Zeichen Press – Page 47 – Design & Letterpress for the people.

Winter Preview

The Winter Walk Home from school included two memorable rituals: Dipping our un-mittened hands in 25� Tom Thumb coffee�(how old IS she?)�and passing by a very high retaining wall.

The wall held up the yard of our enemies: Two freckle-faced, red-headed brothers. These boys went to a�Public School�and as if that isn’t bad enough, they took great pleasure in tormenting me.

I will remind you that�this�is what I looked like:

Why would anyone want to harm such a sweet creature?

Armed with boulders of snow, poised-and-ready atop the wall � they would wait. Down Vincent Avenue I trudged: snow-pants under my plaid skirt, grease-covered hand-me-down coat, knit cap with sheepskin earflaps.

Again, why would anyone want to harm such a sweet creature?

I won’t tell you the ending.

We had a dusting of snow the other day but I knew better than to break out the snow-pants and knit cap. It was merely a teaser, a preview, an appetizer, an AMUSE-GUEULE.

Speaking of snow,�here’s a new card:�

November 14, 2012
Winternship� & Skin Suits

Zeichen Press has never had a Wintertime Intern.

Until now.

I expect the new “intern” to make me laugh.�It’s an important job.�She also claims she will sort type and organize cards but we’ll see. WE’LL SEE.

In other news:�I made ANOTHER�Thinking Of You�card. I thought and thought about what sort of message I’d like to receive if I were down-in-the-dumps, and I came up with this:My sister wanted me to show�The-Softer-Side-Of-Fran, but all I could think of was Marshmallow Fluff� and then I just wanted to sit on the beach and pull hermit crabs out of their shells.

What is wrong with me?

November 8, 2012
Snail Mail : Our Bread & Butter

There has been an ethical debate raging regarding snail shell art. Some feel that humans have the right to decorate the shells of�living snails.

Where do I stand?�The following new birthday card reveals my feelings on this sensitive subject:Please respect my freedom of speech.

Speaking of�freedom: Come down to�Foiled Again�on Saturday night for some�free�wine. While you’re there, you could buy some of our cards!

Two birds! One stone!

November 1, 2012
Insomnia and the Woolly Mammoth

I can’t wait until scientists clone the Woolly Mammoth.

Some might call it reckless curiosity, I call it Vegas-style science. Implanting salvaged Woolly Mammoth nuclei into an unsuspecting Asian Elephant sounds safe to me ��what could happen?�

Meanwhile,�I lay awake�and�imagine receiving (or not receiving) a baby Woolly Mammoth as a gift.�

October 27, 2012
I’ve Never Been To Paris

But I�did�take French in high school so I know all about magnetephones, l’autobus, et la lunettes pour Luc.

For the foreseeable future, I will stay within a 30 mile radius of the Zeichen Press headquarters and dream of faraway lands.Feeling the need for a Field Trip, I went to the Other Side Of Minneapolis and visited�Rex Mills. I walked through the front door, broke the tenth commandment,�(You shall not covet�- geez, get your mind out of the gutter)�pretended I had something in my eye, snapped some photos, threw a drink in the owner’s face, stole five pounds of ink, and left.That man in the photograph is not the owner � Rex Mills has�Press Operators.

I will kidnap him as soon as my taser gun arrives in the mail.

October 21, 2012
But Wait, There’s More!

Bears have it best � fattening up and slipping into their Wintertime coma. I sit here, like a fool, planning my Wintertime Wardrobe � if I never had to shower, I would wear my neck to ankle long-underwear uninterrupted.

I have Faith that Winter will eventually turn to Spring.

In Spring, I will tear off my layers of long-underwear. I will bury my Smartwool in the backyard. I will shun my calf-length coat like an old boyfriend.�(I can’t believe I was with YOU!!)

In Spring, kids graduate from educational institutions. And because I am a Giver, I give you these:�New graduation cards.�Don’t be like, “Why are you thinking about graduation in October?”

Just accept the greeting card calendar. ACCEPT IT.

October 15, 2012

Can I call you Joe?

That Trader Joe’s Card Chick was wondering if I’d like to do some more cards for the stores. Doesn’t she understand that she can’t turn me on and off like some sort of magic faucet?

Doesn’t she understand that my creative process is a flowing, uninterruptible, inspired tangent?�You bean counters! I will not submit to your big box schemes. You can’t make me. I’m an artist, a non-conformist!�… What’s that? Our 401(k) is down to what? Well, that’s just fantastic… Once again, I’ll have to step in and kick-start the economy. I had really big plans for the week, none of which involved saving America. Well, I guess that my Winter Wardrobe is going to have to try itself on. I hope you’re happy, lady. I hope you’re happy.

October 15, 2008
No karaoke at the VFW

Last Sunday, the basement of the Uptown VFW became home to the�i Like You�craft fair. The Uptown VFW seems to be three floors of basement. Wait, that’s every VFW. The water-stained, drop ceiling has soaked in more than 50 years of delicious cigarette smoke. The vinyl, accordion fold wall was straight out of my grandparent’s house. I felt like having a poached egg or a ham salad sandwich.

