Zeichen Press – Page 19 – Design & Letterpress for the people.

COLOR ME IMPRESSED!

Do you need ANOTHER thing to do this Holiday Season?

YES, PLEASE.

How about a�COLORING CONTEST??

But, Fran, how could I possibly fit this into my busy schedule??

THAT’S EASY BECAUSE WE BROKE IT DOWN INTO STEPS!
~ Step 1: print this�picture
~ Step 2: color the picture like your life depends on it
~ Step 3: take a photo�of your colored masterpiece with your super smartphone OR scan
~ Step 4: send to info@zeichenpress.com ~ or snailmail to us
Zeichen Press will choose the winner AND and that person will receive free cards!!!�

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

December 8, 2016
We want to be more than just friends with: i like you too

i like you too�->�416 Snelling South�Saint Paul, Minnesota 55105

ANOTHER profile in that special series dedicated to bringing our readers biased reviews of shops that carry our goods.

The gals��

knew it wasn’t right to deprive the good people of St. Paul all of that hand-crafted goodness for one more�minute. After all, they are THE purveyors of one-of-a-kind-locally-made-gifts.

They remind me of me and Jen�except�Jen has way more tattoos and piercings. Some day you’ll be as cool as us, ladies. SOME DAY.

They transformed�a blank canvas on Snelling

into something WORTHY ENOUGH to carry Zeichen Press cards.�

And they have other cute stuff too. Or whatever.

PS:

November 28, 2016
Custom Customer & Choirs of Angels

Now that my fireplace is ready for Winter,

Jen can finally print Holiday cards for our favorite custom customer. Akustiks�is�a fancy company of�acousticians who�design the architectural acoustics for theaters and concert halls.

And, correct me if I’m wrong, but a group of acousticians were actually hired�by God to assure the residents of Bethlehem that�His choir of angels sounded better than some�music pouring out of the�earbuds crammed in my earholes.

Despite my lo-fi circumstances, I created a new card. Only 38 shopping days till Christmas!

November 18, 2016
House Calls

Sometimes your web developer

has to come over and gnaw on bricks (gluten-free scones) and discuss dogs wearing sweaters so your�mobile site can function properly.

TECHNOLOGY.

And Jen loves meetings because she’s a social butterfly�

and craves attention. Oh, Jen! When will it be enough??

November 14, 2016
My Heart(h) Will Go On

As my eyeball filled with blood,

I thought to myself, “should I have someone redo my hearth,

or stop working on our 2017 catalog?”

I decided to both because I’m an over-achiever.

AND THEN I wrote a card

because it’s cheaper than therapy.

November 10, 2016
Poop Sandwich vs. Soup

November 3, 2016

Gratitude For Summer Intern Expressed Through Semaphore (Etc.)

I wrapped myself in bacon yesterday for a phone interview with�Mpls. St. Paul magazine.

I was, I’m sure,�delicious.

She wanted to talk about�the new book�but I wanted to talk about the last episode of Long Island Medium.

She said she was too “busy” to talk about what I wanted to talk about.�What? Too busy to care??

Moving on:

Zeichen Press found a new intern and she already promised to fold my laundry. I’ll give her this new card as soon as she puts my clothes away:

June 4, 2013
This Blog Post Would Be Better If It Was Wrapped In Bacon

I live on a farm so I can swim through my gold coin-filled silos like Uncle Scrooge McDuck. My latest money-making scheme is sure to fill its very own silo: A downloadable collection of our cards turned cartoons!�

I’ve requested that royalties be paid in gold doubloons.

Download yours today!

May 26, 2013
Hey, You Got Your Nature In My Peanut Butter

Clip-clop-clip-clop… I watched her gracefully stroll down 28th Street. She, a 125 pound White Tailed Deer, came towards me on the sidewalk. Her head turned left and right, taking in the scenery like a tourist. I sat as still as a frightened rabbit, hoping she would mistake me for something non-threatening. The air was perfectly calm and the smoke from my cigarette rose straight into the sky. Oh, but she noticed me! We were locked in a staring contest for what felt like forever, and then she bounced away. Faster than I knew a deer could run, she bounded across Hennepin Avenue.And a bear wandered up to a strip mall last week in Cottage Grove. I felt it should be commemorated.

