Zeichen Press – Page 25 – Design & Letterpress for the people.

Swine Flu and the Fish Pond

We had a special guest for TWO WHOLE WEEKS! : The Swine Flu�aka:H1N1�That’s just what we needed to shake things up�around here! Oh, and nothing brings a family together like contagious disease. I mean it. I barely notice my kids unless their eyes get glassy and they vomit on my bedroom floor. I shouldn’t be so hard on myself, a nosebleed will get my attention -and so will a 2 am phone call from the Edina Police. Oh, kids!

I heard that “scientists” are working on some sort of “immunization” for this particular version of the flu. They can just inject themselves with their magic potion. I’m not standing in line at the Walgreens with a bunch of clammy people. Anyway, I discovered the cure: 100 episodes of Malcom in the Middle�and lots of popsicles. When The Plague finally, and politely, exited our home – I felt that I needed another challenge:

The�Fish Pond at St. Helena’s:

Of course!�Everyone knows what a daredevil I am – I just couldn’t say no to Jen’s (repeated) requests to “volunteer.”� I don’t regret a moment. In fact, I’m pretty sure that my time in Purgatory is reduced by exactly the same amount of hours that I spent in that claustrophobic booth. That’s five hours, God. Should I go on and on about the ROOM & BOARD project I’m working on?�21 down, only 279 to go!�I love you, grayish-brownish-not-quite-taupe-ish-sort-of-smog-ish ink.

September 23, 2009
Would You Rather…?

Vomit blood for a week or have a nail gun misfire so that the nail pierces your eyeball?*

WHICH ONE DO YOU CHOOSE?!

Maybe I’d choose the vomiting… I hear the ICU is like staying in a fancy hotel.�You see? Life is about choices. Or wait… is it about rolling with the punches?�Having your eye sewn shut is worse than getting punched – Maybe life is about getting your nail-pierced-eyeball sewn shut.

Yes. That sounds about right.

��

* These events are true and happened to two men that I know. Both named Ben.

September 7, 2009
Psycho Suzie’s and the Fu Manchu

I can’t wait to turn 40.

Jen did it and she got a Fu Manchu AND pickles. It was a very special evening – one she will never remember.

See how the Fu Manchu put her under his spell? Isn’t he cunning? Poor Jen, she never had a chance.

September 3, 2009
Best In Show

I was always jealous of those farm kids at the State Fair. Barefoot and confident, covered in dust � their coveralls did indeed coverall, catching every drip of ice cream, every drop of grease. I imagined that they slept right on the hay bales that penned off their milking goats – what a life!

Their blue-ribbon proudly pinned for all the Fair-Goers to see.�And�The City Kids lined up to milk�their�goats!�Why can’t I have a goat? Why can’t I run around the fair barefoot � ringworm be damned!�

I guess�that DIY story�is coming together � one of the writers called me on my telephone… I kept telling her everything was “off the record” – she seemed confused. I can’t just open myself up to the public.� They did ask me to create Headlines for the other “Best In Show” categories. I wanted to do them in macaroni but they reminded me that I own a design and�letterpress�studio – not a design and macaroni�studio. Now I feel like a missed the boat on that concept.

Here are some of the headlines they asked for:

Oh, they also wanted some blue ribbons:

August 15, 2009
Sankyou Panko Japanese Style Breading (box)

“How can we be expected to teach children to read when they can’t even fit inside the building?”-Derek Zoolander

It turns out that Panko Japanese Style�Breading boxes are the perfect size for my Press (kit) Boxes! It’s true. Now my family will enjoy breaded EVERYTHING for the next two weeks.

Breaded meat, breaded not-meat, breaded bread… YUMMY. � �

The boxes have been turned inside-out, printed on, and stuffed with a variety of cards. I might sprinkle extra breading in for packing… We’ll see. I’d say that I’m sending them to my favorite magazines but that’s not entirely true.

Bass Master, Muslim Girl, and Quick Quilts didn’t make the cut.

Who did?

Oprah and Martha. And others. I think Oprah and Martha should combine forces, the masses would kneel before them.

August 12, 2009
Chanukah and the Beach

Back on the Cape (Cod) again. I spent a restless night out in the barn. Maybe it was the vinyl covered futon OR my teenager’s shenanigans OR the twin mosquitos that took turns attacking me. I just don’t know – I just don’t know why my uncomfortable evening produced this:

(Inside: God bless you.)

August 6, 2009

Leather and Milk and Meat

Every few weeks�Paper Source�orders the same poopy cards from us.This makes us happy because there is no faster way to evangelize than through a chain of shops that snakes its way through the country.

Our message?�

Isn’t it obvious by now? Spread (our idea of) letterpress goodness and joy like spackle into every dark crevice on this planet.

No big deal.

This card:has nothing to do with fecal matter and so we were surprised (and delighted) to see it on our latest Paper Source order.

Perhaps the following dream was a premonition?:

There were no toilets�� but there was a shower scene. The light over the C&Phad become a shower head and I had become naked. I prayed that nobody would walk through (why didn’t I just lock it?) the shop door while I took my unnecessary (and might I add: gratuitous?) shower next to my printing press.

But someone�did�walk in.

I guess his name is Vincent Schiavelli. He was hiding behind the Heidelbergwith his cow. He wasn’t smiling. I woke up.

The End

August 5, 2012
We want to be more than just friends with: Yankee Ingenuity (Chatham)

Yankee Ingenuity�-> 525 Main Chatham, MA 02633

ANOTHER profile in that special series dedicated to bringing our readers biased reviews of shops that carry our goods.

I love a Main Street.

Someday, I will criss-cross this great nation in my (fictional) pick-up with my (fictional) Pocket Pomeranian and my (fictional)) beat-up Polaroid � snapping photos, capturing the quirkiness, the uniqueness, of each Main Street. These will make a great coffee-table book. A companion to my (fictional)�Public Bathrooms Across America�Book.

The Queen of Main Streets is in Chatham, Massachusetts. Cape Cod. New England’s Main Streets look like movie sets and Chatham’s Main Street is so adorable it should be wrapped in a blanket and burped.

Yankee Ingenuity�carries Zeichen Press cards, so it seemed polite to pay them a visit.(Notice my friend,�Andy. Notice his t-shirt.)

Once inside, my Attention Deficit Disorder became acute and I put on my horse blinders.

I made my way to the counter and had a nice chat with the owner � she told me that her husband (an amputee) LOVES:I bet because of the tricorn hat.

There were so many delightful treasures � here are a few that jumped out at me:

I would like a set of eight.

A shark puppet would help me work through my fears.

These little banks would help me save for my criss-crossing America road-trip.

That was fun. I mean, that was hard work.�Do I have to hate something to write it off as a business expense?

July 28, 2012
Unseasoned Traveler

There were three things needed for airplane travel with a group of (Shea) children (in the 1970’s):

1) Hubba Bubba

2) Mad Magazine

3) Air Sickness Bags

I don’t think there was ever a flight that didn’t involve one (or more) of us vomiting. Because of this, we quickly located our air-sickness bags in the front seat pockets before seat belts were even fastened.

My parents pretended they didn’t know us.

It was shameful (and a relief) to hand your vomit-filled bag to the stewardess. In those days, the airline logo was proudly emblazoned on each bag.�But no more.�Today, the bag is white! Who wants to throw-up in a white bag?

Not me.

I designed a bag that I can’t wait to get in front of the bigwigs at SunCountry. They’ll love it.

Our #1 Fan�just joined us on The Capeand I’m so glad he’s not a serial killer. He’ll be here for a few days and then we’ll have to say goodbye. I really, really hate saying goodbye. I hate it so much, I made a card:

July 20, 2012
Shaaawwwp Chedahhh

Well, here I am, back on The Cape for some Rest & Relaxation. Sharks are the big news out here

(sorry,�Andy) so I sent the kids right out into the ocean.I told them that we need to make clam chowder and clams don’t clam themselves � so get to work.

I believe the following card captures the feeling of every citizen on our planet:Why would I send that card/who would want to receive a card like that?

Um, I don’t know your friends and I’m guessing we all have at least one unabomber in our lives.

July 14, 2012
Is This Party Time?

If Zeichen Press were a train, Jen would be the rails. She keeps the train going smoothly down the track, she keeps it from careening off �� plowing into innocent townspeople. This analogy makes me the conductor � sweaty, with a cheek full of chewing tobacky and a headful of dreams.

Every Summer, Jen dumps her two boys off at Camp � she makes a thorough list.

But this year was going to be extra-special! SHE was going to dump the boys and hop on a plane for her�very own vacation.�I’m sure�her�list was thorough and her suitcase was packed perfectly. I’m sure she left nothing out and measured all liquids to meet TSA requirements.

She forgot one thing:

But this year was going to be extra-special! SHE was going to dump the boys and hop on a plane for her�very own vacation.�I’m sure�her�list was thorough and her suitcase was packed perfectly. I’m sure she left nothing out and measured all liquids to meet TSA requirements.

She forgot one thing:

July 10, 2012
iFran 1.0

Twice a year Zeichen Press releases a batch of new cards. Twice a year Jen and I hold a top-secret meeting in the Zeichen Press Headquarters and discuss which cards should be included in the release. Decisions are made, tears are shed, hair is pulled.

Printing took place this week and, luckily, the temperature hovered around 97�.�Jen loves printing in a sauna.�I stayed in the shop while she printed, it was an act of solidarity and I’m sure it did not go unnoticed. I sat on one of the metal stools because I wanted to experience what it was like to sit on a stove-top.

There are more top-secret meetings/fist-fights during the printing process. We need to decide which color paper to print the card on and (hold onto your hats) which color envelope to pair with the card.

Should it be a Green Apple envelope or a Berrylicious envelope?? These are tough decisions but we have to make them.

And don’t think that you could just do what we do, it takes nerves of steel and hearts of gold.

Here are the new cards: These are so amazing, they may melt your faces:

July 6, 2012
Not Writing a Card About a Seahorse

Nothing against seahorses � I’ll get around to writing about them one of these days.�But for now,�here is a card about a Victorian mermaid.

I think it could be used as a thank-you note? I don’t know… you will have to make that decision.�These mermaids were less common than the typical topless mermaids.

June 29, 2012
Pssst: This is a Secret

While filling out the application for a�small business grant from Chase and Living Social, something occurred to me:

Zeichen Press Headquarters is located exactly behind my house in a building some might call a “garage.”�There. I’ve said it.�I feel so much better.�

It is 360 square feet of letterpress goodness. It is 10 tons of letterpress finery. BUT, IF we got that grant�(would it be in the form of a giant, novelty cheque? I will accept nothing less.)�we could expand … We could punch another hole in the leather belt of our business!�We’d be that much closer to�World Dominance.

We are in over 500 shops around the world. We have dozens of reps. We have distributors in New Zealand, Australia, and the United Kingdom. BUT, what if we were able to operate from a larger venue? … What if we could hire a big, hairy man to operate our presses?

Step 1) Go to�missionsmallbusiness.com�and click ‘Log In & Support’ and log in using Facebook.

Step 2) Type “Zeichen Press” in the search field.

Step 3) Click on the blue Vote button next to our business name.

Step 4) Weep, openly.

We need 250 votes (what?! That’s all??) to be CONSIDERED for the grant. How much is the grant?

$250,000.

Or whatever.

NO BIG DEAL.

Please vote � I’ve been starving myself so I would take up less space in the shop.�I’m so hungry.

June 25, 2012
Well, It’s You Girl

There was a canopy bed in my bf’s bedroom with a Holly Hobby theme. There was a room covered in pink carpeting,�but not entirely covered in pink carpeting�� one wall featured a mural of a day-glo leopard � when the “black light” came on, it was party-time. There were, at least, four fireplaces � a bronze peacock guarded one of them. In that room, there was an off-limits record collection. Ziggy Stardust confused and intrigued me. An indoor pool in the basement?�Yes.�Sauna?�Check.

This was the Mary Tyler Moore house, circa 1980.�AKA: Heaven.

You know,�Mary Tyler Moore?! Once�Laura Petrie, reborn as�herself�and the star of her very own situation comedy set in my fair city?I haven’t been back to the MTM House since my friend’s family moved out, BUT one of my spies was just there (it’s�on the market�for a cool $3,620,000) and saw our Room and Board prints hanging on two walls. Now, I know: Not as cool as a day-glo leopard mural, but as Miley Cyrus would say, “still pretty cool.”

June 21, 2012
The Dream of the Nineties

The Zeichen Press shop has a concrete slab for a floor and this � magically � keeps the room from feeling like a sauna until mid-July. Surrounded by all things letterpress, the air thick with a healthy wi-fi signal, and the temperature hovering around a tolerable�, I streamed some�Netflix.

And while watching reruns of�Portlandia, I bumped into this:Powell’s Books.

I paused.

Could it be? Yes, it is!�That little bookstore carries Zeichen Press cards!

We’re famous-ish!

June 20, 2012