So says Minnesota Monthly.
And my mom.
Jen and I went to the Best Of 2013 party and dazzled the crowd with our Double Dream Hands routine.
Best Greeting Cards?
More like, Best Moves.
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With Sash And Tiara, We Reign
When Minnesota Monthly added Zeichen Press to their Best of the Twin Cities list, Jen and I finally polished our tiaras.
And had our likenesses sculpted out of butter.Delicious.
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Easily Distracted In Class
I think that box was checked on my elementary school progress reports… But who could be bothered with such details??
Not me. NOT ME. And that’s why I secured a blank progress report, checked the best boxes, and brought it to my parents.
See? I wasn’t that easily distracted.
°°
I am busy taking photographs of the new cards
but not too busy to document some pretty fascinating activity:Aren’t you glad you watched that??
I know I’m supposed to be doing something… Oh, that’s right, putting hungry vegetables on a card.
No??It’ll come to me after I stare out the window and pet that cat.
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Brain-Slaves
His conscience was clear and his heart light amidst all his troubles; so he went peaceably to bed, left all his cares to Heaven, and soon fell asleep. In the morning after he had said his prayers, he sat himself down to his work; when, to his great wonder, there stood the shoes all ready made, upon the table.
Elves! (Sorry about the spoiler if you haven’t read that Fairy Tale.)
I went to a neurologist and he discovered elves in my occipital lobe and that explains everything!
Every night, I go peaceably to bed, leave all my cares to Heaven, and soon fall asleep — but not before I aggressively ruminate on an idea for a new card. While I sleep, the elves get to work and when I wake up, the new card is done!Thank the elves for this new card:
THANK THEM. -
Ode To My TV (and more)
In the spirit of AMC’s award winning dramas, Mad Men and Breaking Bad, comes something written by the devil himself.
With a script scrawled on toilet paper, using a fountain pen filled with raw sewage, Pencil Pusher weaves a tale so dark, so depressing, viewers are advised to swallow two Xanax before viewing.
Meet Ernie Frost: One cog in a massive corporate wheel, one man in one cubicle surrounded by countless other cubicles… Floor upon floor of fabric-covered partitions spread like open prairie.
Deadly open prairie…
Gone are the days of positive incentives and opening the kimono, these are days of the Corporate Gulag.
But Ernie Frost has a plan to end the nightmare…
°°
Phew! Now I won’t have to throw a brick at my t.v. after the last episode of Breaking Bad.
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Why I’m Such A Catch
Foraging for low-tide treasure is my third favorite thing to do.
But what are your top two favorite things to do?
Nerf Ping Pong
and smashing piñatas.
What about your top TEN?
Glad you asked.
Cat midwifery,
cracking glow sticks, raising tadpoles, Belgian beer, letterpress printing, Breaking Bad,
and yoga (just kidding). Number ten is turtle-hunting.I know what you’re thinking.
What a lady!
Whoa. WHOA. Hands off the merchandise.
Remember when I was talking about low-tide?
Here’s a card that features one of my favorite low-tide critters.
Wouldn’t you love to get this card with a nice bottle of wine??And by “you”, I mean “I”.
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HAPPY THANKSGIVING
Much to be thankful for this year… Jen and I have FOUR working lungs, DreamWorks Studios loves us, AND (fingers crossed) Tib is pregnant again.
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Big Dreams
Last night, I dreamt I took a day trip to Manitoba. Just an afternoon of pool-swimming at an area motel. I came home and bragged to everyone, “I went to Manitohhhba today.”
Two observations:1) No wall-less public toilet in this dream?? That’s right. Who’s in charge now, Dreams??
2) My dreams have finally taken me to Canada…
AND ANOTHER THING: Winter came completely out of nowhere this year. One week it was 71°, and the next week, I had to break out the Smartwool. “Oh, Minnesota! You are so crazy! Potholes and moquitoes and icehouses!”
Shut up.
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I DO Believe!
