Zeichen Press – Page 21 – Design & Letterpress for the people.

Winter Preview

The Winter Walk Home from school included two memorable rituals: Dipping our un-mittened hands in 25� Tom Thumb coffee�(how old IS she?)�and passing by a very high retaining wall.

The wall held up the yard of our enemies: Two freckle-faced, red-headed brothers. These boys went to a�Public School�and as if that isn’t bad enough, they took great pleasure in tormenting me.

I will remind you that�this�is what I looked like:

Why would anyone want to harm such a sweet creature?

Armed with boulders of snow, poised-and-ready atop the wall � they would wait. Down Vincent Avenue I trudged: snow-pants under my plaid skirt, grease-covered hand-me-down coat, knit cap with sheepskin earflaps.

Again, why would anyone want to harm such a sweet creature?

I won’t tell you the ending.

We had a dusting of snow the other day but I knew better than to break out the snow-pants and knit cap. It was merely a teaser, a preview, an appetizer, an AMUSE-GUEULE.

Speaking of snow,�here’s a new card:�

November 14, 2012
Winternship� & Skin Suits

Zeichen Press has never had a Wintertime Intern.

Until now.

I expect the new “intern” to make me laugh.�It’s an important job.�She also claims she will sort type and organize cards but we’ll see. WE’LL SEE.

In other news:�I made ANOTHER�Thinking Of You�card. I thought and thought about what sort of message I’d like to receive if I were down-in-the-dumps, and I came up with this:My sister wanted me to show�The-Softer-Side-Of-Fran, but all I could think of was Marshmallow Fluff� and then I just wanted to sit on the beach and pull hermit crabs out of their shells.

What is wrong with me?

November 8, 2012
Snail Mail : Our Bread & Butter

There has been an ethical debate raging regarding snail shell art. Some feel that humans have the right to decorate the shells of�living snails.

Where do I stand?�The following new birthday card reveals my feelings on this sensitive subject:Please respect my freedom of speech.

Speaking of�freedom: Come down to�Foiled Again�on Saturday night for some�free�wine. While you’re there, you could buy some of our cards!

Two birds! One stone!

November 1, 2012
Insomnia and the Woolly Mammoth

I can’t wait until scientists clone the Woolly Mammoth.

Some might call it reckless curiosity, I call it Vegas-style science. Implanting salvaged Woolly Mammoth nuclei into an unsuspecting Asian Elephant sounds safe to me ��what could happen?�

Meanwhile,�I lay awake�and�imagine receiving (or not receiving) a baby Woolly Mammoth as a gift.�

October 27, 2012
I’ve Never Been To Paris

But I�did�take French in high school so I know all about magnetephones, l’autobus, et la lunettes pour Luc.

For the foreseeable future, I will stay within a 30 mile radius of the Zeichen Press headquarters and dream of faraway lands.Feeling the need for a Field Trip, I went to the Other Side Of Minneapolis and visited�Rex Mills. I walked through the front door, broke the tenth commandment,�(You shall not covet�- geez, get your mind out of the gutter)�pretended I had something in my eye, snapped some photos, threw a drink in the owner’s face, stole five pounds of ink, and left.That man in the photograph is not the owner � Rex Mills has�Press Operators.

I will kidnap him as soon as my taser gun arrives in the mail.

October 21, 2012
But Wait, There’s More!

Bears have it best � fattening up and slipping into their Wintertime coma. I sit here, like a fool, planning my Wintertime Wardrobe � if I never had to shower, I would wear my neck to ankle long-underwear uninterrupted.

I have Faith that Winter will eventually turn to Spring.

In Spring, I will tear off my layers of long-underwear. I will bury my Smartwool in the backyard. I will shun my calf-length coat like an old boyfriend.�(I can’t believe I was with YOU!!)

In Spring, kids graduate from educational institutions. And because I am a Giver, I give you these:�New graduation cards.�Don’t be like, “Why are you thinking about graduation in October?”

Just accept the greeting card calendar. ACCEPT IT.

October 15, 2012

The mysterious mating practice of the praying mantis, AND YOU!

Ah, romance!�One couple might choose dinner and a movie… Another couple might choose post-coital cannibalism.

February 15, 2013
Mirror, Mirror On The Wall

Who’s the fairest one of all?

There is SO much happening around here! First, I had to bait a squirrel trapto catch the�Kitchen-Squirrel. I was going to fill the trap with my�kitchen garbage�(her favorite) but I decided to go for something more bourgeois: Skippy Peanut Butter.

And then there was a serious decision to make: Which card would Paper Source like more?I hope we chose wisely because one of our lives (Jen’s) is on the line.

