• It’s time for Christmas rejects!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5SH1j1luFOw&feature=related

    Gosh, that’s a scary movie! Those poor misfit toys… the choo-choo with the square wheels, the pistol that shoots jelly, the effeminate jack-in-the-box…  I think the jack-in-the-box and that little dentist-elf would make a cute couple.

    Okay, so I keep trying to design something to print on these FIVE THOUSAND BEVERAGE COASTERS that we have lying around. I guess no one cares about preserving the shine and luster of their finished furniture.

    I think that’s barbaric.

    Maybe they think it sends the wrong message? I don’t. I think it’s perfectly acceptable to booze it up through the 12 days of Christmas. In fact, it is acceptable all year round IF you set your drink on one of our beverage coasters. (Was that some sort of plug?? Yes. Here’s a link: AND here’s one I designed just for Touchpoint Retail. It has the recipe for a candy cane martini right on it. Isn’t that handy?? coaster-for-touchpoint-450x229

    They decided to go with a card design from the Zeichen Press line but JUST TO BE DIFFICULT (I mean, sui generis.) they had us print it on an oversized SQUARE coaster. But I must admit, it’s pretty darn nice.

    touchpint-coaster-card-fron

    touchpoint-coaster-card-bac

    December 18, 2009
  • Two-timing ZP

    But I LOVE you Zeichen Press! I do. It’s just that Tanek has something (money) that you don’t have. Does that sound shallow? It’s not, I swear. It’s not just the money. They make me coffee. AND they tell me I do good work. You just sit there and take. And take and take and take – a word that comes to mind is “relentless.” But not in a bad way. Did I mention they’re architects? I know! Restaurants, retail, residential… Wait, did I mention restaurants?… Of course you had to know, the signs were everywhere. Remember when I made those Tanek paper dolls? tanek-paper-doll-inside-card

    Or that 4-color halftone?

    tanek-card-untrimmed2

    Wait, that was just last week. Anyway, I’m totally NOT breaking up with you. I’m just going to be seeing them too. But that’s cool, right? Don’t be so selfish.

    **Editor’s Note: What does this mean??? Zeichen Press is just doing some marketing for Tanek.

    December 13, 2009
  • Just a Christmas Card

    No big deal.

    Just a photoshopped-four-color-halftone-letterpress-printed Christmas Card.

    Jen and I were like, “Oh, that’s cool. For a Christmas card.”tanek-card-untrimmed2

     

    December 10, 2009
  • No Coast 2009, Sleestacks and ANOTHER Doppelganger

    WHEW! What a weekend!

    First of all, Amanda came to my house to do my hair.

    She did.

    Shut up.

    I totally care about how I look. It seemed strange to look so beautiful AND carry 500 lbs of cards from a loading dock to a folding table. But I did it for the kids. Jen and I have worked out a system of communication that really facilitates a speedy set up: Jen orders me around like some sort of slave and I stifle sobs behind my Crying Scarf.

    There was another letterpress company about 10 feet away from us and we had to fight to defend our turf. Zeichen Press ended up winning because we have better dance moves and we bribed the judges with Bazooka gum.

    I figured out something pretty important on Saturday morning: I look like a Sleestack.

    fran-sleestack

    sleestack-207x300

    OH! Another thing that was pretty amazing: That dapper gent from one of our new cards actually bought the card that he is on!

    I hope she likes thoughts that count. Letterpress printed on recycled paper. Comes with coordinating envelope and packaged in cellophane sleeve.

    thoughts-that-count-real-ma

    I love a handsome man with a wallet full of cash. (Do you hear me, Kenny?!)

    Let’s see… oh, yes.. the show was jam-packed and we made gobs of moola. I mean, we spread the joy of the season through letterpress goodness.

    Here’s me laughing at one of my own jokes:fran-laughing-no-coast-2009

    And here’s Jen endlessly fussing over a display:jens-arms-arranging-cards-2

    I almost forgot to share this bit of news: Somebody actually stole an entire stack of these:I'm still stalking you. Letterpress printed on recycled paper. Comes with coordinating envelope and packaged in cellophane sleeve.

    What the???

    She must be a professional stalker.

    December 7, 2009
  • Mr. Heidelberg… you RASCAL!

    If all goes according to my master plan, 2,500 pounds of love will soon be mine.

    2,500 pounds…

    That’s one of these:

    austin-mini-cooper-sport-re

    Or two of him:

    alg_heaviest_man

    Are you intrigued??

    heidelberg-logo

    November 22, 2009
  • There Is No Turning Back

    The new logo has been crafted of copper and is ready for printing.

    …But who are those people supposed to be?? And why does the woman wear her hair as if it were 1986?? Only I know the answers to these mysteries and I have just boarded a train headed for Zermatt.

    zeichen-press-new-logo

    November 17, 2009
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  • Decisions, Decisions

    Should I shower today or plan a fictional vacation?

    Should I take down the Christmas tree or pet the cat?

    Life is so challenging.

    Decision du jour: Which card is funnier??

    A)you-arent-so-special-girlsB)you-arent-so-specialI have fictional vacations to plan and cats to pet — help me move on with my day.

    January 7, 2013
  • Cuttlefish Tentacles And Giraffe Heads

    Why hide your abnormality under a dingy flannel sack? Love suffers enough in this disposable culture and I will not be a lemming — I will stand up for the odd, the fractured, the misfit, the offbeat, the freaks. I will stand up and say, I embrace the grotesque!

