Zeichen Press – Page 24 – Design & Letterpress for the people.

I DO Believe!

Our four desks were pushed together for a Thanksgiving art project; we wrapped bits of Autumn-colored tissue paper around the end of No. 2 pencils, carefully dipped the wrapped end into the puddle of Elmer’s Glue squirted onto a scrap of construction paper, and placed the florette onto the the inside of the outline of a turkey. 1…2…3… Ten seconds for each one to dry and the process to start all over again.

What a perfect time for my�4th grade�teacher to join us!

Conversation was breezy but quickly turned to talk of Christmas presents… Boy Student, “Can you believe that I believed in Santa Clause until I was in SECOND GRADE!” Laughter from the table… Laughter fades… MY TEACHER confides in the little group, “You guys, don’t laugh � I believed in Santa Clause until I was in�FOURTH GRADE!”

Hmm, *I*�believed in Santa Clause until that very moment. 🙁 <–Frowny Face

OH, BUT WHY DOES LIFE HAVE TO BE SO PEPPERED WITH DISILLUSIONMENT??

Fast forward 33 years,�DreamWorks Studios

just ordered 400 of THIS card.Sooo, there’s that or whatever.

November 18, 2014
WRAPPED IN BACON???

Just imagine�this:

in a Witch or Hobo costume,�“Trick or Treat!”

I was never�Wrapped in Bacon�like these fancy L.A. kids… Our�L.A. rep�sent us this:I’m assuming this little person was Trick-or-Treating… But I see no treat bag, nor do I see a 3-ring binder, NOR DO I SEE the latest issue of The Watchtower.

True story: Since�I�put�my�NO SOLICITORS card on the front door, I have had, exactly, zero solicitors.�Buy yours today!

November 11, 2014
Storm Windows and Firewood and New Cards

And maybe a pregnant cat.

Don’t say anything. JUST DON’T. Tib might have snuck out the window like some sort of wild teenager. We’ll know as soon as we catch her in the kitchen with a tub of Ben & Jerry’s.

In other (less controversial) news from the Zeichen Press Headquarters: The new cards are all printed and�in the shop! Wanna see?

November 5, 2014
Orange Is the New I’m Back

Life is like the murky end of our lake and you’ll have to dump in a 10 lb. bag of Aquacide Pellets if your mom isn’t there to rake the weeds away.

What is she talking about?

Don’t act like you don’t know.

Do you need a Congratulations-ish card?

You do?!

October 28, 2014
Forward, march!

It only took a few minutes to have a mole removed last week (my chest tube scar needed a BFF) and I texted Jen when it was done, exclaiming my relief at the speediness of the procedure.

She told me that that was the easy part.

That’s the way our relationship works � I get my head all full of smells of burnt flesh and joy, and Jen tethers my helium balloon to the doorknob.

It works. IT WORKS.

It’s time, once again, to print cards for the new release.

Choosing a corresponding envelope color can be difficult, and when Lucy or Loretta are unavailable we use another neutral third party.See how intense she is?

SETTLE DOWN, DINAH.

PS: You know we didn’t win Martha’s American Made Award competition. Stop asking.

October 20, 2014
Now What?

We find out on Friday if Martha is adopting us � I already packed my bags. I told Jen to pack hers but I don’t think she heard me as she was pealing out of the driveway with her windows rolled up.�Oh, Jen!

We (Jen) started printing the new release today, and to celebrate, Millie left Jen a present right in front of Zeichen Press HQ.It only seemed appropriate that this card be printed first:

The rest of the week (until the adoption), we (Jen) will be printing all of the new cards:

October 14, 2014

Mating Tips

The only way to find out if you’re truly compatible with another is to spend a year together aboard a Portuguese fishing vessel.

Unfortunately, that’s not always an option. Don’t spend another minute agonizing!

Forget the touchy-feely�Relationships�aisle at Barnes & Noble or (gasp) your local library! Forget the $120/hour couples counselor! Forget mind-reading, unmet expectations, behavior prediction!

Zeichen Press has created a $4.00 cheat sheet!�Collect them all (there’s only one) and store them safely in a polished mahogany box. Tabulated by topics, like: Division-of-Labor, Apology,�and so much more!

*A�Mating Tip Card�and a BB gun make the perfect wedding gift.

October 3, 2012
Neglected Category

My retirement plans are needy and demand an Airstream Trailer

and a plot of land in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee � as close as possible to Dollywood.

That would be fine as cream gravy.

Yes, retirement � everyone does it differently. Some like to join communities in Arizona and some like to hoard cats. Hoard cats until one day they have a stroke, can’t get to the phone, die of starvation, and their beloved pets eat their face.

But everyone is so different!�And as my Grandma Shea used to say, “It takes all kinds.”

So wise.

