Zeichen Press – Page 17 – Design & Letterpress for the people.

How To Catch A Fish (Sort Of)

By age nine, I would delicately,

with my right hand, fold down the sharp fins of a Sunfish.

Why?�

So I could use my left hand to insert the rusty pliars into the gasping mouth of my catch to retrieve the swallowed hook.

If I was lucky.

If I�wasn’t�lucky, I’d stare at my motionless bobber for hours.

*Some backstory: My older brother (third of eight) allowed me to fish with him if I did whatever he said, and didn’t cry. He was SERIOUS about fishing. I had glasses and greasy blonde hair.

**Some backstory about the backstory: My brother was born in September, and I was already a sprouted seed in our Mom’s belly by the next Summer.

I think I’ve used the�bobber-watching metaphor�before, but it is APT. Everyday, I wait for�my agent�to tell me to get the rusty pliars.

Why doesn’t he ever tell me to get the rusty pliars??

He just tells me to “hang in there.”Oh, back to my Mom… She has 22 grandkids. This is her with the latest:HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!

May 9, 2014
Spring Cleansing and Fumigation

I’ve heard that we are only prescribed challenges tailored to fit our deficiencies. I don’t really have any deficiencies so I’ve just been row-row-rowing my boat, gently down the stream.

But poor Jen spent the week hunting for bedbugs (that’s what she gets for�going to Turkey) that turned out to be fleas.�

It took six flea-bombs and one hijab to properly fumigate.Doesn’t Henry look ashamed?

Doesn’t Jen’s forehead look youthful?? I photoshop-botoxed it! AND saved her $200.

She’ll thank me later.

While she was busy meeting her prescribed challenge (I pray that she learned her lesson),�*I*�was busy nobly accepting rejections for The Book.Eight rejections so far… twelve still unresponsive. But don’t worry about me, I LOVE waiting, and see rejection as an opportunity to grow as a person.

SPEAKING OF MOTHER’S DAY, here’s a new card:

May 3, 2014
Rage-Filled Kitten Eats Dead Master’s Face

Is that a true story??They wouldn’t print it if it wasn’t true.

Sally Struthers says that for about four dollars, you can buy a Starbucks Caff� Latte Venti… In the�Zeichen Press Shop, for just four dollars a day, you can bring laughter to someone who may or may not have been laughing.�

The choice is yours.

NOW, visit the shop to see our new release for Spring! You can buy the rage-filled kitten, the generous old woman,

my kind of tea party,

and so much more!

April 27, 2014
Farewell, Old Cards

Jen made me pull six cards from our line.

APPARENTLY, “they don’t sell” and don’t “make any money”.

But since when can you put a price tag�on greeting cards??

Here are the cards, you can buy them from�the shop�until they are gone forever.

FOREVER.This card was also on the list, but I refused to pull it because I’m not afraid of her.

April 18, 2014
The Answer to Life the Universe and Everything

I turned 42 (wtf?) yesterday, received 18 drinking glasses, a scallop taco from�Sea Salt, and this:BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, I sent 20 little book samples to�my agent…So now he can go pitch them to 20 publishers.

I imagine his conversations go something like this:

Peter: Here’s a new little adult picture book by Fran Shea, owner of Zeichen Press in Minneapolis, maker of cards for people that like laughing.

Publisher Person: Let me put my eyeballs back in my sockets and write you a check for $1,000,000.

Peter: Very good.

END SCENE.

Oh, I also made a new Easter card. Don’t send me hate email like you did for my zombie Easter card. Jesus loves me, this I know for the bible tells me so.

April 13, 2014
Behind the Gate AND a New Book Title

Jen’s back!

Thank God.

She said she “missed ZP soooo much!”

ZP missed her too! To show her just how much, this rabbit (mascot) sacrificed and froze himself to the ground�right in front�of the gate she walks through to enter the ZP Headquarters.ALSO, I wrote/designed a new cover for my book… Kara is busily drawing pictures while I bark directions at her. I’m sure she’s already made a voodoo doll of me.

I don’t blame her a bit.

April 1, 2014

A Blessed Event

Mawage.

Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam…According to TMZ, Kanye and Kim just got engaged.�(Awww).�Kanye rented out a baseball stadium, hired an orchestra to play Kim’s favorite song, got on one knee and presented her with a 15 carat diamond ring.

Is that all?

I think the space shuttle is rentable. So is Lana Del Ray. And so are all of the South African diamond mine workers.

I expect more from Kanye.

I’ll send him this card.

November 3, 2013
With Eyes Closed And One Hand Tied Behind My Back

There has been much debate and fury over genetically modified food.

But what about genetically modified children?

