Zeichen Press – Page 40 – Design & Letterpress for the people.

Leather and Milk and Meat

Every few weeks�Paper Source�orders the same poopy cards from us.This makes us happy because there is no faster way to evangelize than through a chain of shops that snakes its way through the country.

Our message?�

Isn’t it obvious by now? Spread (our idea of) letterpress goodness and joy like spackle into every dark crevice on this planet.

No big deal.

This card:has nothing to do with fecal matter and so we were surprised (and delighted) to see it on our latest Paper Source order.

Perhaps the following dream was a premonition?:

There were no toilets�� but there was a shower scene. The light over the C&Phad become a shower head and I had become naked. I prayed that nobody would walk through (why didn’t I just lock it?) the shop door while I took my unnecessary (and might I add: gratuitous?) shower next to my printing press.

But someone�did�walk in.

I guess his name is Vincent Schiavelli. He was hiding behind the Heidelbergwith his cow. He wasn’t smiling. I woke up.

The End

August 5, 2012
We want to be more than just friends with: Yankee Ingenuity (Chatham)

Yankee Ingenuity�-> 525 Main Chatham, MA 02633

ANOTHER profile in that special series dedicated to bringing our readers biased reviews of shops that carry our goods.

I love a Main Street.

Someday, I will criss-cross this great nation in my (fictional) pick-up with my (fictional) Pocket Pomeranian and my (fictional)) beat-up Polaroid � snapping photos, capturing the quirkiness, the uniqueness, of each Main Street. These will make a great coffee-table book. A companion to my (fictional)�Public Bathrooms Across America�Book.

The Queen of Main Streets is in Chatham, Massachusetts. Cape Cod. New England’s Main Streets look like movie sets and Chatham’s Main Street is so adorable it should be wrapped in a blanket and burped.

Yankee Ingenuity�carries Zeichen Press cards, so it seemed polite to pay them a visit.(Notice my friend,�Andy. Notice his t-shirt.)

Once inside, my Attention Deficit Disorder became acute and I put on my horse blinders.

I made my way to the counter and had a nice chat with the owner � she told me that her husband (an amputee) LOVES:I bet because of the tricorn hat.

There were so many delightful treasures � here are a few that jumped out at me:

I would like a set of eight.

A shark puppet would help me work through my fears.

These little banks would help me save for my criss-crossing America road-trip.

That was fun. I mean, that was hard work.�Do I have to hate something to write it off as a business expense?

July 28, 2012
Unseasoned Traveler

There were three things needed for airplane travel with a group of (Shea) children (in the 1970’s):

1) Hubba Bubba

2) Mad Magazine

3) Air Sickness Bags

I don’t think there was ever a flight that didn’t involve one (or more) of us vomiting. Because of this, we quickly located our air-sickness bags in the front seat pockets before seat belts were even fastened.

My parents pretended they didn’t know us.

It was shameful (and a relief) to hand your vomit-filled bag to the stewardess. In those days, the airline logo was proudly emblazoned on each bag.�But no more.�Today, the bag is white! Who wants to throw-up in a white bag?

Not me.

I designed a bag that I can’t wait to get in front of the bigwigs at SunCountry. They’ll love it.

Our #1 Fan�just joined us on The Capeand I’m so glad he’s not a serial killer. He’ll be here for a few days and then we’ll have to say goodbye. I really, really hate saying goodbye. I hate it so much, I made a card:

July 20, 2012
Shaaawwwp Chedahhh

Well, here I am, back on The Cape for some Rest & Relaxation. Sharks are the big news out here

(sorry,�Andy) so I sent the kids right out into the ocean.I told them that we need to make clam chowder and clams don’t clam themselves � so get to work.

I believe the following card captures the feeling of every citizen on our planet:Why would I send that card/who would want to receive a card like that?

Um, I don’t know your friends and I’m guessing we all have at least one unabomber in our lives.

July 14, 2012
Is This Party Time?

If Zeichen Press were a train, Jen would be the rails. She keeps the train going smoothly down the track, she keeps it from careening off �� plowing into innocent townspeople. This analogy makes me the conductor � sweaty, with a cheek full of chewing tobacky and a headful of dreams.

Every Summer, Jen dumps her two boys off at Camp � she makes a thorough list.

But this year was going to be extra-special! SHE was going to dump the boys and hop on a plane for her�very own vacation.�I’m sure�her�list was thorough and her suitcase was packed perfectly. I’m sure she left nothing out and measured all liquids to meet TSA requirements.

