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GULP! We Are In The Washington Post??
Feelingprettyfancy over herebecauseThe Washington Postpicked up theReligion News Service article! (Is that how it works?? See? TOO fancy for me!)
But, obviously, not as fancy as Dinah.
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The Perfect Christmas Cards
Thank you,Religion News Service, forappreciatingthe ho-ho-Holiday-humdrum-hole-filling.
And thank you, Dinah the Cat, for understanding the true meaning of Christmas.
And you’re right, you should be in the new Christmas card.
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Holiday Season Opener
Oh,No Coast Craft-o-Rama… You never let us down!
TheMidtown Market’s halls were decked and bedazzled with all things Holiday… And handmadegoodness was traded for cold-hard-cash.The Zeichen Press Empire is always draped in black fabric because black is slimming.
Here’s a new Christmas card/fantasy?:
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This Time of Year Fills Me With
TheNo Coast Craft-O-Ramais TODAYand tomorrow(December 4th and 5th) and Jen has been feverishly printing in preparation.She must have been too busy to notice my new woodpile!
Come see all of the Holiday Goodies at theMidtown Global Markettoday Jen will be giving out free hugs with every purchase! -
THANK YOU!
Once Upon A Time,my sister got the stomach flu so bad. Poor thing… up in the middle of the night… every bit of food evacuating her body post-haste. Who knew the colon could churn and transform loose stool into clearliquid? Well, my brother found out when he sleep-stumbled into the bathroom and slipped and skated on the translucent trots that never made it into the toilet-bowl.
See? Analogy. Our gratitude just pours out of us! It’s almost like a medical condition.
To “give back”, we are hosting Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade!
Tune in!
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I said, YOOHOO, ALEXIS STEWART!
I can’t believe she doesn’t see me!…
I’M IN THE HOT AIR BALLOON FLOATING OVER YOU AND MARTHA!!
I knew it… She is walking to the mailbox to send a Zeichen Press card!
She ordered a bunchfromour online shop,but due to doctor/patient (I’m the doctor in this scenario) confidentiality, I cannot divulge which cards she chose.
I CAN tell you that she is concerned about a funny-looking mole on her mom’s bottom.
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Captain’s Log, Stardate 4.1.2013
Jen was part of a dangerous expedition
New product was added tothe shopand I can’t help but wonder which cards will sell well… will they be sheep-related?:
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Being Eaten By Monsters Is Not So Funny
My older brothers had a bunk bed, my little brother had his own bed and my sister and I shared a queen-sized bed.
We also shared countless hours of strange bedtime rituals: she would put on her school uniform (white blouse and brown plaid jumper) and pull her nightgown over it that was for early morning efficiency… I would skip the uniform step and go right to the nightgown.
I was so slow!
She would coat her arms in Elmer’s Glue,
I would dress and redress Raggedy Ann.
I don’t know if she shared my fear of the monster under the bed.
No, what am I saying?She did not. In fact, she created the fear!
Siblings can be so cruel.
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Local Woman Not Kidnapped By Craigslist Poster
PHEW!
My Faith in Humanity was fortified! I bought atripod from a stranger on Craiglist and hemade no mention of kidnappng, torturing, OR skinning me.
Now I can stumble my way through taking photographs of the new cards!
The Craigslist man assured me (three times) that the tripod was the “real deal” so that should help.
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The Widow’s Walk
She waited.Pacing the widow’s walk, praying for his ship to appear on the horizon, her view of the sea uninterrupted from her perch.
But no!
And who but those onboard could know the truth was it a storm? Pirates? Mutiny?
Or was it The Kraken?
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Left, Left, Lefty, Right-o Left, Right
That’s the sound that March makes that and a muffled sobbing.February triggers cabin fever but March in Minnesota is far more dangerous.
Here’s a story about March:One Christmas, Santa put a baby albino rabbit under the tree so delightful!
The little rabbit grew into a big rabbit and by the next Winter, our basement smelled like the bunny barn at the State Fair. With scraps of wood and a bale of hay, I built an outdoor rabbit hutch.
In a pinch, it could serve as a coffin for an adult man.
IN A PINCH.
By March it was buried under several feet of snow and I’d order my eldest to go spend time with the rabbit in the snow coffin.
The moral of the story is: Get a dog.
And something about March creating crazy. Thank God I have an outlet for my March crazy:
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Vocabulary Quiz And Card Celebrating Angry Parents
My high school English teacher told the class that if we looked up the word ‘glib’ in the dictionary, there would be a picture of me.
She was right!
I think I felt insulted.
I’m sure Jen’s high school English teacher said something similar about her.
And if not, she should have.
What does this have to do with angry parents or a new card?
Obviously, my glibness was not celebrated at home. In fact, it was frowned upon can you believe it?!
And Jen’s reckless behavior?? You’ll have to ask her about that… I mean, pregnant at 19?! What was she THINKING?! (Wait, that was me?? We need to hire a fact checker.)
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Oh, Great.
Look who I found in front of Zeichen Press HQ!
First the squirrels and then the bearAND NOW THIS?!
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World Domination Is Safe And Easy
And it can be done from the comfort of your own home!
If you’re like me (don’t worry, you’re not) you don’t like to “leave” your house or “go” anywhere.
Don’t worry!
World Domination will be yours as long as you have these three things:
1) Wi-Fi
2) Computer
3) Forever Lazy Suit
We just picked up a new rep for the Virginia and West Virginia territories (that’s right, TERRITORIES. Like a gang.)
We are excited to welcome him aboard!
And we hope we don’t scare him away with our love forFranimalsand wine.
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The Importance of Wine and Kittens on the Interweb
There IS a universal language on the World Wide Web and understanding it only requires the appreciation of three things:
1) Kittens
2) Wine
3) Talking dogs
Also, videos where guys get kicked in the nuts but those existed before YouTube.
I follow the dog around the house with my iPhone and I plan on kicking a guy in the nuts this week.
My life is all kittens and wine, so I was able to create the following:
Feel free to share that 1,000,000 times.
And here’s a new card:It’s a true story.