    As long as they don’t smell like urine.

    I can handle just about any disfigurement — emotional or physical — that sits next to me on the bus, but my achilles heel in my mad-dash for sainthood, is my keen sense of smell.

    Damn my olfactory perception.

    I don’t think John Merrickelephant-man

    smelled like urine, so we would probably have been great friends.

    I made two new cards that celebrate this subject. Feel free to give them to the person in your life that needs to know they’re special.

    If you have someone in your life that smells like urine, they would probably appreciate this card very much.

    Congratulations, future St. Blankblank.he-loved-everything-abot-hershe-loved-everything-about-him

    January 5, 2013
  • Zeichen Press vs. 2012

    **Spoiler Alert** Zeichen Press triumphed over Twenty-Twelve.

    At times, the year was a nail-biter: will 2012 take it’s boot off of Zeichen Press’s face?… Will 2012 stop hitting Zeichen Press with a folding chair?… Yes and YES.

    And as Zeichen Press says adieu to this Year Of Pestilence, Zeichen Press welcomes Twenty-Thirteen — welcomes it the way a mother welcomes the news of another pregnancy. The gift of amnesia is powerful and we are grateful for it. new years resolutionI’m wrapping up the year, as usual, in Brainerd, Minnesota. The temperature is hovering around a balmy 0° and as the supplies dwindle to beer and bacon, we are considering sending the children to town for chocolate and dvd’s. And medical marijuana.

    Stay tuned…

    December 31, 2012
  • A Christmas Miracle

    I welcome the extra-ordinary. In fact, I am hyper-vigilant and ever-watchful for signs of miraculous happenings.

    I ate two pounds of filet mignon on Christmas Eve and I’m pretty sure that was a miracle. It felt like a miracle — béarnaise sauce drizzled over huge hunks of very rare cow flesh doesn’t happen every day.christmas-eve-miracle-filetI love Christmas Miracles, they are the most powerful kind of miracle — A change of heart is better than filet mignon and antlers growing out of a dog’s head is, perhaps, the most miraculous of all.

    Jen did say I couldn’t make any more Christmas cards but I squeezed this one past her because she is a sucker for dogs and because I threw her computer in a snowbank.a-christmas-miracle

    December 28, 2012
  • Lousy Old Lovers & Limp Old Limbs

    It’s almost January and you know what that means: It’s time to wash my Smart Wool socks. And celebrate Christmas.

    Jen told me I can’t write anymore Christmas or Chanukah cards. After I egged her face, I wrote a Get Well card:change-positive-paper-voodoo

    December 23, 2012
  • Diversionary Tactics

    The Christmas Tree lot shack doubled as a meth-lab and while I admire ingenuity and entrepreneurship, I like my Holiday Traditions to be more “cozy-by-the-fire” and less “mix-up-a-batch-in-the-tub.”

    BUT THAT’S JUST ME.

    The “lot” contained exactly eight trees but due to a Christmas Miracle, we found the perfect tree!

    christmas-tree-2012

    We only had to retie the tree back onto the car once. To be fair, cooking meth doesn’t really prepare a person for handling Christmas Trees.

    My Jewish friends don’t have these stories and this saddens me, so I made them a card:chappy-chanukah

    December 17, 2012
  • No-Coast And Beyond

    The No-Coast Craft-O-Rama was a success!

    I think it might be because Jen and I were wearing our new uniforms. jen-and-fran-star-trekIt’s hard to know — but marketing is SO important these days and we really do our best to be, as the kids say, cutting edge.

    After the show, we packed our uniforms in bubble-wrap, sat by a roaring fire, and watched the snow fall.

    And fall.

    And fall.snow-backyard-2012That inspired a Chanukah card!

    This goes out to my Jewish brothers and sisters:funky-beat

    December 11, 2012
  • Behold, I bring you Good Tidings Of Great Joy!

    And like the Canadian Goose, she stayed. She stayed and embraced the cold, using her derriére to warm the waters of her pond.

    And by derriére, I mean “bottom” and by waters of her pond, I mean “the Midtown Market.”

    What?!

    It’s time for the No-Coast Craft-o-Rama! TOMORROW (Friday, December 7 AND Saturday, December 8)!!

    Here’s what I’ve done to get ready: firewoodThat’s a full cord of wood that I ordered.

    AND I made this card:face-melting-holiday-joy-betterJen did everything else.

    See you tomorrow!

    xo,

    Fran

    December 6, 2012
  • Umfa-Umfa and Itchy-Scratchy

    A long, long time ago, when men roamed the wild, with sharp spears and heavy stones, a discovery was made: A charred nub-of-a-stick was scraped against the wall to create a picture, a representation of reality — why? 

    The need to communicate visually is unique to humans (and some elephants).elephant painting elephantI wish I had a trunk.

    Here’s what I need to communicate visually:

    ugh.cave manugh.vomit

    December 2, 2012
  • She Wore A Small Christmas Tree On Her Head

    Secured to her bonnet with picture wire, butcher’s twine, and Christmas Spirit (egg-nog). That spruce-top sat atop her head for the entire season of Advent.

    She knew that it offset her dour expression — an expression she couldn’t redesign. Oh, but the tiny tree brought delight to all she passed!

    For those blissful weeks, nobody seemed to notice her stern glower, her face — twisted into the judgmental scowl went unnoticed. She imagined wearing other elaborate fancies on her head — but for now, this would do:tree-hat-lady-new

    November 28, 2012
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