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Decisions, Decisions
Should I shower today or plan a fictional vacation?
Should I take down the Christmas tree or pet the cat?
Life is so challenging.
Decision du jour: Which card is funnier??
A)
B)
I have fictional vacations to plan and cats to pet help me move on with my day. -
Cuttlefish Tentacles And Giraffe Heads
Why hide your abnormality under a dingy flannel sack? Love suffers enough in this disposable culture and I will not be a lemming I will stand up for the odd, the fractured, the misfit, the offbeat, the freaks. I will stand up and say,I embrace the grotesque!
As long as they don’t smell like urine.
I can handle just about any disfigurement emotional or physical that sits next to me on the bus, but my achilles heel in my mad-dash for sainthood, is my keen sense of smell.
Damn my olfactory perception.
I don’t think John Merrick
smelled like urine, so we would probably have been great friends.
I made two new cards that celebrate this subject. Feel free to give them to the person in your life that needs to know they’re special.
If you have someone in your life that smells like urine, they would probably appreciate this card very much.
Congratulations, future St. Blankblank.
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Zeichen Press vs. 2012
**Spoiler Alert**Zeichen Press triumphed over Twenty-Twelve.
At times, the year was a nail-biter: will 2012 take it’s boot off of Zeichen Press’s face?… Will 2012 stop hitting Zeichen Press with a folding chair?… Yes and YES.
And as Zeichen Press saysadieuto this Year Of Pestilence, Zeichen Press welcomes Twenty-Thirteen welcomes it the way a mother welcomes the news of another pregnancy. The gift of amnesia is powerful and we are grateful for it.
I’m wrapping up the year, as usual, in Brainerd, Minnesota. The temperature is hovering around a balmy 0 and as the supplies dwindle to beer and bacon, we are considering sending the children to town for chocolate and dvd’s. And medical marijuana.Stay tuned…
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A Christmas Miracle
I welcome the extra-ordinary. In fact, I am hyper-vigilant and ever-watchful for signs of miraculous happenings.
I ate two pounds of filet mignon on Christmas Eve and I’m pretty sure that was a miracle. Itfelt like a miracle barnaise sauce drizzled over huge hunks of very rare cow flesh doesn’t happen every day.
I love Christmas Miracles, they are the most powerful kind of miracle A change of heart is better than filet mignon and antlers growing out of a dog’s head is, perhaps, the most miraculous of all.Jen did say I couldn’t make any more Christmas cards but I squeezed this one past her because she is a sucker for dogs and because I threw her computer in a snowbank.
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Lousy Old Lovers & Limp Old Limbs
It’s almost January and you know what that means: It’s time to wash my Smart Wool socks. And celebrate Christmas.
Jen told me I can’t write anymore Christmas or Chanukah cards. After I egged her face, I wrote a Get Well card:
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Diversionary Tactics
TheChristmas Tree lot shackdoubled as a meth-lab and while I admire ingenuity and entrepreneurship, I like my Holiday Traditions to be more “cozy-by-the-fire”and less “mix-up-a-batch-in-the-tub.”
BUT THAT’S JUST ME.
The “lot” contained exactly eight trees but due to a Christmas Miracle, we found the perfect tree!
We only had to retie the tree back onto the car once. To be fair, cooking meth doesn’t really prepare a person for handling Christmas Trees.
My Jewish friends don’t have these stories and this saddens me, so I made them a card:
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No-Coast And Beyond
TheNo-Coast Craft-O-Ramawas a success!
I think it might be because Jen and I were wearing our new uniforms.
It’s hard to know but marketing is SO important these days and we really do our best to be, as the kids say,cutting edge.After the show, we packed our uniforms in bubble-wrap, sat by a roaring fire, and watched the snow fall.
And fall.
And fall.
That inspired a Chanukah card!This goes out to my Jewish brothers and sisters:
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Behold, I bring you Good Tidings Of Great Joy!
And like the Canadian Goose, she stayed. She stayed and embraced the cold, using her derrire to warm the waters of her pond.
And byderrire,I mean “bottom” and bywaters of her pond,I mean “the Midtown Market.”
What?!
It’s time for theNo-Coast Craft-o-Rama! TOMORROW (Friday, December 7 AND Saturday, December 8)!!
Here’s what I’ve done to get ready:
That’s a full cord of wood thatI ordered.AND I made this card:
Jen did everything else.See you tomorrow!
xo,
Fran
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Umfa-Umfa and Itchy-Scratchy
A long, long time ago, when men roamed the wild, with sharp spears and heavy stones, a discovery was made: A charred nub-of-a-stick was scraped against the wall to create a picture, a representation of reality why?
The need to communicate visually is unique to humans (and some elephants).
I wish I had a trunk.Here’s what Ineedto communicate visually:
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She Wore A Small Christmas Tree On Her Head
Secured to her bonnet with picture wire, butcher’s twine, and Christmas Spirit (egg-nog). That spruce-top satatopher head for the entire season of Advent.
She knew that it offset her dour expression an expression she couldn’t redesign. Oh, but the tiny tree brought delight to all she passed!
For those blissful weeks, nobody seemed to notice her stern glower, her face twisted into the judgmental scowl went unnoticed. She imagined wearing other elaborate fancies on her head but for now, this would do:
