Zeichen Press – Page 25 – Design & Letterpress for the people.

Minnehahahahahahahaha Creek

“What street is this??”�I yelled up to the boy watching us float past him. He told me that we were just about to enter the Ninth Circle of Hell.

PHEW!�Almost done!

Three hours to travel 2.5 miles…�Could we have walked faster than the creek carried us?�Oh, THAT’S the point my kids were making when they got out of their tubes and dragged them the last four blocks!�Oh, kids! So subtle!

I didn’t get a photograph of them on our adventure, BUT a giant spider landed on my belly! AND who needs a picture of all three when�one�of them modeled for the company that made our tubes?

(Grip those handles! Safety first, Dylan!)

I only thought the creek-pollution caused blindness one time and I only lost my sunglasses one time — I’d call that a win!

Here’s a card, maybe inspired by laughter-induced bladder incontinence. MAYBE NOT.

August 11, 2016
Roadhouse and Tea Towels and Poop Sandwiches

My life is one big Sexy Action Thriller. And being a bouncer at the Double Deuce in Missouri when I was only ten years old was pretty intense. Sure, I had great hair and sure I had a winning smile, and sure I always made breaking up bar fights and drinking black coffee look sexy.�That’s just who I am.

Truth is, practicing tai chi in your brother’s�sweatpants and running a letterpress design studio with cards�SOLD AROUND THE WORLD, takes discipline and dedication.

Live Wires,�our New Zealand distributor,�knows this and sent us a token of appreciation.

I think they’re supposed to be for tea but I already used mine for sopping up blood from a letterpress-related (packing tape dispenser) injury.�Thanks Helen Harvey!

After I bandaged my wound, I made this:

July 31, 2016
As The World Turns

My little sister�had baby #2 last week, she gave birth at home but, strangely, didn’t ask me to participate.

Despite my lack of presence,�the birth went off without a hitch because anyone can boil water and get towels. (SORRY MOM.)

I will give her this card the next time I break in to her house:

ALSO, I made this because I am so into politics:So, you don’t need to watch the news tonight. You’re welcome.

July 21, 2016
I Dreamed a Dream

Dinah told me about her crazy dream!

She�said we�left her for two weeks with�Tib�and Jen so we could go to Cape Cod, and she had a fever and�hair-balls. She said it was actually more like a nightmare � poor thing!

I didn’t have the heart to tell her that her nightmare was real… that we�did�leave her for two weeks with Tib and Jen.

But she isn’t alone.�When she reads the blog, she’ll find out about our scary flight home. The airline warned us, but people just do whatever they want.The other passengers made calls on their flip-phones,�watched who-knows-what on portable televisions,�drove their remote-controlled cars up and down the aisle, talked to each other on walkie-talkies, and blasted music on transistor radios! Meanwhile�we,�The Law-Abiding,�were�stuck in the teeny-tiny bathroom, forced to take hysterical selfies.BUT, we managed to land safely, no thanks to all of that recklessness. I will NOT be giving them my latest Thank You Card.

July 13, 2016
02630

Cape Cod 2016 is (so far) drama AND cage-free. Wait, we�did�lose one member of the party searching for the water shut-off valve in the cellar.

He was brave and will be missed.

More importantly, we never found that shut-off valve!�One life wasted.

But we must carry on, he would have wanted it that way.The very next day was filled with so much splashing and laughter and sunscreen, I’m sure Ben was looking down on us and giggling! Oh, how he’d giggle!AND here’s a little thing from The Boston Globe about�Millennials’�loving PAPER greeting cards.�DUH.

July 1, 2016
Mystery Solving and Scapegoating and Huge Fans

This�isn’t the first time�I blamed The Cats for a crime they didn’t commit.

Nor will it be the last.�The odor of rotten animal is unforgettable and like the odor of rotting potato, it is embedded in the brain. But sometimes the brain jumbles the smell of decomposing rodent with the smell of a blanket of maggots coating the bottom of the garbage can.

And that is where my story begins…

The Summer Breeze gently wafted through the upstairs windows. It was pleasant, until an occasional repulsive odor stung my nostrils. I blamed The Cats for hunting, killing, and hiding their prey somewhere on my second floor.

But a search for a body was in vain and a garbage can investigation led me to the real suspect: that damn�blanket of maggots coating the bottom of the garbage can!

Mea culpa, Tib!��When will I ever trust you again??

Speaking of breezes (and puns??)… Here’s a new thank you/congratulations card.

