Zeichen Press – Page 29 – Design & Letterpress for the people.

I DO Believe!

Our four desks were pushed together for a Thanksgiving art project; we wrapped bits of Autumn-colored tissue paper around the end of No. 2 pencils, carefully dipped the wrapped end into the puddle of Elmer’s Glue squirted onto a scrap of construction paper, and placed the florette onto the the inside of the outline of a turkey. 1…2…3… Ten seconds for each one to dry and the process to start all over again.

What a perfect time for my�4th grade�teacher to join us!

Conversation was breezy but quickly turned to talk of Christmas presents… Boy Student, “Can you believe that I believed in Santa Clause until I was in SECOND GRADE!” Laughter from the table… Laughter fades… MY TEACHER confides in the little group, “You guys, don’t laugh � I believed in Santa Clause until I was in�FOURTH GRADE!”

Hmm, *I*�believed in Santa Clause until that very moment. 🙁 <–Frowny Face

OH, BUT WHY DOES LIFE HAVE TO BE SO PEPPERED WITH DISILLUSIONMENT??

Fast forward 33 years,�DreamWorks Studios

just ordered 400 of THIS card.Sooo, there’s that or whatever.

November 18, 2014
WRAPPED IN BACON???

Just imagine�this:

in a Witch or Hobo costume,�“Trick or Treat!”

I was never�Wrapped in Bacon�like these fancy L.A. kids… Our�L.A. rep�sent us this:I’m assuming this little person was Trick-or-Treating… But I see no treat bag, nor do I see a 3-ring binder, NOR DO I SEE the latest issue of The Watchtower.

True story: Since�I�put�my�NO SOLICITORS card on the front door, I have had, exactly, zero solicitors.�Buy yours today!

November 11, 2014
Storm Windows and Firewood and New Cards

And maybe a pregnant cat.

Don’t say anything. JUST DON’T. Tib might have snuck out the window like some sort of wild teenager. We’ll know as soon as we catch her in the kitchen with a tub of Ben & Jerry’s.

In other (less controversial) news from the Zeichen Press Headquarters: The new cards are all printed and�in the shop! Wanna see?

November 5, 2014
Orange Is the New I’m Back

Life is like the murky end of our lake and you’ll have to dump in a 10 lb. bag of Aquacide Pellets if your mom isn’t there to rake the weeds away.

What is she talking about?

Don’t act like you don’t know.

Do you need a Congratulations-ish card?

You do?!

October 28, 2014
Forward, march!

It only took a few minutes to have a mole removed last week (my chest tube scar needed a BFF) and I texted Jen when it was done, exclaiming my relief at the speediness of the procedure.

She told me that that was the easy part.

That’s the way our relationship works � I get my head all full of smells of burnt flesh and joy, and Jen tethers my helium balloon to the doorknob.

It works. IT WORKS.

It’s time, once again, to print cards for the new release.

Choosing a corresponding envelope color can be difficult, and when Lucy or Loretta are unavailable we use another neutral third party.See how intense she is?

SETTLE DOWN, DINAH.

PS: You know we didn’t win Martha’s American Made Award competition. Stop asking.

October 20, 2014
Now What?

We find out on Friday if Martha is adopting us � I already packed my bags. I told Jen to pack hers but I don’t think she heard me as she was pealing out of the driveway with her windows rolled up.�Oh, Jen!

We (Jen) started printing the new release today, and to celebrate, Millie left Jen a present right in front of Zeichen Press HQ.It only seemed appropriate that this card be printed first:

The rest of the week (until the adoption), we (Jen) will be printing all of the new cards:

October 14, 2014

All Apologies

Wouldn’t it be great if there was a single greeting card that could wrap up your feelings of culpability completely? Sometimes�saying�your sorry just doesn’t seem like enough. Sure, you could�show�the offended party your remorse, but that can take up a lot of time (and energy!). I’ve put a sizable amount of thought into this issue and believe I’ve come up with a solution that will satisfy both parties.

I give you, The Apology Card:

March 11, 2012
CRIKEY

At my ballroom dancing school, I was a hesitant, awkward girl. I wore glasses and oversized t-shirts.

My papa, and my entire Spanish gypsy family, were skilled in the ways of dance but it was hard for me to incorporate my roots into ballroom dancing.

How did I do it?�As luck would have it, the handsome star of our dance school agreed to start practicing with me. Pretty soon he was wearing a matador jacket and I didn’t even need my glasses.

Speaking of Australia!�Zeichen Press just got an�Australian distributor!

March 8, 2012
Clich�s and Slogans

Are non-Western cultures conversations peppered with trite, colloquial sayings?

