The Tanek logo has this lower-case “n” in it that I knew I recognized from somewhere:
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Mrs. Meyers, Goof-Off and 2,500 pounds of love
That’s what the press looks like – and I always play that song when I gaze upon it.
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-33° in Brainerd
That’s where I am. Will I ever be able to get back to Minneapolis? Stay tuned.
And, just because I’m a little obsessed with the weather, I gathered some very important figures. - Record low temperatures in The United States of America:
State Temp. Date Station Elevation Alabama -27 Jan. 30, 1966 New Market 760 Alaska -80 Jan. 23, 1971 Prospect Creek 1,100 Arizona -40 Jan. 7, 1971 Hawley Lake 8,180 Arkansas -29 Feb. 13, 1905 Pond 1,250 California -45 Jan. 20, 1937 Boca 5,532 Colorado -61 Feb. 1, 1985 Maybell 5,920 Connecticut -32 Feb. 16, 1943 Falls Village 585 Delaware -17 Jan. 17, 1893 Millsboro 20 Florida – 2 Feb. 13, 1899 Tallahassee 193 Georgia -17 Jan. 27, 1940 Mauna Kea 13,770 Idaho -60 Jan. 18, 1943 Island Park Dam 6,285 Illinois -36 Jan. 5, 1999 Congerville 722 Indiana -36 Jan. 19, 1994 New Whiteland 785 Iowa -47 Feb. 3, 1996* Elkader 770 Kansas -40 Feb. 13, 1905 Lebanon 1,812 Kentucky -37 Jan. 19, 1994 Shelbyville 730 Louisiana -16 Feb. 13, 1899 Minden 194 Maine -48 Jan. 19, 1925 Van Buren 458 Maryland -40 Jan. 13, 1912 Oakland 2,461 Massachusetts -35 Jan. 12, 1981 Chester 640 Michigan -51 Feb. 9, 1934 Vanderbilt 785 Minnesota -60 Feb. 2, 1996 Tower 1,430 Mississippi -19 Jan. 30, 1966 Corinth 420 Missouri -40 Feb. 13, 1905 Warsaw 700 Montana -70 Jan. 20, 1954 Rogers Pass 5,470 Nebraska -47 Feb. 12, 1899 Camp Clarke 3,700 Nevada -50 Jan. 8, 1937 San Jacinto 5,200 New Hampshire -47 Jan. 29, 1934 Mt. Washington 6,288 New Jersey -34 Jan. 5, 1904 River Vale 70 New Mexico -50 Feb. 1, 1951 Gavilan 7,350 New York -52 Feb. 18, 1979* Old Forge 1,720 North Carolina -34 Jan. 21, 1985 Mt. Mitchell 6,525 North Dakota -60 Feb. 15, 1936 Parshall 1,929 Ohio -39 Feb. 10, 1899 Milligan 800 Oklahoma -27 Jan. 18, 1930 Watts 958 Oregon -54 Feb. 10, 1933* Seneca 4,700 Pennsylvania -42 Jan. 5, 1904 Smethport est. 1,500 Rhode Island -25 Feb. 5, 1996 Greene 425 South Carolina -19 Jan. 21, 1985 Caesars Head 3,100 South Dakota -58 Feb. 17, 1936 McIntosh 2,277 Tennessee -32 Dec. 30, 1917 Mountain City 2,471 Texas -23 Feb. 8, 1933* Seminole 3,275 Utah -69 Feb. 1, 1985 Peter’s Sink 8,092 Vermont -50 Dec. 30, 1933 Bloomfield 915 Virginia -30 Jan. 22, 1985 Mountain Lake 3,870 Washington -48 Dec. 30, 1968 Mazama 2,120 West Virginia -37 Dec. 30, 1917 Lewisburg 2,200 Wisconsin -55 Feb.4, 1996 Couderay 1,300 Wyoming -66 Feb. 9, 1933 Riverside 6,650 AND before we start killing and eating each other, we are entertaining ourselves by throwing boiling water into the cold air.
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0°, Hydraulics and a Hair Dryer
Why is it that the one time I leave my house something awesome happens?? Jack drove the Heidelberg Windmill down from Wahpeton, North Dakota this morning. Drove it right down to our fancy studio.