June 18, 2016

Leather and Milk and Meat

Every few weeks�Paper Source�orders the same poopy cards from us.This makes us happy because there is no faster way to evangelize than through a chain of shops that snakes its way through the country.

Our message?�

Isn’t it obvious by now? Spread (our idea of) letterpress goodness and joy like spackle into every dark crevice on this planet.

No big deal.

This card:has nothing to do with fecal matter and so we were surprised (and delighted) to see it on our latest Paper Source order.

Perhaps the following dream was a premonition?:

There were no toilets�� but there was a shower scene. The light over the C&Phad become a shower head and I had become naked. I prayed that nobody would walk through (why didn’t I just lock it?) the shop door while I took my unnecessary (and might I add: gratuitous?) shower next to my printing press.

But someone�did�walk in.

I guess his name is Vincent Schiavelli. He was hiding behind the Heidelbergwith his cow. He wasn’t smiling. I woke up.

The End

August 5, 2012
We want to be more than just friends with: Yankee Ingenuity (Chatham)

Yankee Ingenuity�-> 525 Main Chatham, MA 02633

ANOTHER profile in that special series dedicated to bringing our readers biased reviews of shops that carry our goods.

I love a Main Street.

Someday, I will criss-cross this great nation in my (fictional) pick-up with my (fictional) Pocket Pomeranian and my (fictional)) beat-up Polaroid � snapping photos, capturing the quirkiness, the uniqueness, of each Main Street. These will make a great coffee-table book. A companion to my (fictional)�Public Bathrooms Across America�Book.

The Queen of Main Streets is in Chatham, Massachusetts. Cape Cod. New England’s Main Streets look like movie sets and Chatham’s Main Street is so adorable it should be wrapped in a blanket and burped.

Yankee Ingenuity�carries Zeichen Press cards, so it seemed polite to pay them a visit.(Notice my friend,�Andy. Notice his t-shirt.)

Once inside, my Attention Deficit Disorder became acute and I put on my horse blinders.

I made my way to the counter and had a nice chat with the owner � she told me that her husband (an amputee) LOVES:I bet because of the tricorn hat.

There were so many delightful treasures � here are a few that jumped out at me:

I would like a set of eight.

A shark puppet would help me work through my fears.

These little banks would help me save for my criss-crossing America road-trip.

That was fun. I mean, that was hard work.�Do I have to hate something to write it off as a business expense?

July 28, 2012
Unseasoned Traveler

There were three things needed for airplane travel with a group of (Shea) children (in the 1970’s):

1) Hubba Bubba

2) Mad Magazine

3) Air Sickness Bags

I don’t think there was ever a flight that didn’t involve one (or more) of us vomiting. Because of this, we quickly located our air-sickness bags in the front seat pockets before seat belts were even fastened.

My parents pretended they didn’t know us.

It was shameful (and a relief) to hand your vomit-filled bag to the stewardess. In those days, the airline logo was proudly emblazoned on each bag.�But no more.�Today, the bag is white! Who wants to throw-up in a white bag?

Not me.

I designed a bag that I can’t wait to get in front of the bigwigs at SunCountry. They’ll love it.

Our #1 Fan�just joined us on The Capeand I’m so glad he’s not a serial killer. He’ll be here for a few days and then we’ll have to say goodbye. I really, really hate saying goodbye. I hate it so much, I made a card:

July 20, 2012
Shaaawwwp Chedahhh

Well, here I am, back on The Cape for some Rest & Relaxation. Sharks are the big news out here

(sorry,�Andy) so I sent the kids right out into the ocean.I told them that we need to make clam chowder and clams don’t clam themselves � so get to work.

I believe the following card captures the feeling of every citizen on our planet:Why would I send that card/who would want to receive a card like that?

Um, I don’t know your friends and I’m guessing we all have at least one unabomber in our lives.

July 14, 2012
Is This Party Time?

If Zeichen Press were a train, Jen would be the rails. She keeps the train going smoothly down the track, she keeps it from careening off �� plowing into innocent townspeople. This analogy makes me the conductor � sweaty, with a cheek full of chewing tobacky and a headful of dreams.

Every Summer, Jen dumps her two boys off at Camp � she makes a thorough list.

But this year was going to be extra-special! SHE was going to dump the boys and hop on a plane for her�very own vacation.�I’m sure�her�list was thorough and her suitcase was packed perfectly. I’m sure she left nothing out and measured all liquids to meet TSA requirements.

