• Where’s my unpaid intern?

    WHERE??? If I have to work on this catalog layout for 10 more seconds I’m going to quit my job. I will instantly rehire myself just so I can quit again. This could go on for days. Of COURSE I couldn’t just work with the catalog copy  in Adobe InDesign – I HAD to use a WWII era typewriter. A Smith-Corona Skyriter to type in each individual bit of information about all 100 products. What is wrong with me?

    webskyriter1

     

    I actually cheated in “keyboarding I AND II” in high school. Don’t ask me how. DON’T ASK ME. 

    Jen is just dying to say, “I told you so.” Just shut up, Jen. Why must  you take the place of my underdeveloped sensibilities?

    January 8, 2009
  • Waist-deep snow

    Day Two.   Snow fell through the night and drifted into the passage. The women and children are weaker today. Kenneth is ailing and must be dragged on a make-shift sledge. Robert appears to be delusional and only can speak of thick-cut bacon and death metal. The dogs are starting to look delicious, especially the fluffy one. We are, most certainly, in a predicament.

    Edmund in deep snow

    •••••

    Um, here’s a new card – inspired by the men, women, and children that ventured West .

    Donner Camp

    The Donner (Birthday) Party

    January 4, 2009
  • I’ll tell you what

    Uh. December is, like, over. I don’t even care. Good riddance you ungrateful pig. You think you’re so great with your Christmas and your Hanukkah and your Britney Spears’ birthday. I’ve had it. I think we all have. Even with all of these Feast Days I managed to squeeze in our long-awaited catalog creation. And don’t think I forgot about my 25-birthday-cards. Self-imposed deadlines are the only way to get anything done. You know what else works? Pretending someone is going to kill you if you don’t get something done. SO, I scrounged up some images and wrote some lines. Yeah, yeah – I’ve not set the type or done layouts or pulled any proofs – mere formalities. And anyway, my shop elves will do it while I’m ringing in the New Year in lovely Brainerd, Minnesota. Here are a few images/lines – they’ll be 15% funnier after I’ve had my way with them. And another thing: they’re not all birthday cards. I’m not some sort of one-trick pony.

    Boys playing marbles

    You make this, you live.

    Good luck.

     

    Man with a christmas tree

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Shhhh. Nobody’ll even notice us.

     

    Very old man

    Eh? What’s that? Whose birthday? Who are you? Get out of my room.
    cutting_plie_26906_lg1 
       Happy Birthday, you tool.
    Man writing
    …and in conclusion – quit calling me a pussy.
    Sincerely,
    Pevenshire Wiffynuts
    _algebra_lg
    x=get me the f*ck out of here.
    Baby banging spoon
    Congratulations.
    I said, CONGRATULATIONS!
    Boy with hoop
    If you’re old enough to remember this game
    you are probably sitting in your own urine.


    Man with microscope
    Thanks for coming to my birthday party, my tiny friends.
    ••••••••••••
    Alright, that’ll do. I’ll post more after the elves work it out. Oh, and if you see a woman running around Brainerd in giant underpants and Sorel Boots it’s not me. Happy New Year!!!

     

     

     

     

    December 31, 2008
  • No-Coast and a stock pot

    Good Lord, what a day! I got up at the crack o’ eight – Jen picked me up and brought me to the MidTown Market to hawk our goods. It was the No-Coast Craft-o-Rama! We were pretty much SiameseTwins – due to my crippling Math Anxiety, I can’t be left alone to make change for a twenty. I welcome your prayers. I smiled lots and said, “four dollars” or “five dollars” whenever I felt like it. Sometimes it was in response to a customer’s question. Here are some customers: notice their intense cheerfulness:

    three-females-at-our-table

    three-males-at-our-table
    I did manage to step away from our table to find a crinkly cat bag for My Mother-in-Law. She’s gonna frickin’ love it. Those cats are gonna thank me by walking by me and not noticing I exist. It’ll be one awesome Christmas.

    …Fast forward, like, eight hours and I found myself at a delightful Holiday Party. I think it was in Plymouth. Anyway, the halls were decked, the booze was flowing. The booze was flowing. In retrospect, I don’t think it all wanted to be in my body. I’m not sure why, at the time, I thought it did want to be in there. And honestly, there wasn’t a lot of  room, what with all the spanakopita . I was planning on giving it all up in a stock pot that Katie generously donated to the car. I felt the love. I did make it home, with a clean stock pot, and Kenny dumped me into bed. He was like a hunter and I was like a deer carcass. The bed was the pick-up truck. It was so much fun. I dragged my sorry arse out of bed this morning to for churching. The stock pot is a symbol of one woman’s redemption. So much can happen in a day.

    stock-pot-with-bulletin

    PS: Did you know that 80’s glasses are back in style?? You crazy kids!80s-glasses

    December 7, 2008
  • SO. MANY. WORDS.

