Zeichen Press – Page 34 – Design & Letterpress for the people.

Life is really going to change

No more casual afternoons at Starbucks. No more sidewalk cafes. No more days at the park with the kids. No more walking down the sidewalk with a kid on my shoulders while sipping a Starbucks Latte while going to the sidewalk cafe from the�park.

Not any more. Because we’re celebrities. I know, I know – don’t worry – I’ll still make me-time.

If you are living in a well, you might not have heard that Zeichen Press was proclaimed Best of Show by -my new favorite- magazine:�Do It Yourself�

With the magazine in her hands and a cart full of groceries, Jen called me. She called me over the loudspeaker. I was in the frozen foods section and she ordered me to get myself to Lane 7. I did as I was told and Thank God because Jen was being dragged away by security – I got there in the nick of time, explaining that we were on a “living on your own” outing and I’d be taking her right back to the group home as soon as we bagged her groceries.

Phew!

Okay, here’s a sneak peak into the magazine – go and get your very own copy and don’t forget to buy some of our�goddamn holiday cards.

October 16, 2009
Will I win the Nobel Peace Prize?

Maybe. Oh, who am I kidding? I can’t broker peace between nations. I’m no Dalai Lama. I’m no Barack Obama. I’m just kidding about that second one �- �I just wanted something to rhyme with Dalai Lama.�Wait, what? Barack Obama really did win the Nobel Peace Prize? Oops. My bad.�It’s hard, toiling away, day after day – trying to make this crazy planet just a little bit cheerier.�Ghandi knows how I feel.

Alfred “Alfie” Nobel

What would Fran do?

���

�ANYWAY. I wrote some new cards. Perhaps, one day, they will bring peace to war-torn countries…

��

PSST, is this my birthday party or my funeral

��

The gifts don’t count � � � themselves.

��

The strong would survive the winter. The weak would, of course, be eaten.

��

I’m Christmas Stalking you.

��

The Christmas concert would be her chance for revenge.

��

I’ll celebrate Christmas however I damn well please.

��

I hope she likes thoughts that count.

��

Thank you for your support.

��

Great. My parents just got home.

��

October 15, 2009
Wishes DO come true!

It’s no secret that I have always wanted 300 feet of bubble wrap.

Somebody (Jen) had it delivered to our headquarters – it’s one of the best things I’ve ever seen on my doorstep. Although… the Sunday paper is nice to see when I open the door…or girl scouts selling cookies. Hmm, one of my stalkers once left a skinned, boiled squirrel on my doorstep… that was strange – and I still don’t get the �message – was it: “Love me back, or I’ll boil and skin you” or was it “I am capable of providing small game for your meals.”

Oh, I guess I’ll never know.

October 7, 2009
ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

Done.

Do not worry. IF you can’t get your�sad�self to the Room and Board nearest you, you can shop�online!

�It’s true. But not yet. NOT YET. The ink isn’t even dry.

Did I mention that I will be the lunchmeat between the bread named�Jackson Pollock�and�Andy Warhol?�What a strange, virtual sandwich. Speaking of sandwiches: I decided to take a break from printing to do some printing and I made this:

October 5, 2009
Freak Show

There were two parts to the Freak Show – two tents – one contained The Fat Lady and the other was filled with the usual freakish-fare. I didn’t really want to pay to see the Fat Lady so I poked my head under the tent – it seemed silly to�pay�to see a fat lady but this was before the days of google searches and voyeuristic television masquerading as health and human interest stories. Before the days of shows actually called,�World’s Fattest Woman.

So I poked my head under the tent. A pit had been dug in the dirt in the center of the tent – she, all 600 pounds of her, sat in the pit in a�teeny weeny bikini.�The paying public stared and stared while she thumbed through the pages of a paperback.

The other tent promised a variety of oddities and I handed my tickets to the dusty man guarding the flap-door. In this tent there was a stage and on the stage there was a sign and on the sign were the words, “World’s Fattest Man”

The crowd – and I was in the crowd now – stared at the sign and waited for the man. He hobbled out using two canes – those canes that have the four baby canes on the bottom. He reached the center of the stage and lowered himself into a reinforced chair, spoke to the crowd about his thyroid disorder, and asked if we wanted to see him attach a bucket of bolts to his tongue.

Ugh. I wanted my tickets back.

Why can’t things be the way they’re supposed to be? And why can’t freaks just enjoy their exploitation? If I were a freak (if)�I’d love it. I’d use my freakish power for the good of mankind.

