Zeichen Press – Page 13 – Design & Letterpress for the people.

How To Catch A Fish (Sort Of)

By age nine, I would delicately,

with my right hand, fold down the sharp fins of a Sunfish.

Why?�

So I could use my left hand to insert the rusty pliars into the gasping mouth of my catch to retrieve the swallowed hook.

If I was lucky.

If I�wasn’t�lucky, I’d stare at my motionless bobber for hours.

*Some backstory: My older brother (third of eight) allowed me to fish with him if I did whatever he said, and didn’t cry. He was SERIOUS about fishing. I had glasses and greasy blonde hair.

**Some backstory about the backstory: My brother was born in September, and I was already a sprouted seed in our Mom’s belly by the next Summer.

I think I’ve used the�bobber-watching metaphor�before, but it is APT. Everyday, I wait for�my agent�to tell me to get the rusty pliars.

Why doesn’t he ever tell me to get the rusty pliars??

He just tells me to “hang in there.”Oh, back to my Mom… She has 22 grandkids. This is her with the latest:HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!

May 9, 2014
Spring Cleansing and Fumigation

I’ve heard that we are only prescribed challenges tailored to fit our deficiencies. I don’t really have any deficiencies so I’ve just been row-row-rowing my boat, gently down the stream.

But poor Jen spent the week hunting for bedbugs (that’s what she gets for�going to Turkey) that turned out to be fleas.�

It took six flea-bombs and one hijab to properly fumigate.Doesn’t Henry look ashamed?

Doesn’t Jen’s forehead look youthful?? I photoshop-botoxed it! AND saved her $200.

She’ll thank me later.

While she was busy meeting her prescribed challenge (I pray that she learned her lesson),�*I*�was busy nobly accepting rejections for The Book.Eight rejections so far… twelve still unresponsive. But don’t worry about me, I LOVE waiting, and see rejection as an opportunity to grow as a person.

SPEAKING OF MOTHER’S DAY, here’s a new card:

May 3, 2014
Rage-Filled Kitten Eats Dead Master’s Face

Is that a true story??They wouldn’t print it if it wasn’t true.

Sally Struthers says that for about four dollars, you can buy a Starbucks Caff� Latte Venti… In the�Zeichen Press Shop, for just four dollars a day, you can bring laughter to someone who may or may not have been laughing.�

The choice is yours.

NOW, visit the shop to see our new release for Spring! You can buy the rage-filled kitten, the generous old woman,

my kind of tea party,

and so much more!

April 27, 2014
Farewell, Old Cards

Jen made me pull six cards from our line.

APPARENTLY, “they don’t sell” and don’t “make any money”.

But since when can you put a price tag�on greeting cards??

Here are the cards, you can buy them from�the shop�until they are gone forever.

FOREVER.This card was also on the list, but I refused to pull it because I’m not afraid of her.

April 18, 2014
The Answer to Life the Universe and Everything

I turned 42 (wtf?) yesterday, received 18 drinking glasses, a scallop taco from�Sea Salt, and this:BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, I sent 20 little book samples to�my agent…So now he can go pitch them to 20 publishers.

I imagine his conversations go something like this:

Peter: Here’s a new little adult picture book by Fran Shea, owner of Zeichen Press in Minneapolis, maker of cards for people that like laughing.

Publisher Person: Let me put my eyeballs back in my sockets and write you a check for $1,000,000.

Peter: Very good.

END SCENE.

Oh, I also made a new Easter card. Don’t send me hate email like you did for my zombie Easter card. Jesus loves me, this I know for the bible tells me so.

April 13, 2014
Behind the Gate AND a New Book Title

Jen’s back!

Thank God.

She said she “missed ZP soooo much!”

ZP missed her too! To show her just how much, this rabbit (mascot) sacrificed and froze himself to the ground�right in front�of the gate she walks through to enter the ZP Headquarters.ALSO, I wrote/designed a new cover for my book… Kara is busily drawing pictures while I bark directions at her. I’m sure she’s already made a voodoo doll of me.

I don’t blame her a bit.

April 1, 2014

Youth Is Wasted

When my daughter was small (until she became a giant),she wrestled daily with Jungian archetypes… She was fascinated by the�Actor/Storyteller…�and the story of The Boy Who Cried Wolf was a favorite.

Oh, that Boy!! She was disgusted and fascinated!

August 5, 2014
Don’t Look Away!

