Zeichen Press

Category: Tortured Soul

  • Blog Post Meridiem

    Nighttime is just like daytime but with fewer socks and more Professor Blastoff.

    Who is Professor Blastoff??professor-blastoff-poster

    Professor Blastoff is a podcast/my gateway to dreamland. Not because it’s boring! Shut your pretty mouth. But because these three comedians lull me me to sleep with their soothing silliness. How can silliness be soothing?? Just listen to it and quit judging me.

    Speaking of professors, a(n) (assistant) professor (Alicia Erian) at Northeastern University (Department of English and Tomfoolery) took such a shine to Zeichen Press that she is our new (virtual) intern! Responsibilities include (but aren’t limited to): Telling me how awesome I am.

    She didn’t love this next card but I still love her.marriage-is-2

  • How two women spun straw into gold at the No Coast Craft-o-Rama

    In this story, the ‘straw’ is paper-and-ink and the ‘gold’ is a cash box full of cash.

    If only mortgage companies and grocery stores accepted hugs and back rubs in exchange for their products and services! Alas, they do not, and so we are forced to peddle our wares. no-coast-2013Normally, shops around the WORLD (that’s right) peddle our goods for us, but once a year, we come out of hiding, and on horseback, to peddle our own goods at the beloved No Coast Craft-o-Rama.

    Is it because we love laughter and the spirit of the Holiday Season? Or is it because we love money?

    Oh, the reformed Scrooge inside of me says it’s not about the money. IT’S NOT.money-doesnt-buy-happiness

  • A Winter Cocoon

    Now that the temperature has dropped to depressing lows, I’ve turned to TLC reruns for comfort. …My Strange Addiction is the best thing on television… Why wouldn’t I gorge myself on other people’s dysfunction?

    But enough about women addicted to drinking their own urine. Here’s a card about perspective.feeling-bad

  • Easily Distracted In Class

    I think that box was checked on my elementary school progress reports… But who could be bothered with such details??

    Not me. NOT ME. And that’s why I secured a blank progress report, checked the best boxes, and brought it to my parents.

    See? I wasn’t that easily distracted.

    °°

    I am busy taking photographs of the new cardswater-vodka-2but not too busy to document some pretty fascinating activity:

    Aren’t you glad you watched that??

    I know I’m supposed to be doing something… Oh, that’s right, putting hungry vegetables on a card.eat-your-veggies-2No??

    It’ll come to me after I stare out the window and pet that cat.

  • Ode To My TV (and more)

    In the spirit of AMC’s award winning dramas, Mad Men and Breaking Bad, comes something written by the devil himself.pencil-pusher

    With a script scrawled on toilet paper, using a fountain pen filled with raw sewage, Pencil Pusher weaves a tale so dark, so depressing, viewers are advised to swallow two Xanax before viewing.

    Meet Ernie Frost: One cog in a massive corporate wheel, one man in one cubicle surrounded by countless other cubicles… Floor upon floor of fabric-covered partitions spread like open prairie.

    Deadly open prairie…

    Gone are the days of positive incentives and opening the kimono, these are days of the Corporate Gulag.

    But Ernie Frost has a plan to end the nightmare…

    °°

    Phew! Now I won’t have to throw a brick at my t.v. after the last episode of Breaking Bad.when-i-grow-up

  • A Dream, Realized AND So Much More

    Everyone knows that St. Helena has The Best Fall Festival, this side of the Mississippi.

    I did hear that Nativity in St. Paul has a snake pit and a freak-show…

    But Saint Helena has rides and games and prizes — prizes like t-shirts that Jen and I made for the Duck Shoot!lucky ducky pinkand redYeehaw!!

    Give a kid a cork gun, step back (STEP BACK), and watch the magic!duck shootJen is DUCKing.

  • Summit of Greeting Cards

    After spending $80,000 on climbing gear and an entourage of Sherpas in Nepal,

    Shriya Shah-Klorfine (foreground), of Toronto, is shown at the summit of Mount Everest. The body of the Canadian woman who died while returning from the summit of Mount Everest is one step closer to being evacuated from the mountain. THE CANADIAN PRESS/ho-Utmost Adventure Trekking Pvt. Ltd.
    the Canadian woman reached the Summit of Mount Everest.

    I’m sure it was glorious.

    The relief, the pride, the joy!

    BUT, she forgot one teeny-tiny thing: enough oxygen for her descent. With temperatures hovering around -30° and an altitude of 22,000 ft., she laid her body down on the side of the mountain. 

    And died.

    everest1Lesson??

    Never trust a Sherpa.

    Zeichen Press reached a summit too! We’ve been climbing Mount Greeting Card for a looong time and we finally reached the tippity-top: Urban Outfitters.

    …But now I’ll have to set a new goal… Suggestions?

    Urban Outfitters bought this card — but just to be fancy, it will be printed with a bright blue ink:LetsDoThisLet’s do this, indeed.

  • Life Is But A Dream

    “We’re Creek People now, mom… We’re Creek People…”creek-photoWhat began as an optimistic, joy-filled journey down Minnehaha Creek turned into a somber, personal purgatory.

    The creek didn’t mean to be a metaphor for life, but it was.

    IT WAS.

    We made it out alive and I’m so glad, I didn’t want to have to eat one, or more, of my children.raise-the-roofDid you know it’s Jen’s birthday today?? She celebrated by printing cards for Paper Source in our studio-turned-Easy-Bake Oven. She treated herself with a fan pointed at her back.

    Tradition dictates that I make her a card. So, I did.gandhi

  • Fear and Dread

    I’m not afraid of heights or clowns or rats or bats or cemeteries or sharks. But I AM afraid of centipedes.centipede7

    Once upon a time, I vacuumed up a centipede that was wearing Bill Cosby’s sweater.

    bill_cosby_and_sweaters-copy

    But enough of that!

    It’s August and time to dread Winter.

    My research shows that Hell is being trapped in a snow cave with 1,000 centipedes. And here’s a card for Christmas.

    WHAT?!beginning-to-look-a-lot-like-christmas-2

  • Bionic Fran Goes To the Post Office

    The much-anticipated matchup between Bionic Fran and Wonder Woman is finally here! bionic-woman-vs-wonder-womanTickets are available by our back gate and the fight will be held in the driveway.

    Come early and pick an unripened tomato to throw at the loser.

    The event takes place as soon as Jen finds her way out of the mountains — I know her pockets were stuffed with breadcrumbs, so I’m sure she’ll be fine.

    I’ve been pretty busy while she’s been gone… The intern and I talked a lot, I picked up two dead birds and one dead baby rabbit… I brought orders to the post office… I made this birthday card…count-the-rings-2