I’d love to have one super long arm. A Super Arm. I could take seemingly candid pictures of myself�even more easily!

Do you see that?

It’s like someone else is taking the picture.�But what a struggle!�

If I had Super Arm my whole life would change!

September 28, 2009
Cary Grant’s Tie, A Pile of Rocks, Dandelions

Cary Grant’s tie is the perfect shade of gray.

It’s not like I’m obsessed with shades of gray because of�this project I’m working on. I don’t get obsessed. I wasn’t obsessed with pulling out (and counting) all of the dandelions in my front yard (689). I wasn’t. I also wasn’t obsessed with collecting and transporting rocks halfway across the country to surround my little tree.

I’m not obsessed with�letterpress.

And I don’t just sit around waiting for the sun to be in the perfect spot.

Doesn’t this gray look just like Cary Grant’s tie? :

WELL?! It does, doesn’t it. Won’t it look lovely decking the halls of Room and Board?

Sigh.

1/3 of the project done.

September 27, 2009

*A Woman of Letters/Serious Letterpress/Room and Board/Minnesota Monthly*

Speaking of letters!�The new prints arrived at all of the Room and Board stores across this great land.�The photographs on their website are gorgeous and make me feel like I live in a crack house.

I have nothing against crack houses, I’m sure the people that live in them are perfectly lovely and are just misunderstood.

The legendary, Katie Dohman (Minnesota Monthly) already wrote�a little something�about them. I’m feeling pretty fancy.

October 5, 2010
Some New Cards and Some Other Things

Katie Dohman, style editor for�Minnesota Monthly,�made a special guest appearance in the shop.�She was just delightful and for that she got one of these:

The moral of the story on that broadside would be the theme of the weekend. Don’t ask questions – just accept my cryptic storytelling. JUST ACCEPT.

On to other matters of no importance to anyone. The following photographs were taken in three different�Ladies Rooms�(for LADIES) in Minneapolis – Can you guess the venue? If you can, I (or someone that works for that empire called Zeichen Press) will send you a fancy letterpress card. Fun!�*You are instantly disqualified if you are in the photograph. Sorry. But don’t act like I don’t give you free cards anyway.

I just need, like, 500 more photographs for a lovely coffee table book.

Enough small talk! On to the new cards:

�

PS: I know the card above looks like a black blob�but�it’s a man carrying a baby elephant. Don’t worry, the real card will be perfect.

September 26, 2010
We care so you don’t have to.

Isn’t that nice?

OH,�also: It only seems appropriate that on the eve of the launching of the new site, the dog was caught nursing the kittens.

Enjoy.

August 28, 2010
A mixer and more!

I’ve never met a middle-aged man at a BP in Grantsburg and given him money for a Kitchen-Aid mixer — until now! The ZP intern was the recipient of the gift. She cried and looked like she was just crowned Princess Kay of the Milky Way.

It was beautiful.

I spent the last 56 hours holed up in my room (cell) uploading content for the new Zeichen Press website. And just to make it interesting, I didn’t shower or change my clothes. I DID leave once to get a new iPhone because my old one decided it would rather be a hot plate than a phone.

So be it/good riddance.

August 26, 2010
Alright, back to work

Fran Shea�s r�sum�

��

1988-1988 (Nov. 1-Dec 23) Lyndale Garden Center

My first job. Silly me, I heard �making Christmas wreaths� and thought I�d be �making Christmas wreaths.� Pre-made wreaths were heaped onto a lunch table � my job was to choose the sprigs for the wreaths. “Sprigs” was an industry term for cheap Christmassy crap.

1989-1989 (Sept. 1-Sept 15) Pearson�s Family Restaurant

I bussed tables and was told to clear as much of the table as would fit in the gray bin. It would have been very satisfying if I were training to be a power-lifter. Two weeks was too long.

1989-1990 (Oct. 1-March 1) Leeann Chin, Richfield

As a server, I wore a little white hat and jacket. Like a chef. A disgruntled, panicked, 17-year-old chef.

1990-1990 (June 1-Aug. 15) GJ�s SuperValu

A block walk from my apartment above Ribizza – this job required speed and superhuman strength. Bagging groceries during a �rush� filled me with doubt and indecision � eggs before bread or bread before eggs?? Should I take my smoke break now??

1990-1990 (Sept. 1-Nov. 1) Telemarketing for the Special Olympics

I don�t even know how I found this job � it was in a bland office in a bland office building on University Avenue.� The script we were handed was written in the 1950?s and we were supposed to offer lots of garbage bags in exchange for donating to the Special Olympics. Our boss was, I think, Bob Saget.
1990-1991 (Nov. 15-Jan 15) Meyer�s Bakery

A job that required cash register skills. I�d rather wash old peoples bottoms than use a cash register � I�d try to push customers into buying things that would result in even dollar amounts so I wouldn�t have to make difficult change. Three cookies? Why not four?� Two loaves of bread? Why not two loaves of bread AND a cookie??

Fast Forward�>

1993-1996 : Carney Studio

The interview went something like this:

�So, you want to be a graphic designer?�

�A what?�

�You�re hired.�

1996-1997 : Odney Advertising

This is where I learned about advertising. And stealing office supplies.

1997-present : Stay At Home Mom

This is where I learned about cleaning up poop.

2006-present : Owner of Zeichen Press

The culmination of a life-long set of painfully acquired skills.

August 20, 2010
A Special Weekend

Jen and I share many things: Type wash, paper towels, dirty looks� But nothing� nothing even comes close to this weekend�

Whew! That was a tear-jerker! Um� there is no easy way to segue from a cat eating a placenta�

Well, other things happened this weekend, too� I biked 8 million miles to Hopkins to take some pictures of the new Pizza Luc酠 I wrote about that on the�Tanek blog� And, well I guess nothing can really compare to the moment when Jen and Susie the Cat locked eyes and Jen stated firmly (but tenderly) �I love you.�

Sigh.

August 17, 2010
Overdue Cat, a new letterpress greeting card and a little bit about the weather

Well, Susie hasn�t had her kittens yet � and like every other overdue/expecting mother � she is watching Oprah and eating tubs of Ben & Jerry�s.

Meanwhile, I biked through the Heat�

to bring Fred a card so he could photograph it. It isn�t any ordinary card � it is the card to introduce our new website.

Aren�t you intrigued?? It must say something sweet � just look at that cute little bellhop! I�ve been waiting to use him for a long time � thanks, cute little bellhop!

August 12, 2010
SHARK!!!

The morning coffee brought big news:

Swimmers spotted four Great White Sharks on the beach in Chatham. Wait, let me be clear: Not ON the beach – in the water. Swimming around …�and around … and around.Some would call that circling – orbiting their prey, slowly moving in for the flesh-ripping, limb-tearing, feeding-frenzy. But I’m not here to give sharks bad press – that’s already been done – I’m just trying to help you,�the reader, understand the everyday danger that is my life. I risk it all to bring you,�the reader, a good story.

So, off we went up the coast. Past Chatham, to Wellfleet. Wellfleet, where there is no swimming ban. God forbid we miss a beach day because the “Coast Guard” spotted some 12′ sharks. The Atlantic called us and it would be rude to ignore the call – we had to dive right into the water like good-natured guests.

A seal joined us – not more than 15 feet from shore. If he were walking on land he’d be limping… I don’t know what that’s called in the water. Drowning?

�

Oh, Seal! Do you remember�our meeting last year? I do. It was magical. Last year, I had to swim ever so far – my legs dangled 100 feet above the ocean floor – they were like little noodles hanging off the end of a fork, ready to be swallowed up by the sharks. This year, you bob seductively near shore… it would be effortless to get to you. But I won’t do it because I am sensible and also I saw this

hovering overhead. A sure sign that somebody is looking for sharks. I said, LOOKING FOR SHARKS. We decided that building sand castles is pretty fun.

August 2, 2010
Yesterday and Today

Our transition from the Cape included a stay in Boston.

Boston is best experienced on-foot and with a tour guide dressed as Dorothy Quincy Hancock.

The next picture is for Andrea. (Edmund loved the Westin).

Okay, fun’s over. Back to the muggy wall of heat – we walked out of the Minneapolis airport and I felt like someone wrapped me in 100 electric blankets.

… remember when I told you about�this?? I don’t know �a lot but I do know that this belly is full of kittens. They are due in a few days – and I swear to God, if any of you take one home – I will repay you in strange and creative ways.

One more thing: The pile of mail, collected by Jen, contained this:

August 2, 2010
Airplane Safety Card (continued)

After a harrowing day at the beach, I had to stop into the�Brewster General Store

to check out their card selection – one thing is clear: they might have enough rubber lobsters but they�do�need some letterpress from Minnesota. I will see what I can do about that.

A day at the beach always includes:

That poor thing has been around for such a long time.

July 29, 2010