I’m in Brainerd not running around the house in my underwear and Jen is back at ZP headquarters. Who knew (Jack the mover knew) that the press was going to be delivered TODAY? Apparently, the hydraulic part of the pallet jack (not Jack the mover) didn’t love the 0°. I guess it was frozen and I’m no expert but that seems like a setback. Jen called me wondering where she could find a hair dryer. I don’t know why she wanted to style her hair but I’m not going to judge. Apparently, Jen’s beautiful hair did the trick because the new press is safe and sound in the SW corner of the shop.
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It’s ART!! DO YOU HEAR ME?? ART!!
Alphabetically speaking, Zeichen follows Warhol in the Room and Board dictionary. Andy Warhol and Zeichen Press sit side-by-side on the Wall Art page - I don’t want to speak for Mr. Warhol BUT I’ll bet he is thrilled with the proximity… This might be just the thing to jump-start his career… Good luck, Andy!! You weird, prolific little man!!
So, back on the R&B website – here’s what the description DOESN’T say:
Produced entirely by hand using
vintage (super old) printing equipment,
Zeichen Press creates this letterpress
design exclusively for us in their
Minneapolis studio. Actually, they call
it a studio but really it was once the
family garage – an issue that nearly
cost the owner (Fran Shea) her marriage,
and more importantly, the garage.
I mean, studio. Using a centuries-old
manual printing method, they set salvaged,
antique type by hand in limited print runs
to give the work a one-of-a-kind quality
that feels both modern and classic.
°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°
They edited that copy down to the nub! But I suppose they know best.Have a look at these photos: GASP! They make me want to buy one of my own prints!
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The strong would survive the winter. The weak would, of course, be eaten.
The Long Winter is the true tale of a Minnesota family surviving one of the most brutal Winters in our recorded history. Trapped in the house – day after day after day – the blizzard makes it impossible to see out the window or even walk out to the barn without getting lost. Good ol’ Pa rigs up a rope to follow, he is always coming up with some creative solution! Ma follows that rope because Pa finds himself trapped in a ditch by the creek. The wood pile dwindles to nothing and the family is forced to twist hay into little bundles – they would burn these in the cast-iron stove to heat their little house. … Tough, brown bread is the only food left to eat.
Or is it?
What if that was on the jacket flap? I’d totally read that book.
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You crazy kids and your YouTube!
I know everyone is DYING to see me operating my big-ass press.
Will wonders never cease? I love you, Internet.
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COME-N-GIT YER LETTERPRESS
Shu-OOT!! It’s a letterpress extravatacularasm!! This Freitag is gonna be all monster-truck-jam but with no trucks, no face-tattoos, and no NASCAR jackets. WHAT?! How can THAT be any fun?! Don’t tell Scott Parkin but I’m planning to ride in through the double doors and right over his conference table on my pimped-out ATV. It’s gonna kick so much ass.
So, it’ll be ME, JEN, MR. BEN LEVITZ … and I’m sure he’s got some sort of gun-toting design gang. I’ll be wearing a full Kevlar dress, so I’m not even worried. The thing about Kevlar is that it’s light and airy. Just like me.
So, pack your saddle-bags with hard-tack and whiskey, shave your legs, and kiss yer ma’ goodbye – you’re goin to Northeast Minneapolis. Oh, Northeast Minneapolis… so… artsy, so… much… like… Uptown… wishes… it… were… still…
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Night of 1,000 Bloggers – ON ICE!
Keegan’s Pub was crawling with local bloggers last night. I, too, left my secret headquarters and mingled with fellow pasty-faced Minnesotans. Aside from the table-raping, the evening was pleasant. Nobody noticed that I was suited up and ready for a blogathlon – I have been training all winter for this event – mostly sitting. Also, the interest I’ve had in other “things” and “people” has had to take a back-seat to my “writing”. The only thing that would have made the night more awesome is if James Lileks and I could have performed our Ice Revue. One word: Magic. Here’s a photo of me taken by a fellow blogger :
Doesn’t it look like I’m having fun?! I always have fun when I drink flat Pepsi. Notice my delicate pinky-finger. Notice the food on my sweater and in my hair. Somebody must have thrown that at me because I don’t even eat anymore. I just drink flat Pepsi. The Nihilist in Golf Pants was also there… he may or may not remember the event. He was with a fellow that had wonderfully shaped eyebrows and spoke of gopher-holes. I think he was talking about gopher-holes. I was so busy staring at the miracle of a man-in-his-third-trimester that I lost track of the conversation.
