• Scatology 101

    My interests are broad and highbrow — sometimes I think about zombies and sometimes I think about bowel movements. I guess I’m not the only one. The reaction to the zombie card I posted on Easter caught me off guard.

    Caught me off guard like a show poodle at the dog park. (See, I’m the poodle, and the big dirty dogs come out of nowhere and molest me).

    And that brings me to bowel movements. I just realized that both of the cards Paper Source chose to carry are poop-related. How childish! How jejune!sleep-eat-poop-orangecrap

    April 10, 2012

  • Belated Easter Cards

    Something (the cat mistaking my bathroom floor for her litter box) woke me up this morning and although I completely resented being awake, I wrote three cards.

    Here they are.

    Don’t send me hate mail.new-lasershe-knew-that-easternobody-celebrates-2

    April 8, 2012

  • Duck Was Here

    I was getting dressed… brushing my teeth… pulling my hair into a ponytail… looking for my wallet… looking for my keys… feeding the dog… All the while, I heard many, many ducks flying overhead.

    QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK

    I thought, “Wow… there must be like a hundred ducks… they sure quack a lot…”

    I walked outside.

    There was just one duck.

    On my roof.duck-was-herewhat-the-duck

    April 3, 2012

  • Status Updates Of Yore

    •Managed to trap and skin a rat  — it will make a delicious stew AND the fur can be used to plug my empty eye-socket — the Lord doth provide!

    •Does anyone know where I can find some food? My family has been living on brown bread and my old trousers for the entire Winter. Help!

    •Dug such a deep pit today — grandma will surely die this Winter and the grave will be ready in Spring. #planahead

    •My husband has had a fever for so long — the barber-surgeon is going to start the bloodletting tonight. Fingers crossed…

    •My son is going to the gibbet tomorrow. ðŸ™gibbet

    Okay, that was nice. How about a new card?dear-god-amen

    March 31, 2012

  • For Cheese and For My Country

    Oscar Litterer lived in my house and he loved his ham radio. He loved it so much, he built a secret radio room under the stairs. I imagine he sat there night after night broadcasting his message to the moon and back. He was not alone — others really did share his passion for frequency modulation — but not in his own home. In his own home, his wife tended the peonies and their only son was devoted to the project of digging the hole in the driveway.

    What a lonely life for Oscar!

    When someone has a passion for something, they shouldn’t hide under the basement steps. They should open a shop and hire Zeichen Press to design t-shirts. theirs-was-a-tough-act-to-follow-kernedpowers-for-good-with-sheep_0

    March 30, 2012

  • Plan F

    F for Fran. Plan Fran…

    Ready? OK!

    F-R-A-N… That spells, Fran! Yayyyy!aboveaverageThat’s how I start every morning. A rousing cheer, followed by a shot of micro-nutrients and a cup of coffee. Rituals are so important.

    On this particular morning, I heard my favorite sound in the world — right after the cry of a newborn baby and right before the death-rattle of my enemies — the fax machine. Beep-beep-boop-beep-bip-bope-bop………..whirrrrrrrrrrr

    ‘Twas our first order from that paper super-power, Paper Source! I grabbed the fax, my coffee and laptop, and headed to the warehouse. I set all three things down in front of me, sat myself down, faced all squarely and said aloud, “Oh, this is nice.”

    And to celebrate, I knocked over my coffee cup, spilling its contents all over the fax and into my open laptop.

    Luckily, the dog ran in, lapped up the spilled coffee and pooped on the floor.

    When is Jen coming home?

    March 28, 2012
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  • Adventures In Letterpress!

    When I was 18 years old, a friend and I drove her crappy car to the Superior National Forest for an event. I didn’t have my driver’s license so I only drove half way. The event was called The Rainbow Gathering and was full of fascinating (high and naked) people. rainbow_gathering_trader_circleHighlights of the trip: Sitting in a tent all night with a group of strangers and not getting raped. And I think some other things happened but I’m not sure if they were real.

    Aren’t subcultures fascinating??

    Brandon Mise studied Letterpress Printers Around The World and made a book: Adventures In Letterpress:adventures-in-letterpress-coverAND he put a Zeichen Press project in it! It was that 4-color halftone/impossible feat of letterpress printing that we made for the Tanek Christmas card one year:adventures-in-letterpress-zeichen-pressRemember that? Little Nat and Ken sitting on scary Santa’s lap?? Did that event really happen?? Shhhhhhh, don’t speak or everyone will know how simple-minded you are.

    March 17, 2014

  • Website Hijacked By Syrians

    It’s true!

