Zeichen Press – Page 8 – Design & Letterpress for the people.

Spanking Machine

A strange custom:

One child crawls through a tunnel made of other children � the crawling child is spanked on the bottom by each participant. The spankers laugh hysterically.

The concept of automated and industrial scale corporal punishment originated in 19th century Russia.

It’s true!

I’ll spare you the details. Let’s just say that the concept has evolved from judicial whipping of peasants to tunnels of birthday abuse for today’s schoolchildren.

A good friend of mine turned XX (not Roman numerals) and she has such fond memories of the Spanking Machine!

I made her a card:

April 24, 2012
Yoohoo! Alexis Stewart!

I’m over here! No… HERE! The one waving her arms and jumping up and down! …The one wearing the poncho and helmet!�

She must not see me.

She�did�mention Zeichen Press�on her blog.�And�she did buy cards from our�online shop. I thought that meant she wanted to hang out and talk about black bean chili with butternut squash and swiss chard?

You can totally call me, Alexis!

April 18, 2012
Six Lives Left and the Fifth Commandment

Judy was tired of being stuck upstairs. She longed for the streets. She longed for adventure.�She longed for danger.

Day after day, trapped by that drooling, excitable houseguest. It was just too much. She had only one choice: jump off the balcony.�Thank goodness the deck broke her fall. This wasn’t the first time she threw caution to the wind. It was, in fact, the third. Words are unnecessary when there is photographic evidence of this nature (if you are squeamish, scroll no more):

That’s what a tail looks like when all of the nice stuff has been ripped off of it. Or, as the vet told me,�“degloved.”�We can’t imagine what she did in the cat world to deserve that treatment.

Just when we stopped crying ourselves to sleep, she came home looking like a BP oil spill casualty.Meow!

Poor Judy, only six lives left.�Use them wisely.

Judy happens to be my mother’s name�and so�this is the perfect way to introduce a new Mother’s Day card:And just to keep it fair, here is a Father’s Day card:

April 17, 2012
ACTUAL Cards With Real Healing Powers

Step right up, step right up!

It’s here, a cure for all that ails! Do you suffer from one (or more) of the following complications?:

Bumpy skin?
Webbed toes?
Nagging wife?

No? How about?:

Limp tongue?

Rotting scalp?

Too many fingers?

Fear not!�Just one purchase�of a Zeichen Press letterpress greeting card will set you on the proper path to wellness!

(The following photographs are guaranteed to cure any inflammation:)

April 13, 2012
Merry Franmas!!

I tell my kids that I don’t want anything for my birthday. I tell them that I have everything I need.

But I’m lying.

The truth is, I need the following items:

Wait, I needed them in 1984.�Never mind. But they would come in handy now. Especially that “waterproof” walkman. (It’s not, I repeat: NOT waterproof). Also, (for the record) that Ouija Board (why was Parker Bros. into the occult?) didn’t even work. It was merely the hors d’oeuvre for the Slumber Party Game: Light As a Feather/Stiff As a Board. Um, if I caught my daughter and her friends playing that game, I’d be like, I GET TO TELL THE STORY AND CUT THE PRETEND HOLE IN THE FOREHEAD AND FILL IT WITH SAND.

Oh, I wouldn’t… I’d be more like, YOU GIRLS GET TO BED, ENOUGH OF YOUR WITCHCRAFT.

ALSO, that PacMan tray should only be used for craft projects. Never for food in bed. NEVER FOR FOOD IN BED.

Hmm, I guess I really don’t need anything.

PS: Thanks mom, for life!

PPS: Don’t worry, this is not a Holy Day of Obligation.

April 12, 2012
Should You Be Afraid of a Cash Mob?

No.

Normally, mobs carry pitchforks and torches but Cash Mobs�are different.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5zUAnIaD4I

How?

Cash Mobs�are a happy sort and their motivation has nothing to do with drawing�or�quartering. Cash Mobs support local businesses by encouraging shoppers to spend $20 at an independent boutique on a designated day.

