• If your parents REALLY loved you

    they would have me design a super sweet invitation for an important event in your life. IF they REALLY loved you they would call me on the phone and say, “Hey, Fran! My name is Mr. Blee-Blah-Blah! I would like to demonstrate my love for my child by paying you to artistically interpret an upcoming event.  Your design savoir faire is the ONLY match for the depth of love I have for my child. They have a (insert important event) coming up. Let’s do this.” 

    CLICK.

    I’m just saying.

    We created the following Bat Mitzvah invitation for a family that clearly knows how to express their love:

    Testify!

    March 31, 2009
  • Room & Board & Me & Jen & Kangaroo Meat

    Ding! Round two!

    Meeting with Room & Board this afternoon. If all goes according to my master-plan* R&B will bite the inside of their cheeks to stifle their sobs of awe when I reveal The Prints. To diffuse the awesome aura, I will hand out sunglasses. Personally, I think inked antique type is as delicious as kangaroo meat from First Course.

    YES. kangaroo meat. 

    Round one for Room & Board ended up being a creative exercise – I know, I know. My Reward Will Be In Heaven. I produced some cutey cutes for Children’s Rooms. I dug down deep into that soft part of my heart – it was under a layer of small pebbles – and found these: I call them Franimals:

    franimals

    *master-plan: do not get lost driving to Room & Board HQ.

    March 26, 2009
  • fancy-talk

    Dahhhhhhhhhhhhhling!

    You simply must see the latest thing! Diamonds are so last week and pearls are so last century. Resin and metal is H-O-T! I hate to muddle-up the Natural Order of the Universe (no, I don’t) but we simply couldn’t say no to Ampersand Designs suggestion of collaboration!

    We already sat side-by-side in the Oscar Luncheon gift bags – and – although opening the gift bags caused a face-melting scene ala Raiders of the Lost Ark, we decided to combine our chocolate with their peanut butter for a super-sweet fashion-statement.

    Buy one or ten today!

    DO NOT EAT THIS.

    March 18, 2009
  • I ? NE + Downtown + Scott Parkin + Stephen Lynch + Rod Cone + David Josefsberg

    Dear Diary,

    Last night was ever so much fun! I went to a party and got a lock of everyone’s hair for my scrapbook. My art was hot glue-gunned to the wall by Jen.

    Jen at work - note the ever-present bottle of beer that is always within arms reach of her arm.

    Oh, Jen… will she ever settle down? She wore a short little dress and MOTORCYCLE BOOTS!! She’s trouble. See her little tiny head?:

    I see you, Jen!

    The young man that sold me my dress failed to tell me that it also doubled as a shirt.

    I blame him for the indecent length.

    Before wine.

    I also blame him for climate change, hiccoughs, Christopher Reeve’s “accident”, and my parents break-up.

    ~

    There were so many tasty bits about that party. Jocelyn’s food and drink was dee. lish.us.

     Scott Parkin‘s street-level office was cooler (and cleaner) than anything I will ever own.

    Maybe that’s why he asked me to stand by the door.

    And sit in a highchair.

    Studio on Fire displayed their goodness on the West Wall. And by that I mean, Ben Levitz stood nude on a chair in front of the West Wall. It wasn’t the least bit uncomfortable. Something about the beard made him seem fully dressed.

    Part II of the evening was jam-packed full of comedy. Stephen Lynch was gracious enough to give us front row seats to his show. Um, I don’t think I’ve laughed this hard since he came to town last year. AND did you know that The Hilton grills up Steak Bites for hungry travelers after midnight? Well, they do. We ate them and laughed at Rod Cone.

    Rod Cone posing so pretty at the Hilton

    Or was it the other way around?

    BUT there was one thing we all could agree on: It would be better to lose an arm than have your face chewed off by a chimp.

    AND never wrestle a Praying Mantis. 

    Ready, Wrestle!

    Oh, and somehow during the course of the evening, this happened:

    Me with two purses - on stage at the State Theater

    Oh, Diary… what will tomorrow bring?!

    March 14, 2009
  • You crazy kids and your YouTube!

    I know everyone is DYING to see me operating my big-ass press.

    Will wonders never cease? I love you, Internet.

    March 14, 2009
  • COME-N-GIT YER LETTERPRESS

    Shu-OOT!! It’s a letterpress extravatacularasm!! This Freitag is gonna be all monster-truck-jam but with no trucks, no face-tattoos, and no NASCAR jackets. WHAT?! How can THAT be any fun?! Don’t tell Scott Parkin but I’m planning to ride in through the double doors and right over his conference table on my pimped-out ATV. It’s gonna kick so much ass. 

    So, it’ll be ME, JEN, MR. BEN LEVITZ … and I’m sure he’s got some sort of gun-toting design gang. I’ll be wearing a full Kevlar dress, so I’m not even worried. The thing about Kevlar is that it’s light and airy. Just like me.

    So, pack your saddle-bags with hard-tack and whiskey, shave your legs, and kiss yer ma’ goodbye – you’re goin to Northeast Minneapolis. Oh, Northeast Minneapolis… so… artsy, so… much… like… Uptown… wishes… it… were… still…

    ::The Dirty Details::

    March 10, 2009
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  • Decisions, Decisions

    Should I shower today or plan a fictional vacation?

    Should I take down the Christmas tree or pet the cat?

    Life is so challenging.

    Decision du jour: Which card is funnier??

    A)you-arent-so-special-girlsB)you-arent-so-specialI have fictional vacations to plan and cats to pet — help me move on with my day.

