Zeichen Press – Page 43 – Design & Letterpress for the people.

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The intern packed up her carpetbag and rode away. I felt like we should hug but we didn’t – hugs are best left out of print shops. She made this before she left:

Go, my young grasshopper, go and�use the life-skills I so generously shared with you.

Fred�photographed�the new cards�- here’s my favorite:

That’s a true story.

ALSO:�Becki Iverson�at�Metro Magazine�wrote a nice thing about us. I think we’ll keep giving out that photo until we are 60 years old.

Nobody needs to see a photo of us taken in February.

August 24, 2011
Doing Unspeakable Things With Type

I regret not jumping into Lake Superior last week. I’m kidding, I don’t regret that. I regret not pushing that weird guy into Lake Superior last week. He was yelling, “the effing dog ate my pills! The effing dog ate my pills!” That poor wiener dog was trying to end its own sad life. Anyway, here’s a photo of Lucy and Jenny braving the frigid waters:

Lake Superior is the poor man’s ocean, just like my Reprex

(notice the vice grips)

is the poor man’s Vandercook.

But I must make do.

I must make do because that’s how I was programmed.�The project�du jour�is a print involving lots of words. And because I’m a daredevil, I decided to lock up the type in a vertical formation.�This is not for the faint of heart. The type and I both felt creepy when it was over and now we can’t even make eye contact.

August 14, 2011
First Things First: How To Make A Jelly Shot Blow Pop

The third instructional video is complete for�the�Jelly Shot Test Kitchen. If only children could drink alcohol these would be perfect for a Summer birthday party.

Pfft.�Rules.

July 21, 2011
Ad Lib Living

I have noticed that a lot of people around me have “plans” and “schedules.” That is something I’ve always wanted. Even my days of “working outside of the home” seemed haphazardous. I never knew if or how I’d get to work – would it be the city bus? My friend’s pick-up truck? A ride from a stranger? On foot? A police escort? Would I be able to pull-off a cup of coffee before work? Everyone talked about that – the coffee.�“Whew, I barely had time for my coffee this morning, the dog just wouldn’t do his business!”�They had coffee pots with timers – they’d wake up to the smell and sound of a fresh brewing pot. They’d fill their travel mugs and�commute�to work.

Why couldn’t I be like these people?

My snooze button (invented by the devil) would be pushed at least twice, granting me temporary amnesty – more time to dream about using inappropriately located toilets. A shower could happen but more than likely would not. Teeth brushed just in time to smoke a cigarette and tie my son’s shoes.

I know what you’re thinking: Glamorous.

A few weeks ago, I started doing the unthinkable: Waking up early and�not�forcing myself to fall back to sleep.

I actually�get out�of bed.

I get out of bed, make a smoothie filled with micro-nutrients and whole-food concentrate and go for a bike ride. It seems that other people DO THIS TOO. The paths are full of “others.”

I haven’t decided if I hate myself for being one of these people. Time will tell.

Anyway, number 7 of the Shea 8 will be getting married this Summer and she needed a program – I gladly volunteered and these were created yesterday:

They will contain a disc of music from the ceremony. Understated and cool. Just like my sister.�Notice my crummy thumbnail in the upper-left.

Okay, onto something pretty serious.

Kittens.

Watch:

July 17, 2011
Every Couple Wants Their Own Postmark

I won’t try to fight it – and why should I?

My youngest sister�

(why is she so angry all the time??) is getting married this weekend and I designed/Jen printed some invitations for the blessed event.

The event will be very celebrity-heavy. By “celebrity” I mean “family.” It will be full of family. You can crash the wedding if you want – but no pictures. Just kidding. Take pictures – I can’t stop you.

July 12, 2011
Kitchen Photo Shoot And a Guest Appearance

Pat Carney�stumbled into our dimension on Friday for the�Gute�photo shoot.

Edmund�made latte after latte while�Loretta�babbled in the background. We think she was talking about Pam the kitten/her prisoner. Anyway, I had to punch Pat in the face to get one latte away from him for a prop. He took it like a man. Except for the tears.

June 5, 2011

Craftstravaganza Review/Doppelganger Evidence

The day began with a single, tissue-wrapped banana-lovingly prepared by the�May Day Cafe.

It’s all about the details.

From there it was a regular thrill-ride down 35W. Sometimes when Jen drives, I close my eyes and scream The Lord’s Prayer. Jen tries to shut me up by stuffing buttermilk scones in my mouth. I do a lot of praying when Jen’s around.�Dear God, please help me not to crush Jen’s toes with a case full of lead type.

