September is the schizophrenic sibling in the Year Family—one day a beastly 90°, the next day fighting off dinosaurs in the living room. Dust off your crock-pots, it’s time for meat and vegetables to mingle on the countertop for hours. 
Once Upon A Time, I got a massage in September. It was from a hobbit—he blessed the vessel that was me and scampered around the table like his footsies were on fire. When it was over, he requested a hug. I consented because I have never hugged a hobbit and I didn’t want to crush his tiny hobbit-heart.
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Gather Ye Nuts While Ye May
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Killing Several Birds With Two Seahorses
I am all about efficiency. It’s one of the (two) things people love about me. If I can’t multi-task my way through a problem, it’s better left to a pre-schooler. I always say.
Yes, it’s an enviable quality; I can think about any number of things while I work on something else.
The neighbor that flipped me off called me the other night. She wanted to accuse my kids of egging her car. I told her that I egged her car. She couldn’t hear my confession because she was too busy talking about someone stealing Bounty Paper Towels from her backseat.
I thought about my conversation with her while I worked on some seahorses in photoshop. Here’s the thing/a little secret: Not every image comes to us as a perfect little mounted printer’s block.
There are some that need finessing:
I’m sure you knew that.I feel like I have to apologize for the latest card.
I’m sorry.
Here it is, sss. (sorry so sappy)
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State Fair Inspired Christmas Cards
Maybe it’s the Grilled Spamwiches
or the Walking Tacos. Maybe it’s the 4-H Barn, full of homespun country talent.
Or maybe it’s the Birth Barn.
Ham!Perhaps it is a combination of these magical happenings. This yearly phenomenon fills me with such joy… such eager anticipation! There are visual delights to behold whenever the head is turned!
It reminds me of The Birth of Our Lord. I bet the shepherds know what I’m talking about.
Anyway, I shouldn’t question my inspiration.
Here are two new Christmas cards:
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Old-School Birthday Card
It was Jen’s birthday yesterday. She celebrated by cramming her car with kids and driving East for five hours.
I celebrated by going to my In-Laws to hear some family history — a combination of Downton Abbey and Angela’s Ashes.
BUT before these festive events, I gave Jen a card:
Perhaps you recognize that man?
His pants are usually radioactive, but not for this card. -
MERRY (name)MAS!
Times were simple then — pre-Facebook… cats fixed… no Dance Moms…
The air was thick with anticipation — it wasn’t fair to keep Zeichen Press hidden from the public.
It was time to pry open the (heirloom-quality) tupperware lid. Time to expose the rotting and pungent living carcass to the unblinking eye of its critics.The Universe demanded documentation. Who am I to refuse?
That was four years ago (today).
Now, readership of the Zeichen Press blog hovers somewhere between cable-access viewership and meaningful Craigslist encounters.Cheers!
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THINKING OF YOU
Time alone was rare. But in a pinch, I was forced to conjure up an imaginary playmate. This was a strange exercise and not something I was particularly good at.
Other children lived in complex and exotic worlds of make-believe — I don’t think the “friends” in their pretend worlds were from Minnesota — with names like Carura Fadida and Anarada Salsa.
There was a girl who lived in the glossy tile next to the toilet. I spoke with her when there was no soul around.
Her name was “Fran.”
Rooted in reality, with a strong sense of the superfluousness of an imaginary world. I was, and am, from German stock. Zees duss neecht make senss.
It must be that toe-hold in reality that permits me to create the following:
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Airplane Safety Card
The trip to the Cape always begins with studying the airplane safety card.
When we land alive, I kiss the filthy airport carpeting and raise my fists in the air in triumph.The drive from Boston to the Cape included a pit-stop for newborn-sized burritos and an impromptu visit to a little stationery store in Hingham called social graces - adorable! This just proves my theory that Hingham has newborn-sized burritos and little stationery stores.The Cape is paradise, as usual – except for the E. coli outbreak – that’s Electronic coli. We had to boil our water – it reminded me of Mexico – without the drug mules. And everything else.To be continued…
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Lord of the Letterpress Flies
I remember some sort of Mexican-standoff In an early apartment that involved my roommate, dirty dishes and refried beans. Neither of us wanted to do the dishes and so they were stacked, teetering on the counter – pots and plates on top of other pots and plates – the bottom of the pile forgotten like a lost tribe. My roommate, a vegetarian, had a particular pot that she favored for heating her refried beans – she used this day after day until one day it was forgotten – and the pot joined the pile. But not before she filled it with water, she believed in the pre-soak method. I’m not sure how much time passed – a forensic scientist would be able to determine that based on the evidence in the kitchen.
One morning (or was it afternoon?) I discovered something disturbing: the kitchen windows alive with hundreds of flies. I don’t remember either of us being overly surprised. I do remember having to do the dishes in the bathtub.There are no dirty dishes in the shop and certainly no vegetarians – and yet, I awoke to the same disturbing scene: windows alive with flies. The only conclusion that makes any sense has something to do with the devil. I’d like to believe that our printing projects aren’t evil but I guess I can’t be the judge of that.
Oh, by the way: Before the flies, I finished those prints for Room & Board:
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Canada: You’re strange and wonderful.
So, I (meaning the Zeichen Press intern) pulled one of everything (x3) for our new Canadian reps
while I sat on the cold concrete floor and worried. Andrea is learning so much from me.
Our new reps will be taking our goods to the the CGTA and from there I guess back to their ice palace. Canada is so different than America!
I found a short list of shops in Toronto that I imagine will soon be carrying some letterpress from Minnesota… but that’s for the reps to decide. I’m not some kind of control freak.
