• Craftstravaganza Review/Doppelganger Evidence

    The day began with a single, tissue-wrapped banana-lovingly prepared by the May Day Cafe.

    It’s all about the details.

    From there it was a regular thrill-ride down 35W. Sometimes when Jen drives, I close my eyes and scream The Lord’s Prayer. Jen tries to shut me up by stuffing buttermilk scones in my mouth. I do a lot of praying when Jen’s around. Dear God, please help me not to crush Jen’s toes with a case full of lead type.

    The Craftstravaganza was more fun than usual. Everything is more fun with darts. We sold lots of stuff, here’s Jen practicing her smile:

    Jen!!

    After I took this photo, I backed into Pevenshire Wiffynuts.

    Mr. WiffynutsPevenshire Wiffynuts Letterpress printed on recycled paper. Comes with coordinating envelope and packaged in cellophane sleeve.Needless to say, my mind was blown. With barely a moment to recover, Two Bald Men came to our table. I fainted and hit my head. To wake me up, Jen threw a cup of hot coffee at my face. She should be a nurse.

    Two Bald MenCheer up, you could be two bald men. Letterpress printed on recycled paper. Comes with coordinating envelope and packaged in cellophane sleeve.

    May 3, 2009
  • Oh, sweet affirmation!

    Jennifer Sbranti IS the Hostess With The Mostess.

    Don't mess.

    That’s a fact. If I lived in San Diego I would crash her parties, she would be like, “WHAT?! YOU again? Take off that wig and crawl back under the gate.” She wrote a little something about Zeichen Press on her blog today. To thank her, I am writing a book entitled, 1001 Ways to thank Jennifer Sbranti.

    Is that weird?

    May 1, 2009
  • Celine Dion at the Craftstravaganza!!!

    I’m totally kidding. Wouldn’t that be awesome though? I was picturing her at Bergan’s Grocery Store this morning… standing with her microphone –  between the Rug Doctor Rentals and the helium balloons… Singing like it’s a Saturday Night in Vegas. Oh, Celine! Shopping would be a pleasure with your angelic voice wafting through the air, mingling with deli-smells – My heart would go on.

    The Craftstravaganza? Right. We will be there with 55 of our closest crafting friends. When I say, “crafting” don’t think about toilet paper cozies, kleenex box cozies, toaster cozies, and toilet brush cozies. Don’t. I’m not judging the ladies that make things cozy, I’m just wondering why everything needs to be so cozy. Okay, DO think about hand-made goods. GOODS. I’d even call them hand-made greats. See how I am? See how I roll? You know it.

    craftstravaganza09poster-download1

    Going to the State Fair Grounds off-season is like bumping into your teacher at your dentist’s office. What the hell are YOU doing here?! You’re not supposed to leave school! Your teeth aren’t real!!

    See you on Saturday my Best Beloved. Bring your wallet. And your mom.

    April 25, 2009
  • Creek-Bike & Room & Board

    The ice on the creek melted and it was time, again, for the Creek-Garbage-Opener! Our tackle box contained exactly two things: a giant hook (the Kitchen-Aid-bread-dough-attachment) and 50 feet of obsolete ethernet cable.  The catch-of-the-day was larger than usual and after  a nail-biting struggle, this was pulled  out:

    Creek-Bike

    It smells like death but it’s ours. 

    What does any of this have to do with Room & Board?

    Ugh. It’s so obvious. 

    So anyway, we gave our prints to Room and Board and we’re waiting to hear what the President & Vice President think. Personally, I don’t think they really needed to take it to that level. Obama is a busy fellow. Here are a couple things they liked:

    Big gray typeWood type

    Wanted Poster Type

    April 17, 2009
  • Must…write…more…cards………………

    There seems to be something gnawing on the chicken-bone of my subconscious. Not just gnawing, but dipping it in creamy, blu-cheese dressing and sucking on it.

