Zeichen Press – Page 30 – Design & Letterpress for the people.

The Perfect Time

Thanks to buzzfeed quizzes, examining my conscience is so much easier. And shouldn’t we all ask ourselves those tough questions this time of year?�”If I were a pizza, what kind would I be?” Or, “Do I prefer Miley Cyrus from her Hanna Montana days or on a Wrecking Ball?”�

But what is a life if it’s not examined? Not picked apart? Not squeezed like an engorged tick in a ziplock baggie?

I make cards between all of this productive introspection. Sometimes fictional creatures are harmed. Sometimes, they are spared.Merry Christmas Eve-Eve!

December 23, 2014
Out With the Old

I designed the�Tanek website�some dog years ago — it’s time for something fresh and tasty.

Landing page = done.More to come…

December 22, 2014
Christmas Future

My agent wants a second book, he assures me that he’ll sell this one. He better, because I bought a $95 rug from Target.�We’re not all fancy New Yorkers, Peter. WE’RE NOT.

So, it looks like this Winter will look just like last Winter… Except, I had the kids drag the trunk down from the attic for a coffee table.Oh, the cats? Never mind those. This place is crawling with them.Fine, here’s this year’s Christmas tree.

December 12, 2014
Tomorrow’s Forecast: 100% Chance of Shopping

Where can a person do all of their Christmas (AND CHANUKAH) shopping??

Amazon?�

Shut your mouth.

Let me be more specific. LET ME.

Where can a person do all of their Christmas (AND CHANUKAH) shopping for amazing hand-made gifts while laughing with friends and/or family, eating ethnically diverse foods, AND SEE FRAN AND JEN??

THE NO COAST CRAFT-O-RAMA!!
Omg…�that’s TOMORROW! Oh,�THAT’S�what Jen has been talking about! And�THAT’S�what these boxes are for!

See you there!

XO!

December 4, 2014
HAPPY THANKSGIVING

Much to be thankful for this year… Jen and I have FOUR working�lungs,�DreamWorks Studios�loves us, AND (fingers crossed) Tib is pregnant again.�

November 27, 2014
Big Dreams

Last night, I dreamt I took a day trip to Manitoba. Just an afternoon of pool-swimming at an area motel. I came home and bragged to everyone, “I went to Manitohhhba today.”Two observations:

1) No wall-less public toilet in this dream?? That’s right. Who’s in charge now, Dreams??

2) My dreams have finally taken me to Canada…

AND ANOTHER THING: Winter came completely out of nowhere this year. One week it was 71�, and the next week, I had to break out the Smartwool.�“Oh, Minnesota! You are so crazy! Potholes and moquitoes and icehouses!”

Shut up.

November 25, 2014

Eyes on the Prize (Having Wonkavision)

The�New York International Gift Fair�(NYIGF) wrapped up (sans blizzard). I wasn’t there (I never am) but it must have been a huge success because our rep is faxing orders to us

faster than we can pull them.

Fax machines work just like Wonkavision and every day I hope to find a chocolate bar instead of an order.�But for now,�I must be satisfied with ink on paper.

February 6, 2012
Perspective, Passive Aggression, and Printing

I complain about January, but secretly, I love it. In January, my skin returns to its natural pasty-white color. I know this because I disrobe weekly for a quick shower and pat myself down with a damp towel. That’s not true, I also see my bare legs as I change from my pajama pants to my less-pajama-ish pants.

But enough about my enchanting facade, onto the chewy nougat:

Jen has almost finished printing the cards for our March Release.I can’t wait for her to be finished because then we can get back to all of our gabbing.

While I am forced to sit quietly with my own thoughts, I decided to be productive � I made two new cards: Guess which one will become an uncategorized orphan:

January 29, 2012
Midwinter Night’s Dream

Jen is printing the new cards for the March release and I have decided to wear the off-brand Forever Lazy suit until April 1.

The following is a dramatization of me wearing the suit.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4P1GEgYk9qM

January 24, 2012
I’m, Like, a Pretty Big Deal

But I don’t need to tell you that.

Sometimes it’s hard to stay humble. Luckily, humility is one of my greatest traits. That, and my perfect attitude and face make it difficult for everyone around me to go about their average lives.

Wait, let me throw down a little manna:

January 16, 2012
A Pigeon in My Flashing (and Other Bedtime Stories)

When Nature and Civilization collide it sounds just like stirring twelve tin cans in the bathtub with a golf club. This sound, combined with another sound�the sound of a pair of teeny-tiny hands strangling a pigeon.

I laid in bed for 1…2…3…4…5 hours and listened to, what I concluded was, a pigeon trapped behind the flashing on my house.

A squirrel met its maker (Bruce Hornsby) that same way last Summer. But not before it spent several days running itself to death. Was the pigeon luckier? It shivered in the cold until shortly before dawn. Like�the Little Match Girl, it shivered to death, clutching a clawful of burnt matches.

We have a client that needs graphics for its trucks so while I listened to the pathetic cries of the dying pigeon, I thought about that.

It was a productive night.

January 14, 2012
OMGUR4T

A surprise birthday party is 1,000% more fun than a regular birthday party. The planners plan for weeks – sending out secret invitations:

Unearthing senior photos to print on drink coasters:

And finally the moment arrives!

January 9, 2012
In January It’s So Nice

Hello, January. I hate you. Not as much as February, but I still hate you. I tell my children that you are full of fun and possibilities but I am lying.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NOJIYe6qoI

Perhaps this card captures my true feelings:

January 7, 2012
Tribulation Consolation

Sometimes (not very often)�I find myself at a loss for words. Speechless. Struck dumb by powerful emotion.�“I’m stunned. I mean, I’m in a state of… somebody should just throw a blanket over me, you know?” – Woody Allen (Manhattan)

Sometimes an empathy card is better than a sympathy card.

Sometimes a bear playing violin says it all.

January 1, 2012
Taking (A Fearless Moral) Inventory

Jen told me that she is learning to master Quickbooks. I trust her.

I bet that the Quickbooks tutorial requires puzzle completion before you really get into the meat of the application�just to make sure the user is nimble-minded.

The New Year is upon us and to celebrate I stood on a chair, my head surrounded by asbestos wrapped pipes, and counted envelopes.Jen said this was called�taking inventory�and while I am familiar with this as a spiritual concept, with a priest and�confessional�handy, I was easily distracted because the priest and confessional were replaced by the dog and a bin of Bazooka bubble gum.These items were not on Jen’s listbut I think that was a potentially expensive oversight. Just to be on the safe side, I counted one dog named Millie and 34 pieces of Bazooka.

You’re welcome, Jen.�

December 31, 2011
Fortune Teller, Tell My Fortune

Winter has been creeping in like a gas leak and I am always pleasantly surprised to find myself awake in the morning.�

“That’s nice.”�I say, as I stretch and crawl off my sofa-bed.�Never one to miss nuance, I wonder why I’m not in my own bed.

Good design sometimes requires getting into character – I’ve been dressing like a gypsy (not showering) for our latest�Tanek�project. A paper fortune teller is easier to mail than a crystal ball and some might argue – more accurate. Tanek will send 300 of these out to their dearest friends – I only hope they take the responsibility of predicting the future seriously:

��

December 21, 2011