The Craftstravaganza was more fun than usual. Everything is more fun with darts. We sold lots of�stuff, here’s Jen practicing her smile:

After I took this photo, I backed into Pevenshire Wiffynuts.

Needless to say, my mind was blown. With barely a moment to recover, Two Bald Men came to our table. I fainted and hit my head. To wake me up, Jen threw a cup of hot coffee at my face. She should be a nurse.

May 3, 2009
Oh, sweet affirmation!

Jennifer Sbranti IS the Hostess With The Mostess.

That’s a fact. If I lived in San Diego I would crash her parties, she would be like, “WHAT?! YOU again? Take off that wig and crawl back under the gate.” She wrote a little something about Zeichen Press on her blog today. To thank her, I am writing a book entitled, 1001 Ways to thank Jennifer Sbranti.

Is that weird?

May 1, 2009
Celine Dion at the Craftstravaganza!!!

I’m totally kidding. Wouldn’t that be awesome though? I was picturing her at Bergan’s Grocery Store this morning… standing with her microphone – �between the Rug Doctor Rentals and the helium balloons… Singing like it’s a Saturday Night in Vegas. Oh, Celine! Shopping would be a pleasure with your angelic voice wafting through the air, mingling with deli-smells – My heart would go on.

The Craftstravaganza?�Right. We will be there with 55 of our closest crafting friends. When I say, “crafting”�don’t think about toilet paper cozies, kleenex box cozies, toaster cozies, and toilet brush cozies. Don’t. I’m not judging the ladies that make things cozy, I’m just wondering why everything needs to be so cozy. Okay, DO think about hand-made goods. GOODS. I’d even call them hand-made greats. See how I am? See how I roll? You know it.

Going to the State Fair Grounds off-season is like bumping into your teacher at your dentist’s office. What the hell are YOU doing here?! You’re not supposed to leave school! Your teeth aren’t real!!

See you on Saturday my Best Beloved. Bring your wallet. And your mom.

April 25, 2009
Creek-Bike & Room & Board

The ice on the creek melted and it was time, again, for the Creek-Garbage-Opener! Our tackle box contained exactly two things: a giant hook (the Kitchen-Aid-bread-dough-attachment) and 50 feet of obsolete ethernet cable. �The catch-of-the-day was larger than usual and after �a nail-biting struggle, this was pulled �out:

It smells like death but it’s ours.�

What does any of this have to do with Room & Board?

Ugh. It’s so obvious.�

So anyway, we gave our prints to Room and Board and we’re waiting to hear what the President & Vice President think. Personally, I don’t think they really needed to take it to that level. Obama is a busy fellow. Here are a couple things they liked:

April 17, 2009
Must…write…more…cards………………

There seems to be something gnawing on the chicken-bone of my subconscious.�Not just gnawing, but dipping it in creamy, blu-cheese dressing and sucking on it.

Thank goodness for the�wet-nap, or whatever is doing the gnawing would contaminate the rest of my psyche. I like my non-physical parts to be separate. Like a melamine hot-lunch tray. Everything stays within it’s little-walled-area and nobody gets fussy.

Unfortunately, or maybe not, there does seem to be some breach in the Dreaming ~ Day Dreaming compartments. Sandbagging might help. Or a thick, mashed-potato partition – the mashed potatoes finally living up to their destiny.

Great writers are great ruminators but great ruminators are not necessarily great writers. I think that’s what I’m talking about. Or was I talking about my days in the cafeteria? Ah, the cafeteria…“Lunch Lady? Would you mind being careful to keep the gravy in its… No? Yes, you’re right. It all ends up in the same place…”��In the toilet. Which is, of course, a metaphor. That’s what happens when you give children mixed-messages.

So, anyway. I have a growing collection of�printer’s cuts�and for some reason I feel compelled to give each of them something to say. I realize that the�New Yorker’s�Caption Contest�is eerily similar to what I do. Except I always win. That’s the nice thing about owning the company.�Thatand the hugs I get from complete strangers. Why do strangers hug me? They might be trying to squeeze the life out of me. I’m not sure. They tell me not to resist – I’m always like,�”Resist? Resist what? Who am I to stifle this bizarre act of love?”

Where was I? … Right. A line I wrote for a lonely cut:

PSSST,

are you coming to my funeral?

April 11, 2009
Franimals: A-Z!!

Should a grown woman spend the day in bed drawing animals?