    January 7, 2013
  • Cuttlefish Tentacles And Giraffe Heads

    Why hide your abnormality under a dingy flannel sack? Love suffers enough in this disposable culture and I will not be a lemming — I will stand up for the odd, the fractured, the misfit, the offbeat, the freaks. I will stand up and say, I embrace the grotesque!

    As long as they don’t smell like urine.

    I can handle just about any disfigurement — emotional or physical — that sits next to me on the bus, but my achilles heel in my mad-dash for sainthood, is my keen sense of smell.

    Damn my olfactory perception.

    I don’t think John Merrickelephant-man

    smelled like urine, so we would probably have been great friends.

    I made two new cards that celebrate this subject. Feel free to give them to the person in your life that needs to know they’re special.

    If you have someone in your life that smells like urine, they would probably appreciate this card very much.

    Congratulations, future St. Blankblank.he-loved-everything-abot-hershe-loved-everything-about-him

    January 5, 2013
  • Zeichen Press vs. 2012

    **Spoiler Alert** Zeichen Press triumphed over Twenty-Twelve.

    At times, the year was a nail-biter: will 2012 take it’s boot off of Zeichen Press’s face?… Will 2012 stop hitting Zeichen Press with a folding chair?… Yes and YES.

    And as Zeichen Press says adieu to this Year Of Pestilence, Zeichen Press welcomes Twenty-Thirteen — welcomes it the way a mother welcomes the news of another pregnancy. The gift of amnesia is powerful and we are grateful for it. new years resolutionI’m wrapping up the year, as usual, in Brainerd, Minnesota. The temperature is hovering around a balmy 0° and as the supplies dwindle to beer and bacon, we are considering sending the children to town for chocolate and dvd’s. And medical marijuana.

    Stay tuned…

    December 31, 2012
  • A Christmas Miracle

    I welcome the extra-ordinary. In fact, I am hyper-vigilant and ever-watchful for signs of miraculous happenings.

    I ate two pounds of filet mignon on Christmas Eve and I’m pretty sure that was a miracle. It felt like a miracle — béarnaise sauce drizzled over huge hunks of very rare cow flesh doesn’t happen every day.christmas-eve-miracle-filetI love Christmas Miracles, they are the most powerful kind of miracle — A change of heart is better than filet mignon and antlers growing out of a dog’s head is, perhaps, the most miraculous of all.

    Jen did say I couldn’t make any more Christmas cards but I squeezed this one past her because she is a sucker for dogs and because I threw her computer in a snowbank.a-christmas-miracle

    December 28, 2012
  • Lousy Old Lovers & Limp Old Limbs

    It’s almost January and you know what that means: It’s time to wash my Smart Wool socks. And celebrate Christmas.

    Jen told me I can’t write anymore Christmas or Chanukah cards. After I egged her face, I wrote a Get Well card:change-positive-paper-voodoo

    December 23, 2012
  • Diversionary Tactics

    The Christmas Tree lot shack doubled as a meth-lab and while I admire ingenuity and entrepreneurship, I like my Holiday Traditions to be more “cozy-by-the-fire” and less “mix-up-a-batch-in-the-tub.”

    BUT THAT’S JUST ME.

    The “lot” contained exactly eight trees but due to a Christmas Miracle, we found the perfect tree!

    christmas-tree-2012

    We only had to retie the tree back onto the car once. To be fair, cooking meth doesn’t really prepare a person for handling Christmas Trees.

    My Jewish friends don’t have these stories and this saddens me, so I made them a card:chappy-chanukah

    December 17, 2012
  • No-Coast And Beyond

    The No-Coast Craft-O-Rama was a success!

    I think it might be because Jen and I were wearing our new uniforms. jen-and-fran-star-trekIt’s hard to know — but marketing is SO important these days and we really do our best to be, as the kids say, cutting edge.

    After the show, we packed our uniforms in bubble-wrap, sat by a roaring fire, and watched the snow fall.

    And fall.

    And fall.snow-backyard-2012That inspired a Chanukah card!

    This goes out to my Jewish brothers and sisters:funky-beat

    December 11, 2012
  • Behold, I bring you Good Tidings Of Great Joy!

    And like the Canadian Goose, she stayed. She stayed and embraced the cold, using her derriére to warm the waters of her pond.

    And by derriére, I mean “bottom” and by waters of her pond, I mean “the Midtown Market.”

    What?!

    It’s time for the No-Coast Craft-o-Rama! TOMORROW (Friday, December 7 AND Saturday, December 8)!!

    Here’s what I’ve done to get ready: firewoodThat’s a full cord of wood that I ordered.

    AND I made this card:face-melting-holiday-joy-betterJen did everything else.

    See you tomorrow!

    xo,

    Fran

    December 6, 2012
  • Umfa-Umfa and Itchy-Scratchy

    A long, long time ago, when men roamed the wild, with sharp spears and heavy stones, a discovery was made: A charred nub-of-a-stick was scraped against the wall to create a picture, a representation of reality — why? 

    The need to communicate visually is unique to humans (and some elephants).elephant painting elephantI wish I had a trunk.

    Here’s what I need to communicate visually:

    ugh.cave manugh.vomit

    December 2, 2012
  • She Wore A Small Christmas Tree On Her Head

    Secured to her bonnet with picture wire, butcher’s twine, and Christmas Spirit (egg-nog). That spruce-top sat atop her head for the entire season of Advent.

    She knew that it offset her dour expression — an expression she couldn’t redesign. Oh, but the tiny tree brought delight to all she passed!

    For those blissful weeks, nobody seemed to notice her stern glower, her face — twisted into the judgmental scowl went unnoticed. She imagined wearing other elaborate fancies on her head — but for now, this would do:tree-hat-lady-new

    November 28, 2012
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