May 20, 2013
Please Like This

It�s time to free ourselves from the shackles of this social networking monster.

We are ignorant prisoners, dragging our metal cups across the bars while our warden�stuffs his fat face with naturally-cased wieners.

We are school children, wandering like�Wii avatars, waiting for the bell to ring only to be called in to diagram sentences.

We are the Israelites�crushed by our taskmasters, waiting for the supernatural smiting of the Egyptians.

Rise up, people. Stop rowing the slave ship.�The candy tasted�so good�before we got in the van, but�now we must be deprogrammed. Make no mistake about it � this is some sort of Stockholm Syndrome.�Oh, the candy� so sweet, so forbidden, so Turkish-Delighty.

Damn you, Facebook!

I�ve�flushed my precious time down the toilet. Time I�ll never get back. Just like the year I got hooked on Party�of Five � those orphaned Salingers led by their gorgeous brother/carpenter, Matthew Fox�

Oh, but it�s done�now. No point in looking back. Friend requests, status updates, profile pictures � word combinations unwittingly�added to the English lexicon!

I�ve got a word for you:�insidious.

Never has there been such a tool, such a divisive tool.�It wears a party hat and mixes the strongest drinks, watching the party-goers behave like jackasses.�Why?

Ask son-of-a-dentist/billionaire, Mark Zuckerberg. Mr. Zuckerberg was unavailable for comment during�the writing of this, and it�s no wonder. He�s in Palo Alto, counting his drug money. I�m booking a flight to Palo Alto�and am either going to personally punch him in the face or flatter him until he hires me as his �personal secretary.��The second scenario is obviously more lucrative. The point is, I will no longer be in this creepy symbiotic�relationship.

I will be free. (cue the MLK footage)

May 11, 2013
Living Near the Edge-ish

Print shops are full of danger.

Hands mangled, digits lost, clothes torn right off of bodies… (I better fact-check that last one).

Zeichen Press is no exception.

Behold:Look if you must.�Sometimes it is better to face the painful, it desensitizes the mind.

That’s good, right?

Because I am so committed to my craft, I (by “I”, I mean “my son”) squished the spider, and finished laying out this card:Mother’s Day is coming up but you don’t have to get your mom a card.

May 3, 2013
Ever-Expanding Empire

Three new rep groups this Spring.

THREE.

These new (lucky) states are: Virginia, West Virginia, Idaho, Montana, Alaska, and New Mexico. Each rep gets a box of goodies, packed by Jen:

I bet that’s a lot of work.

I wish I could help but I’m too busy watching Pam watch kittens on televison while I lay in bed.

I DID write/design some new cards � I’ve heard that laughing is as good for your body as eating so I plan to airdrop some new cards to the starving people in the world.

I’m sure they’ll be grateful.�

April 26, 2013
Safe To Molt Now

Has Science gone too far?

Days and nights blurred as the scientist toiled alone � well, not exactly alone � his companions (experiments) lived in a collection of cages. His laboratory (pronounced:�lah-boooar-atory) was nestled between the Russkoe Slovo Bookshop and the hydro-electric plant in Krasnoyarsk.�

His mission?

To create super-species. Behold his first success… and his new friend:Well, congratulations Doctor Hvorostovsky!

And now on to my creations:

(not nearly as controversial)

April 25, 2013
Such Strong Language

But how can I be tame when I am thrust into such an atmosphere?�I have only one thing to say:

April 23, 2013
Purgatorio di Pesce

That sounds delicious!

If Spring would come I wouldn’t be forced to sit here and email sell sheets to hundreds of newspapers around the country.�I won’t complain about the weather because that’s about as interesting as listening to someone list their health problems. But I WILL say this:

If I lived in Hawaii, there’d be no Zeichen Press.

See, I can always find the blessing in disguise.Oh fine, here’s a new card � inspired by the endless Winter:

April 21, 2013
Always Winter but never Christmas (or Spring)

The woman gazes through her window. A window covered in dog-drool, a window with a view of only one season: Winter. She stares, slack-jawed, at the slow parade of life.

There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man’s fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area we call the Twilight Zone.

SERIOUSLY?!?

April 17, 2013