She forgot one thing:

But this year was going to be extra-special! SHE was going to dump the boys and hop on a plane for her�very own vacation.�I’m sure�her�list was thorough and her suitcase was packed perfectly. I’m sure she left nothing out and measured all liquids to meet TSA requirements.

She forgot one thing:

July 10, 2012
iFran 1.0

Twice a year Zeichen Press releases a batch of new cards. Twice a year Jen and I hold a top-secret meeting in the Zeichen Press Headquarters and discuss which cards should be included in the release. Decisions are made, tears are shed, hair is pulled.

Printing took place this week and, luckily, the temperature hovered around 97�.�Jen loves printing in a sauna.�I stayed in the shop while she printed, it was an act of solidarity and I’m sure it did not go unnoticed. I sat on one of the metal stools because I wanted to experience what it was like to sit on a stove-top.

There are more top-secret meetings/fist-fights during the printing process. We need to decide which color paper to print the card on and (hold onto your hats) which color envelope to pair with the card.

Should it be a Green Apple envelope or a Berrylicious envelope?? These are tough decisions but we have to make them.

And don’t think that you could just do what we do, it takes nerves of steel and hearts of gold.

Here are the new cards: These are so amazing, they may melt your faces:

July 6, 2012
Not Writing a Card About a Seahorse

Nothing against seahorses � I’ll get around to writing about them one of these days.�But for now,�here is a card about a Victorian mermaid.

I think it could be used as a thank-you note? I don’t know… you will have to make that decision.�These mermaids were less common than the typical topless mermaids.

June 29, 2012
Pssst: This is a Secret

While filling out the application for a�small business grant from Chase and Living Social, something occurred to me:

Zeichen Press Headquarters is located exactly behind my house in a building some might call a “garage.”�There. I’ve said it.�I feel so much better.�

It is 360 square feet of letterpress goodness. It is 10 tons of letterpress finery. BUT, IF we got that grant�(would it be in the form of a giant, novelty cheque? I will accept nothing less.)�we could expand … We could punch another hole in the leather belt of our business!�We’d be that much closer to�World Dominance.

We are in over 500 shops around the world. We have dozens of reps. We have distributors in New Zealand, Australia, and the United Kingdom. BUT, what if we were able to operate from a larger venue? … What if we could hire a big, hairy man to operate our presses?

Step 1) Go to�missionsmallbusiness.com�and click ‘Log In & Support’ and log in using Facebook.

Step 2) Type “Zeichen Press” in the search field.

Step 3) Click on the blue Vote button next to our business name.

Step 4) Weep, openly.

We need 250 votes (what?! That’s all??) to be CONSIDERED for the grant. How much is the grant?

$250,000.

Or whatever.

NO BIG DEAL.

Please vote � I’ve been starving myself so I would take up less space in the shop.�I’m so hungry.

June 25, 2012
Well, It’s You Girl

There was a canopy bed in my bf’s bedroom with a Holly Hobby theme. There was a room covered in pink carpeting,�but not entirely covered in pink carpeting�� one wall featured a mural of a day-glo leopard � when the “black light” came on, it was party-time. There were, at least, four fireplaces � a bronze peacock guarded one of them. In that room, there was an off-limits record collection. Ziggy Stardust confused and intrigued me. An indoor pool in the basement?�Yes.�Sauna?�Check.

This was the Mary Tyler Moore house, circa 1980.�AKA: Heaven.

You know,�Mary Tyler Moore?! Once�Laura Petrie, reborn as�herself�and the star of her very own situation comedy set in my fair city?I haven’t been back to the MTM House since my friend’s family moved out, BUT one of my spies was just there (it’s�on the market�for a cool $3,620,000) and saw our Room and Board prints hanging on two walls. Now, I know: Not as cool as a day-glo leopard mural, but as Miley Cyrus would say, “still pretty cool.”

June 21, 2012
The Dream of the Nineties

The Zeichen Press shop has a concrete slab for a floor and this � magically � keeps the room from feeling like a sauna until mid-July. Surrounded by all things letterpress, the air thick with a healthy wi-fi signal, and the temperature hovering around a tolerable�, I streamed some�Netflix.

And while watching reruns of�Portlandia, I bumped into this:Powell’s Books.

I paused.

Could it be? Yes, it is!�That little bookstore carries Zeichen Press cards!

We’re famous-ish!

June 20, 2012