Zeichen Press

Category: World Dominance

  • Sympathy/Empathy Cards

    (((flashback)))

    My husband was on a business trip, and that meant it was time for one or more of the kids to get the stomach flu. Because we love tradition, the youngest barfed in her own bath water. While I was cleaning that up, and not to be outdone, the middle one inhaled and regurgitated his macaroni & cheese right back on the plate.

    The older one slunk away.

    While I was cleaning that up, and unbeknownst to me, the cat coughed up a slimy hair-ball. I stepped on it (barefoot).

    While I stood on one foot, crying, the dog came over and licked it up.

    The Endwalked-a-mile

  • How To Catch A Fish (Sort Of)

    By age nine, I would delicately,

    with my right hand, fold down the sharp fins of a Sunfish.

    Why? 

    So I could use my left hand to insert the rusty pliars into the gasping mouth of my catch to retrieve the swallowed hook.

    If I was lucky.

    If I wasn’t lucky, I’d stare at my motionless bobber for hours.

    *Some backstory: My older brother (third of eight) allowed me to fish with him if I did whatever he said, and didn’t cry. He was SERIOUS about fishing. I had glasses and greasy blonde hair.

    **Some backstory about the backstory: My brother was born in September, and I was already a sprouted seed in our Mom’s belly by the next Summer.

    I think I’ve used the bobber-watching metaphor before, but it is APT. Everyday, I wait for my agent to tell me to get the rusty pliars.

    Why doesn’t he ever tell me to get the rusty pliars??

    He just tells me to “hang in there.”hang-in-thereOh, back to my Mom… She has 22 grandkids. This is her with the latest:mom-and-theoHAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!

  • Spring Cleansing and Fumigation

    I’ve heard that we are only prescribed challenges tailored to fit our deficiencies. I don’t really have any deficiencies so I’ve just been row-row-rowing my boat, gently down the stream.

    But poor Jen spent the week hunting for bedbugs (that’s what she gets for going to Turkey) that turned out to be fleas. not-a-bedbug

    It took six flea-bombs and one hijab to properly fumigate.jen-w-botox-and-hijab-new-henry-dunceDoesn’t Henry look ashamed?

    Doesn’t Jen’s forehead look youthful?? I photoshop-botoxed it! AND saved her $200.

    She’ll thank me later.

    While she was busy meeting her prescribed challenge (I pray that she learned her lesson), *I* was busy nobly accepting rejections for The Book.sample-booksEight rejections so far… twelve still unresponsive. But don’t worry about me, I LOVE waiting, and see rejection as an opportunity to grow as a person.

    SPEAKING OF MOTHER’S DAY, here’s a new card:dont-worry-mom

  • Rage-Filled Kitten Eats Dead Master’s Face

    Is that a true story??even-birthdays-filled-her-with-rageThey wouldn’t print it if it wasn’t true.

    Sally Struthers says that for about four dollars, you can buy a Starbucks Caffé Latte Venti… In the Zeichen Press Shop, for just four dollars a day, you can bring laughter to someone who may or may not have been laughing. 

    The choice is yours.

    NOW, visit the shop to see our new release for Spring! You can buy the rage-filled kitten, the generous old woman,

    nobody-else-got-me-one-of-these

    my kind of tea party,

    I take my tea in a wine glass filled with wine. Letterpress printed on recycled paper. Comes with coordinating envelope and packaged in cellophane sleeve.

    and so much more!

  • Farewell, Old Cards

    Jen made me pull six cards from our line.

    APPARENTLY, “they don’t sell” and don’t “make any money”.

    But since when can you put a price tag on greeting cards??

    Here are the cards, you can buy them from the shop until they are gone forever.

    FOREVER.torturegame-of-telephone-1screwedtired-of-feeling-tightnice-balldial-bThis card was also on the list, but I refused to pull it because I’m not afraid of her.thank-god-we-have-these

  • The Answer to Life the Universe and Everything

    I turned 42 (wtf?) yesterday, received 18 drinking glasses, a scallop taco from Sea Salt, and this:opti-goblinsBUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, I sent 20 little book samples to my agent…sample-booksSo now he can go pitch them to 20 publishers.

    I imagine his conversations go something like this:

    Peter: Here’s a new little adult picture book by Fran Shea, owner of Zeichen Press in Minneapolis, maker of cards for people that like laughing.

    Publisher Person: Let me put my eyeballs back in my sockets and write you a check for $1,000,000.

    Peter: Very good.

    END SCENE.

    Oh, I also made a new Easter card. Don’t send me hate email like you did for my zombie Easter card. Jesus loves me, this I know for the bible tells me so.damn-jesus-punked-us-so-good

  • Behind the Gate AND a New Book Title

    Jen’s back!

    Thank God.

    She said she “missed ZP soooo much!”

    ZP missed her too! To show her just how much, this rabbit (mascot) sacrificed and froze himself to the ground right in front of the gate she walks through to enter the ZP Headquarters.dead-rabbit-and-garbageALSO, I wrote/designed a new cover for my book… Kara is busily drawing pictures while I bark directions at her. I’m sure she’s already made a voodoo doll of me.

    I don’t blame her a bit.house-trained-cover-revised

  • Martyr Memo

    No, no… don’t worry about me — I’m fine! I actually enjoy imagining exotic travel. Who needs all of that packing and jet-lag… and those language barriers?… No thanks!

    Jen is (still) in Turkeyjen-in-turkey

    (is she ever coming home??) and I am here.fran-feet-smartwool

    See how I put my feet in the picture so that you can tell that I’m REALLY here?

    My daydreams are broken only by Tib the Cat.tib-hanging-on-doorAnd the other inmates’ bickering.

    But shouldn’t I embrace this opportunity during Lent for self-denial?

    FINE.jesus-told-me-vert

  • Are with mosque and minaret

    Jen is in Istanbul (was Constantinople, now it’s Istanbul, not Constantinople)istanbuland I discuss cannibalism after a family dinner. “Apparently,” says Number One Son, “human meat tastes just like bison.”

    And so on.

    If this Winter ever ends (will it?? Did I just imagine warmer days??), students will graduate and I made a card for such an occasion:good-luck-explaing-that-dead-body

  • Adventures In Letterpress!

    When I was 18 years old, a friend and I drove her crappy car to the Superior National Forest for an event. I didn’t have my driver’s license so I only drove half way. The event was called The Rainbow Gathering and was full of fascinating (high and naked) people. rainbow_gathering_trader_circleHighlights of the trip: Sitting in a tent all night with a group of strangers and not getting raped. And I think some other things happened but I’m not sure if they were real.

    Aren’t subcultures fascinating??

    Brandon Mise studied Letterpress Printers Around The World and made a book: Adventures In Letterpress:adventures-in-letterpress-coverAND he put a Zeichen Press project in it! It was that 4-color halftone/impossible feat of letterpress printing that we made for the Tanek Christmas card one year:adventures-in-letterpress-zeichen-pressRemember that? Little Nat and Ken sitting on scary Santa’s lap?? Did that event really happen?? Shhhhhhh, don’t speak or everyone will know how simple-minded you are.