Zeichen Press – Page 13 – Design & Letterpress for the people.

Spanking Machine

A strange custom:

One child crawls through a tunnel made of other children � the crawling child is spanked on the bottom by each participant. The spankers laugh hysterically.

The concept of automated and industrial scale corporal punishment originated in 19th century Russia.

It’s true!

I’ll spare you the details. Let’s just say that the concept has evolved from judicial whipping of peasants to tunnels of birthday abuse for today’s schoolchildren.

A good friend of mine turned XX (not Roman numerals) and she has such fond memories of the Spanking Machine!

I made her a card:

April 24, 2012
Yoohoo! Alexis Stewart!

I’m over here! No… HERE! The one waving her arms and jumping up and down! …The one wearing the poncho and helmet!�

She must not see me.

She�did�mention Zeichen Press�on her blog.�And�she did buy cards from our�online shop. I thought that meant she wanted to hang out and talk about black bean chili with butternut squash and swiss chard?

You can totally call me, Alexis!

April 18, 2012
Six Lives Left and the Fifth Commandment

Judy was tired of being stuck upstairs. She longed for the streets. She longed for adventure.�She longed for danger.

Day after day, trapped by that drooling, excitable houseguest. It was just too much. She had only one choice: jump off the balcony.�Thank goodness the deck broke her fall. This wasn’t the first time she threw caution to the wind. It was, in fact, the third. Words are unnecessary when there is photographic evidence of this nature (if you are squeamish, scroll no more):

That’s what a tail looks like when all of the nice stuff has been ripped off of it. Or, as the vet told me,�“degloved.”�We can’t imagine what she did in the cat world to deserve that treatment.

Just when we stopped crying ourselves to sleep, she came home looking like a BP oil spill casualty.Meow!

Poor Judy, only six lives left.�Use them wisely.

Judy happens to be my mother’s name�and so�this is the perfect way to introduce a new Mother’s Day card:And just to keep it fair, here is a Father’s Day card:

April 17, 2012
ACTUAL Cards With Real Healing Powers

Step right up, step right up!

It’s here, a cure for all that ails! Do you suffer from one (or more) of the following complications?:

Bumpy skin?
Webbed toes?
Nagging wife?

No? How about?:

Limp tongue?

Rotting scalp?

Too many fingers?

Fear not!�Just one purchase�of a Zeichen Press letterpress greeting card will set you on the proper path to wellness!

(The following photographs are guaranteed to cure any inflammation:)

April 13, 2012
Merry Franmas!!

I tell my kids that I don’t want anything for my birthday. I tell them that I have everything I need.

But I’m lying.

The truth is, I need the following items:

Wait, I needed them in 1984.�Never mind. But they would come in handy now. Especially that “waterproof” walkman. (It’s not, I repeat: NOT waterproof). Also, (for the record) that Ouija Board (why was Parker Bros. into the occult?) didn’t even work. It was merely the hors d’oeuvre for the Slumber Party Game: Light As a Feather/Stiff As a Board. Um, if I caught my daughter and her friends playing that game, I’d be like, I GET TO TELL THE STORY AND CUT THE PRETEND HOLE IN THE FOREHEAD AND FILL IT WITH SAND.

Oh, I wouldn’t… I’d be more like, YOU GIRLS GET TO BED, ENOUGH OF YOUR WITCHCRAFT.

ALSO, that PacMan tray should only be used for craft projects. Never for food in bed. NEVER FOR FOOD IN BED.

Hmm, I guess I really don’t need anything.

PS: Thanks mom, for life!

PPS: Don’t worry, this is not a Holy Day of Obligation.

April 12, 2012
Should You Be Afraid of a Cash Mob?

No.

Normally, mobs carry pitchforks and torches but Cash Mobs�are different.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5zUAnIaD4I

How?

Cash Mobs�are a happy sort and their motivation has nothing to do with drawing�or�quartering. Cash Mobs support local businesses by encouraging shoppers to spend $20 at an independent boutique on a designated day.

Isn’t this a beautiful and simple concept?�I promise it won’t turn into a Black Friday Walmart thing. Leave your pepper spray at home.�

i like you�is next on the list. (Saturday, April 14.) Have you ever been?! You will be reduced to a giggling mess.

Just step over the girls.

April 12, 2012

Youth Is Wasted

When my daughter was small (until she became a giant),she wrestled daily with Jungian archetypes… She was fascinated by the�Actor/Storyteller…�and the story of The Boy Who Cried Wolf was a favorite.