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“birthday card for a murderer”
That was the most recent search on my blog stats page. Somebody NEEDS a birthday card for that special murderer in their life. Somebody typed those words into their little google search window and the 13th result is a link to this blog post.
You’re welcome.
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Bring it, Old Woman:
Work is not really the right word for what I do. But I do sit in a particular chair in my living room. I sit with my laptop on my lap. I sit here a lot. Oft. I sit here ofttimes. In front of me is a couch. On the couch is the dog.
Above the couch are a row of windows. I sit and, absentmindedly, stare out the window. I do most everything absentmindedly. Some call it day-dreaming. I call it thoughts and feelings continuously flowing uninterrupted by objective description or conventional dialogue.
My teachers called it “almost failing.”
ANYWAY. I am sitting in my chair and I realize I am absentmindedly staring out the window. I notice the woman across the street (whose name I dare not speak) standing in front of her large picture window. She is an older woman and I’ve see her putter about in her yard scads of times… Now I see her standing in her living room, looking out her window. Not just looking out her window – she is standing stiff and still – as if in confrontation. She is staring, staring at me. I wouldn’t expect a television actor to stop the show and look through the glass at me looking at them. It’s not as if I am standing and staring out my window. I am in my usual slumped position, eyes barely over the screen of the computer, headphones blaring music in my ears.
I am camouflaged. She shouldn’t be able to see me.
But she does.
She sees me and I’m not kidding: She, this elderly lady, gives me TWO MIDDLE FINGERS! I actually pointed at myself “who me?” and turned around, sure to see some scoundrel. But no! The eminem-style-double-flip-off was meant for me. ME! I watched as she closed her blinds.
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MMPA Oscar Luncheon Update/My Roundworm Realization
Robert Downy Jr. is holding My Cards and the cat is throwing up worms. Yin Yang, right??!! I get it. I GET IT. I can’t have the RDJ without the 5″ long vomit-covered, wriggling worms. I wouldn’t even dream of it. I don’t even DESERVE it. I AM the worm.
The Lowly Worm.
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°°°Creatives Better Bring it in 2009 or How Not to Get Outsourced°°°
Hey!
I’ve got your stimulus plan right here: (picture me pantomiming using and flushing a toilet)
WHAT?! I KNOW! It?’s nuts, but don’?t worry, I have a plan. What? You are a ?creative? and not one of those money-grubbing-pencil-pushing-number-crunching-suit-wearing-folder-filing-douche-bags? Oh, well. Never mind. Your bulging, overdeveloped right brain will miraculously begin its emergency production of U.S. currency.
Oh, silly me. Or, ?Blee, blah, blah? as my mom would say. That was MY bulging, overdeveloped right brain trying to find a creative solution for something that is far too complicated for my shriveled left brain to comprehend. Doctors say that my left brain is all that actually remains of my parasitic conjoined twin.
But that’?s not important.
Listen, what IS important is this: Stuff as much potable water and canned ham as will fit in a canvas bag and hitchhike to the least populated area you can find. It will probably be a shopping mall because nobody has any money?.
I?’m just kidding.
Don?’t bring the canned ham – that?s gross. Bring one of those shrink-wrapped holiday sausages. Okay, where was I? Why do I think it?’s important to go to the mall to see the people NOT spending their moola? BECAUSE, you – The Creative, need to inspire the buyer to buy and should see firsthand where the people are milling about, imagining shelling out their hard-earned dough. This economic pickle will do something interesting for the creative community: It will separate the men from the boys, like a giant, emotionless colander. All you timid, cowering, insecure creatives will slip through the holes.
Don?t feel bad, your ?”creative thing”? could win you the title of The Most Awesome Pictionary Partner.