    Three 10″x15″ iron chases locked up with Touchpoint Buzzwords. Buzzwords and some other random cuts from the ZP collection – including a chunk from a newspaper insert advertising handy items for the ladies: A rubber-lined shopping bag available in gay plaids, a multi-tiered clothes hanger, a cap to protect the hairdo. What I wouldn’t give to have those items. My drab, rain-soaked groceries… My closet, crammed full! How could I be hanging my clothes on ONE plane? My hair, My God, my hair… I don’t even know where to start. I get a “do” and leave it completely unprotected. It’s like I don’t even care! Oh. Back to the Touchpoint Holiday Card/Disc Sleeve. It’s super sweet:

    Touchpoint Mixpak

    December 3, 2008
  • SO. MANY. WORDS.

     Three 10″x15″ iron chases locked up with Touchpoint Buzzwords. Buzzwords and some other random cuts from the ZP collection – including a chunk from a newspaper insert advertising handy items for the ladies: A rubber-lined shopping bag available in gay plaids, a multi-tiered clothes hanger, a cap to protect the hairdo.

    What I wouldn’t give to have those items. My drab, rain-soaked groceries… My closet, crammed full! How could I be hanging my clothes on ONE plane? My hair, My God, my hair… I don’t even know where to start. I get a “do” and leave it completely unprotected. It’s like I don’t even care!

    Oh. Back to the Touchpoint Holiday Card/Disc Sleeve. It’ super sweet:

    Touchpoint Cd Sleeve
    Touchpoint Cd Sleeve
    Touchpoint Cd Sleeve
    Touchpoint Cd Sleeve

    December 3, 2008
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  • COLOR ME IMPRESSED!

    Do you need ANOTHER thing to do this Holiday Season?

    YES, PLEASE.

    How about a COLORING CONTEST??

    But, Fran, how could I possibly fit this into my busy schedule??

    THAT’S EASY BECAUSE WE BROKE IT DOWN INTO STEPS!
    ~ Step 1: print this picture
    ~ Step 2: color the picture like your life depends on it
    ~ Step 3: take a photo of your colored masterpiece with your super smartphone OR scan
    ~ Step 4: send to info@zeichenpress.com ~ or snailmail to us
    Zeichen Press will choose the winner AND and that person will receive free cards!!! 

    color-mezeichen-press

    HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

    December 8, 2016
  • We want to be more than just friends with: i like you too

    i like you too -> 416 Snelling South Saint Paul, Minnesota 55105

    ANOTHER profile in that special series dedicated to bringing our readers biased reviews of shops that carry our goods.

    The gals  sarah-angela-i-like-you

    knew it wasn’t right to deprive the good people of St. Paul all of that hand-crafted goodness for one more minute. After all, they are THE purveyors of one-of-a-kind-locally-made-gifts.

    They remind me of me and Jen except Jen has way more tattoos and piercings. Some day you’ll be as cool as us, ladies. SOME DAY.

    They transformed i-like-you-too-paintinga blank canvas on Snellingne-i-like-you-too-space

    into something WORTHY ENOUGH to carry Zeichen Press cards.cards-at-i-like-you-too 

    And they have other cute stuff too. Or whatever.

    PS:

    color-i-like-like-you-new-card

    November 28, 2016
  • Custom Customer & Choirs of Angels

    Now that my fireplace is ready for Winter,fire-fall-2016

    Jen can finally print Holiday cards for our favorite custom customer.akustiks-chase-lock-up Akustiks is a fancy company of acousticians who design the architectural acoustics for theaters and concert halls.must-enjoy-winter-for-akustics

    And, correct me if I’m wrong, but a group of acousticians were actually hired by God to assure the residents of Bethlehem that His choir of angels sounded better than some music pouring out of the earbuds crammed in my earholes.

    Despite my lo-fi circumstances, I created a new card. Only 38 shopping days till Christmas!

    hark4

     

    November 18, 2016
  • House Calls

    Sometimes your web developerkelly-living-room-cropped

    has to come over and gnaw on bricks (gluten-free scones) and discuss dogs wearing sweaters so your mobile site can function properly.

    TECHNOLOGY.

    And Jen loves meetings because she’s a social butterfly jen-living-room

    and craves attention. Oh, Jen! When will it be enough??

    November 14, 2016
  • My Heart(h) Will Go On

    As my eyeball filled with blood,bloody-eyeball

    I thought to myself, “should I have someone redo my hearth,

    or stop working on our 2017 catalog?”

    2017-catalog-on-couch

    I decided to both because I’m an over-achiever.

    AND THEN I wrote a card

    winter-brought-back-2

    because it’s cheaper than therapy.

     

    November 10, 2016
  • Poop Sandwich vs. Soup

    top-of-mailchimp-blastI'm sorry life handed you that poop sandwich when you obviously ordered the soup.body-of-mailchimp-blastxo-mailchimp-blast

    November 3, 2016
  • Hello!

    October 26, 2016
  • Always happy, never mad.

    October 26, 2016
  • Loretta “Daredevil” Shea

    October 26, 2016
  • Behind The Scenes

    October 26, 2016
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