Zeichen Press

Category: New Cards

  • Big Dreams

    Last night, I dreamt I took a day trip to Manitoba. Just an afternoon of pool-swimming at an area motel. I came home and bragged to everyone, “I went to Manitohhhba today.”manitobaTwo observations:

    1) No wall-less public toilet in this dream?? That’s right. Who’s in charge now, Dreams??

    2) My dreams have finally taken me to Canada…

    AND ANOTHER THING: Winter came completely out of nowhere this year. One week it was 71°, and the next week, I had to break out the Smartwool. “Oh, Minnesota! You are so crazy! Potholes and moquitoes and icehouses!”

    Shut up.she was SO picking truth next time.

  • Storm Windows and Firewood and New Cards

    And maybe a pregnant cat.

    Don’t say anything. JUST DON’T. Tib might have snuck out the window like some sort of wild teenager. We’ll know as soon as we catch her in the kitchen with a tub of Ben & Jerry’s.

    In other (less controversial) news from the Zeichen Press Headquarters: The new cards are all printed and in the shop! Wanna see?damn jesus.smallerand good riddance.2.smallerlisten up old manthankth.smalleryou are so gangster.smallerdont step indadditude.smallerparty animal.smallerjust remember.smallerCongratulations, you finished learning.smallerOnce upon a time.smaller

  • Orange Is the New I’m Back

    Life is like the murky end of our lake and you’ll have to dump in a 10 lb. bag of Aquacide Pellets if your mom isn’t there to rake the weeds away.

    What is she talking about?

    Don’t act like you don’t know.

    Do you need a Congratulations-ish card?

    You do?!congratulations on your release

  • Forward, march!

    It only took a few minutes to have a mole removed last week (my chest tube scar needed a BFF) and I texted Jen when it was done, exclaiming my relief at the speediness of the procedure.

    She told me that that was the easy part.

    That’s the way our relationship works — I get my head all full of smells of burnt flesh and joy, and Jen tethers my helium balloon to the doorknob.

    It works. IT WORKS.

    It’s time, once again, to print cards for the new release.

    Choosing a corresponding envelope color can be difficult, and when Lucy or Loretta are unavailable we use another neutral third party.Dinah and new cardSee how intense she is?

    SETTLE DOWN, DINAH.

    PS: You know we didn’t win Martha’s American Made Award competition. Stop asking.

  • Now What?

    We find out on Friday if Martha is adopting us — I already packed my bags. I told Jen to pack hers but I don’t think she heard me as she was pealing out of the driveway with her windows rolled up. Oh, Jen!

    We (Jen) started printing the new release today, and to celebrate, Millie left Jen a present right in front of Zeichen Press HQ.shop with words 2It only seemed appropriate that this card be printed first:dont step in the birthday present I made for you

    The rest of the week (until the adoption), we (Jen) will be printing all of the new cards:once upon a time new momdaditudelisten up old manand good riddanceyou finished learningdamn. jesus punked us so goodPARTY ANIMALTHANKTH just remember.new ladies.2at leastyou are so gangster

  • Pantone 801 Uncoated Period (Periodo Azul)

    Remember how I promised that when my painkillers wore off, I’d make a card based on The Lung Collapsing Event? It turns out that I only needed them for a couple of days and flushed the rest ~ DON’T GET ANY IDEAS ~ and then I made this breakup card:i love you like a collapsed lung.801

  • #AmericanMadeMSL AND The Land of Counterpane

    Recovering from a collapsed lung is the perfect time to learn all about hashtags.

    Thank you, lung!Land of Counterpane

    I obsessively tweeted and nagged everyone on Facebook. I’M SORRY EVERYONE.

    Wait, #HelpMe.

    It’s been a trending/not-trending rollercoaster-week for Zeichen Press…trending 11screen grab trending 4screen grab trendingtrending.15YOU MUST REALLY BE SUFFERING!

    But may the best (wo)man (named Fran and Jen) win. Did I mention that you have to vote 6x every day through October 13th? And did I mention that my doctor told me that my other lung will collapse if we don’t win??american made finalist badge

    PS: I made a new Mother’s Day card…thankless job.period

  • Ode to Jen

    Merry Jenmas, everyone!

    MY dog must have been confused, she left birthday presents for Jen on my living room floor last night? Oh, Millie…Millie-wearing-a-wig

    Thomas Edison’s quote is so true: Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent spray bleach.dont step in the birthday present I made for you

  • Adiós Diablo

    I had a pretty big realization when I was 23. This revelation came as I was drifting off to sleep and caused me to sit straight up in bed.

    CRUELLA DE VIL = CRUEL DEVIL!!!CRUELLA DE VILHow could I have been so blind for so long?!

    No matter. Here’s a card.going going going gone

  • Oh, that old saying!

    You know what I’m talking about??

    Read the card out loud for full effect.the saw that woke the sherpas yak