Dear Scary Santa,
How is Mrs. Scary Santa? How are the reindeer? That’s nice.
Could you please bring us our own architectural firm? Just like Mr. Brady from the Brady Bunch?
He’s always making models in the den and walking around with rolled-up blueprints. It looks like so much fun. PLUS, we would totally take care of it. We figured out the best name for it:
Get it?
It’s our names! Spelled backwards!!
Anyway, we’ll let you get back to working with the elves.
From,
Ken & Nat
Doesn’t that sound futuristic?
2010.
Anyway, you can come see them in person at the No-Coast Craft-o-Rama. It’s not until December but I know how my readers like to plan ahead.
What a night! First, I was paper-bagged by my girlfriends and THEN I was handed a glass of wine and a sack full of pencils.
We were greeted by a wall of women at the The Grave’s Hotel – I was frightened at first – it was like a giant bridal shower… I always feel awkward at bridal showers. This is going to surprise some people but I’m just not really a girly-girl. I can’t walk in heels and I have no idea what to do with make-up or hair. My casual wardrobe may as well be borrowed from the Cloggy’s Friday Night Karaoke Ladies. 
But who’s that in the bathroom with you, Fran? Well, silly, that’s my bathroom friend!
Okay, onto the vendors at the event. What event? Hush. Illume Candles was there – spreading their joy through the scented candle. We’re printing their holiday card again this year. They’ll pay us in candle currency which they assured us is just as good as real money. Let’s see… then there was some stationery vendor… forgot the name… it wasn’t us… so I didn’t care… And lastly, Foat Design. They do urban couture and yoga wear. I chatted with one of the owners – A nice gal who claims to have a twin in San Francisco. I’m not buying it, I bet she made up the whole “twin thing” to get away with crime.
Nothing says Christmas like sitting on a boozed up strangers lap. Especially if that stranger promises you all sorts of “goodies.”
The 1970’s were a rich time for the Shea family. 5 of 8 kids had already come through the hatch, (what did she say?) Mr. had a job, Mrs. kept house. Santa Clause sat at Dayton’s just waiting to kick off Christmas-Time. I do remember wondering how he could waste precious toy-making time just SITTING THERE on that throne. That wondering turned into anxiety which turned into paralyzing fear.
That might be why I’m not in this picture.
Nat, Em, and Zak are in it.
Andy and I are noticeably absent. There might have been a pants-wetting episode, or a throwing-up episode. Or a poopy-pants episode. Andy was always trying to get attention.
With the help of photoshop, I’ll be revising history. Soon, Nat and his BUSINESS partner, Ken, will be sitting on Santa’s lap… together. Ken needs to scrape up some childhood memory and get it over to me. I will remove Em and Zak (Zak clearly wants to be removed) and replace them with a little Ken. THEN, I will create a 4-color process halftone – OF COURSE it will be 50 lines per inch.
Duh.
It will be the new holiday card for Tanek. The finest architectural firm in the land.
I’ve heard it’s tricky to print a 4-color halftone using the letterpress printing method. But you know what I say to that??
DO YOU?!
I say, “you’re not so tricky!”
So, here’s what that image looks like when it’s all pulled apart and put back together as a 4 color separation. Isn’t it delicious?
I wonder if schools are more selective about their teachers these days.
I had a high-school teacher that greeted us with such giddy enthusiasm when we entered the classroom – I might say he “pranced” around the room, his little toesies all dressed up for the day in black, dress socks. I could see the socks because those feet weren’t stuffed into a smelly old shoe – no! They were free as you and me in a classic Birkenstock sandal.
Seven Paula Figurines lined the front of his desk.
Six of them kept their backs to us, the seventh would be turned to let us know what day of the week it was,”Happy Monday!” and so on. So much better than a calender.
We were told that we should address him as “Doctor” – that title was later disputed. And revoked. Turns out it was all just a fantasy… oh, such a fantasy… I imagine myself getting a doctorate degree in religion…
He described one of his teaching methods as “accelerated learning.” All students were required to put their heads on their desk – or grab one of his strange-smelling pillows from his “cubby-hole.” Classical music blaring, he read aloud – synchronizing the inflection of his voice to the swells and ebbs of the music.
I wish I could remember what he read. Maybe it was the multiplication-tables. Or Jim Jones’ manifesto.
