• Where’s my unpaid intern?

    WHERE??? If I have to work on this catalog layout for 10 more seconds I’m going to quit my job. I will instantly rehire myself just so I can quit again. This could go on for days. Of COURSE I couldn’t just work with the catalog copy  in Adobe InDesign – I HAD to use a WWII era typewriter. A Smith-Corona Skyriter to type in each individual bit of information about all 100 products. What is wrong with me?

    webskyriter1

     

    I actually cheated in “keyboarding I AND II” in high school. Don’t ask me how. DON’T ASK ME. 

    Jen is just dying to say, “I told you so.” Just shut up, Jen. Why must  you take the place of my underdeveloped sensibilities?

    January 8, 2009
  • Waist-deep snow

    Day Two.   Snow fell through the night and drifted into the passage. The women and children are weaker today. Kenneth is ailing and must be dragged on a make-shift sledge. Robert appears to be delusional and only can speak of thick-cut bacon and death metal. The dogs are starting to look delicious, especially the fluffy one. We are, most certainly, in a predicament.

    Edmund in deep snow

    •••••

    Um, here’s a new card – inspired by the men, women, and children that ventured West .

    Donner Camp

    The Donner (Birthday) Party

    January 4, 2009
  • I’ll tell you what

    Uh. December is, like, over. I don’t even care. Good riddance you ungrateful pig. You think you’re so great with your Christmas and your Hanukkah and your Britney Spears’ birthday. I’ve had it. I think we all have. Even with all of these Feast Days I managed to squeeze in our long-awaited catalog creation. And don’t think I forgot about my 25-birthday-cards. Self-imposed deadlines are the only way to get anything done. You know what else works? Pretending someone is going to kill you if you don’t get something done. SO, I scrounged up some images and wrote some lines. Yeah, yeah – I’ve not set the type or done layouts or pulled any proofs – mere formalities. And anyway, my shop elves will do it while I’m ringing in the New Year in lovely Brainerd, Minnesota. Here are a few images/lines – they’ll be 15% funnier after I’ve had my way with them. And another thing: they’re not all birthday cards. I’m not some sort of one-trick pony.

    Boys playing marbles

    You make this, you live.

    Good luck.

     

    Man with a christmas tree

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Shhhh. Nobody’ll even notice us.

     

    Very old man

    Eh? What’s that? Whose birthday? Who are you? Get out of my room.
    cutting_plie_26906_lg1 
       Happy Birthday, you tool.
    Man writing
    …and in conclusion – quit calling me a pussy.
    Sincerely,
    Pevenshire Wiffynuts
    _algebra_lg
    x=get me the f*ck out of here.
    Baby banging spoon
    Congratulations.
    I said, CONGRATULATIONS!
    Boy with hoop
    If you’re old enough to remember this game
    you are probably sitting in your own urine.


    Man with microscope
    Thanks for coming to my birthday party, my tiny friends.
    ••••••••••••
    Alright, that’ll do. I’ll post more after the elves work it out. Oh, and if you see a woman running around Brainerd in giant underpants and Sorel Boots it’s not me. Happy New Year!!!

     

     

     

     

    December 31, 2008
  • No-Coast and a stock pot

    Good Lord, what a day! I got up at the crack o’ eight – Jen picked me up and brought me to the MidTown Market to hawk our goods. It was the No-Coast Craft-o-Rama! We were pretty much SiameseTwins – due to my crippling Math Anxiety, I can’t be left alone to make change for a twenty. I welcome your prayers. I smiled lots and said, “four dollars” or “five dollars” whenever I felt like it. Sometimes it was in response to a customer’s question. Here are some customers: notice their intense cheerfulness:

    three-females-at-our-table

    three-males-at-our-table
    I did manage to step away from our table to find a crinkly cat bag for My Mother-in-Law. She’s gonna frickin’ love it. Those cats are gonna thank me by walking by me and not noticing I exist. It’ll be one awesome Christmas.