Like, in�Kapushi, Zambia (population: 26 people per mile) ��does one friend say to another�(in�Kaonde)�upon receiving news that their baby was trampled by antelope,�“Everything happens for a reason”?�

These condensed and optimistic phrases are woven into our chats and unless you are a hermit or deaf, we are all guaranteed to hear at least one per day.

March 7, 2012
Man Up

Sometimes a man’s manliness must be recognized.�Manly�is a term often reserved for a lumberjack, firefighter, or bounty-hunter. A narrow and unfortunate caricature. Why not a goatherd? Or glass-blower? Or gemologist?

Anyman*�that strides confidently into their chosen arena (office, field, arcade, classroom, rubber raft, bowling alley, butcher shop, grist mill) and�owns it�is, in my opinion,�a beast.

Give them this small token: (They will grunt, nod, excuse themselves, and go into the bathroom to shed a single tear.)

*Did I make that up?

March 4, 2012
I Don’t Understand You

I’m talking about leap day.�Don’t even bother trying to explain it to me, I don’t actually care. The important thing is that I milked one more day out of this prudish month.

Zeichen Press would be nothing without self-imposed deadlines (and cake) and our card-release was set for March 1.

It was a real pressure-cooker situation around here � and because I don’t have enough intensity in my life, I locked myself in the linen closet and reenacted Apollo 13’s return journey. Just me, my laptop, both cats, and toilet paper tubes. We got home safely, God Bless America.

Anyway, we can thank the ground crew (Kim & Fred) for jury-rigging up product photos:

March 1, 2012
Mister Eat All The Things OR Three Acres And A Cow

There once was a Frenchman that could, and would, eat large objects. He ate them bit by bit and was able to digest bicycles, televisions, shopping carts, chandeliers, and even an airplane. This took patience and, reportedly, gallons of mineral oil.

Bit by bit.

This wasn’t some sort of performance art piece � he never meant for it to be a metaphor.

But he ate a plane.

Such deliberateness! I like to imagine that he carefully considered each piece as he pried it off and swallowed it.

Mister Eat All The Things�(Monsieur Mangetout) could be an�inspiring mascot for an�economic philosophy.

I’ve been told that a printing press in the shop is just as good as three acres and a cow.�We’ll see. WE’LL SEE.

Anyway, I made this card for the president of�The Society of Distributism�because he has a fancy book signing coming up � 150 lucky people will receive the card. Oh, and a signed book.

February 26, 2012
Using Big Words

The Epilepsy Foundation�needed a new look for their fleet of trucks and�The Carney Group�contacted me (via telepathy) to see if my brain was available to think of ideas.�I’m not just a brain. Geez.

I rescheduled my ice-pick lobotomy and put on my thinking cap.

What if the trucks were bright red and had big white letters with a line like, THIS TRUCK CONTAINS TWO TONS OF HOPE??

Yes?

Okay.

February 19, 2012
American Psychiatric Association Adds Clown Phobia to list of Disorders: Clown Uprising Imminent

Do I have to write the script myself?�The script that tells the tale of an experiment gone horribly wrong � a pharmaceutical company hot on the heals of developing a drug that ends all pain and suffering forever??

The drug, nicknamed “Bozo” does so well in animal testing… So well, in fact, it is released to the general population of prison inmates.

Death row no longer feels like a death sentence, cold concrete cells feel like a day spa, “relationships” feel special.

Until… The unexpected “side effects” begin to develop… Oh, it’s too sick. Just imagine a zombie movie but replace the zombies with clowns.

Here’s a birthday card:

February 16, 2012
When Good Kittens Go Bad

Some kittens are sociopathic � everyone knows that. Do not be fooled by their charm! Beneath that furry, purring coat lies a circuit board of complex manipulation.

I’ve heard some successful rehabilitation stories but if you, or someone you know, lives with one of these creatures, it might be better to abandon it on the side of a highway.

February 12, 2012
Mawkish

[maw-kish] adjective�sentimental in a feeble or sickly way�� archaic�having a faint sickly flavor : the mawkish smell of warm beer

I don’t think I understand the definition. Or, maybe I do. Aren’t a lot of greeting cards mawkish?

Who would give that card? Wait, who�made�that card? Probably a very nice person. A person who loves hearts and roses and rhymes and sparkles.

I tried to make a mawkish card.�That’s�Hugh Beaumont,�the kindly father from�Leave it to Beaver.Hugh hated that he was typecast and later opened a Christmas tree farm in Grand Rapids, Minnesota. I don’t think he opened the Christmas tree farm because he hated that he was typecast. But I don’t know – he was obviously a complicated man.

February 9, 2012