WHAT ABOUT THAT??PS: I wrote this blog post on my iPhone because I despise easy things.

October 31, 2013
Best Greeting Cards

So says�Minnesota Monthly.

And my mom.

Jen and I went to the�Best Of 2013�party�and dazzled the crowd with our�Double Dream Hands routine.�

Best Greeting Cards?

More like, Best Moves.

October 25, 2013
With Sash And Tiara, We Reign

When Minnesota Monthly added Zeichen Press to their�Best of the Twin Cities�list, Jen and I finally polished our tiaras.And had our likenesses sculpted out of butter.

Delicious.

October 18, 2013
Easily Distracted In Class

I think that box was checked on my elementary school progress reports…�But who could be bothered with such details??

Not me. NOT ME. And that’s why I secured a blank progress report, checked the best boxes, and brought it to my parents.

See? I wasn’t�that�easily distracted.

��

I am busy taking photographs of the new cardsbut not too busy to document some pretty fascinating activity:

Aren’t you glad you watched that??

I know I’m supposed to be doing something… Oh, that’s right, putting hungry vegetables on a card.No??

It’ll come to me after I stare out the window and pet that cat.

October 11, 2013
Brain-Slaves

His conscience was clear and his heart light amidst all his troubles; so he went peaceably to bed, left all his cares to Heaven, and soon fell asleep.�In the morning after he had said his prayers, he sat himself down to his work; when, to his great wonder, there stood the shoes all ready made, upon the table.Elves!�

(Sorry about the spoiler if you haven’t read that Fairy Tale.)

I went to a neurologist and he discovered elves in my occipital lobe and that explains everything!Every night, I go peaceably to bed, leave all my cares to Heaven, and soon fall asleep � but not before I aggressively ruminate on an idea for a new card. While I sleep, the elves get to work and when I wake up, the new card is done!

Thank the elves for this new card:THANK THEM.

October 2, 2013
Ode To My TV (and more)

In the spirit of AMC’s award winning dramas,�Mad Men�and�Breaking Bad, comes something written by the devil himself.

With a script scrawled on toilet paper, using a fountain pen filled with raw sewage,�Pencil Pusher�weaves a tale so dark, so depressing, viewers are advised to swallow two Xanax before viewing.

Meet Ernie Frost: One cog in a massive corporate wheel, one man in one cubicle surrounded by countless other cubicles… Floor upon floor of fabric-covered partitions spread like open prairie.

Deadly open prairie…

Gone are the days of positive incentives and opening the kimono, these are days of the Corporate Gulag.

But�Ernie Frost�has a plan to end the nightmare…

��

Phew! Now I won’t have to throw a brick at my t.v. after the last episode of Breaking Bad.

September 25, 2013
Why I’m Such A Catch

Foraging for low-tide treasure is my third favorite thing to do.

But what are your top two favorite things to do?

Nerf Ping Pong

and smashing pi�atas.

What about your top TEN?

Glad you asked.

Cat midwifery,

cracking glow sticks, raising tadpoles, Belgian beer, letterpress printing,�Breaking Bad,and yoga (just kidding). Number ten is turtle-hunting.

I know what you’re thinking.

What a lady!

Whoa. WHOA.�Hands off the merchandise.

Remember when I was talking about low-tide?

Here’s a card that features one of my favorite low-tide critters.Wouldn’t you love to get this card with a�nice bottle of wine??

And by “you”, I mean “I”.

September 17, 2013
A Dream, Realized AND So Much More

Everyone knows that St. Helena has The Best Fall Festival, this side of the Mississippi.

I did hear that Nativity in St. Paul has a snake pit and a freak-show…

But Saint Helena has rides and games and prizes � prizes like t-shirts that Jen and I made for the Duck Shoot!Yeehaw!!

Give a kid a cork gun, step back (STEP BACK), and watch the magic!Jen is DUCKing.

September 14, 2013
Summit of Greeting Cards

After spending $80,000 on climbing gear and an entourage of Sherpas�in Nepal,

the Canadian woman reached the Summit of Mount Everest.

I’m sure it was glorious.

The relief, the pride, the joy!

BUT, she forgot one teeny-tiny thing: enough oxygen for her descent. With temperatures hovering around -30� and an altitude of 22,000 ft., she laid her body down on the side of the mountain.�

And died.

Lesson??

Never trust a Sherpa.

Zeichen Press reached a summit too! We’ve been climbing Mount Greeting Card for a looong time and we finally reached the tippity-top:�Urban Outfitters.

…But now I’ll have to set a new goal… Suggestions?

Urban Outfitters bought this card � but just to be fancy, it will be printed with a bright blue ink:Let’s do this, indeed.

September 8, 2013