Zeichen Press

Category: World Dominance

  • Vocabulary Quiz And Card Celebrating Angry Parents

    My high school English teacher told the class that if we looked up the word ‘glib’ in the dictionary, there would be a picture of me.glib-fran-definition-2

    She was right!

    I think I felt insulted.

    I’m sure Jen’s high school English teacher said something similar about her.jen-reckless-definition-2

    And if not, she should have.

    What does this have to do with angry parents or a new card?

    Obviously, my glibness was not celebrated at home. In fact, it was frowned upon can you believe it?!

    And Jen’s reckless behavior?? You’ll have to ask her about that… I mean, pregnant at 19?! What was she THINKING?! (Wait, that was me?? We need to hire a fact checker.)sometimes-mommy-and-daddy-fight

  • World Domination Is Safe And Easy

    And it can be done from the comfort of your own home!

    If you’re like me (don’t worry, you’re not) you don’t like to “leave” your house or “go” anywhere.

    Don’t worry!

    World Domination will be yours as long as you have these three things:

    1) Wi-Fi

    2) Computer

    3) Forever Lazy Suit

    forever-lazy

    We just picked up a new rep for the Virginia and West Virginia territories (that’s right, TERRITORIES. Like a gang.)

    We are excited to welcome him aboard!

    And we hope we don’t scare him away with our love forFranimalsand wine.recipe-called-for-one-glass-of-wine

  • The Importance of Wine and Kittens on the Interweb

    There IS a universal language on the World Wide Web and understanding it only requires the appreciation of three things:

    1) Kittens

    2) Wine

    3) Talking dogs

    Also, videos where guys get kicked in the nuts but those existed before YouTube.

    I follow the dog around the house with my iPhone and I plan on kicking a guy in the nuts this week.

    My life is all kittens and wine, so I was able to create the following:theyll-never-suspect-me

    Feel free to share that 1,000,000 times.

    And here’s a new card:It’s a true story.take-my-tea

  • The mysterious mating practice of the praying mantis, AND YOU!

    Ah, romance!One couple might choose dinner and a movie… Another couple might choose post-coital cannibalism.

  • Mirror, Mirror On The Wall

    Who’s the fairest one of all?

    There is SO much happening around here! First, I had to bait a squirrel trapsquirrel-trapto catch theKitchen-Squirrel. I was going to fill the trap with mykitchen garbage(her favorite) but I decided to go for something more bourgeois: Skippy Peanut Butter.

    And then there was a serious decision to make: Which card would Paper Source like more?somisunderstoodsup-dawg-betterI hope we chose wisely because one of our lives (Jen’s) is on the line.

    Oh, and I didn’t forget that it is Valentine’s Day today, I am very romantic. Here is proof:hello-lover-blue

  • Meat Suits And Building A Fan Base

    For Immediate Release:In an attempt to build the Zeichen Press Fan Base, Jen Shea and Fran Shea willappear on a local cable-access show locked in a cell and covered in Fancy Feast. 1,000 cats will be released into the cell through a small hatch. Fran and Jen will sing a medley of famous duets, includingIslands In the Stream,Endless Love, andYou Don’t Bring Me Flowers.

    ###being-a-sheep-2

  • Inspiration Constipation Frustration

    I’ve been told that life is full of challenges. And I’m sure that, someday, I’ll encounter one. I hope it’s not a shipwreck or banishment. …I will probably contract the Ebola Virus.I designed a card for myself in preparation.organs-turn-to-gravy

    Oh, but here’s a more “buyable” card for those of us that need encouragement:battling-my-illness

  • HIGH FIVE!

    In the belly of the Good Ship Whistlesnot sat two strangers one called Captain Fatchtinkle and the other, Timtim Lipskin.

    They chatted like two gentlemen between rounds of whiskey-pong and Password and it wasn’t long before discoveringthey shared a passion for shuffleboard.

    A friendship was born!

    (To be continued…)high-fivers-better-more-face

  • Understanding Your Target Demographic

    Hello.

    My name isPevenshire Wiffynutsand I’m here today to talk about targeting your demographic. Whether you are marketing adult diapers, cowboy hats, or cemetery plots, it is critical that you understand your audience. That may mean that you have to poop in your pants, herd cows, or bury a loved one.

    Don’t be afraid to do these things they will help you effectively move product and change lives.

    Wow! Thanks, Pevenshire.

    I hear what you’re saying I ripped off my mom-mask to reveal the face of an eight-year-old-boy so I could create this birthday card:you-look-like-a-monkey

  • Fairy Tales And True Tales

    The poor peasant said it best, “even if we had only one and it were quite small, and only as big as a thumb, I should be quite satisfied, and we would still love it with all our hearts.”

    If Fairy Tales were true, hedgehogs would speak and donkeys would spew gold. And poor old peasants could wish and receive tiny children.

    I wrote a Fairy Tale about an old childless couple and a duck. Inspired bytrue events. In the story, there is a duck, a baby, and an angry mob.

    But I’ve said too much!

    I’ll get that published someday but MEANWHILE here is a card for the new parent it features a disgruntled chick.phew-you-arrived-chick