• Hello, my name is

    Remember when I talked about my naming skills? No? That’s okay, I barely remember it myself. Anyway, I did a project with The Carney Group - I named a product that debuted at the 2011 MacWorld Expo to much adulation. Wait, that’s a pretty strong word. To much curiosity. They made the Top 3 Happening Booths but I think that had more to do with the bearded CodeWeavers COO dressing as Cher (I think that’s Cher?? Yucky!)jon-parshall-as-cher

    than the name I chose for the product – which was, by the way: Impersonator. See, it’s software that let’s your Mac run Windows apps without running Windows.

    So brilliant.

    David Pogue of the New York Times called it “hilarious” and one of the most creative pitches he’d seen all year.

    I wonder if he meant last year because otherwise it would just be one of the most creative pitches he’d seen in January. I also wonder if he meant it was one of the most disturbing pitches he’d seen.

    I wrote a lot of funny lines and made some cool logosimpersonator-logo-police-man-web_

    BUT all of my creative was for naught.

    For naught.

    They wrote their own lines and made their own logo. That’s cool. I don’t even care. I don’t. I totally let it go. Totally. I’m fine. Oh, here’s a little video I made (rejected by them – which I’m totally fine with. I am. I’m fine. It’s cool. Whatever. It doesn’t even bother me.) to go with the name. Close the blinds and turn on the projector, here’s IMPERSONATOR:

    January 31, 2011
  • Working in the Bathtub

    I love the ladies of the Jelly Shot Test Kitchen. And when I say I love them it means I love that they trust us. Trust us to create business cards of the future. We’re not sure how lasers work but we all saw Superman II.generalzod

    These days, lasers are used for more than just pulverizing concrete. And I can prove it:

    jstk-polaroid

    The latest project for JSTK has nothing to do with lasers. Or letterpress - don’t they know we do LETTERPRESS??  They asked us to create some instructional films.

    Naturally, I cleaned my bathtub and got to work:fran-bathtub

    Here’s what I made:

    January 9, 2011
  • Goodbye 2010

    2010 has a short driveway and as we backed down it we (I) felt wistful. It seems like only last year we were freezing in Brainerd. Here we are again, eating thick-cut bacon and praying for the strength to survive round after round of Name That Tune. I don’t believe in New Year’s Resolutions because the prisons are overcrowded as it is and also because the world isn’t ready for my style of leadership. (Deer-in-the-headlights.)

    deer

    This was a big year for Zeichen Press – and as I sit in my Fiberglass Insulated Cell, I feel gratitude. I also feel greasy from all of the bacon, but like the sparrow, I will take a sand-bath to freshen up when the time is right. A new website, a fleet of reps, prints in Room & Board, the dog’s wig:

    millie-wearing-a-wig

    Who wouldn’t be grateful? I believe Jen and I are coming up on The Five Year Anniversary of Our Zeichen Press Partnership – we will celebrate by not murdering each other in cold blood.

    Don’t worry, we’ll send out Save-The-Date cards.

    January 1, 2011
  • Magic Birthday

    Aunt Clare –>

    not-clare

    In other words, it’s her Magic Birthday!  The Orange Five print was created especially for her:orange-fives-blog

    It’s pretty tasty and she may try to lick the ink but I can’t be responsible for that. Just like I can’t be responsible for anything I did from 1985 – 1995.

    December 29, 2010
  • Are we there yet?

    Christmas is just around the corner and that can only mean one (or more) thing(s): The shop is closed and the kitchen is open.

    img_0013

    ALSO, it means that the children and animals are underfoot (more than usual) because of the 5 foot snowdrifts blocking the exits. snow-out-shop-window

    But don’t worry if you haven’t sent (or bought) your Christmas cards, yet! We (Jen and I, mostly Jen) are here to hold your hand straight through this blustery season! Did you know that (legally) you can send “Christmas” cards until January 6? THAT, is the official end of the Christmas Season because that’s when the Wise Men hauled it to the manger.3-wise-men

    *Playmobile dramatization.

    I used to mark the end of the Christmas Season by my son’s birthday (February 7). That day meant it was time to shove the Christmas tree out the second story window before the arrival of the birthday party guests. Now the tree stays until it becomes a fire hazard, and not a moment longer. So responsible!

    So, speaking of an Epiphany: Don’t waste another minute reading this scatology! Go and buy some Seasonal Cards!

    Are we there yet? Letterpress printed on recycled paper. Comes with coordinating envelope and packaged in cellophane sleeve.

    December 22, 2010
  • Snow on Snow on Snow

    Ummmmmmmmmm… it’s, like, snowing.

    We tried to venture out in it today but then we saw this:blizzard-2010

    And this:snow-plow-in-ditch

    That’s a snow plow in a ditch on the side of the highway.

    Now we’re doing our Christmas shopping sans danger from our computer - you can too!

     

    December 11, 2010
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  • Vicarious Living

    When Pam (our New England rep) calls me, I have to think for a second… Is this Classic Pam the Cat calling me from beyond the grave? pam staringBut no, that would be silly! Classic Pam is too busy.*heaven is a castlePam spent last week at the Javits center in New York, I think because she loves us.