    Our site was down for most of the week and the pirates wouldn’t restore it until serious demands were met. Jen had to “marry” the pirates and I had to write more birthday cards for our Spring Release.nobody-else-got-me-one-of-thesecome-on-obligatory-phone

    March 8, 2014

  • I’ve Done All The Things

    I’ve had 120 fires, watched everything (worth watching) on Netflix, eaten BONE-BROTH soup (like a caveman), changed my Smartwool socks 4 times…

    Oh, and WROTE A BOOK.

    Here’s the new cover with working title. (Isn’t that what people say??)get-back-in-that-house-vers-2

    But I always try to find the deeper meaning behind hardship, and 45 sub-zero days equals hardship. AM I RIGHT??

    Maybe I’m supposed to let the Winter inspire more cards?words-that-rhyme-with-cold

    February 26, 2014

  • SO NEEDY

    Sheila and Franz Ferdinand begged me to write a Zeichen Press card about their love because they’ve been together for over five years. I thought for sure she would have left him when his hair-plugs were rejected by his fussy scalp, but the toupée looked so lifelike!cold-lifeless-heart-2You still have time to order a card for Valentine’s Day! Or two, if you are having an affair.

    February 4, 2014

  • Mini-Ice Age

    That’s right! Scientists have analyzed data and determined that it’s extra cold.

    Now I feel even less bad for never leaving my beanbag nest with fireplace view.fireplaceI gave up working-out and have adopted a restorative yoga practice. This particular pose is called Corpse.fran-corpse-poseNote the Winter coat. My character froze to death on the prairie.

    ANYWAY. I can act like this now because I’m an eccentric writer with A LITERARY AGENT.

    28 pages down, 12 to go…

    January 26, 2014

  • Voodoo Doll

    I started getting acupuncture this weekacupuncture-wordsbecause my qi [chee] is obviously messed up. And, everyone knows, it is impossible to write a book with messed-up qi [chee].

    A BOOK?!

    I’m writing A BOOK!! Remember??

    It’s one of the four things I talk about, so it should be easy to remember.

    But, what are the other three?

    1) Bacon

    2) Rat-kingsrat-kingAnd 3) My new nephewbaby-trojackHere’s a card that explains everything:chickens-are-anxiousRight??

    January 17, 2014

  • Out of the depths I have cried to Thee

    Two important things happened this week:

    1) It was so cold that I never left the house.weather-grabIT FELT LIKE -49°.

    OKAY, cover your ears: THAT’S BULLSHIT.

    All I could possibly do is sit in front of the fire with my companion, Tib The Cat.tib-and-fireOh, yeah, and here’s number

    2) I GOT A LITERARY AGENT.

    You heard me.

    The Steinberg Agency — they rep people like Tim Gunn and Cris Carter. NO BIG DEAL.

    They want a 40-page picture book for adults…

    *I* like pictures.

    *I* am an adult.

    I can make that book.

    Here’s a teaser/the cover OF MY BOOK.how-to-cover-new-names

    January 10, 2014

  • With An Awl And Some Brandy

    I heard a story about a Minnesota fur trader. 

    Tromping through the snow in seasonably cold weather, sans Northface winter gear and, more importantly, SANS Smartwool socks — he found his feet to be frozen solid. Frozen like a forgotten chuck roast buried under the pile of pizzas and popsicles.

    What did he do?

    Simply dragged his body through the snow until warmish accommodations were reached, asked the hardy men in the room for an awl, punctured his feet, and had those same hardy men pour brandy over his numb tootsies.

    There. Feet saved.

    I didn’t write a card about that. (I’m sure I will.) Here’s something more lighthearted:when-i-grow-up curling-team

    January 4, 2014

  • The Ruminator (2013 edition)

    2013 was a doozy!

    I daydreamed with such intensity!

    Such intent!

    Such fervor!photoshop-grab-2And I can’t speak for Jen (just kidding, I will. Right now.) but I’m pretty sure she has been on pins and needles JUST WAITING for cards from me in her inbox. (Between the printing, billing, and shipping.)

    I also can’t speak for The First Intern, and now The Virtual Intern, but I will say that their lol’s have fueled my asbestos-covered furnace.

    So, as I sit here, wearing layers of long underwear, under an Indian blanket (soaked in smallpox), staring out the window… I am beyond grateful for the ladies that make Zeichen Press more than just a daydream.

    And now I’m all choked up!

    But enough of that!dear-snowi-do-say

    December 31, 2013

  • Alright, Fun’s Over

    Christmas is SO two days ago and that leaves me wondering what to do with the rest of winter.

    Should I:

    A) Take up a winter sport, like: crying? Or swearing? Or punching the air?

    B) Write/design cards about this wonder-filled season.

    I choose both!better-to-give

    December 27, 2013
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