Ahh, there is nothing like a Midsummer Night’s Homebirth!

Oh, and here’s a card. I’VE BEEN BUSY, OKAY??

August 1, 2014
Marinate & Ruminate & Distill & Purge

Don’t you hate looking at photographs when you’re not in them?

Me too!

Oh, and I made this for my gals.

July 22, 2014
Deja Vu

We bought our house on the Cape in 1982…

this was the same year that The Go-Go’s penned their masterpiece.

Coincidence?? I THINK NOT.

Summers on the Cape were filled with so much adventure! There were trees to climb, sea-creatures to discover, rocks to paint (it’s complicated), and cans to return for 5� � imagine returning an ENTIRE BAG of cans. Your very own money to spend on candy at the Barnstable News. I dragged a garbage bag of empty cans up Millway, past the dead bodiesto claim my prize. I did not anticipate this being such a great windfall… The Adult behind the counter counted all of my�(mostly beer)�cans (thanks Uncle Gary!) and the total staggered me.

“Two dollars and thirty-five cents.”

I gasped.

I walked past the wall of candy, right to the freezer full of ice cream treats. One box of six ice cream sandwiches, all for me. ALL FOR ME!!I was a girl on a mission: Eat all six, share with no one, and never breathe a word of this to any of my siblings.�I held the package to my (boyish) chest, and ran until I was sure I was alone. Across the street from the cemetery, and next to an abandoned house, I ripped open the box and started eating. 1…2…3… still going strong… 4… slowing down… 5… Five! Only FIVE! What a failure!�

I staggered home, and benevolently offered the final sandwich to my little brother. (What a fool he was for not even questioning my backstory!)

Present day: Southwest Airline’s Boeing 737: 40,000 feet.I made these:

July 13, 2014
July: Barnstable County

Would a plate-smashing scene make this trip more authentic?�Maybe.�Oh, but here we are bored out of our minds…It’s tiresome, really! Just ocean, ocean, ocean… day in and day out.And nobody even documents�my�joie de vivre! Sadly, I must document myself.Jen sent me�her�selfie all the way from Zeichen Press Headquarters:

July 9, 2014
When I was down beside the sea

A wooden spade they gave to me

To dig the sandy shore.

My holes were empty like a cup.

In every hole the sea came up,

Till it could come no more.

~ Robert Louis Stevenson

Back on the Cape again…

Aren’t the kids so sweet? They have so much fun… Wait…�WHAT?!�How did I miss that??

June 29, 2014
Mystery Solved!

With the warm weather comes mating animals and�flies covering the shop windows.And nothing else. NOTHING ELSE.

One might ask,�“I wonder why that window is so filthy?”�And another might respond,�“Shhh, just close your eyes while I slowly and firmly place this pillow over your face…”

There.

Now, onto the flies. I did all the research and learned that these are no ordinary flies. The internet told me that they are called�Cluster Flies, so I vacuumed them up and made this card:

June 23, 2014
Deadbeat Cat

I think Tib The Cat is pregnant. I could have (should have?) put a stop to the coitus, but who am I to stand in the way of true love? WHO AM I? Wait, was that really�true love??Hmm… Zoom… Enhance…GOOD LORD.

Speaking of Father’s Day…Oh, and did this Father’s Day card ever make it on the blog?�(Winky-face.)PS: Apparently my SEO success could be better if I mention letterpress-related words IN my blog posts. Words like: tactile, vintage press, printing, ink, paper, mangled hand.

June 15, 2014
Sleeping?

Sometimes (oftentimes) I wake in the middle of the night and tap messages to myself on my iPhone.

For example�(and I quote):�

“I just want to eat gobstoppers and take rearview mirror selfies… William Shatner in gladiator costume on 40′ stilts… A young Ben Franklin with a head full of dreams and a heart full of hate… Bromeo & Juliet… You Are Here –>brain…”

Upon thoroughly waking, my task is to decode this nocturnal rambling.

Sometimes I am successful.

June 8, 2014
Treading Water

In the Spring of 1990, I packed up a carton of cigarettes, a skillet, 4 forks, a sketch pad, and some Mexican jumping beans.�Graduating high school means moving into a dormitory on the campus of the college of your dreams. OR moving into�an apartment above a pizza place.

EITHER WAY, this card seems appropriate:SPEAKING OF APPROPRIATE, is gluten-intolerance funny?

June 2, 2014