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Copy. Paste. Repeat. Copy. Paste. Repeat. Copy. Paste. Repeat. Copy. Paste. Repeat.
Have I mentioned how much Millie The Dog
barks at anything and everything within a 500 foot perimeter of our house? Mailman, delivery-person, solicitors, neighbors, guests, the kids, trick-or-treaters, my mom… We’ve talked a lot about it and she feels super responsible for alerting us – I told her that we really don’t need that kind of help, BUT WE DID. SHE WAS RIGHT.SHE’S ALWAYS RIGHT.SO, my driveway was full of a dumpster filled with bathroom remodel debris, Millie was having a staycation with a friend, AND SOME JERK CLIPPED THE LOCK ON OUR SHED AND STOLE MY BIKE.
And he threw the lock in the dirt like some sort of criminal.AND THEN, the loser (no judgment) tried to sell MY bike on a site called OfferUp.com.
But he is as slippery as an eel wrapped in a banana peel, and disappeared INTO THE NIGHT. Police have been alerted, prayers to St. Anthony have been said. I asked St. Anthony if he could forward my prayers onto the Patron Saint of Stolen Goods and he told me to go back to sleep and stop Googlingescutcheonsfor the new bathroom.
FINE.
While I wait for my miracle, I spend days mindlessly migrating ALL of the content from the Zeichen Press site to THE NEW Zeichen Press site. DON’T WORRY, you won’t even be able to tell the difference because we wanted to spend a lot of money on something that nobody notices.
OH, and Jen got some new/old cuts
soI made a Father’s Day Card out of that little man.
BACK TO MIGRATING/WEEPING. -
Hygiene Tester
Idid the mathand figuredout that twotoilets MINUS one toilet EQUALS onetoilet. And one shower MINUS one shower EQUALS zero showers.
I desperately yelled that equation to the boys during my bathroom demo, but they pretended not to hear me.
I only gave birth to them to provide me with free manual labor. Ha! Who’s laughing now, boys??Anyway, who needs a shower??
OR a bath??
I barely do.And as soon as all of my family and friends get back from being out of town for a month, they’ll tell you the same.
Here’s a new birthday card/fantasy:
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Jenmas Eve!
Everyone celebrates Jenmas Eve differently.*I*like to go toHot PlateSANSJen to eat a Mexican Omelet surrounded by a gallery ofpaint-by-number masterpieces.
YEARS AGO, Jen (carefully) slaved away over *her* masterpiece and it sits atop a shelf of knick-knacks in Cape Cod.
She was so dedicated!I bet she knew that someday I’d repay her in birthday cards.
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Will Design 4… White Italian Cararra Marble Hexagon Tile
The Art Licensor (RSVP) asked us for some birthday cards and because I love to work/need money, I made nine. I won’t bore you with the details/need to get back to listening to my new podcast (My Favorite Murder).
Here are a few… Will they choose any???
Stay tuned.
Thank you, Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark. I can’t wait untilAlexis Stewartand I meet you in person!
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Minnehahahahahahahaha Creek
“What street is this??”I yelled up to the boy watching us float past him. He told me that we were just about to enter the Ninth Circle of Hell.
PHEW!Almost done!
Three hours to travel 2.5 miles…Could we have walked faster than the creek carried us?Oh, THAT’S the point my kids were making when they got out of their tubes and dragged them the last four blocks!Oh, kids! So subtle!
I didn’t get a photograph of them on our adventure, BUT a giant spider landed on my belly! AND who needs a picture of all three whenoneof them modeled for the company that made our tubes?
(Grip those handles! Safety first, Dylan!)I only thought the creek-pollution caused blindness one time and I only lost my sunglasses one time — I’d call that a win!
Here’s a card, maybe inspired by laughter-induced bladder incontinence. MAYBE NOT.
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Roadhouse and Tea Towels and Poop Sandwiches
My life is one big Sexy Action Thriller. And being a bouncer at the Double Deuce in Missouri when I was only ten years old was pretty intense. Sure, I had great hair and sure I had a winning smile, and sure I always made breaking up bar fights and drinking black coffee look sexy.That’s just who I am.
Truth is, practicing tai chi in your brother’ssweatpants and running a letterpress design studio with cardsSOLD AROUND THE WORLD, takes discipline and dedication.
Live Wires,our New Zealand distributor,knows this and sent us a token of appreciation.
I think they’re supposed to be for tea but I already used mine for sopping up blood from a letterpress-related (packing tape dispenser) injury.Thanks Helen Harvey!
After I bandaged my wound, I made this:
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As The World Turns
My little sisterhad baby #2 last week, she gave birth at home but, strangely, didn’t ask me to participate.
Despite my lack of presence,the birth went off without a hitch because anyone can boil water and get towels. (SORRY MOM.)
I will give her this card the next time I break in to her house:
ALSO, I made this because I am so into politics:
So, you don’t need to watch the news tonight. You’re welcome. -
I Dreamed a Dream
Dinah told me about her crazy dream!
Shesaid weleft her for two weeks withTiband Jen so we could go to Cape Cod, and she had a fever andhair-balls. She said it was actually more like a nightmare poor thing!
I didn’t have the heart to tell her that her nightmare was real… that wedidleave her for two weeks with Tib and Jen.
But she isn’t alone.When she reads the blog, she’ll find out about our scary flight home. The airline warned us, but people just do whatever they want.
The other passengers made calls on their flip-phones,watched who-knows-what on portable televisions,drove their remote-controlled cars up and down the aisle, talked to each other on walkie-talkies, and blasted music on transistor radios! Meanwhilewe,The Law-Abiding,werestuck in the teeny-tiny bathroom, forced to take hysterical selfies.
BUT, we managed to land safely, no thanks to all of that recklessness. I will NOT be giving them my latest Thank You Card.
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02630
Cape Cod 2016 is (so far) drama AND cage-free. Wait, wedidlose one member of the party searching for the water shut-off valve in the cellar.
He was brave and will be missed.
More importantly, we never found that shut-off valve!One life wasted.
But we must carry on, he would have wanted it that way.
The very next day was filled with so much splashing and laughter and sunscreen, I’m sure Ben was looking down on us and giggling! Oh, how he’d giggle!
AND here’s a little thing from The Boston Globe aboutMillennials’loving PAPER greeting cards.DUH. -
Mystery Solving and Scapegoating and Huge Fans
Thisisn’t the first timeI blamed The Cats for a crime they didn’t commit.
Nor will it be the last.
The odor of rotten animal is unforgettable and like the odor of rotting potato, it is embedded in the brain. But sometimes the brain jumbles the smell of decomposing rodent with the smell of a blanket of maggots coating the bottom of the garbage can.And that is where my story begins…
The Summer Breeze gently wafted through the upstairs windows. It was pleasant, until an occasional repulsive odor stung my nostrils. I blamed The Cats for hunting, killing, and hiding their prey somewhere on my second floor.
But a search for a body was in vain and a garbage can investigation led me to the real suspect: that damnblanket of maggots coating the bottom of the garbage can!
Mea culpa, Tib!When will I ever trust you again??
Speaking of breezes (and puns??)… Here’s a new thank you/congratulations card.
