That’s right! Scientists have analyzed data anddetermined that it’s extra cold.
Now I feel even less bad for never leaving my beanbag nest with fireplace view.
I gave up working-out and have adopted a restorative yoga practice. This particular pose is called Corpse.
Note the Winter coat. My character froze to death on the prairie.
ANYWAY. I can act like this now because I’m an eccentric writer with A LITERARY AGENT.
28 pages down, 12 to go…
I started gettingacupuncturethis week
because my qi [chee] is obviously messed up. And, everyone knows, it is impossible to write a book with messed-up qi [chee].
A BOOK?!
I’m writing A BOOK!! Remember??
It’s one of the four things I talk about, so it should be easy to remember.
But, what are the other three?
1) Bacon
2) Rat-kings
And 3) My new nephew
Here’s a card that explains everything:
Right??
Two important things happened this week:
1) It was so cold that I never left the house.
IT FELT LIKE -49.
OKAY, cover your ears:THAT’S BULLSHIT.
All I could possibly do is sit in front of the fire with my companion, Tib The Cat.
Oh, yeah, and here’s number
2) I GOT A LITERARY AGENT.
You heard me.
The Steinberg Agency they rep people like Tim Gunn and Cris Carter. NO BIG DEAL.
They want a 40-page picture book for adults…
*I*like pictures.
I can make that book.
Here’s a teaser/the cover OF MY BOOK.
I heard a story about a Minnesota fur trader.
Tromping through the snow in seasonably cold weather, sans Northfacewinter gear and, more importantly, SANS Smartwool socks he found his feet to be frozen solid.Frozen like a forgotten chuck roast buried under the pile of pizzas and popsicles.
What did he do?
Simply dragged his body through the snow until warmish accommodations were reached, asked the hardy men in the room for an awl,punctured his feet, and had those same hardy men pour brandy over his numb tootsies.
There. Feet saved.
I didn’t write a card about that. (I’m sure I will.) Here’s something more lighthearted:
2013 was a doozy!
I daydreamed with suchintensity!
Such intent!
Such fervor!
And I can’t speak for Jen (just kidding, I will. Right now.) but I’m pretty sure she has beenon pins and needles JUST WAITING for cards from me in her inbox.(Between the printing, billing, and shipping.)
I also can’t speak forThe First Intern, and nowThe Virtual Intern, but I will say that their lol’s have fueled my asbestos-covered furnace.
So, as I sit here, wearing layers of long underwear, under an Indian blanket (soaked in smallpox), staring out the window… I am beyond grateful for the ladies that make ZeichenPress more than just a daydream.
And now I’m all choked up!
But enough of that!
Christmas is SO two days ago and that leaves me wondering what to do with the rest of winter.
Should I:
A) Take up awinter sport, like: crying? Or swearing? Or punching the air?
B)Write/design cardsabout this wonder-filled season.
I choose both!
2010 has a short driveway and as we backed down it we (I) felt wistful. It seems like only last year we werefreezing in Brainerd. Here we are again, eating thick-cut bacon and praying for the strength to survive round after round of Name That Tune. I don’t believe in New Year’s Resolutions because the prisons are overcrowded as it is and also because the world isn’t ready for my style of leadership. (Deer-in-the-headlights.)
This was a big year for Zeichen Press – and as I sit in my Fiberglass Insulated Cell, I feel gratitude. I also feel greasy from all of the bacon, but like the sparrow, I will take a sand-bath to freshen up when the time is right. A new website,a fleet of reps,prints in Room & Board, the dog’s wig:
Who wouldn’t be grateful? I believe Jen and I are coming up on The Five Year Anniversary of Our Zeichen Press Partnership – we will celebrate by not murdering each other in cold blood.
Don’t worry, we’ll send out Save-The-Date cards.
Aunt Clare –>
In other words, it’s herMagic Birthday! TheOrange Five print was created especially for her:
It’s pretty tasty and she may try to lick the ink but I can’t be responsible for that. Just like I can’t be responsible for anything I did from 1985 – 1995.
Christmas is just around the corner and that can only mean one (or more) thing(s): The shop is closed and the kitchen is open.
ALSO, it means that the children and animals are underfoot (more than usual) because of the 5 foot snowdrifts blocking the exits. 
