Jen’s in Austria because she loves gazebos.
The Intern (Madge) is in Italy because she loves dreamy landscapes.
And I am here because I love the smell of flooded basements. 
Is that asbestos tile??
Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. See how we just throw caution to the wind over here?? I almost forgot what the floor looked like under 1,000 lbs of soaked carpet! And that was my lesson about not taking things for granted.
Between all that lesson-learnin’, I made a new card.
Don’t hurry home guys!
Tib knows it’s summer because the screens are on.
And *I* know it’s summer for other, more important, reasons.
But I’m trying to be a better person/less into body-sculpting, so I decided to read a book. It was written by The Intern’s daughter, Nora McInerny Purmot.
Chapter 25 was especially fun to read because Madge is so near and dear to my heart and I could relate to the notion of elder-abuse.
Except my mom has made it very clear that she wants to be euthanized via pillow-suffocation, pre-elder-abuse.
Oh, mom!
Wait a sec… This ice cream truck drives slowly by the house/Zeichen Press HQ every day,
but I have never really studied it…
Zoom… Enhance…
And again…
…
…
…
…
…
I KNEW IT.
RSVP wanted MORE greeting card submissions. And having a wet towel for a brain makes it so much easier to wring.
Remember last year when my lung collapsed and my mom had to sleep on a cot in my dingy bedroom so she could walk me to the bathroom in the middle of the night?
And EMTs had to come to that same dingy bedroom, on that very same night, because we thought my chest-tube had fallen out?
No?
I know you’re wondering if the EMTs were cute and why my bedroom was so dingy. Um, my mom volunteered to be their Resusci Annie doll and I’ve been a little too busy building the Zeichen Press Empire to focus on home-making frivolity.
But, between choosing paper/envelopes for the Spring Release and conquering territories, I did refresh my bedroom. And now I see no reason to ever leave it.
Choosing paint color is just like choosing ink color. But with less Jen and more anxiety.
Speaking of self-medicating (was I?) here’s a Spring Release teaser (see/buy ALL 12 from the shop!):
1985 : Minneapolis
One 13 year old girl (me) biked to Calhoun Square in Uptown to buy a record for her friend’s birthday and almost kept it for herself (myself).
I might have forgotten to ask to borrow the bike from my sister. And might have forgotten to ask permission from my mom to bike there. And I might have not brought a bike lock. And the bike might have been stolen from the entrance where it was super-discreetly parked behind the Calhoun Square signage. AND I might have had to walk home.
But how could I not risk everything (being grounded) to get that album when I was pretty sure Prince wrote Paisley Park about me??:
Colorful people whose hair
On 1 side is swept back
Sigh.
When Pam (our New England rep) calls me, I have to think for a second… Is this Classic Pam the Cat calling me from beyond the grave? 
But no, that would be silly! Classic Pam is too busy.
Pam spent last week at the Javits center in New York, I think because she loves us.
We love you too, Pam.
She is faxing orders over willy-nilly and I am busily taking pictures of kittens.
(She’ll thank me later.)
Spruce & Gussy -> 12 Mount Desert St. Bar Harbor, Maine
ANOTHER profile in that special series dedicated to bringing our readers biased reviews of shops that carry our goods.
This time, I’m two-timing Zeichen Press with The Book.
(Remember when I two-timed Zeichen Press with Tanek, and I made those paper dolls??)
OMG, good times!
Now I’m spending my waking hours wrangling kittens
and working on the book. Here’s a teaser:
PUT YOUR GLASSES ON.
Still blurry?? Wink.
I shed my layers this week and exposed my sun damaged, yet somehow pale, flesh to anyone unfortunate enough to glance over at me.
Sun was absorbed, golf carts were driven, and books were begun.
THAT’S RIGHT.
Golf carts were driven.
There were TWO mysteries at Zeichen Press HQ this week. I prayed and prayed to Benedict Cumberbatch,
and my prayers were sort of answered, because Jen came to search/tear the house apart.
FIRST, one of the five kittens was missing.
Tib had means AND motive. She was questioned and released.
Poor Tib… We accused her of eating her weakest kitten. (True story.)
The kitten was later found, unharmed.
Sorry Tib.
But what was the second mystery, Fran??
HUSH, it will be explained in my Tell-All book, coming soon!
OR to use a term I (maybe) coined:
Wintermission!
I’ve been enjoying hour after hour of On Hold Music
and eating all of the Holiday Cookies.
Oh, AND setting up a GoFundMe for Tib The Cat. (Donate today to be eligible for one free kitten. Please. I beg of you.)
—
AND HERE’S A BREAK-UP CARD. I’m a giver.
Thanks to buzzfeed quizzes, examining my conscience is so much easier. And shouldn’t we all ask ourselves those tough questions this time of year? ”If I were a pizza, what kind would I be?” Or, “Do I prefer Miley Cyrus from her Hanna Montana days or on a Wrecking Ball?”
But what is a life if it’s not examined? Not picked apart? Not squeezed like an engorged tick in a ziplock baggie?
I make cards between all of this productive introspection. Sometimes fictional creatures are harmed. Sometimes, they are spared.
Merry Christmas Eve-Eve!
I designed the Tanek website some dog years ago — it’s time for something fresh and tasty.
Landing page = done.
More to come…
My agent wants a second book, he assures me that he’ll sell this one. He better, because I bought a $95 rug from Target. We’re not all fancy New Yorkers, Peter. WE’RE NOT.
So, it looks like this Winter will look just like last Winter… Except, I had the kids drag the trunk down from the attic for a coffee table.
Oh, the cats? Never mind those. This place is crawling with them.
Fine, here’s this year’s Christmas tree.
Where can a person do all of their Christmas (AND CHANUKAH) shopping??
Amazon?
Shut your mouth.
Let me be more specific. LET ME.
Where can a person do all of their Christmas (AND CHANUKAH) shopping for amazing hand-made gifts while laughing with friends and/or family, eating ethnically diverse foods, AND SEE FRAN AND JEN??
THE NO COAST CRAFT-O-RAMA!!
Omg… that’s TOMORROW! Oh, THAT’S what Jen has been talking about! And THAT’S what these boxes are for!
See you there!
XO!