But, the rest of you… YOU need to bring it.
Bring.
It.
Show us what you?’re made of! There was a time when men labored their entire lives on a single artistic work. We have a word for those people: Dead. And also, dedicated. Know your market and drive your original, imaginative spear right through that teeny-tiny part of their brain that whispers, ?I like that.?
NOW, if you are a creative that does NOT need to earn a living busting your creative butt- ignore all of those crazy words above. YOU are a purist. You design and make and create because you can. If I were Oprah I?’d say that with a ton of energy and enthusiasm, ?BECAUSE… YOU… CAN!!? Do you feel me? Knit, sew, draw, paint, print, cook, write – whatever your medium, do your thing – don’?t let the staggering, smelly, urine-soaked economy drag you down, don’?t be discouraged! This is your big chance to wear depression-era clothing and squeeze blood from a stone! Visit your local thrift stores for materials, scour Craigslist for deals, fish your local pond for dinner!
My brother, Zak, goes to great lengths to keep his money from The Man. (Offshore accounts, blee, blah, blah) Salvaging wood from broken-down barns, buildings, docks, whatever – and transforms them into stunning pieces of furniture, ornaments, frames, and toys. (Shameless, nepotistic plug: click here to be lathered in images of wooden beauty)
It must be genetic because My Grandpa was all about recycling WAY before it was even a thing. He made his living as a plumber and knew copper more than most men know their wives. (But who can really KNOW copper? Right?) Door pulls, garden arbors, oven racks… the whole damn house was held together by copper.
Are you picking up what I?’m laying down? I?’m giving you examples from my own life that you might find something relatable in yours. That makes you, the reader, feel closer to me. We should totally go have coffee and talk about how we?re going to rock 2009.
Right on.
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****Star Struck****
Richard Jenkins, Brad Pitt, Kate Winslet, Angelina Jolie, Meryl Streep, Danny Boyle, Stephen Daldry, David Fincher, Ron Howard, Gus Van Sant, Robert Downey, Jr., Philip Hoffman, Michael Shannon, Penelope Cruz, Viola Davis, Taraji P. Henson, Marisa Tomei:
Are.
All.
Getting.
Our.
Cards
YOU HEARD ME. These celebrated people will be attending the MMPA Oscar Luncheon and will be receiving one of those fancy gift bags that everyone drools over in Entertainment Weekly.
Is it wrong that I am caressing the cards and calling them Sugar-Bush?
Good luck cards. Good luck and God-speed.
Oh, which cards did we pick?These:
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Teaching strange children
As we pulled up in the parking lot to our Pre-School Speaking Engagement, Jen reminded me not to swear in front of the children. I told her I would do my best but I wouldn’t make any promises and that sometimes I need to use strong language to really make my point… sometimes I need to use strong language when children REFUSE TO BEHAVE.
I’m kidding. I told Jen to stick it in a hole. She’s not the boss of me. Then she slapped me good and hard. I can’t say that I blame her.
It took a few minutes for the kids to warm up to me. My costume might have confused them. Anyway, I brought a chase locked up with wood type and set it on the floor.
When I was a kid, I saw a kid throw another kid’s shoe into the Primate Den at The Como Zoo. The monkeys approached cautiously but before long they were all over that shoe. They wanted that shoe. I was fascinated. But then I was distracted because of another kid. A mischievous boy who met his match while trying to climb over a spike-tipped, wrought-iron fence.
I love the zoo.
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Voodoo
What in the ding-dang are these city-folk up to now??!! Putting pins in good folks and charging money for it?! I got myself some thumbtacks and I can put ’em anywhere you damn well please and charge you half ‘n what these quacks are taking. You mark my words, next there’s gonna be all kinds of potions and maybe even some of that herb smoking. I got news for you:
This ain’t California.
We like our doctors wearing stethoscopes and blue pants. We like our doctors to give us shots when we don’t feel good. We like being sent to the pharmacist. WE LIKE IT.
Oh, flibbity flam. I’ve got some noodlin’ to do. Have a look at some of Fran’s “work” for Performance Acupuncture.
Logos… What the?
