Zeichen Press – Page 28 – Design & Letterpress for the people.

Being Eaten By Monsters Is Not So Funny

My older brothers had a bunk bed, my little brother had his own bed and my sister and I shared a queen-sized bed.

We also shared countless hours of strange bedtime rituals: she would put on her school uniform (white blouse and brown plaid jumper) and pull her nightgown over it � that was for early morning efficiency… I would skip the uniform step and go right to the nightgown.

I was so slow!

She would coat her arms in Elmer’s Glue,

I would dress and redress Raggedy Ann.

I don’t know if she shared my fear of the monster under the bed.

No, what am I saying?�She did not. In fact, she created the fear!

Siblings can be so cruel.

April 1, 2013
Local Woman Not Kidnapped By Craigslist Poster

PHEW!

My Faith in Humanity was fortified! I bought a�tripod from a stranger on Craiglist and he�made no mention of kidnappng, torturing, OR skinning me.

Now I can stumble my way through taking photographs of the new cards!

The Craigslist man assured me (three times) that the tripod was the “real deal” so that should help.

March 23, 2013
The Widow’s Walk

She waited.

Pacing the widow’s walk, praying for his ship to appear on the horizon, her view of the sea uninterrupted from her perch.

But no!

And who but those onboard could know the truth � was it a storm? Pirates? Mutiny?

Or was it The Kraken?

March 15, 2013
Left, Left, Lefty, Right-o Left, Right

That’s the sound that March makes � that and a muffled sobbing.�February triggers cabin fever but March in Minnesota is far more dangerous.

Here’s a story about March:�One Christmas, Santa put a baby albino rabbit under the tree ��so delightful!�

The little rabbit grew into a big rabbit and by the next Winter, our basement smelled like the bunny barn at the State Fair. With scraps of wood and a bale of hay, I built an outdoor rabbit hutch.

In a pinch, it could serve as a coffin for an adult man.

IN A PINCH.

By March it was buried under several feet of snow and I’d order my eldest to go spend time with the rabbit in the snow coffin.

The moral of the story is: Get a dog.

And something about March creating crazy. Thank God I have an outlet for my March crazy:

March 8, 2013
Vocabulary Quiz And Card Celebrating Angry Parents

My high school English teacher told the class that if we looked up the word ‘glib’ in the dictionary, there would be a picture of me.

She was right!

I think I felt insulted.

I’m sure Jen’s high school English teacher said something similar about her.

And if not, she should have.

What does this have to do with angry parents or a new card?

Obviously, my glibness was not celebrated at home. In fact, it was frowned upon ��can you believe it?!�

And Jen’s reckless behavior?? You’ll have to ask her about that… I mean, pregnant at 19?! What was she THINKING?! (Wait, that was me?? We need to hire a fact checker.)

February 26, 2013
Oh, Great.

Look who I found in front of Zeichen Press HQ!

First the squirrels and then the bear�AND NOW THIS?!

February 21, 2013

Scatology 101

My interests are broad and highbrow � sometimes I think about zombies and sometimes I think about bowel movements.�I guess I’m not the only one.�The reaction to the�zombie card I posted on Easter�caught me off guard.

Caught me off guard like a show poodle at the dog park.�(See, I’m the poodle, and the big dirty dogs come out of nowhere and molest me).

And that brings me to bowel movements. I just realized that both of the cards�Paper Source�chose to carry are poop-related.�How childish! How jejune!

April 10, 2012
Belated Easter Cards

Something (the cat mistaking my bathroom floor for her litter box) woke me up this morning and although I completely resented being awake, I wrote three cards.

Here they are.

Don’t send me hate mail.

April 8, 2012
Duck Was Here

I was getting dressed… brushing my teeth… pulling my hair into a ponytail… looking for my wallet… looking for my keys… feeding the dog… All the while, I heard many, many ducks flying overhead.

QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK

I thought,�“Wow… there must be like a hundred ducks… they sure quack a lot…”

I walked outside.

There was just one duck.

On my roof.

April 3, 2012
Status Updates Of Yore

�Managed to trap and skin a rat �� it will make a delicious stew AND the fur can be used to plug my empty eye-socket � the Lord doth provide!

�Does anyone know where I can find some food? My family has been living on brown bread and my old trousers for the entire Winter. Help!

�Dug such a deep pit today � grandma will surely die this Winter and the grave will be ready in Spring. #planahead

�My husband has had a fever for so long � the barber-surgeon is going to start the bloodletting tonight. Fingers crossed…

�My son is going to the�gibbet�tomorrow. 🙁

Okay, that was nice. How about a new card?

March 31, 2012
For Cheese and For My Country

Oscar Litterer lived in my house and he loved his ham radio. He loved it so much, he built a secret radio room under the stairs. I imagine he sat there night after night broadcasting his message to the moon and back. He was not alone � others really did share his passion for frequency modulation � but not in his own home. In his own home, his wife tended the peonies and their only son was devoted to the project of digging the hole in the driveway.

What a lonely life for Oscar!

When someone has a passion for something, they shouldn’t hide under the basement steps. They should open a shop and hire Zeichen Press to design t-shirts.�

March 30, 2012
Plan F

F for Fran. Plan Fran…

Ready? OK!

F-R-A-N… That spells, Fran! Yayyyy!That’s how I start every morning. A rousing cheer, followed by a�shot of micro-nutrients and a cup of coffee.�Rituals are so important.

On this particular morning, I heard my favorite sound in the world ��right after the cry of a newborn baby and right before the death-rattle of my enemies�� the fax machine.�Beep-beep-boop-beep-bip-bope-bop………..whirrrrrrrrrrr

‘Twas our first order from that paper super-power,�Paper Source! I grabbed the fax, my coffee and laptop, and headed to the warehouse. I set all three things down in front of me,�sat myself down, faced all squarely and said aloud, “Oh, this is nice.”

And to celebrate, I knocked over my coffee cup, spilling its contents all over the fax and into my open laptop.

Luckily, the dog ran in, lapped up the spilled coffee and pooped on the floor.

When is Jen coming home?

March 28, 2012
Found My Way Downstairs And Drank A Cup

With Jen gone, I wander about bumping into doorways and stepping in dog poop. I think I can write off glasses and shoes as a business expense so I’m not so concerned about the money. I�am�concerned by my ever-growing obsession with taking photographs of everything I see.

Help.

Me.

March 26, 2012
It Looks Like A Duck So It Must be Spring

Interns make me think of Summer and since we met two potential candidates this week, I think Summer must be approaching. I wanted to have the girls fight to the death for the position but Jen said we could hire both.�She is so sensible.

Anyway, Jen’s going on vacation tomorrow and that leaves me plenty of time to clean up the blood and call Centerpoint before I dig the grave in my backyard.

Dear Diary, I witnessed something today that I’m pretty sure is illegal. Anyway, I hope Jen has a nice time in Mexico. Fondly, Fran

March 22, 2012
A Dog’s To-Do List -AND- Other Important Things

One year, the�Easter Bunny�put a tiny white bunny in our Easter basket. I was sure it was meant for me and not for the other kids that shared my home and parents. An outdoor cage was built and the bunny lived in it until ��and my memory gets fuzzy at this point�� the bunny went to live with the Easter Bunny again? Yes, I think that’s what happened.

I don’t remember how I got it, but I also had a durable green parakeet. I usually forgot to clean her cage and the droppings rose like stalagmites from the newspaper-covered floor.

We never had a dog, although my grandparent’s dog tried to make me his wife. That was pretty traumatizing.

Last weekend, I was surrounded by six small dogs. I loved it so much, I made a new card:Oh,�AND the Important Thing?��We got cards into�Paper Source. It’s about time you noticed us, you big lug. (Paper Source has 63 shops around the country. Thats 63 x something x $ = $$$$)

March 21, 2012
We want to be more than just friends with: The Artisan Center (Denver)

Artisan Center�-> 2757 East Third Avenue, Denver, CO 80206

ANOTHER profile in that special series dedicated to bringing our readers biased reviews of shops that carry our goods.

Okay, so I began my exhaustive research with the�Yelp reviews. One phrase stood out, “This place hasn’t been around for 30 years by sucking.”

That should be their slogan.

Do you need soaps, jewelry, mobiles, salad bowls, stained glass,�OUR CARDS, or a bird house made of a Minnesota license plate??You do?�After reading those reviews,�I had to go check this place out for myself:

Those people are small. And blurry.

March 12, 2012