No? What if the animals are super-cute and made entirely of her favorite font? What if the woman was very ill, clinging to life by a bed-thread? What if… what if… oh, what if… oh, my bed-sores… Without further ado, Franimals:

A-J Franimals were originally designed for Room & Board. Sadly, they were overlooked. Apparently kids today aren’t interested in “animals” or “alphabets” That’s not Room & Board’s fault. Or…is…it?

ANYWAY,�I love Room & Board. Sometimes I break into their showroom and rehearse scenes from Failure to Launch starring Mr. Matthew McConaughey.

Matthew! Your mischievous smile… your love for Mother Earth… your shirtless-ness…

What am I talking about? Oh, yes. My fever. It’s very high and I wouldn’t turn down a copy of Erin Brockovich and some German Spaetzel.

April 9, 2009
If your parents REALLY loved you

they would have me design a super sweet invitation for an important event in your life.�IF they REALLY loved you they would call me on the phone and say, “Hey, Fran! My name is Mr. Blee-Blah-Blah! I would like to demonstrate my love for my child by paying you to artistically interpret an upcoming event. �Your design savoir faire is the ONLY match for the depth of love I have for my child. They have a (insert important event) coming up. Let’s do this.”�

CLICK.

I’m just saying.

We created the following Bat Mitzvah invitation for a family that clearly knows how to express their love:

March 31, 2009
Room & Board & Me & Jen & Kangaroo Meat

Ding! Round two!

Meeting with Room & Board this afternoon. If all goes according to my master-plan* R&B will bite the inside of their cheeks to stifle their sobs of awe when I reveal The Prints. To diffuse the awesome aura, I will hand out sunglasses. Personally, I think inked antique type is as delicious as kangaroo meat from First Course.

YES. kangaroo meat.�

Round one for Room & Board ended up being a creative exercise – I know, I know. My Reward Will Be In Heaven. I produced some cutey cutes for Children’s Rooms. I dug down deep into that soft part of my heart – it was under a layer of small pebbles – and found these: I call them Franimals:

*master-plan: do not get lost driving to Room & Board HQ.

March 26, 2009
fancy-talk

Dahhhhhhhhhhhhhling!

You simply must see the latest thing! Diamonds are so last week and pearls are so last century.�Resin and metal is H-O-T! I hate to muddle-up the Natural Order of the Universe (no, I don’t) but we simply couldn’t say no to�Ampersand Designs�suggestion of collaboration!

We already sat side-by-side in the�Oscar Luncheon�gift bags – and – although opening the gift bags caused a face-melting scene ala Raiders of the Lost Ark,�we decided to combine our chocolate with their peanut butter for a super-sweet fashion-statement.

Buy one or ten today!

March 18, 2009
I ? NE + Downtown + Scott Parkin + Stephen Lynch + Rod Cone + David Josefsberg

Dear Diary,

Last night was ever so much fun! I went to a party and got a lock of everyone’s hair for my scrapbook. My art was hot glue-gunned to the wall by Jen.

Oh, Jen… will she ever settle down? She wore a short little dress and MOTORCYCLE BOOTS!! She’s trouble. See her little tiny head?:

The young man that sold me my dress failed to tell me that it also doubled as a shirt.

I blame him for the indecent length.

I also blame him for climate change, hiccoughs, Christopher Reeve’s “accident”, and my parents break-up.

~

There were so many tasty bits about that party. Jocelyn’s food and drink was dee. lish.us.

�Scott Parkin‘s street-level office was cooler (and cleaner) than anything I will ever own.

Maybe that’s why he asked me to stand by the door.

And sit in a highchair.

Studio on Fire displayed their goodness on the West Wall. And by that I mean, Ben Levitz stood nude on a chair in front of the West Wall. It wasn’t the least bit uncomfortable. Something about the beard made him seem fully dressed.

Part II of the evening was jam-packed full of comedy. Stephen Lynch�was gracious enough to give us front row seats to his show. Um, I don’t think I’ve laughed this hard since he came to town last year. AND did you know that The Hilton grills up Steak Bites for hungry travelers after midnight? Well, they do. We ate them and laughed at Rod Cone.

Or was it the other way around?

BUT there was one thing we all could agree on: It would be better to lose an arm than have your face chewed off by a chimp.

AND never wrestle a Praying Mantis.�

Oh, and somehow during the course of the evening, this happened:

Oh, Diary… what will tomorrow bring?!

March 14, 2009