    …Fast forward, like, eight hours and I found myself at a delightful Holiday Party. I think it was in Plymouth. Anyway, the halls were decked, the booze was flowing. The booze was flowing. In retrospect, I don’t think it all wanted to be in my body. I’m not sure why, at the time, I thought it did want to be in there. And honestly, there wasn’t a lot of  room, what with all the spanakopita . I was planning on giving it all up in a stock pot that Katie generously donated to the car. I felt the love. I did make it home, with a clean stock pot, and Kenny dumped me into bed. He was like a hunter and I was like a deer carcass. The bed was the pick-up truck. It was so much fun. I dragged my sorry arse out of bed this morning to for churching. The stock pot is a symbol of one woman’s redemption. So much can happen in a day.

    stock-pot-with-bulletin

    PS: Did you know that 80’s glasses are back in style?? You crazy kids!80s-glasses

    December 7, 2008
  • SO. MANY. WORDS.

    Three 10″x15″ iron chases locked up with Touchpoint Buzzwords. Buzzwords and some other random cuts from the ZP collection – including a chunk from a newspaper insert advertising handy items for the ladies: A rubber-lined shopping bag available in gay plaids, a multi-tiered clothes hanger, a cap to protect the hairdo. What I wouldn’t give to have those items. My drab, rain-soaked groceries… My closet, crammed full! How could I be hanging my clothes on ONE plane? My hair, My God, my hair… I don’t even know where to start. I get a “do” and leave it completely unprotected. It’s like I don’t even care! Oh. Back to the Touchpoint Holiday Card/Disc Sleeve. It’s super sweet:

    Touchpoint Mixpak

    December 3, 2008
  • SO. MANY. WORDS.

     Three 10″x15″ iron chases locked up with Touchpoint Buzzwords. Buzzwords and some other random cuts from the ZP collection – including a chunk from a newspaper insert advertising handy items for the ladies: A rubber-lined shopping bag available in gay plaids, a multi-tiered clothes hanger, a cap to protect the hairdo.

    What I wouldn’t give to have those items. My drab, rain-soaked groceries… My closet, crammed full! How could I be hanging my clothes on ONE plane? My hair, My God, my hair… I don’t even know where to start. I get a “do” and leave it completely unprotected. It’s like I don’t even care!

    Oh. Back to the Touchpoint Holiday Card/Disc Sleeve. It’ super sweet:

    Touchpoint Cd Sleeve
    Touchpoint Cd Sleeve
    Touchpoint Cd Sleeve
    Touchpoint Cd Sleeve

    December 3, 2008
â†Previous Page
1 … 73 74 75 76 77 … 79
Next Page→
  • This doll is possessed. It isn’t even funny, it’s sad.

    October 26, 2016
  • Good times.

    October 26, 2016
  • King Henry VIII

    anthony-as-king-henry-viii_0

    October 26, 2016
  • In case you missed them:

    October 26, 2016
  • Bully Cat

    October 26, 2016
  • Forever Lazy

    October 26, 2016
  • So beautiful.

    October 26, 2016
  • FINALLY.

    October 26, 2016
  • The Big Picture

    This is the face of a girl who got a globe for Christmas the year before. A girl determined to prove to everyone how much she needed; NAY, deserved the Lite-Brite. fran-lite-brite

    Santa would never make that mistake again. 

    This determination guided the girl for a lifetime, nothing would stand between her and her singleminded fixations. Fran etch a sketch

    NOTHING.

    fran-covered-in-kittens

    One of the latest obstacles were some pesky illustrated creatures 45510_frog_concertwho needed to be removed so one frog could fulfill his God-given right to sing Wayne Newton.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRPILZS1hc8

    And sing he did. 

    darling-danke-schon

    Yours for only $4.50! (SOON.)

    darling-frog

    October 21, 2016
  • Slightly Different

    Usually bragging is reserved for Facebook, family newsletters, and prison cells. But showering has made me feel fancy and solitary confinement has made me such a blabbermouth!
    SO behold our new bathroom:bathroom-newMillie wanted to show off the bathroom but she isn’t tall enough to open the backdoor.squirrel-millie-wordsToo bad we re-screened that door!

    Did that squirrel even know he/she was the color of my new grout?? I’m kidding! I’m sure he/she did!

    Speaking of Dove Gray™ grout, (WERE WE??) I made a new card. Intern #1 said it was Mom Humor. I told her to go to her room.an-elephant-never-forgets

    October 11, 2016
â†Previous Page
1 2 3 4 … 48
Next Page→

Notifications