Isn’t this a beautiful and simple concept?�I promise it won’t turn into a Black Friday Walmart thing. Leave your pepper spray at home.�

i like you�is next on the list. (Saturday, April 14.) Have you ever been?! You will be reduced to a giggling mess.

Just step over the girls.

April 12, 2012

Notorious B.I.G.

Madge The Intern and I wore our Burger King��crowns and spent the day printing.Does Madge look different??

So serious.

Zeichen Press was invited to join other Notorious Letterpress Printers and contribute to�The Smallest Museum In St. Paul.�Don’t pretend you’ve never thought about�turning an empty firehose cabinet into a tiny museum.Action shots:

I was pretending to be a mouse with a camera � I think Madge was scared/intrigued.

The (petite) Opening Reception is August 1, from 2-4 at�Workhouse Coffee Bar.

July 16, 2015
Gin & Tonic & Optimism

I�ve observed the greedy, groping limbs of an Octopus on television.

I SEE YOU, OCTOPUS.

I SEE YOUR SELF-INDULGENT, FLESH-LIKE, SUCTION-COVERED BOUGHS, BUMPING ALONG THE OCEAN FLOOR.Sea Creatures are on my mind because I�m back in Barnstable.�Ah, Barnstable. How is it possible for the sunsets to always fill me with awe, the hammock to always fill me with peace, and people to always fill my belly with booze on the deck overlooking the Great Salt Marsh?IT�S A TOUGH LIFE.

July 4, 2015
A Thank You Card From Fran Shea’s Cat Ranch

Oh, BOTHER!

One more kitten needs adopting.

AND how about this card?

BECAUSE ALL I EVER THINK ABOUT IS CATS.

Help. Me.

June 24, 2015
Oh, how do you say… letterpress?

Kids (like mine) graduated last week,houses were open, cards (stuffed with money) were given… And I realized, THESE KIDS NEED THANK YOU CARDS.

And always the giver, I made this:I forced my son to read�this handy blog post�about proper thank you note writing.

You’re welcome.

June 10, 2015
NEW CARDS!!!

LAUGHING THROUGH OUR TEARSWE HAVE NEW CARDS!

TWELVE OF THEM!

Meat suits,

tuna-filled mice,

hungry wolves.

AND SO MUCH MORE!

Have a look!

June 3, 2015
Letterpress For The People

Tib mouthed these words while she nursed her latest brood:

To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,

Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,

To the last syllable of recorded time;

And all our yesterdays have lighted fools

The way to dusty death.

Out, out, brief candle!

Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player,

That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,

And then is heard no more.

It is a tale Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,

Signifying nothing.Do you see what I’m working with here??

She just gives and gives AND GIVES.

Ah, suckle away…

May 20, 2015
NO SOLICITORS + boing boing

But, what IS boing boing??

JUST AN AWARD-WINNING ZINE, BLOG AND DIRECTORY OF WONDERFUL THINGS.

And a�mention from them�made me almost choke to death on my pb&j.(That’s�Gareth‘s door. And peephole.)
Need your own card??�BUY HERE!!!

May 13, 2015
We want to be more than just friends with: Treehaus

Treehaus�->�3153 Glendale Blvd. LA, CA 90039

ANOTHER profile in that special series dedicated to bringing our readers biased reviews of shops that carry our goods.

AM I BIASED because Meesh (SP?!) said I was her favorite person?? TREEHAUS�IS�THE BEST SHOP EVER CREATED. There. I said it. What’s done is done. She has spoken.

I will visit you Treehaus… someday… And on that day, people’s hearts will be filled with gladness and their mouths will proclaim the goodness of all things boutique.

May 12, 2015
A SPECIAL DAY

My cards express all of the feelings for Mother’s Day.

Done.

May 10, 2015
Keep On The Sunny Side

The weather is (finally) nice and that means the shop is open!Like, LITERALLY, open.

I observed Jen scurrying about�(just like the mice we had to poison last year)�while I took photos of The New Cards.�Here’s a teaser:

April 30, 2015