Remember how I promised that when my painkillers wore off, I’d make a card based on The Lung Collapsing Event? It turns out that I only needed them for a couple of days and flushed the rest ~ DON’T GET ANY IDEAS ~ and then I made this breakup card:
Recovering from a collapsed lung is the perfect time to learn all about hashtags.
Thank you, lung!
I obsessively tweeted and nagged everyone on Facebook. I’M SORRY EVERYONE.
Wait, #HelpMe.
It’s been a trending/not-trending rollercoaster-week for Zeichen Press…
YOU MUST REALLY BE SUFFERING!
But may the best (wo)man (named Fran and Jen) win. Did I mention that you have to vote 6x every day through October 13th? And did I mention that my doctor told me that my other lung will collapse if we don’t win??
PS: I made a new Mother’s Day card…
Running for student council vice president of my Freshman class was so stressful! Our platform was twofold:
1) Instruct — and therefore unify — our class via a comprehensive Class Cheer: “Nine-tee! Nine-tee! Ninetyninetyninety nine-tee!!! YAYYYY!!”
2) Oh, I guess it was only a onefold platform…
NEEDLESS TO SAY, votes were cast, and I won. It was a real nail-biter.
SPEAKING OF VOTING, you can finally start voting for Zeichen Press here!
And you can (and should!!) vote 6x per day! SIX TIMES. PER DAY.
Yikes! That sounds scary!
Lungs are not supposed to collapse, but that’s what makes life so exciting! Sunday mornings could be all jejune French toast and bacon, OR they could be all ambulance and emergency surgery.
(I was just as stoic as the woman in the above illustration while they performed my surgery. Eyes wide open, no tears.)
Life is so full of twists and turns!
There is nothing like having your very own chest tube — my aunt said it was my friend. And indeed it was! My little friend with a one-way valve who caused me nothing but suffering. After just two days, the doctor pulled my friend out of my chest — and again, like the woman in the illustration: I was stoic, with eyes wide open and no tears.
I’ll write a card about this as soon as my painkillers wear off.
Portobello Road and Rags -> 4 Dock Street Edgartown, Martha’s Vineyard, MA
ANOTHER profile in that special series dedicated to bringing our readers biased reviews of shops that carry our goods.
Great. Now I HAVE to go to Martha’s Vineyard.
But I’ll do it for you, reader, because I’m a giver. A GIVER.
Will residents of Martha’s Vineyard embrace Zeichen Press cards? Will they clutch them to their breast while weeping tears of joy and relief?? WILL THEY??
Oh, Carly Simon! Let us both wear our overalls, place one of our feet delicately upon a fieldstone wall, and laugh and laugh while we read Zeichen Press cards that we (you) bought from Portobello Road!
Yes, LET’S.
Zeichen Press is a finalist for Martha Stewart’s American Made contest.
YOU HEARD ME.
The Grand Prize is $10,000 and Martha legally adopting the winner. Alexis is so tired of being an only child. Remember when I told you to SHARE the American Made Zeichen Press page on Facebook and twitter??
WHY?
BECAUSE I’M ACTIVATING MY SOCIAL NETWORK TO EARN A FINALIST SPOT!
Help!
And don’t worry, I’ll be harassing you on Sept 15th to vote for us…
Here’s the script they gave me: The judges have named me a 2014 @AmericanMadeMSL Awards finalist. Support & share my work to get involved! #celebratethemaker
We make things!
We live in America!
“American Made spotlights the maker, supports the local, and celebrates the handmade. The program is made up of people and communities that have turned their passion for quality craftsmanship and well-designed goods into a way of life.”
A WAY OF LIFE.
BAM.
In order for Martha to notice Zeichen Press (umm, she should really just ask Alexis about us) YOU need to SHARE our American Made nomination page with all of your Facebook friends and twitter followers:
• Step one: Click this link.
• Step two: Scroll down a teensy bit on that page.
• Step three: Click button that looks like this:
(WARNING: The above image IS NOT AN ACTUAL BUTTON, MOM)
• Step four: Follow instructions.
PS: I love you.
Merry Jenmas, everyone!
MY dog must have been confused, she left birthday presents for Jen on my living room floor last night? Oh, Millie…
Thomas Edison’s quote is so true: Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent spray bleach.
I had a pretty big realization when I was 23. This revelation came as I was drifting off to sleep and caused me to sit straight up in bed.
CRUELLA DE VIL = CRUEL DEVIL!!!
How could I have been so blind for so long?!
No matter. Here’s a card.
