Zeichen Press – Page 5 – Design & Letterpress for the people.

How To Catch A Fish (Sort Of)

By age nine, I would delicately,

with my right hand, fold down the sharp fins of a Sunfish.

Why?�

So I could use my left hand to insert the rusty pliars into the gasping mouth of my catch to retrieve the swallowed hook.

If I was lucky.

If I�wasn’t�lucky, I’d stare at my motionless bobber for hours.

*Some backstory: My older brother (third of eight) allowed me to fish with him if I did whatever he said, and didn’t cry. He was SERIOUS about fishing. I had glasses and greasy blonde hair.

**Some backstory about the backstory: My brother was born in September, and I was already a sprouted seed in our Mom’s belly by the next Summer.

I think I’ve used the�bobber-watching metaphor�before, but it is APT. Everyday, I wait for�my agent�to tell me to get the rusty pliars.

Why doesn’t he ever tell me to get the rusty pliars??

He just tells me to “hang in there.”Oh, back to my Mom… She has 22 grandkids. This is her with the latest:HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!

May 9, 2014
Spring Cleansing and Fumigation

I’ve heard that we are only prescribed challenges tailored to fit our deficiencies. I don’t really have any deficiencies so I’ve just been row-row-rowing my boat, gently down the stream.

But poor Jen spent the week hunting for bedbugs (that’s what she gets for�going to Turkey) that turned out to be fleas.�

It took six flea-bombs and one hijab to properly fumigate.Doesn’t Henry look ashamed?

Doesn’t Jen’s forehead look youthful?? I photoshop-botoxed it! AND saved her $200.

She’ll thank me later.

While she was busy meeting her prescribed challenge (I pray that she learned her lesson),�*I*�was busy nobly accepting rejections for The Book.Eight rejections so far… twelve still unresponsive. But don’t worry about me, I LOVE waiting, and see rejection as an opportunity to grow as a person.

SPEAKING OF MOTHER’S DAY, here’s a new card:

May 3, 2014
Rage-Filled Kitten Eats Dead Master’s Face

Is that a true story??They wouldn’t print it if it wasn’t true.

Sally Struthers says that for about four dollars, you can buy a Starbucks Caff� Latte Venti… In the�Zeichen Press Shop, for just four dollars a day, you can bring laughter to someone who may or may not have been laughing.�

The choice is yours.

NOW, visit the shop to see our new release for Spring! You can buy the rage-filled kitten, the generous old woman,

my kind of tea party,

and so much more!

April 27, 2014
Farewell, Old Cards

Jen made me pull six cards from our line.

APPARENTLY, “they don’t sell” and don’t “make any money”.

But since when can you put a price tag�on greeting cards??

Here are the cards, you can buy them from�the shop�until they are gone forever.

FOREVER.This card was also on the list, but I refused to pull it because I’m not afraid of her.

April 18, 2014
The Answer to Life the Universe and Everything

I turned 42 (wtf?) yesterday, received 18 drinking glasses, a scallop taco from�Sea Salt, and this:BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, I sent 20 little book samples to�my agent…So now he can go pitch them to 20 publishers.

I imagine his conversations go something like this:

Peter: Here’s a new little adult picture book by Fran Shea, owner of Zeichen Press in Minneapolis, maker of cards for people that like laughing.

Publisher Person: Let me put my eyeballs back in my sockets and write you a check for $1,000,000.

Peter: Very good.

END SCENE.

Oh, I also made a new Easter card. Don’t send me hate email like you did for my zombie Easter card. Jesus loves me, this I know for the bible tells me so.

April 13, 2014
Behind the Gate AND a New Book Title

Jen’s back!

Thank God.

She said she “missed ZP soooo much!”

ZP missed her too! To show her just how much, this rabbit (mascot) sacrificed and froze himself to the ground�right in front�of the gate she walks through to enter the ZP Headquarters.ALSO, I wrote/designed a new cover for my book… Kara is busily drawing pictures while I bark directions at her. I’m sure she’s already made a voodoo doll of me.

I don’t blame her a bit.

April 1, 2014

MORE LOVE

Like a chicken, I am cooped up in my house… Day after day after day, longing to be free-range. I busy myself with cat photographyand new designs for�RSVP.�Which will be�chosen for Valentine’s Day 2017?? Stay tuned…

February 20, 2016
Serious Business

Nothing could come between a girl and her Etch A Sketch in 1981.NOTHING.