    Thank goodness for the wet-nap, or whatever is doing the gnawing would contaminate the rest of my psyche. I like my non-physical parts to be separate. Like a melamine hot-lunch tray. Everything stays within it’s little-walled-area and nobody gets fussy.

    Unfortunately, or maybe not, there does seem to be some breach in the Dreaming ~ Day Dreaming compartments. Sandbagging might help. Or a thick, mashed-potato partition – the mashed potatoes finally living up to their destiny.

    Great writers are great ruminators but great ruminators are not necessarily great writers. I think that’s what I’m talking about. Or was I talking about my days in the cafeteria? Ah, the cafeteria…“Lunch Lady? Would you mind being careful to keep the gravy in its… No? Yes, you’re right. It all ends up in the same place…”  In the toilet. Which is, of course, a metaphor. That’s what happens when you give children mixed-messages.

    So, anyway. I have a growing collection of printer’s cuts and for some reason I feel compelled to give each of them something to say. I realize that the New Yorker’s Caption Contest is eerily similar to what I do. Except I always win. That’s the nice thing about owning the company. Thatand the hugs I get from complete strangers. Why do strangers hug me? They might be trying to squeeze the life out of me. I’m not sure. They tell me not to resist – I’m always like, ”Resist? Resist what? Who am I to stifle this bizarre act of love?”

    Where was I? … Right. A line I wrote for a lonely cut:

    Sorry.

    PSSST,

    are you coming to my funeral?

    April 11, 2009
  • Franimals: A-Z!!

    Should a grown woman spend the day in bed drawing animals?

    No? What if the animals are super-cute and made entirely of her favorite font? What if the woman was very ill, clinging to life by a bed-thread? What if… what if… oh, what if… oh, my bed-sores… Without further ado, Franimals:

    copyright: do you feel me??

    A-J Franimals were originally designed for Room & Board. Sadly, they were overlooked. Apparently kids today aren’t interested in “animals” or “alphabets” That’s not Room & Board’s fault. Or…is…it?

    ANYWAY, I love Room & Board. Sometimes I break into their showroom and rehearse scenes from Failure to Launch starring Mr. Matthew McConaughey.

    Matthew! Your mischievous smile… your love for Mother Earth… your shirtless-ness…

    What am I talking about? Oh, yes. My fever. It’s very high and I wouldn’t turn down a copy of Erin Brockovich and some German Spaetzel.

    April 9, 2009
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  • I Think I Can, I Think I Can

    Jen’s in Austria because she loves gazebos.Sound of Music GazeboThe Intern (Madge) is in Italy because she loves dreamy landscapes.dreamy landscape.MadgeAnd I am here because I love the smell of flooded basements. basement floor.2016Is that asbestos tile??

    Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. See how we just throw caution to the wind over here?? I almost forgot what the floor looked like under 1,000 lbs of soaked carpet! And that was my lesson about not taking things for granted.

    Between all that lesson-learnin’, I made a new card.bad back uselessDon’t hurry home guys!

    June 16, 2016
  • Being A Better Person

    Tib knows it’s summer because the screens are on.

    *tib screen window 2016And *I* know it’s summer for other, more important, reasons.swimsuit season is upon usBut I’m trying to be a better person/less into body-sculpting, so I decided to read a book. It was written by The Intern’s daughter, Nora McInerny Purmot.*Its Okay To LaughChapter 25 was especially fun to read because Madge is so near and dear to my heart and I could relate to the notion of elder-abuse.madge chapter 25Except my mom has made it very clear that she wants to be euthanized via pillow-suffocation, pre-elder-abuse.

    Oh, mom!

    June 2, 2016
  • Semi-Casual Observer

    Wait a sec… This ice cream truck drives slowly by the house/Zeichen Press HQ every day,ice cream truck window 2016but I have never really studied it…

    Zoom… Enhance…ice cream truck cropAnd again…

    …

    …

    …

    …

    …read my face typeI KNEW IT.

