Zeichen Press – Page 40 – Design & Letterpress for the people.

Wherein the dog wears a wig for Room and Board and Jen pies type

Yes, well… As you can see, the dog was ready to meet with Room and Board today. We fought over the wig but there’s just no talking to her. I don’t even think the wig looks that great �- her fur is a totally different color.

Whenever Room and Board stops out to visit, Jen dumps a case of type onto another case of type. I think it’s a waste of time but Jen loves wasting time – I have to be like,�“Jen, quit wasting time.”

Oh, well – the meeting went great (I think they think we’re strange. Maybe the wig�was�too much??) They told us to make some more�alphabet press-type prints.

That’s what they call those. I call them tickets to Cape Cod but that’s none of your business.

May 12, 2010
What DOESN’T a “Long Men’s Wig” have to do with letterpress?

The creepy severed head would not discourage us from our very important purchase.�The wig�will play a small, but pivotal, role in our upcoming film (tentatively titled,�Your CPR Hurts My Chest).

May 8, 2010
(Edina) Minnesota! Where the Booze Drips Freely From the Trees

Right? We met with half of the�“Jelly Shot Test Kitchen”�AND if you don’t know what I’m talking about -�you soon will.�These Edina�ladies (why did I italicize that?)�answered a pretty serious question:�“What would a jell-o shot look like if it grew up?”�

Here’s the answer:

A Jelly Shot Test Kitchen “cookbook” (cookbook?) is in the works and they have come to Zeichen Press to help create some buzz. I wonder if it’s because�they caught wind of our professionalism.�Probably.

May 6, 2010
Craft+Extravaganza=Craftstravaganza

Does Geek+Spectacular=Geektacular? I was never good at math but I DO know that the State Fairgrounds are going to be�wall-to-wall geeks tomorrow. Jen and I will be there handing out love-letters and hugs to all of our loyal customers.

We went there tonight to set up. This baby has been following Jen around for, like, two years:

May 1, 2010
OH, I get it! PR is like stalking!

Creative, elaborate, polite (but persistent) stalking! Nothing against the�creative�stalkers out there. You know who you are.�Please don’t start re-stalking me.

I sent out the press package for Tanek today, it contained everything but a pan of brownies and a lock of my hair.

I hope�Neal St. Anthony�likes kittens.

Did I hand set that type?

Yes.

April 29, 2010
email is so 2009

I love getting a letter in the mail – and getting a package in the mail is like finding money under your pillow. Or discovering a coin in a freshly gutted fish.

Reading�my�email goes like this:�delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, �delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete… oh, that’s important… delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete.�

As you know,�Zeichen Press is handling all things that fall into the realm of communications for�Tanek Inc.�This job is usually less messy than gutting a fish but just as satisfying. Contacting reporters is part of the job and we realized that doing so via email might just be a little bit like whispering to your date across a crowded room. Not that we have dates. Or are ever invited to rooms that are crowded.

Here is the first part of a press package going out to local reporters. (Neal St. Anthony, you lucky devil!)

(Here’s a story:�Ken Piper�of Tanek was the head designer for the brand-new KMOJ station in North Minneapolis. That’s right: North Minneapolis. Watch out, South Minneapolis – the Northside is picking up steam!)

April 26, 2010

Rewriting History OR Making Ken Piper sit on Scary Santa’s Lap

Dear Scary Santa,

How is Mrs. Scary Santa? How are the reindeer? That’s nice.

Could you please bring us our own architectural firm? Just like Mr. Brady from the Brady Bunch?

He’s always making models in the den and walking around with rolled-up�blueprints. It looks like so much fun.�PLUS, we would totally take care of it. We figured out the best name for it:

Tanek.

Get it?

It’s our names!�Spelled backwards!!

Anyway, we’ll let you get back to working with the elves.

From,

Ken & Nat

November 13, 2009
18 New Cards for 2010

Doesn’t that sound futuristic?

2010.

Anyway, you can come see them�in person�at the�No-Coast Craft-o-Rama. It’s not until December but I know how my readers like to plan ahead.

November 11, 2009
My very special night at Maiden Minnesota

What a night! First, I was paper-bagged by my girlfriends and THEN I was handed a glass of wine and a sack full of pencils.

We were greeted by a wall of women at the The Grave’s Hotel – I was frightened at first – it was like a giant bridal shower… I always feel awkward at bridal showers. This is going to surprise some people but I’m just not really a girly-girl.�I can’t walk in heels and I have no idea what to do with make-up�or�hair. My casual wardrobe may as well be borrowed from the Cloggy’s Friday Night Karaoke Ladies.�

But who’s that in the bathroom with you, Fran?�Well, silly, that’s my�bathroom friend!

Okay, onto the vendors at the event. What event? Hush.�Illume Candles�was there – spreading their joy through the scented candle. We’re printing their holiday card again this year. They’ll pay us in candle currency which they assured us is just as good as real money. Let’s see… then there was some stationery vendor… forgot the name… it wasn’t us… so I didn’t care… And lastly,�Foat Design. They do urban couture and yoga wear. I chatted with one of the owners – A nice gal who claims to have a twin in San Francisco. I’m not buying it, I bet she made up the whole “twin thing” to get away with crime.

November 7, 2009
When I get my hands on Santa

Nothing says Christmas like sitting on a boozed up strangers lap.�Especially�if that stranger promises you all sorts of “goodies.”

