Zeichen Press – Page 35 – Design & Letterpress for the people.

Minnehahahahahahahaha Creek

“What street is this??”�I yelled up to the boy watching us float past him. He told me that we were just about to enter the Ninth Circle of Hell.

PHEW!�Almost done!

Three hours to travel 2.5 miles…�Could we have walked faster than the creek carried us?�Oh, THAT’S the point my kids were making when they got out of their tubes and dragged them the last four blocks!�Oh, kids! So subtle!

I didn’t get a photograph of them on our adventure, BUT a giant spider landed on my belly! AND who needs a picture of all three when�one�of them modeled for the company that made our tubes?

(Grip those handles! Safety first, Dylan!)

I only thought the creek-pollution caused blindness one time and I only lost my sunglasses one time — I’d call that a win!

Here’s a card, maybe inspired by laughter-induced bladder incontinence. MAYBE NOT.

August 11, 2016
Roadhouse and Tea Towels and Poop Sandwiches

My life is one big Sexy Action Thriller. And being a bouncer at the Double Deuce in Missouri when I was only ten years old was pretty intense. Sure, I had great hair and sure I had a winning smile, and sure I always made breaking up bar fights and drinking black coffee look sexy.�That’s just who I am.

Truth is, practicing tai chi in your brother’s�sweatpants and running a letterpress design studio with cards�SOLD AROUND THE WORLD, takes discipline and dedication.

Live Wires,�our New Zealand distributor,�knows this and sent us a token of appreciation.

I think they’re supposed to be for tea but I already used mine for sopping up blood from a letterpress-related (packing tape dispenser) injury.�Thanks Helen Harvey!

After I bandaged my wound, I made this:

July 31, 2016
As The World Turns

My little sister�had baby #2 last week, she gave birth at home but, strangely, didn’t ask me to participate.

Despite my lack of presence,�the birth went off without a hitch because anyone can boil water and get towels. (SORRY MOM.)

I will give her this card the next time I break in to her house:

ALSO, I made this because I am so into politics:So, you don’t need to watch the news tonight. You’re welcome.

July 21, 2016
I Dreamed a Dream

Dinah told me about her crazy dream!

She�said we�left her for two weeks with�Tib�and Jen so we could go to Cape Cod, and she had a fever and�hair-balls. She said it was actually more like a nightmare � poor thing!

I didn’t have the heart to tell her that her nightmare was real… that we�did�leave her for two weeks with Tib and Jen.

But she isn’t alone.�When she reads the blog, she’ll find out about our scary flight home. The airline warned us, but people just do whatever they want.The other passengers made calls on their flip-phones,�watched who-knows-what on portable televisions,�drove their remote-controlled cars up and down the aisle, talked to each other on walkie-talkies, and blasted music on transistor radios! Meanwhile�we,�The Law-Abiding,�were�stuck in the teeny-tiny bathroom, forced to take hysterical selfies.BUT, we managed to land safely, no thanks to all of that recklessness. I will NOT be giving them my latest Thank You Card.

July 13, 2016
02630

Cape Cod 2016 is (so far) drama AND cage-free. Wait, we�did�lose one member of the party searching for the water shut-off valve in the cellar.

He was brave and will be missed.

More importantly, we never found that shut-off valve!�One life wasted.

But we must carry on, he would have wanted it that way.The very next day was filled with so much splashing and laughter and sunscreen, I’m sure Ben was looking down on us and giggling! Oh, how he’d giggle!AND here’s a little thing from The Boston Globe about�Millennials’�loving PAPER greeting cards.�DUH.

July 1, 2016
Mystery Solving and Scapegoating and Huge Fans

This�isn’t the first time�I blamed The Cats for a crime they didn’t commit.

Nor will it be the last.�The odor of rotten animal is unforgettable and like the odor of rotting potato, it is embedded in the brain. But sometimes the brain jumbles the smell of decomposing rodent with the smell of a blanket of maggots coating the bottom of the garbage can.

And that is where my story begins…

The Summer Breeze gently wafted through the upstairs windows. It was pleasant, until an occasional repulsive odor stung my nostrils. I blamed The Cats for hunting, killing, and hiding their prey somewhere on my second floor.