Our four desks were pushed together for a Thanksgiving art project; we wrapped bits of Autumn-colored tissue paper around the end of No. 2 pencils, carefully dipped the wrapped end into the puddle of Elmer’s Glue squirted onto a scrap of construction paper, and placed the florette onto the the inside of the outline of a turkey. 1…2…3… Ten seconds for each one to dry and the process to start all over again.
What a perfect time for my 4th grade teacher to join us!
Conversation was breezy but quickly turned to talk of Christmas presents… Boy Student, “Can you believe that I believed in Santa Clause until I was in SECOND GRADE!” Laughter from the table… Laughter fades… MY TEACHER confides in the little group, “You guys, don’t laugh — I believed in Santa Clause until I was in FOURTH GRADE!”
Hmm, *I* believed in Santa Clause until that very moment. 🙠<–Frowny Face
OH, BUT WHY DOES LIFE HAVE TO BE SO PEPPERED WITH DISILLUSIONMENT??
Fast forward 33 years, DreamWorks Studios
just ordered 400 of THIS card.
Sooo, there’s that or whatever. -
WRAPPED IN BACON???
Just imagine this:
in a Witch or Hobo costume, “Trick or Treat!”
I was never Wrapped in Bacon like these fancy L.A. kids… Our L.A. rep sent us this:
I’m assuming this little person was Trick-or-Treating… But I see no treat bag, nor do I see a 3-ring binder, NOR DO I SEE the latest issue of The Watchtower.True story: Since I put my NO SOLICITORS card on the front door, I have had, exactly, zero solicitors. Buy yours today!
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Storm Windows and Firewood and New Cards
And maybe a pregnant cat.
Don’t say anything. JUST DON’T. Tib might have snuck out the window like some sort of wild teenager. We’ll know as soon as we catch her in the kitchen with a tub of Ben & Jerry’s.
In other (less controversial) news from the Zeichen Press Headquarters: The new cards are all printed and in the shop! Wanna see?
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Orange Is the New I’m Back
Life is like the murky end of our lake and you’ll have to dump in a 10 lb. bag of Aquacide Pellets if your mom isn’t there to rake the weeds away.
What is she talking about?
Don’t act like you don’t know.
Do you need a Congratulations-ish card?
You do?!
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Forward, march!
It only took a few minutes to have a mole removed last week (my chest tube scar needed a BFF) and I texted Jen when it was done, exclaiming my relief at the speediness of the procedure.
She told me that that was the easy part.
That’s the way our relationship works — I get my head all full of smells of burnt flesh and joy, and Jen tethers my helium balloon to the doorknob.
It works. IT WORKS.
It’s time, once again, to print cards for the new release.
Choosing a corresponding envelope color can be difficult, and when Lucy or Loretta are unavailable we use another neutral third party.
See how intense she is?SETTLE DOWN, DINAH.
PS: You know we didn’t win Martha’s American Made Award competition. Stop asking.
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Now What?
We find out on Friday if Martha is adopting us — I already packed my bags. I told Jen to pack hers but I don’t think she heard me as she was pealing out of the driveway with her windows rolled up. Oh, Jen!
We (Jen) started printing the new release today, and to celebrate, Millie left Jen a present right in front of Zeichen Press HQ.
It only seemed appropriate that this card be printed first:
The rest of the week (until the adoption), we (Jen) will be printing all of the new cards:
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Dim Lights at the End of Dark Tunnels
I see it! October 13th is the Dim Light at the End of the Dark Tunnel… The Big Day.
The last day to vote for us.
Despite my well documented crippling math anxiety,
I’ve done some calculations: 4 days of voting remaining x 6 votes per day = 24 votes per person. You better double-check that number/go vote! <–That’s the link!
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Feeling the Love
I barely wept with gratitude when I found out Minnesota Business Magazine wanted to write about Zeichen Press for Martha Stewart’s American Made competition… And when Minnesota Business Magazine writer, Erica Rivera, told me to hush my pretty mouth so she could interview me, I did hush my pretty mouth. I do as I’m told. I DO.
Anyway, Erica wrote this masterpiece:
And then I scooped the litter box.
AND here’s a page about litter boxes from my STILL UNSOLD book:
