Dear Scary Santa,
How is Mrs. Scary Santa? How are the reindeer? That’s nice.
Could you please bring us our own architectural firm? Just like Mr. Brady from the Brady Bunch?
He’s always making models in the den and walking around with rolled-up blueprints. It looks like so much fun. PLUS, we would totally take care of it. We figured out the best name for it:
Get it?
It’s our names! Spelled backwards!!
Anyway, we’ll let you get back to working with the elves.
From,
Ken & Nat
Doesn’t that sound futuristic?
2010.
Anyway, you can come see them in person at the No-Coast Craft-o-Rama. It’s not until December but I know how my readers like to plan ahead.
What a night! First, I was paper-bagged by my girlfriends and THEN I was handed a glass of wine and a sack full of pencils.
We were greeted by a wall of women at the The Grave’s Hotel – I was frightened at first – it was like a giant bridal shower… I always feel awkward at bridal showers. This is going to surprise some people but I’m just not really a girly-girl. I can’t walk in heels and I have no idea what to do with make-up or hair. My casual wardrobe may as well be borrowed from the Cloggy’s Friday Night Karaoke Ladies. 
But who’s that in the bathroom with you, Fran? Well, silly, that’s my bathroom friend!
Okay, onto the vendors at the event. What event? Hush. Illume Candles was there – spreading their joy through the scented candle. We’re printing their holiday card again this year. They’ll pay us in candle currency which they assured us is just as good as real money. Let’s see… then there was some stationery vendor… forgot the name… it wasn’t us… so I didn’t care… And lastly, Foat Design. They do urban couture and yoga wear. I chatted with one of the owners – A nice gal who claims to have a twin in San Francisco. I’m not buying it, I bet she made up the whole “twin thing” to get away with crime.
Nothing says Christmas like sitting on a boozed up strangers lap. Especially if that stranger promises you all sorts of “goodies.”
The 1970’s were a rich time for the Shea family. 5 of 8 kids had already come through the hatch, (what did she say?) Mr. had a job, Mrs. kept house. Santa Clause sat at Dayton’s just waiting to kick off Christmas-Time. I do remember wondering how he could waste precious toy-making time just SITTING THERE on that throne. That wondering turned into anxiety which turned into paralyzing fear.
That might be why I’m not in this picture.
Nat, Em, and Zak are in it.
Andy and I are noticeably absent. There might have been a pants-wetting episode, or a throwing-up episode. Or a poopy-pants episode. Andy was always trying to get attention.
With the help of photoshop, I’ll be revising history. Soon, Nat and his BUSINESS partner, Ken, will be sitting on Santa’s lap… together. Ken needs to scrape up some childhood memory and get it over to me. I will remove Em and Zak (Zak clearly wants to be removed) and replace them with a little Ken. THEN, I will create a 4-color process halftone – OF COURSE it will be 50 lines per inch.
Duh.
It will be the new holiday card for Tanek. The finest architectural firm in the land.
I’ve heard it’s tricky to print a 4-color halftone using the letterpress printing method. But you know what I say to that??
DO YOU?!
I say, “you’re not so tricky!”
So, here’s what that image looks like when it’s all pulled apart and put back together as a 4 color separation. Isn’t it delicious?
I wonder if schools are more selective about their teachers these days.
I had a high-school teacher that greeted us with such giddy enthusiasm when we entered the classroom – I might say he “pranced” around the room, his little toesies all dressed up for the day in black, dress socks. I could see the socks because those feet weren’t stuffed into a smelly old shoe – no! They were free as you and me in a classic Birkenstock sandal.
Seven Paula Figurines lined the front of his desk.
Six of them kept their backs to us, the seventh would be turned to let us know what day of the week it was,”Happy Monday!” and so on. So much better than a calender.
We were told that we should address him as “Doctor” – that title was later disputed. And revoked. Turns out it was all just a fantasy… oh, such a fantasy… I imagine myself getting a doctorate degree in religion…
He described one of his teaching methods as “accelerated learning.” All students were required to put their heads on their desk – or grab one of his strange-smelling pillows from his “cubby-hole.” Classical music blaring, he read aloud – synchronizing the inflection of his voice to the swells and ebbs of the music.
I wish I could remember what he read. Maybe it was the multiplication-tables. Or Jim Jones’ manifesto.
I’m not sure if he was gently curb-stomped, or he bit into a fresh apple. Either way, he lost his front teeth.
Do you fantasize about a service that would lick your stamps (and mail awesome cards to a list of people in your address book)??
YOU DO??
Have you heard of Postable??
Did I mention that there are Zeichen Press cards in their line?? (NOT letterpress printed, BUT STILL.)
Now there really is zero excuse to NOT send a card IN THE MAIL.
*Stay tuned: Postable will be adding MORE Zeichen Press cards this week.*
WAIT, I didn’t mention the most important part:
Does Jen hate letterpress printing SO much that I have to create and license all of the art and farm it off to art licensing companies??
Maybe.
The latest for RSVP:
I know one thing for sure. ONE THING. Jen would really hate to print these multi-colored designs. She makes me live in a monochromatic world. But see how I defy?? FIVE colors??
FIVE.
And now they want more cards! FINE.
I’m such a rebel.
Tanek demanded a new website, and who am I to argue?? 
I just do what I’m told.
I designed/art directed it and the good folks at Carney, made my wishes their command.
Observe the fancy bells and whistles!
Rollovers… PDF Downloads… Video Portraits…
And observe what you WON’T observe: My own, personal, Content Management System.
It’s okay to cry. It’s beautiful.
Did I even see Jen on her birthday last week??
Hmm, I don’t think so… But I still made her a card because my love for her just bubbles over and soils the stovetop with a sort of gravy that becomes crusty and has to be scraped off months later with steel wool and maybe a knife.
Whew!
That’s a lot of love!
GET IT?!?! CAT-SUP???
Omg, it just doesn’t stop over here!
Do you need to sell something? You do??
PUT A CAT ON IT.
That sweatshirt is not to be worn ironically and can be yours for a mere $65.
But really, it’s not even realistic. What sort of galaxy is full of white kittens and multi-colored roses??
And where’s the wine and unicorn??
All of those adorable kittens in space DID inspire a graduation card. Don’t ask me why. DON’T ASK ME.
Don’t tell Blockbuster Video, but I still have a VHS copy of Alive in my attic. 
I just love survival dramas. *I* survived the heat last week, it was pretty dramatic… But I ate no one, despite feeling very hungry. To celebrate, the Intern and I set some type.
AND THEN I wrote/designed more cards for RSVP, deadline is TOMORROW. 
No big deal. Chosen card(s) just go into the Major Supermarkets.
ART, I say!
ART!
RSVP asked me for some new art, SPECIFICALLY for 16th birthdays, BUT stay away from the subject of driving?
Um, ok.
How about the subject of dog poop?
I KNOW this is a derivative of MY OWN card.
AND a card I made for ANOTHER Art Licensor. Recycled Paper Greetings.
They also asked for some Wedding Cards… Maybe I’ll say something about flatulence, MAYBE I WON’T.