But a search for a body was in vain and a garbage can investigation led me to the real suspect: that damn�blanket of maggots coating the bottom of the garbage can!

Mea culpa, Tib!��When will I ever trust you again??

Speaking of breezes (and puns??)… Here’s a new thank you/congratulations card.

June 18, 2016

Airplane Safety Card

The trip to the Cape always begins with studying the airplane safety card.

When we land alive, I kiss the filthy airport carpeting and raise my fists in the air in triumph.

The drive from Boston to the Cape included a pit-stop for newborn-sized burritos and an impromptu visit to a little stationery store in Hingham called�social graces�- adorable! This just proves my theory that Hingham has newborn-sized burritos and little stationery stores.

The Cape is paradise, as usual – except for the E. coli outbreak – that’s Electronic coli. We had to boil our water – it reminded me of Mexico – without the drug mules. And everything else.

To be continued…

July 26, 2010
Lord of the Letterpress Flies

I remember some sort of Mexican-standoff In an early apartment�that involved my roommate, dirty dishes and refried beans.�Neither of us wanted to do the dishes and so they were stacked, teetering on the counter – pots and plates on top of other pots and plates – the bottom of the pile forgotten like a lost tribe. My roommate, a vegetarian, had a particular pot that she favored for heating her refried beans – she used this day after day until one day it was forgotten – and the pot joined the pile. But not before she filled it with water,�she believed in the pre-soak method.�I’m not sure how much time passed – a forensic scientist would be able to determine that based on the evidence in the kitchen.

One morning (or was it afternoon?) I discovered something disturbing: the kitchen windows alive with hundreds of flies. I don’t remember either of us being overly surprised. I do remember having to do the dishes in the bathtub.

There are no dirty dishes in the shop and certainly no vegetarians – and yet, I awoke to the same disturbing scene: windows alive with flies. The only conclusion that makes any sense has something to do with the devil. I’d like to believe that our printing projects aren’t evil but I guess I can’t be the judge of that.
Oh, by the way:�Before the flies,�I finished those prints for Room & Board:

July 22, 2010
Canada: You’re strange and wonderful.

So, I (meaning the Zeichen Press intern) pulled one of everything (x3) for our new Canadian reps

while I sat on the cold concrete floor and worried.�Andrea is learning so much from me.

Our new reps will be taking our goods to the the�CGTA�and from there I guess back to their ice palace. Canada is so different than America!

I found�a short list of shops�in Toronto that I imagine will soon be carrying some letterpress from Minnesota… but that’s for the reps to decide. I’m not some kind of control freak.

July 18, 2010
Sweat Shop

The shop has been a very sultry 90� for the past couple of days – which makes for nearly nude printing. The latest Room & Board project is half done and it’s looking frantastic – the ink loves the heat and lays down like a whipped dog – I also love the heat and yet I stand. And stand. I’d like to thank cold-press coffee from�Sisters’ Sludge�for helping me to keep it real.

July 15, 2010
Tortured (commercial) Artist

I need to get into character for the big Room and Board project… “WHAT’S MY MOTIVATION??!”

Backstory:

In a post-apocalyptic world, one breathtakingly beautiful woman finds herself wandering through the residential remains of South Minneapolis. She stumbles upon a letterpress print shop – it is impossibly intact. She drags her shopping cart of possessions inside and studies her surroundings. Type, ink, paper, a giant wrench and an autographed photograph of Kelly Clarkson. This is exactly like her dream – except without Abraham Lincoln. There isn’t much time before the�feral cats�find her… �But she finally has a method to preserve the dying language – at last! At long last…�

Whew! That was intense! Okay, enough screwing around – the clock is ticking and the cats are coming.

July 13, 2010
My New Computer

I lived in Uptown when Chino Latino was Annie’s Parlor and the threat of a good bus-stop knifing made my morning commute thrilling.

Alas, that Uptown is no more.

The filthy (come ON! You�know�it was filthy!!) Uptown Bar has been replaced by a giant, sparkly�Apple Store�and�the smelly Uptown Bar bouncer has been replaced with fresh-faced (sober) computer geeks. Did I shed a tear during the demolition of this�Minneapolis Institution?