She forgot one thing:

But this year was going to be extra-special! SHE was going to dump the boys and hop on a plane for her�very own vacation.�I’m sure�her�list was thorough and her suitcase was packed perfectly. I’m sure she left nothing out and measured all liquids to meet TSA requirements.

She forgot one thing:

July 10, 2012
iFran 1.0

Twice a year Zeichen Press releases a batch of new cards. Twice a year Jen and I hold a top-secret meeting in the Zeichen Press Headquarters and discuss which cards should be included in the release. Decisions are made, tears are shed, hair is pulled.

Printing took place this week and, luckily, the temperature hovered around 97�.�Jen loves printing in a sauna.�I stayed in the shop while she printed, it was an act of solidarity and I’m sure it did not go unnoticed. I sat on one of the metal stools because I wanted to experience what it was like to sit on a stove-top.

There are more top-secret meetings/fist-fights during the printing process. We need to decide which color paper to print the card on and (hold onto your hats) which color envelope to pair with the card.

Should it be a Green Apple envelope or a Berrylicious envelope?? These are tough decisions but we have to make them.

And don’t think that you could just do what we do, it takes nerves of steel and hearts of gold.

Here are the new cards: These are so amazing, they may melt your faces:

July 6, 2012

Rewriting History OR Making Ken Piper sit on Scary Santa’s Lap

Dear Scary Santa,

How is Mrs. Scary Santa? How are the reindeer? That’s nice.

Could you please bring us our own architectural firm? Just like Mr. Brady from the Brady Bunch?

He’s always making models in the den and walking around with rolled-up�blueprints. It looks like so much fun.�PLUS, we would totally take care of it. We figured out the best name for it:

Tanek.

Get it?

It’s our names!�Spelled backwards!!

Anyway, we’ll let you get back to working with the elves.

From,

Ken & Nat

November 13, 2009
18 New Cards for 2010

Doesn’t that sound futuristic?

2010.

Anyway, you can come see them�in person�at the�No-Coast Craft-o-Rama. It’s not until December but I know how my readers like to plan ahead.

November 11, 2009
My very special night at Maiden Minnesota

What a night! First, I was paper-bagged by my girlfriends and THEN I was handed a glass of wine and a sack full of pencils.

We were greeted by a wall of women at the The Grave’s Hotel – I was frightened at first – it was like a giant bridal shower… I always feel awkward at bridal showers. This is going to surprise some people but I’m just not really a girly-girl.�I can’t walk in heels and I have no idea what to do with make-up�or�hair. My casual wardrobe may as well be borrowed from the Cloggy’s Friday Night Karaoke Ladies.�

But who’s that in the bathroom with you, Fran?�Well, silly, that’s my�bathroom friend!

Okay, onto the vendors at the event. What event? Hush.�Illume Candles�was there – spreading their joy through the scented candle. We’re printing their holiday card again this year. They’ll pay us in candle currency which they assured us is just as good as real money. Let’s see… then there was some stationery vendor… forgot the name… it wasn’t us… so I didn’t care… And lastly,�Foat Design. They do urban couture and yoga wear. I chatted with one of the owners – A nice gal who claims to have a twin in San Francisco. I’m not buying it, I bet she made up the whole “twin thing” to get away with crime.

November 7, 2009
When I get my hands on Santa

Nothing says Christmas like sitting on a boozed up strangers lap.�Especially�if that stranger promises you all sorts of “goodies.”

The 1970’s were a rich time for the Shea family. 5 of 8 kids had already come through the hatch,�(what did she say?)�Mr. had a job, Mrs. kept house. Santa Clause sat at Dayton’s just waiting to kick off Christmas-Time. I do remember wondering how he could waste precious toy-making time just SITTING THERE on that�throne. That wondering turned into anxiety which turned into paralyzing fear.

That might be why I’m not in this picture.

Nat, Em, and Zak are in it.

Andy and I are noticeably absent. There might have been a pants-wetting episode, or a throwing-up episode. Or a poopy-pants episode. Andy was always trying to get attention.

With the help of photoshop, I’ll be revising history. Soon, Nat and his BUSINESS partner,�Ken, will be sitting on Santa’s lap… together. Ken needs to scrape up some childhood memory and get it over to me. I will remove Em and Zak�(Zak clearly�wants to be removed)�and replace them with a little Ken. THEN, I will create a 4-color process halftone – OF COURSE it will be 50 lines per inch.

Duh.

It will be the new holiday card for�Tanek. The finest architectural firm in the land.

