Do you need to sell something? You do??
PUT A CAT ON IT.
That sweatshirt is not to be worn ironically and can be yours for a mere $65.
But really, it’s not even realistic. What sort of galaxy is full of white kittens and multi-colored roses??
And where’s the wine and unicorn??
All of those adorable kittens in space DID inspire a graduation card. Don’t ask me why. DON’T ASK ME.
Don’t tell Blockbuster Video, but I still have a VHS copy of Alive in my attic. 
I just love survival dramas. *I* survived the heat last week, it was pretty dramatic… But I ate no one, despite feeling very hungry. To celebrate, the Intern and I set some type.
AND THEN I wrote/designed more cards for RSVP, deadline is TOMORROW. 
No big deal. Chosen card(s) just go into the Major Supermarkets.
ART, I say!
ART!
RSVP asked me for some new art, SPECIFICALLY for 16th birthdays, BUT stay away from the subject of driving?
Um, ok.
How about the subject of dog poop?
I KNOW this is a derivative of MY OWN card.
AND a card I made for ANOTHER Art Licensor. Recycled Paper Greetings.
They also asked for some Wedding Cards… Maybe I’ll say something about flatulence, MAYBE I WON’T.
Madge The Intern and I wore our Burger King© crowns and spent the day printing.
Does Madge look different??
So serious.
Zeichen Press was invited to join other Notorious Letterpress Printers and contribute to The Smallest Museum In St. Paul. Don’t pretend you’ve never thought about turning an empty firehose cabinet into a tiny museum.
Action shots:
I was pretending to be a mouse with a camera I think Madge was scared/intrigued.
The (petite) Opening Reception is August 1, from 2-4 at Workhouse Coffee Bar.
Ive observed the greedy, groping limbs of an Octopus on television.
I SEE YOU, OCTOPUS.
I SEE YOUR SELF-INDULGENT, FLESH-LIKE, SUCTION-COVERED BOUGHS, BUMPING ALONG THE OCEAN FLOOR.
Sea Creatures are on my mind because Im back in Barnstable. 
Ah, Barnstable. How is it possible for the sunsets to always fill me with awe, the hammock to always fill me with peace, and people to always fill my belly with booze on the deck overlooking the Great Salt Marsh?
ITS A TOUGH LIFE.
When Pam (our New England rep) calls me, I have to think for a second… Is this Classic Pam the Cat calling me from beyond the grave? 
But no, that would be silly! Classic Pam is too busy.
Pam spent last week at the Javits center in New York, I think because she loves us.
We love you too, Pam.
She is faxing orders over willy-nilly and I am busily taking pictures of kittens.
(She’ll thank me later.)
Spruce & Gussy -> 12 Mount Desert St. Bar Harbor, Maine
ANOTHER profile in that special series dedicated to bringing our readers biased reviews of shops that carry our goods.
This time, I’m two-timing Zeichen Press with The Book.
(Remember when I two-timed Zeichen Press with Tanek, and I made those paper dolls??)
OMG, good times!
Now I’m spending my waking hours wrangling kittens
and working on the book. Here’s a teaser:
PUT YOUR GLASSES ON.
Still blurry?? Wink.
I shed my layers this week and exposed my sun damaged, yet somehow pale, flesh to anyone unfortunate enough to glance over at me.
Sun was absorbed, golf carts were driven, and books were begun.
THAT’S RIGHT.
Golf carts were driven.
There were TWO mysteries at Zeichen Press HQ this week. I prayed and prayed to Benedict Cumberbatch,
and my prayers were sort of answered, because Jen came to search/tear the house apart.
FIRST, one of the five kittens was missing.
Tib had means AND motive. She was questioned and released.
Poor Tib… We accused her of eating her weakest kitten. (True story.)
The kitten was later found, unharmed.
Sorry Tib.
But what was the second mystery, Fran??
HUSH, it will be explained in my Tell-All book, coming soon!
OR to use a term I (maybe) coined:
Wintermission!
I’ve been enjoying hour after hour of On Hold Music
and eating all of the Holiday Cookies.
Oh, AND setting up a GoFundMe for Tib The Cat. (Donate today to be eligible for one free kitten. Please. I beg of you.)
—
AND HERE’S A BREAK-UP CARD. I’m a giver.
Thanks to buzzfeed quizzes, examining my conscience is so much easier. And shouldn’t we all ask ourselves those tough questions this time of year? ”If I were a pizza, what kind would I be?” Or, “Do I prefer Miley Cyrus from her Hanna Montana days or on a Wrecking Ball?”
But what is a life if it’s not examined? Not picked apart? Not squeezed like an engorged tick in a ziplock baggie?
I make cards between all of this productive introspection. Sometimes fictional creatures are harmed. Sometimes, they are spared.
Merry Christmas Eve-Eve!
I designed the Tanek website some dog years ago — it’s time for something fresh and tasty.
Landing page = done.
More to come…
My agent wants a second book, he assures me that he’ll sell this one. He better, because I bought a $95 rug from Target. We’re not all fancy New Yorkers, Peter. WE’RE NOT.
So, it looks like this Winter will look just like last Winter… Except, I had the kids drag the trunk down from the attic for a coffee table.
Oh, the cats? Never mind those. This place is crawling with them.
Fine, here’s this year’s Christmas tree.
Where can a person do all of their Christmas (AND CHANUKAH) shopping??
Amazon?
Shut your mouth.
Let me be more specific. LET ME.
Where can a person do all of their Christmas (AND CHANUKAH) shopping for amazing hand-made gifts while laughing with friends and/or family, eating ethnically diverse foods, AND SEE FRAN AND JEN??
THE NO COAST CRAFT-O-RAMA!!
Omg… that’s TOMORROW! Oh, THAT’S what Jen has been talking about! And THAT’S what these boxes are for!
See you there!
XO!