September 26, 2012
A Loon Call For Garrison Keillor And Hat Made of Money

When I heard Jen was participating in the Loon Call Contest at the�Prairie Home Companion Street Party, I said a quick prayer to Saint Genesius.

I can’t believe she didn’t win.�

Earlier that day,�this�angel�dressed in plain clothes�was spotted:

If I wore a hat made of money, I’d have a faraway look in my eye, too.

September 22, 2012
Eating My Weight In Vegetables

Did you know that the�Arboretum�has a�pick-your-own�vegetable garden? The signs were more intuitive than posted.

My latest health craze (the last one turned out not to be a “health” craze) promises an upward trajectory of boundless energy and crisply firing synapses. Kale, spinach, green chard, cucumber, celery, lemon, parsley, and apple in one glass.

In one glass.

I’ve learned that a bagful of smuggled kale equals one thimbleful of juice.

One thimbleful.

I wonder how many ounces I would be if I were juiced.�Note to self: Juicing bodies would make them easier to flush down toilet.

Look at these beautiful Dahlias and forget everything I just said:Weren’t those lovely?

All of the flowers and vegetables inspired a Father’s Day card:

September 14, 2012
Gather Ye Nuts While Ye May

September is the schizophrenic sibling in the Year Family�one day a beastly 90�, the next day fighting off dinosaurs in the living room. Dust off your crock-pots, it’s time for meat and vegetables to mingle on the countertop for hours.�Once Upon A Time, I got a massage in September. It was from a hobbit�he blessed the vessel that was me and scampered around the table like his footsies were on fire. When it was over, he requested a hug. I consented because I have never hugged a hobbit and I didn’t want to crush his tiny hobbit-heart.

September 12, 2012
Killing Several Birds With Two Seahorses

�I am all about efficiency.�It’s one of the (two) things people love about me. If I can’t multi-task my way through a problem, it’s better left to a pre-schooler.�I always say.

Yes, it’s an enviable quality; I can think about any number of things�while I work on something else.

The neighbor that flipped me off�called me the other night. She wanted to accuse my kids of egging her car. I told her that�I�egged her car. She couldn’t hear my confession because she was too busy talking about someone stealing Bounty Paper Towels from her backseat.

I thought about my conversation with her while I worked on some seahorses in photoshop. Here’s the thing/a little secret:�Not every image comes to us as a perfect little mounted printer’s block.�

There are some that need finessing:I’m sure you knew that.

I feel like I have to apologize for the latest card.

I’m sorry.

Here it is,�sss.�(sorry so sappy)

September 6, 2012
State Fair Inspired Christmas Cards

Maybe it’s the�Grilled Spamwiches

or the Walking Tacos. Maybe it’s the�4-H Barn, full of homespun country talent.

Or maybe it’s the�Birth Barn.Ham!

Perhaps it is a combination of these magical happenings. This yearly phenomenon fills me with such joy… such eager anticipation! There are visual delights to behold whenever the head is turned!

It reminds me of�The Birth of Our Lord.�I bet the shepherds know what I’m talking about.

Anyway, I shouldn’t�question my inspiration.

Here are two new Christmas cards:

August 31, 2012
Old-School Birthday Card

It was Jen’s birthday yesterday. She celebrated by cramming her car with kids and driving East for five hours.

I celebrated by going to my In-Laws to hear some family history � �a combination of Downton Abbey and Angela’s Ashes.

BUT before these festive events, I gave Jen a card:Perhaps you recognize that man?His pants are usually radioactive, but not for this card.

August 27, 2012
MERRY (name)MAS!

Times were simple then � pre-Facebook… cats fixed… no�Dance Moms…

The air was thick with anticipation � it wasn’t fair to keep�Zeichen Press�hidden from the�public.It was time to pry open the (heirloom-quality) tupperware lid. Time to expose the rotting and pungent living carcass to the unblinking eye of its critics.

The Universe demanded documentation. Who am I to refuse?

That was four years ago (today).Now, readership of the Zeichen Press blog hovers somewhere between cable-access viewership and meaningful Craigslist encounters.

Cheers!

August 25, 2012
THINKING OF YOU

Time alone was rare. But in a pinch,�I was forced to conjure up an imaginary playmate. This was a strange exercise and not something I was particularly good at.

Other children lived in complex and exotic worlds of make-believe � I don’t think the “friends” in their pretend worlds were�from Minnesota ��with names like�Carura Fadida�and�Anarada Salsa.

There was a girl who lived in the glossy tile next to the toilet. I spoke with her when there was no soul around.

Her name was “Fran.”

Rooted in reality, with a strong sense of the superfluousness of an imaginary world. I was, and am, from German stock.�Zees duss neecht make senss.

It must be that toe-hold in reality that permits me to create the following:

August 22, 2012