The 1970’s were a rich time for the Shea family. 5 of 8 kids had already come through the hatch,�(what did she say?)�Mr. had a job, Mrs. kept house. Santa Clause sat at Dayton’s just waiting to kick off Christmas-Time. I do remember wondering how he could waste precious toy-making time just SITTING THERE on that�throne. That wondering turned into anxiety which turned into paralyzing fear.

That might be why I’m not in this picture.

Nat, Em, and Zak are in it.

Andy and I are noticeably absent. There might have been a pants-wetting episode, or a throwing-up episode. Or a poopy-pants episode. Andy was always trying to get attention.

With the help of photoshop, I’ll be revising history. Soon, Nat and his BUSINESS partner,�Ken, will be sitting on Santa’s lap… together. Ken needs to scrape up some childhood memory and get it over to me. I will remove Em and Zak�(Zak clearly�wants to be removed)�and replace them with a little Ken. THEN, I will create a 4-color process halftone – OF COURSE it will be 50 lines per inch.

Duh.

It will be the new holiday card for�Tanek. The finest architectural firm in the land.

I’ve heard it’s tricky to print a 4-color halftone using the letterpress printing method. But you know what I say to that??

DO YOU?!

I say, “you’re not so tricky!”

So, here’s what that image looks like when it’s all pulled apart and put back together as a 4 color separation. Isn’t it delicious?

November 6, 2009
CPR

Gasp… It’s… time… for… a… new… logo…

October 25, 2009
Happy Monday!

I wonder if schools are more selective about their teachers these days.

I had a high-school teacher that greeted us with such giddy enthusiasm when we entered the classroom – I might say he “pranced” around the room, his little toesies all dressed up for the day in black, dress socks. I could�see�the socks because those feet weren’t stuffed into a smelly old shoe – no! They were free as you and me in a classic Birkenstock sandal.

Seven�Paula Figurines�lined the front of his desk.

Six of them kept their backs to us, the seventh would be turned to let us know what day of the week it was,”Happy Monday!” and so on. So much better than a calender.

We were told that we should address him as “Doctor” – that title was later disputed. And revoked. Turns out it was all just a fantasy… oh, such a fantasy… I imagine myself getting a doctorate degree in religion…

He described one of his teaching methods as “accelerated learning.” All students were required to put their heads on their desk – or grab one of his strange-smelling pillows from his “cubby-hole.” Classical music blaring, he read aloud – synchronizing the inflection of his voice to the swells and ebbs of the music.

I wish I could remember what he read. Maybe it was the multiplication-tables. Or Jim Jones’ manifesto.

October 19, 2009
Life is really going to change

No more casual afternoons at Starbucks. No more sidewalk cafes. No more days at the park with the kids. No more walking down the sidewalk with a kid on my shoulders while sipping a Starbucks Latte while going to the sidewalk cafe from the�park.

Not any more. Because we’re celebrities. I know, I know – don’t worry – I’ll still make me-time.

If you are living in a well, you might not have heard that Zeichen Press was proclaimed Best of Show by -my new favorite- magazine:�Do It Yourself�

With the magazine in her hands and a cart full of groceries, Jen called me. She called me over the loudspeaker. I was in the frozen foods section and she ordered me to get myself to Lane 7. I did as I was told and Thank God because Jen was being dragged away by security – I got there in the nick of time, explaining that we were on a “living on your own” outing and I’d be taking her right back to the group home as soon as we bagged her groceries.

Phew!

Okay, here’s a sneak peak into the magazine – go and get your very own copy and don’t forget to buy some of our�goddamn holiday cards.

October 16, 2009
Will I win the Nobel Peace Prize?

Maybe. Oh, who am I kidding? I can’t broker peace between nations. I’m no Dalai Lama. I’m no Barack Obama. I’m just kidding about that second one �- �I just wanted something to rhyme with Dalai Lama.�Wait, what? Barack Obama really did win the Nobel Peace Prize? Oops. My bad.�It’s hard, toiling away, day after day – trying to make this crazy planet just a little bit cheerier.�Ghandi knows how I feel.

Alfred “Alfie” Nobel

What would Fran do?

���

�ANYWAY. I wrote some new cards. Perhaps, one day, they will bring peace to war-torn countries…

��

PSST, is this my birthday party or my funeral

��

The gifts don’t count � � � themselves.

��

The strong would survive the winter. The weak would, of course, be eaten.

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I’m Christmas Stalking you.

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The Christmas concert would be her chance for revenge.

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I’ll celebrate Christmas however I damn well please.

��

I hope she likes thoughts that count.

��

Thank you for your support.

��

Great. My parents just got home.

��

October 15, 2009
Wishes DO come true!

It’s no secret that I have always wanted 300 feet of bubble wrap.

Somebody (Jen) had it delivered to our headquarters – it’s one of the best things I’ve ever seen on my doorstep. Although… the Sunday paper is nice to see when I open the door…or girl scouts selling cookies. Hmm, one of my stalkers once left a skinned, boiled squirrel on my doorstep… that was strange – and I still don’t get the �message – was it: “Love me back, or I’ll boil and skin you” or was it “I am capable of providing small game for your meals.”

Oh, I guess I’ll never know.

October 7, 2009
ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

Done.

Do not worry. IF you can’t get your�sad�self to the Room and Board nearest you, you can shop�online!

�It’s true. But not yet. NOT YET. The ink isn’t even dry.

Did I mention that I will be the lunchmeat between the bread named�Jackson Pollock�and�Andy Warhol?�What a strange, virtual sandwich. Speaking of sandwiches: I decided to take a break from printing to do some printing and I made this:

October 5, 2009