Oh, and I didn’t forget that it is Valentine’s Day today, I am very romantic. Here is proof:

February 14, 2013
Meat Suits And Building A Fan Base

For Immediate Release:�In an attempt to build the Zeichen Press Fan Base, Jen Shea and Fran Shea will�appear on a local cable-access show locked in a cell and covered in Fancy Feast�. 1,000 cats will be released into the cell through a small hatch. Fran and Jen will sing a medley of famous duets, including�Islands In the Stream,�Endless Love, and�You Don’t Bring Me Flowers.

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February 10, 2013
Inspiration Constipation Frustration

I’ve been told that life is full of challenges. And I’m sure that, someday, I’ll encounter one. I hope it’s not a shipwreck or banishment. …I will probably contract the Ebola Virus.�I designed a card for myself in preparation.

Oh, but here’s a more “buyable” card for those of us that need encouragement:

February 5, 2013
HIGH FIVE!

In the belly of the Good Ship Whistlesnot sat two strangers � one called Captain Fatchtinkle and the other, Timtim Lipskin.

They chatted like two gentlemen between rounds of whiskey-pong and Password and it wasn’t long before discovering�they shared a passion for shuffleboard.

A friendship was born!

(To be continued…)

February 2, 2013
Understanding Your Target Demographic

Hello.

My name is�Pevenshire Wiffynuts�and I’m here today to talk about targeting your demographic. Whether you are marketing adult diapers, cowboy hats, or cemetery plots, it is critical that you understand your audience. That may mean that you have to poop in your pants, herd cows, or bury a loved one.

Don’t be afraid to do these things � they will help you effectively move product and change lives.�

Wow! Thanks, Pevenshire.

I hear what you’re saying � I ripped off my mom-mask to reveal the face of an eight-year-old-boy so I could create this birthday card:

January 29, 2013
Fairy Tales And True Tales

The poor peasant said it best, “even if we had only one and it were quite small, and only as big as a thumb, I should be quite satisfied, and we would still love it with all our hearts.”

If Fairy Tales were true, hedgehogs would speak and donkeys would spew gold. And poor old peasants could wish and receive tiny children.

I wrote a Fairy Tale about an old childless couple and a duck. Inspired by�true events. In the story, there is a duck, a baby, and an angry mob.

But I’ve said too much!

I’ll get that published someday but MEANWHILE here is a card for the new parent � it features a disgruntled chick.

January 28, 2013
Have You Seen This Baby?

I’ve nursed a few babies in my day and that makes me an expert on sacrifice.

It does.

Or is it laziness? Making a bottle seemed like so much work! …Get out of my cozy bed, walk all the way to the kitchen, measure and pour powdered formula into a bottle, warm water in pan on stove, add water to bottle, test temperature

OR

lift up my shirt.

Anyway, I made a card for the new mother:

January 25, 2013
General Sherman’s Men Are Praying For You

Isn’t that a comforting thought?

If I had a tumor, I’d want a group of strangers to pray it away.

Less messy than surgery.

Also, if I could train a field-full of meerkats to pray for me, I would.That would be adorable.

Thanks (or no thanks) to Facebook, phrases that were once packed with meaning, are like a watered-down drink:�You are in our prayers… We are all praying for you…

These, followed by a frowny-face 🙁 are now much more common than a hand-written note.

🙁 x 1,000!

Someday we’ll create�Encouragement Cards�for the most grievous of events�(will we??)�but how about those events that still deserve more than a Facebook comment? How about: sewage backups, low-risk operations, stomach flus, power-outtages, lost dogs, lost luggage, car-jackings, rat-infestations, or hauntings?

Not quite tragic but still entitled to a show of support. A card like this (IN THE MAILBOX) would cheer a person up posthaste:

January 16, 2013
Hands-Free Forever

It was time for�The Sign Of Peace,�and as all members of the congregation turned to offer their hand for a firm shaking, I slowly let my sleeve swallow�my�hand.

With a forlorn look and one missing hand, I imagined the gasps of concern for my deformity. I turned to the family in the pew behind me � they would wonder if I was born crippled or if my hand had been lost in a bloody accident. I was eager to extend my handless arm, my face already prepared and appropriately pitiful.

Oh, but why do parents have to crush their children’s fantasies?

And here’s another story about hands:

I took woodshop in highschool.

I did.�I was the only girl. The room was filled with dangerous power-tools and I secretly hoped for the “automatic A” decribed by the teacher:�”If a student is dumb enough to sever a finger or an entire hand, they will receive an automatic A.”�

Unfortunately, I successfully made a box:Speaking of hands, here’s a new card:

January 13, 2013