    May 26, 2016
  • Art Licensing Part X

    RSVP wanted MORE greeting card submissions. And having a wet towel for a brain makes it so much easier to wring.rsvp.3.choosersvp.high five graduationrsvp golf.better

    rsvp.dear god with PS

    May 13, 2016
  • Behold, I Make All Things New

    Remember last year when my lung collapsed and my mom had to sleep on a cot in my dingy bedroom so she could walk me to the bathroom in the middle of the night?collapsed lung discharge papersAnd EMTs had to come to that same dingy bedroom, on that very same night, because we thought my chest-tube had fallen out?

    No?

    I know you’re wondering if the EMTs were cute and why my bedroom was so dingy. Um, my mom volunteered to be their Resusci Annie doll and I’ve been a little too busy building the Zeichen Press Empire to focus on home-making frivolity.

    But, between choosing paper/envelopes for the Spring Release and conquering territories, I did refresh my bedroom. And now I see no reason to ever leave it.new roomChoosing paint color is just like choosing ink color. But with less Jen and more anxiety.

    Speaking of self-medicating (was I?) here’s a Spring Release teaser (see/buy ALL 12 from the shop!):use.app for this

    May 4, 2016
  • Around The World In A Day

    1985 : Minneapolis

    One 13 year old girl (me) biked to Calhoun Square in Uptown to buy a record for her friend’s birthday and almost kept it for herself (myself).

    I might have forgotten to ask to borrow the bike from my sister. And might have forgotten to ask permission from my mom to bike there. And I might have not brought a bike lock. And the bike might have been stolen from the entrance where it was super-discreetly parked behind the Calhoun Square signage. AND I might have had to walk home. 

    But how could I not risk everything (being grounded) to get that album when I was pretty sure Prince wrote Paisley Park about me??:

    Colorful people whose hair

    On 1 side is swept back

    Sigh.thanks for all the things purple

    April 24, 2016
  • Franmas 2016!

    After coughing the web of mucus from my throat, it was time to choose paper and envelope colors for the Spring Release.Dinah crazy love cardDinah told me later that she was plotting my murder while I took this photo.

    Oh, Dinah! What will make you snap?!

    Wait, tell us more about the web of mucus!

    No! No more. Onto more important things.

    Like frogs im Deutschland.darling danke schonWho needs pants when you have legs like that? Amiright??

    April 12, 2016
  • Throwback Thursday (#TBT)

    Miss Sherman was our 5th grade music teacher and aside from corporeal punishment and unruly hair, she was perfect. Every week, students were encouraged to bring in their favorite record album. And because lessons are best learned through repeated humiliation (read about First Picture Day at my new school), I brought in my favorite album.muppet movie album

    …I wonder what the other kids brought! This is SO much fun!

    …Wait…

    Michael Jackson, Off The Wall…

    The Cars, Panorama??…

    Oh, Kermit! Nobody understands us/Miss Sherman forgot to call on me/oh look, this record barely sticks out between my stack of books/these darn Fall allergies make my eyes water!

    I wouldn’t tell my mom about this while I stood by the piano as she played folk songs and I sang my little heart out. I WOULDN’T.

    What I’m trying to say is that Jen and I picked cards for our Spring Release.

    Here’s a teaser:is there an app for this.vert.

    March 31, 2016
  • BIG plans vs. reality

    One of our many cats had chronic diarrhea. We kept her around because she produced litter after litter of adorable white kittens.

    And because coming home was always a surprise – where would we find her poop today?? In the mitten-bin… in the laundry basket… under my daughter’s pillow??

    Life is so full of surprises!

    Like, when the vet called to say she died after he removed her ovaries. SURPRISE! Oh, but now she doesn’t send us on poop-hunts, because she’s buried in a shallow grave in the backyard.

    First life zigs, and then it zags!gonna start juicing

    March 18, 2016
  • Let the healing begin!

    Chickenpox?lucy pox 2016Broken femur?Anthony hospitalSERIOUSLY???FEEL BETTER

    March 8, 2016
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