No. I did not. Don’t send me hate mail.�

I loved the Uptown Bar – when I was 21. I also loved smoking a pack of cigarettes every day and getting my furniture from the Salvation Army.

I love the new Apple Store – all brushed metal and snowy white… Perfectly climate controlled, smelling of new electronics, buzzing with energy… A 30 foot-tall-wall of tempered glass keeps the noise and heat of Hennepin Avenue out and the Apple-Zen in. Machines are tethered to maple tables so they won’t float away and maybe to prevent shoplifting.

I bought one of those machines – my old machine was jealous but it was time for it to be replaced. Laptops shouldn’t cause 1st degree burns on a lap.�I know I’ve made some very poor decisions recently, but I can give you my complete assurance that my work will be back to normal. I’ve still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mission. And I want to help you.

What?! I know. My new computer would never say something like that.

July 6, 2010
Seriously??!

I’ve heard that some people use their kitchen table FOR EATING.

The squirrel came back again – this time looking for Fig Newtons.

Maybe if people (me) remember to shut the back door she wouldn’t think I was inviting her in for lunch. After I waved goodbye (screamed hysterically and jumped up on a chair) I had time to use the table for other things. : Project photographs for the new website!

I am tempted to leave my door open to see what other wildlife will enter my kitchen.

June 30, 2010
PR for Tanek, a pregnant cat and a squirrel in my kitchen

Something weird(er) is going on around here. First, we witnessed a large orange cat date-raping our little Siamese (cat) – and THEN there was a squirrel sitting at my kitchen table eating an avocado.

LATER, I drove myself (I did!) to the edge of downtown for a stand-up meeting with the managing editor for Minnesota Business* and the guys from�Tanek�and�Touchpoint. The meeting was in Touchpoint’s new (unfinished) space – which happens to be in�the building�that I imagine owning. So that’s a weird coincidence.

*The Managing Editor for Minnesota Business can be found�here:

June 24, 2010
Tater Tots, Kings Wine Bar, Letterpress, Deer John,

Let’s talk about the kitchen in my first apartment: A room the size of an airplane galley* with the bonus feature of a countertop hinged to the wall. If that countertop was not in the�lift and stow�position (just like an airplane tray-table) it wasn’t possible to open the refrigerator or the oven.

This was great incentive (for my roommate) to do the dishes. I preferred moving the dirty dishes to the living room.�*I’ve peeked in an airplane galley – it’s�usually hidden behind a curtain (that matches the drapes) – the�flight attendant�works mechanically, loading up that cumbersome cart to roll down the aisle.

The delicacies that came out of that first apartment kitchen included�(and were limited to)�chicken pot-pies and tater tots. The crisper drawer in my refrigerator contained a large amount of an herb – but that was none of my business.

Oh, but the tater tots!

Straight from the freezer and onto my cast-iron skillet: washed down with an Old Milwaukee and a Camel Lights cigarette.Whew! Did I mention I had 18 by the balls? ALSO, if I had a hankering for ribs OR pizza, I only had to walk down the stairs. That’s right, the one and only�Ribizza�fulfilled that strange combination requirement for Uptown, Minneapolis.

Exactly five minutes West of my house is�Kings Wine Bar�- a newish (rhymes with Jewish) little neighborhood restaurant. They serve�tater tots�but with sauces far fancier than ketchup. �I was there last night and there didn’t seem to be any Old Milwaukee or Camel cigarettes on the menu but somehow, after we ate our tater tots, our table was magically covered with candy.

This doesn’t have anything to do with the card I wrote/designed last night. Or does it?

June 13, 2010
Letterpress in Minneapolis

Sunday:�The Corpus Christi procession brought oodles of the Devout through Loring Park – all busses were rerouted and the Minneapolis Police department was on high alert for any shenanigans. Still, I couldn’t help but feel a little emotional as the church bell solemnly rang out and I watched Barb perform CPR on my husband.

Tuesday:�Our new intern�(Andrea Sanow)�showed up with the enthusiasm of a 22 year old girl. We love her – and we’re not just saying that because she reads the blog and is, like, the strangest mix of a Type A Personality�and�totally laid back.�What?!�It’s true. Thanks to her, I got so much done: Here are the Room & Board prints in color:

June 9, 2010