Oh, that Boy!! She was disgusted and fascinated!

August 5, 2014
Don’t Look Away!

Ahh, there is nothing like a Midsummer Night’s Homebirth!

Oh, and here’s a card. I’VE BEEN BUSY, OKAY??

August 1, 2014
Marinate & Ruminate & Distill & Purge

Don’t you hate looking at photographs when you’re not in them?

Me too!

Oh, and I made this for my gals.

July 22, 2014
Deja Vu

We bought our house on the Cape in 1982…

this was the same year that The Go-Go’s penned their masterpiece.

Coincidence?? I THINK NOT.

Summers on the Cape were filled with so much adventure! There were trees to climb, sea-creatures to discover, rocks to paint (it’s complicated), and cans to return for 5� � imagine returning an ENTIRE BAG of cans. Your very own money to spend on candy at the Barnstable News. I dragged a garbage bag of empty cans up Millway, past the dead bodiesto claim my prize. I did not anticipate this being such a great windfall… The Adult behind the counter counted all of my�(mostly beer)�cans (thanks Uncle Gary!) and the total staggered me.

“Two dollars and thirty-five cents.”

I gasped.

I walked past the wall of candy, right to the freezer full of ice cream treats. One box of six ice cream sandwiches, all for me. ALL FOR ME!!I was a girl on a mission: Eat all six, share with no one, and never breathe a word of this to any of my siblings.�I held the package to my (boyish) chest, and ran until I was sure I was alone. Across the street from the cemetery, and next to an abandoned house, I ripped open the box and started eating. 1…2…3… still going strong… 4… slowing down… 5… Five! Only FIVE! What a failure!�

I staggered home, and benevolently offered the final sandwich to my little brother. (What a fool he was for not even questioning my backstory!)

Present day: Southwest Airline’s Boeing 737: 40,000 feet.I made these:

July 13, 2014
July: Barnstable County

Would a plate-smashing scene make this trip more authentic?�Maybe.�Oh, but here we are bored out of our minds…It’s tiresome, really! Just ocean, ocean, ocean… day in and day out.And nobody even documents�my�joie de vivre! Sadly, I must document myself.Jen sent me�her�selfie all the way from Zeichen Press Headquarters:

July 9, 2014
When I was down beside the sea

A wooden spade they gave to me

To dig the sandy shore.

My holes were empty like a cup.

In every hole the sea came up,

Till it could come no more.

~ Robert Louis Stevenson

Back on the Cape again…

Aren’t the kids so sweet? They have so much fun… Wait…�WHAT?!�How did I miss that??

June 29, 2014
Mystery Solved!

With the warm weather comes mating animals and�flies covering the shop windows.And nothing else. NOTHING ELSE.

One might ask,�“I wonder why that window is so filthy?”�And another might respond,�“Shhh, just close your eyes while I slowly and firmly place this pillow over your face…”

There.

Now, onto the flies. I did all the research and learned that these are no ordinary flies. The internet told me that they are called�Cluster Flies, so I vacuumed them up and made this card:

June 23, 2014
Deadbeat Cat

I think Tib The Cat is pregnant. I could have (should have?) put a stop to the coitus, but who am I to stand in the way of true love? WHO AM I? Wait, was that really�true love??Hmm… Zoom… Enhance…GOOD LORD.

Speaking of Father’s Day…Oh, and did this Father’s Day card ever make it on the blog?�(Winky-face.)PS: Apparently my SEO success could be better if I mention letterpress-related words IN my blog posts. Words like: tactile, vintage press, printing, ink, paper, mangled hand.

June 15, 2014
Sleeping?

Sometimes (oftentimes) I wake in the middle of the night and tap messages to myself on my iPhone.

For example�(and I quote):�

“I just want to eat gobstoppers and take rearview mirror selfies… William Shatner in gladiator costume on 40′ stilts… A young Ben Franklin with a head full of dreams and a heart full of hate… Bromeo & Juliet… You Are Here –>brain…”

Upon thoroughly waking, my task is to decode this nocturnal rambling.

Sometimes I am successful.

June 8, 2014
Treading Water

In the Spring of 1990, I packed up a carton of cigarettes, a skillet, 4 forks, a sketch pad, and some Mexican jumping beans.�Graduating high school means moving into a dormitory on the campus of the college of your dreams. OR moving into�an apartment above a pizza place.

EITHER WAY, this card seems appropriate:SPEAKING OF APPROPRIATE, is gluten-intolerance funny?

June 2, 2014