Oh, the VFW… so similar to the church basement. Or maybe a bomb shelter. A bomb shelter with awesome junk in it. I recently spent an evening in a VFW for the karaoke portion of a friend’s birthday party.

Again, we were in the basement but I swear we didn’t go downstairs. I knew the night was over when I saw this:

I won’t say whose leg that body was attached to. That’s a silent shame she must carry to her grave. Note the glass of water I kindly placed by her body.

But enough about nighttime VFW! Here’s a photo I took of the Daytime VFW:

October 14, 2008
Words sitting next to pictures

My fans are relentless, �”Fran, how do you do it? Please, let us in to that magical and mysterious world you call your brain. Give us, if you think we can handle it, a tiny snippet of what it’s like to experience your Creative Process.” Well, stand back; I’m about to blow your minds. BLOW YOUR MINDS. This will be a little bit like someone revealing the secrets of the universe, the meaning of life, and the riddle of the sphinx. Until now, there has only been speculation. Speculation and rumor. Just like the moon landing. So, just sit right down and call in sick to work – Ready, set, go; here’s the deal: Notebook + pencil + old printer’s cut =

October 10, 2008
Total Reject

The nice thing about owning your own company and producing your own line of goods is that: A) I won’t fire me for sexually harassing myself. B) I give myself outstanding quarterly reviews. C) I haven’t showered in God Knows How Long and nobody (hi Jen!) cares. D) I can write/design/print whatever I think is funny.

The other day, the Trader Joe’s Card Chick submitted three of my cards to TJ’s. Originally there were nine and after some pretty complicated calculations on my calculator, I figured that left six for us. (Eat that, Sister Diane, I told you I’d be able to apply my limited math skills to the real world!) Here’s a peek at the six rejects: Three are for sale in our online store. Why only three? I bet you’d like to know.

September 24, 2008
Our biggest custom customer: Trader Joe’s

The Trader Joe’s Card Chick called and asked us to do some custom work for them.

I was like, “get in line lady, it’s not like Consumer Reports ranked Trader Joe’s�the second-best supermarket chain in the nation.” And she was like, “yeah, they did.” And I was like, “I knew that, I was just testing you.”

Even without my lucky historical period costume we were able to produce some winners. (My teacher used to say, “we are all winners when we don’t use drugs” but�I think she was using the word ‘we’ in the royal sense).

We gave nine cards to The Card Chick, she selected three to show to TJ’s and TJ’s is going to produce all three. They will be in the stores in March. They’ll be offset printing them, I feel good about that because I’m sure that Jen and I would be fingerless if we had to hand feed 80,000 cards into the jaws of�The Beast.

September 19, 2008
Taking the Christ out of Christmas since 2008!

When we create custom holiday cards for corporations/businesses, we are often asked to “make it not so, you know, Christmassy.” Here’s a new one for our own line – but we’re willing to share. Hey, Target Corporation: Want a few thousand?

September 15, 2008
We were in the Style Section of the New York Times!

Sort of. Not exactly. Technically we were not named in the newspaper but we feel like that must have been an oversight. Somebody is probably going to lose their job because of that little error. We’re just sorry that we can’t be there to see it. See, we designed and printed wedding celebration invitations for the couple who were in the Style Section of the New York Times – um, like, that’s a super big deal.�It’s right here, in black and white.

September 7, 2008
How important is hygiene?

Yesterday, I spent 10 straight hours sitting in the kitchen. I didn’t brush my hair or teeth.

(I once saw a medical show about a man who complained of stomach aches, they finally cut him open and discovered�his partially re-absorbed, unborn twin in his own belly. It had hair and teeth. Not much else to it. A lot of hair. A lot.)

I stayed in my pajamas. I drank coffee and cold fried chicken. Disgusting? Undoubtably. Did I care? Not the slightest. I was being paid to sit there and provide art direction for a local ad agency. Me and my laptop and the kitchen table strewn with yesterday’s dinner dishes. Who cares? Certainly not me. My Grandma would have been disgusted. She also would have been confused by the “strange typewriter machine”. Anyway, I finished the job, went to The Happy Gnome with my mom and made one of the kids clean the kitchen. Here’s a picture of me after I finished the job: note the fried chicken triggered chin acne.

September 2, 2008
PYT RNC GOP

The Republican National Convention is coming to our town! Right after the State Fair! How can one state be so lucky? It’s like having Christmas and Easter back to back! We live in Minneapolis, so I guess we’ll be the GOafterP. We wanted to make something to commemorate this momentous occasion, postcards are a nice flat souvenir, we made some. Actually it was at the request of the owner of the Romeo and Juliet Shops in Gaviidae Commons. Apparently she loves politics. Oh, The Weisman Museum Store bought some yesterday, we’ll see how they do with the kids on campus.�Buy some online:

August 28, 2008
Positive Retrogression.

I’ve heard home computers are all the rage. I’ve heard I could use a computer for design and something called a desktop printer to print my wonderful design. That sounds awfully complicated. Today I went into the shop~studio, dug around for an old cut, selected a nice fat face of type, locked it all up in my 7 pound cast iron chase, inked up my 2 ton cast iron printing press and printed a singe birthday card for Jen. She liked it.�

August 27, 2008