So says Minnesota Monthly.
And my mom.
Jen and I went to the Best Of 2013 party and dazzled the crowd with our Double Dream Hands routine.
Best Greeting Cards?
More like, Best Moves.
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With Sash And Tiara, We Reign
When Minnesota Monthly added Zeichen Press to their Best of the Twin Cities list, Jen and I finally polished our tiaras.
And had our likenesses sculpted out of butter.Delicious.
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Easily Distracted In Class
I think that box was checked on my elementary school progress reports… But who could be bothered with such details??
Not me. NOT ME. And that’s why I secured a blank progress report, checked the best boxes, and brought it to my parents.
See? I wasn’t that easily distracted.
°°
I am busy taking photographs of the new cards
but not too busy to document some pretty fascinating activity:Aren’t you glad you watched that??
I know I’m supposed to be doing something… Oh, that’s right, putting hungry vegetables on a card.
No??It’ll come to me after I stare out the window and pet that cat.
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Brain-Slaves
His conscience was clear and his heart light amidst all his troubles; so he went peaceably to bed, left all his cares to Heaven, and soon fell asleep. In the morning after he had said his prayers, he sat himself down to his work; when, to his great wonder, there stood the shoes all ready made, upon the table.
Elves! (Sorry about the spoiler if you haven’t read that Fairy Tale.)
I went to a neurologist and he discovered elves in my occipital lobe and that explains everything!
Every night, I go peaceably to bed, leave all my cares to Heaven, and soon fall asleep but not before I aggressively ruminate on an idea for a new card. While I sleep, the elves get to work and when I wake up, the new card is done!Thank the elves for this new card:
THANK THEM. -
Ode To My TV (and more)
In the spirit of AMC’s award winning dramas, Mad Men and Breaking Bad, comes something written by the devil himself.
With a script scrawled on toilet paper, using a fountain pen filled with raw sewage, Pencil Pusher weaves a tale so dark, so depressing, viewers are advised to swallow two Xanax before viewing.
Meet Ernie Frost: One cog in a massive corporate wheel, one man in one cubicle surrounded by countless other cubicles… Floor upon floor of fabric-covered partitions spread like open prairie.
Deadly open prairie…
Gone are the days of positive incentives and opening the kimono, these are days of the Corporate Gulag.
But Ernie Frost has a plan to end the nightmare…
°°
Phew! Now I won’t have to throw a brick at my t.v. after the last episode of Breaking Bad.
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Why I’m Such A Catch
Foraging for low-tide treasure is my third favorite thing to do.
But what are your top two favorite things to do?
Nerf Ping Pong
and smashing pińatas.
What about your top TEN?
Glad you asked.
Cat midwifery,
cracking glow sticks, raising tadpoles, Belgian beer, letterpress printing, Breaking Bad,
and yoga (just kidding). Number ten is turtle-hunting.I know what you’re thinking.
What a lady!
Whoa. WHOA. Hands off the merchandise.
Remember when I was talking about low-tide?
Here’s a card that features one of my favorite low-tide critters.
Wouldn’t you love to get this card with a nice bottle of wine??And by “you”, I mean “I”.
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Airplane Safety Card
The trip to the Cape always begins with studying the airplane safety card.
When we land alive, I kiss the filthy airport carpeting and raise my fists in the air in triumph.The drive from Boston to the Cape included a pit-stop for newborn-sized burritos and an impromptu visit to a little stationery store in Hingham called social graces - adorable! This just proves my theory that Hingham has newborn-sized burritos and little stationery stores.The Cape is paradise, as usual – except for the E. coli outbreak – that’s Electronic coli. We had to boil our water – it reminded me of Mexico – without the drug mules. And everything else.To be continued…
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Lord of the Letterpress Flies
I remember some sort of Mexican-standoff In an early apartment that involved my roommate, dirty dishes and refried beans. Neither of us wanted to do the dishes and so they were stacked, teetering on the counter – pots and plates on top of other pots and plates – the bottom of the pile forgotten like a lost tribe. My roommate, a vegetarian, had a particular pot that she favored for heating her refried beans – she used this day after day until one day it was forgotten – and the pot joined the pile. But not before she filled it with water, she believed in the pre-soak method. I’m not sure how much time passed – a forensic scientist would be able to determine that based on the evidence in the kitchen.
One morning (or was it afternoon?) I discovered something disturbing: the kitchen windows alive with hundreds of flies. I don’t remember either of us being overly surprised. I do remember having to do the dishes in the bathtub.There are no dirty dishes in the shop and certainly no vegetarians – and yet, I awoke to the same disturbing scene: windows alive with flies. The only conclusion that makes any sense has something to do with the devil. I’d like to believe that our printing projects aren’t evil but I guess I can’t be the judge of that.
Oh, by the way: Before the flies, I finished those prints for Room & Board:
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Canada: You’re strange and wonderful.
So, I (meaning the Zeichen Press intern) pulled one of everything (x3) for our new Canadian reps
while I sat on the cold concrete floor and worried. Andrea is learning so much from me.
Our new reps will be taking our goods to the the CGTA and from there I guess back to their ice palace. Canada is so different than America!
I found a short list of shops in Toronto that I imagine will soon be carrying some letterpress from Minnesota… but that’s for the reps to decide. I’m not some kind of control freak.