I’ve heard it’s tricky to print a 4-color halftone using the letterpress printing method. But you know what I say to that??

DO YOU?!

I say, “you’re not so tricky!”

So, here’s what that image looks like when it’s all pulled apart and put back together as a 4 color separation. Isn’t it delicious?

November 6, 2009
CPR

Gasp… It’s… time… for… a… new… logo…

October 25, 2009
Happy Monday!

I wonder if schools are more selective about their teachers these days.

I had a high-school teacher that greeted us with such giddy enthusiasm when we entered the classroom – I might say he “pranced” around the room, his little toesies all dressed up for the day in black, dress socks. I could�see�the socks because those feet weren’t stuffed into a smelly old shoe – no! They were free as you and me in a classic Birkenstock sandal.

Seven�Paula Figurines�lined the front of his desk.

Six of them kept their backs to us, the seventh would be turned to let us know what day of the week it was,”Happy Monday!” and so on. So much better than a calender.

We were told that we should address him as “Doctor” – that title was later disputed. And revoked. Turns out it was all just a fantasy… oh, such a fantasy… I imagine myself getting a doctorate degree in religion…

He described one of his teaching methods as “accelerated learning.” All students were required to put their heads on their desk – or grab one of his strange-smelling pillows from his “cubby-hole.” Classical music blaring, he read aloud – synchronizing the inflection of his voice to the swells and ebbs of the music.

I wish I could remember what he read. Maybe it was the multiplication-tables. Or Jim Jones’ manifesto.

October 19, 2009
Life is really going to change

No more casual afternoons at Starbucks. No more sidewalk cafes. No more days at the park with the kids. No more walking down the sidewalk with a kid on my shoulders while sipping a Starbucks Latte while going to the sidewalk cafe from the�park.

Not any more. Because we’re celebrities. I know, I know – don’t worry – I’ll still make me-time.

If you are living in a well, you might not have heard that Zeichen Press was proclaimed Best of Show by -my new favorite- magazine:�Do It Yourself�

With the magazine in her hands and a cart full of groceries, Jen called me. She called me over the loudspeaker. I was in the frozen foods section and she ordered me to get myself to Lane 7. I did as I was told and Thank God because Jen was being dragged away by security – I got there in the nick of time, explaining that we were on a “living on your own” outing and I’d be taking her right back to the group home as soon as we bagged her groceries.

Phew!

Okay, here’s a sneak peak into the magazine – go and get your very own copy and don’t forget to buy some of our�goddamn holiday cards.

October 16, 2009
Will I win the Nobel Peace Prize?

Maybe. Oh, who am I kidding? I can’t broker peace between nations. I’m no Dalai Lama. I’m no Barack Obama. I’m just kidding about that second one �- �I just wanted something to rhyme with Dalai Lama.�Wait, what? Barack Obama really did win the Nobel Peace Prize? Oops. My bad.�It’s hard, toiling away, day after day – trying to make this crazy planet just a little bit cheerier.�Ghandi knows how I feel.

Alfred “Alfie” Nobel

What would Fran do?

���

�ANYWAY. I wrote some new cards. Perhaps, one day, they will bring peace to war-torn countries…

��

PSST, is this my birthday party or my funeral

��

The gifts don’t count � � � themselves.

��

The strong would survive the winter. The weak would, of course, be eaten.

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I’m Christmas Stalking you.

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The Christmas concert would be her chance for revenge.

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I’ll celebrate Christmas however I damn well please.

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I hope she likes thoughts that count.

��

Thank you for your support.

��

Great. My parents just got home.

��

October 15, 2009
Wishes DO come true!

It’s no secret that I have always wanted 300 feet of bubble wrap.

Somebody (Jen) had it delivered to our headquarters – it’s one of the best things I’ve ever seen on my doorstep. Although… the Sunday paper is nice to see when I open the door…or girl scouts selling cookies. Hmm, one of my stalkers once left a skinned, boiled squirrel on my doorstep… that was strange – and I still don’t get the �message – was it: “Love me back, or I’ll boil and skin you” or was it “I am capable of providing small game for your meals.”

Oh, I guess I’ll never know.

October 7, 2009
ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

Done.

Do not worry. IF you can’t get your�sad�self to the Room and Board nearest you, you can shop�online!

�It’s true. But not yet. NOT YET. The ink isn’t even dry.

Did I mention that I will be the lunchmeat between the bread named�Jackson Pollock�and�Andy Warhol?�What a strange, virtual sandwich. Speaking of sandwiches: I decided to take a break from printing to do some printing and I made this:

October 5, 2009