But don’t worry if you haven’t sent (or bought) your Christmas cards, yet! We (Jen and I, mostly Jen) are here to hold your hand straight through this blustery season! Did you know that (legally) you can send “Christmas” cards until January 6? THAT, is the official end of the Christmas Season because that’s when the Wise Men hauled it to the manger.
*Playmobile dramatization.
I used to mark the end of the Christmas Season by my son’s birthday (February 7). That day meant it was time to shove the Christmas tree out the second story window before the arrival of the birthday party guests.Nowthe tree stays until it becomes a fire hazard, and not a moment longer.So responsible!
So, speaking of an Epiphany: Don’t waste another minute reading this scatology! Go and buy someSeasonal Cards!
Ummmmmmmmmm… it’s, like, snowing.
We tried to venture out in it today but then we saw this:
And this:
That’s a snow plow in a ditch on the side of the highway.
Now we’re doing our Christmas shopping sans danger from ourcomputer-you can too!
TheNo-Coast Craft-O-Ramais behind us and – like so many weekends – it’s all a blur.
I do remember Jen yelling “yahtzee!” whenever someone ordered the Show Special (two eggs, a slice of bacon and Texas toast with a dozen cards). And I remember feeling drunk with power. The top-selling card of the weekend was:
That tells me that Minneapolis is full of a lot of weirdos. Like me.
This card was also a big seller:
And that tells methat Minneapolis is full of a lot of moral ambiguity.
That reminds me! We had a snowstorm on Friday!
Luckily nobody had to eat anyone else to survive. Whew, right? That would not have been great for sales.
Would you rather have your significant other’s hands be replaced with Flounders OR your lips be replaced with a duckbill?
That’s a toughy.
How about:Would you rather have to wear a Kiss the Cook apron everyday (for the rest of your life) OR a multi-colored clown wig?
Sorry about that.
Okay, would you rather do your holiday shopping at the Midtown Market – where there will be 100 venders, vending beautiful/original handmade goodness – the air filled with the smells of exotic foods and the spirit of gift-giving??? OR maybe you’d rather sit at your computer and click on an Add To Cart button??
We’ll see you there! Zeichen Press is at table E-35!
TheBig No-Coast showis only 5 days away.To prepare ourselves, Jen and I are watching hour after hour of training videos. We have found that the only way we can really get into the spirit of a craft show is with a Dolly Parton soundtrack. But I’m sure that’s true for everyone.
i like you–> 501 First Ave. NE Minneapolis, MN 55413
The first in a new series devoted to (not racially) profiling shops that carry Zeichen Press goods. I can assure you, it won’t be the last.
Sarah and Angela (or is it Angela and Sarah?)
are craft benefactors. Every square inch of their shop is filled with sweetness via craftiness. The gals (that’s what I call them – I’m sure they call me something) have packed all of the fun (and none of the lunch tables) of an urban craft fair into their North East shop. It’s a wonder to behold…
Where was Apartment Therapy when I lived in an apartment?? I could have used some advice — My television sat on two empty Old Milwaukee cases and the only chair was my bed. I guess my source of income (cat breeding, just kidding. Grocery bagging. Just kidding. Stripping.) didn’t really provide a lot of extra money for decorating anyway. See “Tater Tots, Kings Wine Bar, Letterpress, Deer John”
Every year, Apartment Therapy branches out of their usual home decorating palette to recognize“the best” letterpress cards.This year, we made the cut. I’d like to thank all of the families that send out those creepy holiday newsletters – you are an inspiration.You know who you are.
The car was packed and I squeezed myself between a card rack, a change box, some stuffed animals and one dozen boxes. I was just lucky there was room for me at all. Okay? OKAY?
Jen and I have gotten pretty good at setting up for a show. It goes like this: I ask Jen which cards I should put where. She tells me. I do it. She dismantles what I did and does it a different way. It’s very efficient.
All the big names (in printmaking) were at MCBA on Thursday for theMid America Print Council Conference Press Fair. Jenni Undis (ofLunalux) and I put on our roller skates and got into a battle – it ended with lots of hair-pulling and some teeth (hers) on the floor. It was worth it because I earned the title of “Letterpress Queen.” Maybe next year, Jenni.Maybe next year.
A fair wouldn’t be complete without, at least, one doppelganger:
What a pleasant stalker!
OH,ALSO:Miss Amy Jowas there! Good Lord, her work makes me love her.I’m sorry you had to hear that, Miss Amy Jo.