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Sweat Shop
The shop has been a very sultry 90° for the past couple of days – which makes for nearly nude printing. The latest Room & Board project is half done and it’s looking frantastic – the ink loves the heat and lays down like a whipped dog – I also love the heat and yet I stand. And stand. I’d like to thank cold-press coffee from Sisters’ Sludge for helping me to keep it real.
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Tortured (commercial) Artist
I need to get into character for the big Room and Board project… “WHAT’S MY MOTIVATION??!”
Backstory:
In a post-apocalyptic world, one breathtakingly beautiful woman finds herself wandering through the residential remains of South Minneapolis. She stumbles upon a letterpress print shop – it is impossibly intact. She drags her shopping cart of possessions inside and studies her surroundings. Type, ink, paper, a giant wrench and an autographed photograph of Kelly Clarkson. This is exactly like her dream – except without Abraham Lincoln. There isn’t much time before the feral cats find her… But she finally has a method to preserve the dying language – at last! At long last…
Whew! That was intense! Okay, enough screwing around – the clock is ticking and the cats are coming.
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My New Computer
I lived in Uptown when Chino Latino was Annie’s Parlor and the threat of a good bus-stop knifing made my morning commute thrilling.
Alas, that Uptown is no more.
The filthy (come ON! You know it was filthy!!) Uptown Bar has been replaced by a giant, sparkly Apple Store and the smelly Uptown Bar bouncer has been replaced with fresh-faced (sober) computer geeks. Did I shed a tear during the demolition of this Minneapolis Institution?
No. I did not. Don’t send me hate mail.
I loved the Uptown Bar – when I was 21. I also loved smoking a pack of cigarettes every day and getting my furniture from the Salvation Army.
I love the new Apple Store – all brushed metal and snowy white… Perfectly climate controlled, smelling of new electronics, buzzing with energy… A 30 foot-tall-wall of tempered glass keeps the noise and heat of Hennepin Avenue out and the Apple-Zen in. Machines are tethered to maple tables so they won’t float away and maybe to prevent shoplifting.
I bought one of those machines – my old machine was jealous but it was time for it to be replaced. Laptops shouldn’t cause 1st degree burns on a lap. I know I’ve made some very poor decisions recently, but I can give you my complete assurance that my work will be back to normal. I’ve still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mission. And I want to help you.
What?! I know. My new computer would never say something like that.
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Seriously??!
I’ve heard that some people use their kitchen table FOR EATING.
The squirrel came back again – this time looking for Fig Newtons.
Maybe if people (me) remember to shut the back door she wouldn’t think I was inviting her in for lunch. After I waved goodbye (screamed hysterically and jumped up on a chair) I had time to use the table for other things. : Project photographs for the new website!
I am tempted to leave my door open to see what other wildlife will enter my kitchen.
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PR for Tanek, a pregnant cat and a squirrel in my kitchen
Something weird(er) is going on around here. First, we witnessed a large orange cat date-raping our little Siamese (cat) – and THEN there was a squirrel sitting at my kitchen table eating an avocado.
LATER, I drove myself (I did!) to the edge of downtown for a stand-up meeting with the managing editor for Minnesota Business* and the guys from Tanek and Touchpoint. The meeting was in Touchpoint’s new (unfinished) space – which happens to be in the building that I imagine owning. So that’s a weird coincidence.
*The Managing Editor for Minnesota Business can be found here:
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Tater Tots, Kings Wine Bar, Letterpress, Deer John,
Let’s talk about the kitchen in my first apartment: A room the size of an airplane galley* with the bonus feature of a countertop hinged to the wall. If that countertop was not in the lift and stow position (just like an airplane tray-table) it wasn’t possible to open the refrigerator or the oven.
This was great incentive (for my roommate) to do the dishes. I preferred moving the dirty dishes to the living room. *I’ve peeked in an airplane galley – it’s usually hidden behind a curtain (that matches the drapes) – the flight attendant works mechanically, loading up that cumbersome cart to roll down the aisle.
The delicacies that came out of that first apartment kitchen included (and were limited to) chicken pot-pies and tater tots. The crisper drawer in my refrigerator contained a large amount of an herb – but that was none of my business.
Oh, but the tater tots!
Straight from the freezer and onto my cast-iron skillet: washed down with an Old Milwaukee and a Camel Lights cigarette.
Whew! Did I mention I had 18 by the balls? ALSO, if I had a hankering for ribs OR pizza, I only had to walk down the stairs. That’s right, the one and only Ribizza fulfilled that strange combination requirement for Uptown, Minneapolis.Exactly five minutes West of my house is Kings Wine Bar - a newish (rhymes with Jewish) little neighborhood restaurant. They serve tater tots but with sauces far fancier than ketchup. I was there last night and there didn’t seem to be any Old Milwaukee or Camel cigarettes on the menu but somehow, after we ate our tater tots, our table was magically covered with candy.
This doesn’t have anything to do with the card I wrote/designed last night. Or does it?
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Letterpress in Minneapolis
Sunday: The Corpus Christi procession brought oodles of the Devout through Loring Park – all busses were rerouted and the Minneapolis Police department was on high alert for any shenanigans. Still, I couldn’t help but feel a little emotional as the church bell solemnly rang out and I watched Barb perform CPR on my husband.
Tuesday: Our new intern (Andrea Sanow) showed up with the enthusiasm of a 22 year old girl. We love her – and we’re not just saying that because she reads the blog and is, like, the strangest mix of a Type A Personality and totally laid back. What?! It’s true. Thanks to her, I got so much done: Here are the Room & Board prints in color:
