Zeichen Press

Category: Hygiene

  • Bionic Fran Goes To the Post Office

    The much-anticipated matchup between Bionic Fran and Wonder Woman is finally here!bionic-woman-vs-wonder-womanTickets are available by our back gate and the fight will be held in the driveway.

    Come early and pick an unripened tomato to throw at the loser.

    The event takes place as soon as Jen finds her way out of the mountains I know her pockets were stuffed with breadcrumbs, so I’m sure she’ll be fine.

    I’ve been pretty busy while she’s been gone… The intern and I talked a lot, I picked up two dead birds and one dead baby rabbit… I brought orders to the post office… I made this birthday card…count-the-rings-2

  • Monkeys On Pogo-Sticks

    My application for Mensa included a $20 bill and a film.

    I hope they accept me I want that laminated membership card.

    I also incuded a couple of my own cards:usually-unusualfitting-metaphor

  • Always Winter but never Christmas (or Spring)

    The woman gazes through her window. A window covered in dog-drool, a window with a view of only one season: Winter. She stares, slack-jawed, at the slow parade of life.twilight-zone-logo

    There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man’s fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area we call the Twilight Zone.

    SERIOUSLY?!?letting-go-rose

  • Captain’s Log, Stardate 4.1.2013

    Jen was part of a dangerous expedition

    jen-ski-trip-crop

    New product was added tothe shopand I can’t help but wonder which cards will sell well… will they be sheep-related?:sheep-30-f8wanted-30-f8snowflake-brighterhigh-fiverecipe-30-f8Or not?

  • Left, Left, Lefty, Right-o Left, Right

    That’s the sound that March makes that and a muffled sobbing.February triggers cabin fever but March in Minnesota is far more dangerous.

    Here’s a story about March:One Christmas, Santa put a baby albino rabbit under the tree so delightful!

    The little rabbit grew into a big rabbit and by the next Winter, our basement smelled like the bunny barn at the State Fair. With scraps of wood and a bale of hay, I built an outdoor rabbit hutch.

    In a pinch, it could serve as a coffin for an adult man.

    IN A PINCH.

    By March it was buried under several feet of snow and I’d order my eldest to go spend time with the rabbit in the snow coffin.

    The moral of the story is: Get a dog.

    And something about March creating crazy. Thank God I have an outlet for my March crazy:water-vodka-2

  • Mirror, Mirror On The Wall

    Who’s the fairest one of all?

    There is SO much happening around here! First, I had to bait a squirrel trapsquirrel-trapto catch theKitchen-Squirrel. I was going to fill the trap with mykitchen garbage(her favorite) but I decided to go for something more bourgeois: Skippy Peanut Butter.

    And then there was a serious decision to make: Which card would Paper Source like more?somisunderstoodsup-dawg-betterI hope we chose wisely because one of our lives (Jen’s) is on the line.

    Oh, and I didn’t forget that it is Valentine’s Day today, I am very romantic. Here is proof:hello-lover-blue

  • Meat Suits And Building A Fan Base

    For Immediate Release:In an attempt to build the Zeichen Press Fan Base, Jen Shea and Fran Shea willappear on a local cable-access show locked in a cell and covered in Fancy Feast. 1,000 cats will be released into the cell through a small hatch. Fran and Jen will sing a medley of famous duets, includingIslands In the Stream,Endless Love, andYou Don’t Bring Me Flowers.

    ###being-a-sheep-2

  • Understanding Your Target Demographic

    Hello.

    My name isPevenshire Wiffynutsand I’m here today to talk about targeting your demographic. Whether you are marketing adult diapers, cowboy hats, or cemetery plots, it is critical that you understand your audience. That may mean that you have to poop in your pants, herd cows, or bury a loved one.

    Don’t be afraid to do these things they will help you effectively move product and change lives.

    Wow! Thanks, Pevenshire.

    I hear what you’re saying I ripped off my mom-mask to reveal the face of an eight-year-old-boy so I could create this birthday card:you-look-like-a-monkey

  • Decisions, Decisions

    Should I shower today or plan a fictional vacation?

    Should I take down the Christmas tree or pet the cat?

    Life is so challenging.

    Decision du jour: Which card is funnier??

    A)you-arent-so-special-girlsB)you-arent-so-specialI have fictional vacations to plan and cats to pet help me move on with my day.

  • Cuttlefish Tentacles And Giraffe Heads

    Why hide your abnormality under a dingy flannel sack? Love suffers enough in this disposable culture and I will not be a lemming I will stand up for the odd, the fractured, the misfit, the offbeat, the freaks. I will stand up and say,I embrace the grotesque!

    As long as they don’t smell like urine.

    I can handle just about any disfigurement emotional or physical that sits next to me on the bus, but my achilles heel in my mad-dash for sainthood, is my keen sense of smell.

    Damn my olfactory perception.

    I don’t think John Merrickelephant-man

    smelled like urine, so we would probably have been great friends.

    I made two new cards that celebrate this subject. Feel free to give them to the person in your life that needs to know they’re special.

    If you have someone in your life that smells like urine, they would probably appreciate this card very much.

    Congratulations, future St. Blankblank.he-loved-everything-abot-hershe-loved-everything-about-him