The Craftstravaganza is o-v-e-r. And in case you missed it, Jen gave a stirring performance as Janet Jackson circa 1989 – here’s a photo I took at the event, right before she threw down her cardboard and got totally into it. 
That was really something.
Also, and I don’t know why, I made this card after the show:
Happy Mother’s Day, all you mothers!!
Jen has already packed up her cardboard for our big breakdancing number that is our “workshop” for the Craftstravaganza on Saturday at the MN State Fairgrounds.
I sewed costumes (Jen will be dressed as Janet Jackson : Rhythm Nation 1814 and I will be a butterfly). Other workshops include weavers weaving, making t-shirt necklaces, food jewelry, and yarn bombing. The yarn bombing sounds dangerous.
There will be nearly 150 vendors, so if you can’t find a Mother’s Day gift on Saturday, I can only assume you hate your mom.
My mind wandered as I listened to the Second Reading. I wondered if I could get my hands on a chocolate milk for lunch. I watched the third graders fidget. I planned my fishing-themed diorama. …Children, let us love not in word or speech but in deed and truth… I figured out what the initials TGIF stood for oh, that makes sense! …I felt something crawl up my uniform blouse.
I felt something crawl up my uniform blouse! Or did I? The question went unanswered because, like Abraham Lincoln in the balcony of Ford’s Theater, I’d been shot. Most likely, an assassination plot carried out by those boys that dumped Mountain Dew on my head last week. Oh, the pain! I signaled my teacher and was escorted to the nurses office by a girl that needed a hero badge to add to her girl scout sash.
The nurses office was familiar to me. Homesickness was an ailment I suffered from semi-regularly.
When I staggered through the door, the nurse stopped her mimeographing and looked at me. I pointed to my gunshot wound nearish my right armpit but closer to a more embarrassing region. She lifted up my blouse. I stared at the poster on the wall.
Yes, kitten. I will hang in there.
It turned out not to be a bullet lodged in my ribcage, but a bee sting.
In honor of that important event, I created my own Hang in There! card. Do not accuse me of ripping off the original, it is an homage. An HOMAGE.
I think that means Seize Mother’s Day. But maybe not – I am really only fluent in Pig-Latin.
As far as I know, we all have mothers. I don’t think Science has done away with that yet. And I’m going to boldly state that the majority of readers of the Is That Funny blog love their mothers. Why? My research shows that people who $*#%-ing love Zeichen Press also $*#%-ing love their mothers. My research involved a picture-day slideshow and ham salad sandwiches. Also, $50 bills stuffed in a pińata. It was unorthodox but revealing.
You still have time to order a Mother’s Day card (and a card for your Mother-In-Law, dear God, DO NOT FORGET HER) from the shop! We will ship it to you so you have time to send (or give) it to mom.
But, don’t let me tell you what to do. I mean, if you don’t want to celebrate your mom (OR mother-in-law!) on this one day of the year, that’s your decision. I’m sure she won’t be hurt at all. It will never be brought up again.
Once Upon A Time, there lived a woman who tried and tried to cram a live chicken into a cooking pot. The chicken would not oblige and finally the woman had to accept the notion that live chickens will never submit to such unnatural behavior. Rather than chop off the chicken’s head, they became companions and live in an abandoned mine shaft. The End
I have dozens of stories like that, just waiting to be published. That reminds me: I was trying really, really hard to write a Father’s Day card. This is what I came up with:
At brunch, George Lucas asked me to write a Father’s Day card that suggests a theme from the Star Wars Trilogy but warned me not to use any of the Star Wars imagery. It was a strange request but I accepted the challenge and after tossing back our mimosas, we arm-wrestled and I made this:
I’m not sure if he was gently curb-stomped, or he bit into a fresh apple. Either way, he lost his front teeth.
Do you fantasize about a service that would lick your stamps (and mail awesome cards to a list of people in your address book)??
YOU DO??
Have you heard of Postable??
Did I mention that there are Zeichen Press cards in their line?? (NOT letterpress printed, BUT STILL.)
Now there really is zero excuse to NOT send a card IN THE MAIL.
*Stay tuned: Postable will be adding MORE Zeichen Press cards this week.*
WAIT, I didn’t mention the most important part:
Does Jen hate letterpress printing SO much that I have to create and license all of the art and farm it off to art licensing companies??
Maybe.
The latest for RSVP:
I know one thing for sure. ONE THING. Jen would really hate to print these multi-colored designs. She makes me live in a monochromatic world. But see how I defy?? FIVE colors??
FIVE.
And now they want more cards! FINE.
I’m such a rebel.
Tanek demanded a new website, and who am I to argue?? 
I just do what I’m told.
I designed/art directed it and the good folks at Carney, made my wishes their command.
Observe the fancy bells and whistles!
Rollovers… PDF Downloads… Video Portraits…
And observe what you WON’T observe: My own, personal, Content Management System.
It’s okay to cry. It’s beautiful.
Did I even see Jen on her birthday last week??
Hmm, I don’t think so… But I still made her a card because my love for her just bubbles over and soils the stovetop with a sort of gravy that becomes crusty and has to be scraped off months later with steel wool and maybe a knife.
Whew!
That’s a lot of love!
GET IT?!?! CAT-SUP???
Omg, it just doesn’t stop over here!
Do you need to sell something? You do??
PUT A CAT ON IT.
That sweatshirt is not to be worn ironically and can be yours for a mere $65.
But really, it’s not even realistic. What sort of galaxy is full of white kittens and multi-colored roses??
And where’s the wine and unicorn??
All of those adorable kittens in space DID inspire a graduation card. Don’t ask me why. DON’T ASK ME.
Don’t tell Blockbuster Video, but I still have a VHS copy of Alive in my attic. 
I just love survival dramas. *I* survived the heat last week, it was pretty dramatic… But I ate no one, despite feeling very hungry. To celebrate, the Intern and I set some type.
AND THEN I wrote/designed more cards for RSVP, deadline is TOMORROW. 
No big deal. Chosen card(s) just go into the Major Supermarkets.
ART, I say!
ART!
RSVP asked me for some new art, SPECIFICALLY for 16th birthdays, BUT stay away from the subject of driving?
Um, ok.
How about the subject of dog poop?
I KNOW this is a derivative of MY OWN card.
AND a card I made for ANOTHER Art Licensor. Recycled Paper Greetings.
They also asked for some Wedding Cards… Maybe I’ll say something about flatulence, MAYBE I WON’T.
