all praying for you…

    These, followed by a frowny-face 🙠are now much more common than a hand-written note.

    🙠x 1,000!

    Someday we’ll create Encouragement Cards for the most grievous of events (will we??) but how about those events that still deserve more than a Facebook comment? How about: sewage backups, low-risk operations, stomach flus, power-outtages, lost dogs, lost luggage, car-jackings, rat-infestations, or hauntings?

    Not quite tragic but still entitled to a show of support. A card like this (IN THE MAILBOX) would cheer a person up posthaste:we-are-all-praying-for-you

  • Decisions, Decisions

    Should I shower today or plan a fictional vacation?

    Should I take down the Christmas tree or pet the cat?

    Life is so challenging.

    Decision du jour: Which card is funnier??

    A)you-arent-so-special-girlsB)you-arent-so-specialI have fictional vacations to plan and cats to pet — help me move on with my day.

  • Cuttlefish Tentacles And Giraffe Heads

    Why hide your abnormality under a dingy flannel sack? Love suffers enough in this disposable culture and I will not be a lemming — I will stand up for the odd, the fractured, the misfit, the offbeat, the freaks. I will stand up and say, I embrace the grotesque!

    As long as they don’t smell like urine.

    I can handle just about any disfigurement — emotional or physical — that sits next to me on the bus, but my achilles heel in my mad-dash for sainthood, is my keen sense of smell.

    Damn my olfactory perception.

    I don’t think John Merrickelephant-man

    smelled like urine, so we would probably have been great friends.

    I made two new cards that celebrate this subject. Feel free to give them to the person in your life that needs to know they’re special.

    If you have someone in your life that smells like urine, they would probably appreciate this card very much.

    Congratulations, future St. Blankblank.he-loved-everything-abot-hershe-loved-everything-about-him

  • A Christmas Miracle

    I welcome the extra-ordinary. In fact, I am hyper-vigilant and ever-watchful for signs of miraculous happenings.

    I ate two pounds of filet mignon on Christmas Eve and I’m pretty sure that was a miracle. It felt like a miracle — béarnaise sauce drizzled over huge hunks of very rare cow flesh doesn’t happen every day.christmas-eve-miracle-filetI love Christmas Miracles, they are the most powerful kind of miracle — A change of heart is better than filet mignon and antlers growing out of a dog’s head is, perhaps, the most miraculous of all.

    Jen did say I couldn’t make any more Christmas cards but I squeezed this one past her because she is a sucker for dogs and because I threw her computer in a snowbank.a-christmas-miracle

  • Umfa-Umfa and Itchy-Scratchy

    A long, long time ago, when men roamed the wild, with sharp spears and heavy stones, a discovery was made: A charred nub-of-a-stick was scraped against the wall to create a picture, a representation of reality — why? 

    The need to communicate visually is unique to humans (and some elephants).elephant painting elephantI wish I had a trunk.

    Here’s what I need to communicate visually:

    ugh.cave manugh.vomit

  • Countdown To Countdown

    The newspaper is delivered to our doorstep each morning (by horse and buggy) and I comb through it — if I find a particularly odd/sad/absurd story, I read it aloud to whomever (the dog) is nearby.

    Here is an abbreviated digest of the only (two) articles I remember from the past (two) months: (In alphabetical order)

    1) Stratosphere jump by daredevil, Felix Baumgartner: In an attempt to break the world record, Felix jumped from a capsule suspended 23 miles above Roswell, New Mexico.

    felix fall

    I plan on breaking that record when I get tired of this whole letterpress thing.

    2) Talking elephant in South Korea loves Zeichen Press. Strange but true.

    Crazy?! I know! Koshik’s trainer must $*#%-love Zeichen Press.

    Enough time-wasting.

    Here is a new Christmas card (available NEXT Christmas. Sorry).the moose