Just look at that tight-lipped concentration…�LOOK AT IT.Maybe I was creating a message for my mom? Or a beautiful design? Or a note to my brother begging him to stop slowly poisoning my parakeet and calling me Oot Head.

WHO KNOWS?

My Etch A Sketch has been replaced with 10,000 pounds of letterpress equipment, a laptop, and Jen. (Sorry, Jen.)

Here’s a new Valentine’s Day card… Lead type and an antique cut can barely compare to the magic of my childhood.

February 9, 2016
Sugar and Spice

Sandwiched between Woodworking IIand tanning�booths at�Golden�Tan�in�the Richfield Hub�(Um, Off-Campus�Study HalI),was a class called�Printmaking.�*Actual linocut carved while under Sr. Bernardine’s tutelage.�

Maybe I should thank Sr. Bernardine (‘s grave) for opening my mind to all things print-related?

Inspired by that lil’ puppy:

January 31, 2016
Boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats

Oh, wouldn’t I look smart in my new floral, lightly quilted, Guinnea Sax dress and ivory blouse! The thin silk ribbon under my collar tied so prettily… Real leather open-toe sandals with cuffed socks actually MATCH MY BLOUSE… Eleven years old and I just knew I already had the world by the shanks. THE SHANKS.�

First Picture Day at my new school was going to change everything! Sure, I spend nights in bed carefully drawing miniature Black Stallions in the margin of my diary. And sure, I rarely brushed my stick-straight blonde, center-parted, mom-cut hair. But I was pretty sure I looked like Sissy Spacek,�circa 1973.With backpack securely fastened over both shoulders, I proudly marched through the alley-entrance onto the school playground/parking lot.

WHAT’S THIS?! The girls/my classmates are wearing Guess Jeans�and white t-shirts!My heart sank.

And they burst out laughing at the very site of me!HOW COULD THEY?! THE AGONY! Thank God my call home from the nurses office only resulted in my mom coaxing me to stay at school long enough to have my picture taken, otherwise there wouldn’t be this evidence. THANK GOD.

~Dedicated to the cool kids~…And someday�I’d enact my telekinetic revenge…�

January 22, 2016
Urban Hermitage

Discovering Instacart might change my life.These modern services enable my dwindling desire to engage with the outside world.

IN JANUARY. IN MINNESOTA.

And why should I leave my house when Millie the Dog is learning to speak Human?

If only the shop were actually connected to my house.Just look at that commute! Ridiculous.

Or… inspiring? It must be inspiring because I made this.

January 14, 2016
Post-Epiphany -OR- Crime Solving By Proxy

January has already been SO busy. I don’t know about Jen, but�I’ve�had to take a really active role as a listener/watcher.

First this:�(Sherlock!)

And then this:�(Serial Podcast: season 2!)

And now THIS?? (Making A Murderer, brought to you by the good folks at Netflix�and�Men’s Wearhouse!)

It’s a lot to keep track of…�I’m taking notes if anyone needs them.

Don’t ask me how (DON’T ASK ME), but I was able to squeeze in one card:

January 8, 2016
Sort of an Epiphany

I’m pretty sure it was our Jewish neighbor (and�not�Santa Claus) who put our presents�under the tree when we were at Midnight Mass.

I�got a globe.But I�barely�remember that! I�barely�remember crying�and sulking in my bedroom! Because this was the�Lord’s day,�not mine!

Merry Christmastime, everyone!

December 31, 2015
All The Attention

If only they would stop their playing and look over at me… Why is MY friend even playing with my stupid brother???… Maybe if I�wave my arms and jump higher on this strangely super-tall bed in our basement… No, that didn’t work… Hold on… I’ll just climb down and drag over that chalkboard to lay flat on the floor because it looks more like water than the off-brown linoleum… Perfect… Now, I’ll roll over the large black, rubber inner-tube we float on at the lake… Just plop it right on top of the chalkboard… Looking good… Ok… NOW, I’ll climb back up on the bed and jump some more…

“LOOK AT MEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!”

I�hysterically�scream, while diving face-first into the center of the�inner-tube.So much blood. So many tears. And my friend was sent home??? WHY MOM, WHY?!

December 23, 2015
Chuckle.

December 21, 2015
GULP! We Are In The Washington Post??

Feeling�pretty�fancy over here�because�The Washington Post�picked up the�Religion News Service article! (Is that how it works?? See? TOO fancy for me!)

But, obviously, not as fancy as Dinah.

December 16, 2015