    We love you too, Pam.

    She is faxing orders over willy-nilly and I am busily taking pictures of kittens.

    (She’ll thank me later.)kittens white chair 2015

    February 6, 2015
  • We want to be more than just friends with: Spruce & Gussy

    Spruce & Gussy -> 12 Mount Desert St. Bar Harbor, Maine

    ANOTHER profile in that special series dedicated to bringing our readers biased reviews of shops that carry our goods.

    Alright, put on your mukluks, shove a wedge of chewing tobacky between your cheek and gum, and head Northeast.
    **Weather Update: New England was CRIPPLED by, like, three feet of snow the other day. BUT BAR HARBOR DON’T CARE. They took it like a man. A man who is not wearing his orange jumpsuit.
    WHAT?!
    When (not IF) I get to Bar Harbor, I will make but one stop: Spruce & Gussy.
    Shopping for all of my small-box items will be dreamy…I SEE YOU.spruce and gussy

    Look for me, Michelle & Patti.
    Look for me and my new friend, Bob Ross.bob ross
    January 29, 2015
  • Two-timing Zeichen Press, AGAIN

    This time, I’m two-timing Zeichen Press with The Book.

    (Remember when I two-timed Zeichen Press with Tanek, and I made those paper dolls??)tanek paper doll inside card

    OMG, good times!

    Now I’m spending my waking hours wrangling kittenskitten 2015and working on the book. Here’s a teaser:ch 2 grab beatrice.blurPUT YOUR GLASSES ON.

    Still blurry?? Wink.

    January 20, 2015
  • Brrrrrr, Pause, Brrrrrr

    I shed my layers this week and exposed my sun damaged, yet somehow pale, flesh to anyone unfortunate enough to glance over at me.fran winter 2015

    fran katie liz naples 2015

    Sun was absorbed, golf carts were driven, and books were begun.new gangster coverTHAT’S RIGHT.

    Golf carts were driven.

    January 11, 2015
  • Case CLOSED (?)

    There were TWO mysteries at Zeichen Press HQ this week. I prayed and prayed to Benedict Cumberbatch,benedict cumberbatchand my prayers were sort of answered, because Jen came to search/tear the house apart.

    FIRST, one of the five kittens was missing.Tib and Christmas kittensTib had means AND motive. She was questioned and released.tib mugshotPoor Tib… We accused her of eating her weakest kitten. (True story.)the strong would surviveThe kitten was later found, unharmed.

    Sorry Tib.

    But what was the second mystery, Fran??

    HUSH, it will be explained in my Tell-All book, coming soon!

    January 6, 2015
  • Winter Intermission

    OR to use a term I (maybe) coined:

    Wintermission!

    I’ve been enjoying hour after hour of On Hold Musickenny gand eating all of the Holiday Cookies.

    Oh, AND setting up a GoFundMe for Tib The Cat. (Donate today to be eligible for one free kitten. Please. I beg of you.)fixing tib—

    AND HERE’S A BREAK-UP CARD. I’m a giver.

    toxic-and-spineless-2

    December 30, 2014
  • The Perfect Time

    Thanks to buzzfeed quizzes, examining my conscience is so much easier. And shouldn’t we all ask ourselves those tough questions this time of year? ”If I were a pizza, what kind would I be?” Or, “Do I prefer Miley Cyrus from her Hanna Montana days or on a Wrecking Ball?” 

    But what is a life if it’s not examined? Not picked apart? Not squeezed like an engorged tick in a ziplock baggie?

    tick

    I make cards between all of this productive introspection. Sometimes fictional creatures are harmed. Sometimes, they are spared.*getting oldMerry Christmas Eve-Eve!

    December 23, 2014
  • Out With the Old

    I designed the Tanek website some dog years ago — it’s time for something fresh and tasty.

    Landing page = done.tanek. index page.harvestor grabMore to come…

    December 22, 2014
  • Christmas Future

    My agent wants a second book, he assures me that he’ll sell this one. He better, because I bought a $95 rug from Target. We’re not all fancy New Yorkers, Peter. WE’RE NOT.

    So, it looks like this Winter will look just like last Winter… Except, I had the kids drag the trunk down from the attic for a coffee table.Dinah drinks from a glassOh, the cats? Never mind those. This place is crawling with them.christmas tree 2014*BETTER DAYS AHEADFine, here’s this year’s Christmas tree.

    December 12, 2014
  • Tomorrow’s Forecast: 100% Chance of Shopping

    Where can a person do all of their Christmas (AND CHANUKAH) shopping??

    Amazon? 

    Shut your mouth.

    Let me be more specific. LET ME.

    Where can a person do all of their Christmas (AND CHANUKAH) shopping for amazing hand-made gifts while laughing with friends and/or family, eating ethnically diverse foods, AND SEE FRAN AND JEN??

    THE NO COAST CRAFT-O-RAMA!!no coast banner 2014
    Omg… that’s TOMORROW! Oh, THAT’S what Jen has been talking about! And THAT’S what these boxes are for!boxes for no coast 2014

    more boxes for no coast show 2014See you there!

    XO!

    December 4, 2014
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