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Sweat Shop
The shop has been a very sultry 90° for the past couple of days – which makes for nearly nude printing. The latest Room & Board project is half done and it’s looking frantastic – the ink loves the heat and lays down like a whipped dog – I also love the heat and yet I stand. And stand. I’d like to thank cold-press coffee from Sisters’ Sludge for helping me to keep it real.
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Tortured (commercial) Artist
I need to get into character for the big Room and Board project… “WHAT’S MY MOTIVATION??!”
Backstory:
In a post-apocalyptic world, one breathtakingly beautiful woman finds herself wandering through the residential remains of South Minneapolis. She stumbles upon a letterpress print shop – it is impossibly intact. She drags her shopping cart of possessions inside and studies her surroundings. Type, ink, paper, a giant wrench and an autographed photograph of Kelly Clarkson. This is exactly like her dream – except without Abraham Lincoln. There isn’t much time before the feral cats find her… But she finally has a method to preserve the dying language – at last! At long last…
Whew! That was intense! Okay, enough screwing around – the clock is ticking and the cats are coming.
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My New Computer
I lived in Uptown when Chino Latino was Annie’s Parlor and the threat of a good bus-stop knifing made my morning commute thrilling.
Alas, that Uptown is no more.
The filthy (come ON! You know it was filthy!!) Uptown Bar has been replaced by a giant, sparkly Apple Store and the smelly Uptown Bar bouncer has been replaced with fresh-faced (sober) computer geeks. Did I shed a tear during the demolition of this Minneapolis Institution?
No. I did not. Don’t send me hate mail.
I loved the Uptown Bar – when I was 21. I also loved smoking a pack of cigarettes every day and getting my furniture from the Salvation Army.
I love the new Apple Store – all brushed metal and snowy white… Perfectly climate controlled, smelling of new electronics, buzzing with energy… A 30 foot-tall-wall of tempered glass keeps the noise and heat of Hennepin Avenue out and the Apple-Zen in. Machines are tethered to maple tables so they won’t float away and maybe to prevent shoplifting.
I bought one of those machines – my old machine was jealous but it was time for it to be replaced. Laptops shouldn’t cause 1st degree burns on a lap. I know I’ve made some very poor decisions recently, but I can give you my complete assurance that my work will be back to normal. I’ve still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mission. And I want to help you.
What?! I know. My new computer would never say something like that.
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Seriously??!
I’ve heard that some people use their kitchen table FOR EATING.
The squirrel came back again – this time looking for Fig Newtons.
Maybe if people (me) remember to shut the back door she wouldn’t think I was inviting her in for lunch. After I waved goodbye (screamed hysterically and jumped up on a chair) I had time to use the table for other things. : Project photographs for the new website!
I am tempted to leave my door open to see what other wildlife will enter my kitchen.
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PR for Tanek, a pregnant cat and a squirrel in my kitchen
Something weird(er) is going on around here. First, we witnessed a large orange cat date-raping our little Siamese (cat) – and THEN there was a squirrel sitting at my kitchen table eating an avocado.
LATER, I drove myself (I did!) to the edge of downtown for a stand-up meeting with the managing editor for Minnesota Business* and the guys from Tanek and Touchpoint. The meeting was in Touchpoint’s new (unfinished) space – which happens to be in the building that I imagine owning. So that’s a weird coincidence.
*The Managing Editor for Minnesota Business can be found here:
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Tater Tots, Kings Wine Bar, Letterpress, Deer John,
Let’s talk about the kitchen in my first apartment: A room the size of an airplane galley* with the bonus feature of a countertop hinged to the wall. If that countertop was not in the lift and stow position (just like an airplane tray-table) it wasn’t possible to open the refrigerator or the oven.
This was great incentive (for my roommate) to do the dishes. I preferred moving the dirty dishes to the living room. *I’ve peeked in an airplane galley – it’s usually hidden behind a curtain (that matches the drapes) – the flight attendant works mechanically, loading up that cumbersome cart to roll down the aisle.
The delicacies that came out of that first apartment kitchen included (and were limited to) chicken pot-pies and tater tots. The crisper drawer in my refrigerator contained a large amount of an herb – but that was none of my business.
Oh, but the tater tots!
Straight from the freezer and onto my cast-iron skillet: washed down with an Old Milwaukee and a Camel Lights cigarette.
Whew! Did I mention I had 18 by the balls? ALSO, if I had a hankering for ribs OR pizza, I only had to walk down the stairs. That’s right, the one and only Ribizza fulfilled that strange combination requirement for Uptown, Minneapolis.Exactly five minutes West of my house is Kings Wine Bar - a newish (rhymes with Jewish) little neighborhood restaurant. They serve tater tots but with sauces far fancier than ketchup. I was there last night and there didn’t seem to be any Old Milwaukee or Camel cigarettes on the menu but somehow, after we ate our tater tots, our table was magically covered with candy.
This doesn’t have anything to do with the card I wrote/designed last night. Or does it?
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Letterpress in Minneapolis
Sunday: The Corpus Christi procession brought oodles of the Devout through Loring Park – all busses were rerouted and the Minneapolis Police department was on high alert for any shenanigans. Still, I couldn’t help but feel a little emotional as the church bell solemnly rang out and I watched Barb perform CPR on my husband.
Tuesday: Our new intern (Andrea Sanow) showed up with the enthusiasm of a 22 year old girl. We love her – and we’re not just saying that because she reads the blog and is, like, the strangest mix of a Type A Personality and totally laid back. What?! It’s true. Thanks to her, I got so much done: Here are the Room & Board prints in color:
