Zeichen Press – Page 13 – Design & Letterpress for the people.

Night of 1,000 Bloggers – ON ICE!

Keegan’s Pub�was crawling with local bloggers last night. I, too, left my�secret headquarters�and mingled with fellow pasty-faced Minnesotans. Aside from the table-raping, the evening was pleasant. Nobody noticed that I was suited up and ready for a blogathlon – I have been training all winter for this event – mostly sitting. Also, the interest I’ve had in other “things” and “people” has had to take a back-seat to my “writing”. The only thing that would have made the night more awesome is if�James Lileks�and I could have performed our Ice Revue. One word: Magic. Here’s a photo of me taken by a fellow�blogger :

Doesn’t it look like I’m having fun?! I always have fun when I drink flat Pepsi. Notice my delicate pinky-finger. Notice the food on my sweater and in my hair. Somebody must have thrown that at me because I don’t even eat anymore. I just drink flat Pepsi.��The Nihilist in Golf Pants�was also there… he may or may not remember the event. He was with a fellow that had wonderfully shaped eyebrows and spoke of gopher-holes. I think he was talking about gopher-holes. I was so busy staring at the miracle of a man-in-his-third-trimester that I lost track of the conversation.

March 8, 2009
“birthday card for a murderer”

That was the most recent search on my blog stats page. Somebody NEEDS a birthday card for that special murderer in their life. Somebody typed those words into their little google search window and the 13th result is a link to this blog post.

You’re welcome.

March 4, 2009
Bring it, Old Woman:

Work�is not really the right word for what I do. But�I do sit in a particular chair in my living room. I sit with my laptop on my lap. I sit here a lot.�Oft. I sit here ofttimes. In front of me is a couch. On the couch is the dog.

Above the couch are a row of windows. I sit and, absentmindedly, stare out the window. I do most everything absentmindedly. Some call it day-dreaming. I call it thoughts and feelings�continuously�flowing uninterrupted by objective description or conventional dialogue.

My teachers called it “almost failing.”

ANYWAY. I am sitting in my chair and I realize I am�absentmindedly staring out the window.�I notice the woman across the street (whose name I dare not speak) standing in front of her large picture window. She is an older woman and I’ve see her putter about in her yard scads of times… Now I see her�standing�in her living room, looking out her window. Not just�looking�out her window – she is standing stiff and still – as if in confrontation. She is staring, staring at me. I wouldn’t expect a television actor to stop the show and look through the glass at me looking at them. It’s not as if�I�am standing and staring out�my�window. I am in my usual slumped position, eyes barely over the screen of the computer, headphones blaring music in my ears.

I am�camouflaged. She shouldn’t be able to see me.

But she does.

She sees me and I’m not kidding: She, this elderly lady, gives me TWO MIDDLE FINGERS! I actually pointed at myself “who me?” and turned around, sure to see some scoundrel. But no!�The�eminem-style-double-flip-off�was meant for me. ME! I watched as she closed her blinds.

February 26, 2009
MMPA Oscar Luncheon Update/My Roundworm Realization

Robert Downy Jr. is holding My Cards and�the cat is throwing up worms. Yin Yang, right??!! I get it. I GET IT. I can’t have the RDJ without the 5″ long vomit-covered, wriggling worms. I wouldn’t even dream of it. I don’t even DESERVE it. I AM the worm.

The Lowly Worm.�

February 20, 2009
��Creatives Better Bring it in 2009 or How Not to Get Outsourced��

Hey!

I’ve got your stimulus plan right here: (picture me pantomiming using and flushing a toilet)

WHAT?! I KNOW! It?’s nuts, but don’?t worry, I have a plan. What? You are a ?creative? and not one of those money-grubbing-pencil-pushing-number-crunching-suit-wearing-folder-filing-douche-bags? Oh, well. Never mind. Your�bulging, overdeveloped right brain will miraculously begin its emergency production of U.S. currency.

Oh, silly me. Or, ?Blee, blah, blah? as my mom would say. That was MY bulging, overdeveloped right brain trying to find a creative solution for something that is far too complicated for my shriveled left brain to comprehend. Doctors say that my left brain is all that actually remains of my parasitic conjoined twin.

But that’?s not important.

Listen, what IS important is this: Stuff as much potable water and canned ham as will fit in a canvas bag and hitchhike to the least populated area you can find. It will probably be a shopping mall because nobody has any money?.

I?’m just kidding.

Don?’t bring the canned ham – that?s gross. Bring one of those shrink-wrapped holiday sausages. Okay, where was I? Why do I think it?’s important to go to the mall to see the people NOT spending their moola? BECAUSE, you – The Creative, need to inspire the buyer to buy and should see firsthand where the people are milling about, imagining shelling out their hard-earned dough. This economic pickle will do something interesting for the creative community: It will separate the men from the boys, like a giant, emotionless colander. All you timid, cowering, insecure creatives will slip through the holes.

Don?t feel bad, your ?”creative thing”? could win you the title of The Most Awesome Pictionary Partner.

But, the rest of you… YOU need to bring it.

Bring.

It.

Show us what you?’re made of! There was a time when men labored their entire lives on a single artistic work. We have a word for those people: Dead. And also, dedicated. Know your market and drive your original, imaginative spear right through that teeny-tiny part of their brain that whispers, ?I like that.?

NOW, if you are a creative that does NOT need to earn a living busting your creative butt- ignore all of those crazy words above. YOU are a purist. You design and make and create because you can. If I were Oprah I?’d say that with a ton of energy and enthusiasm, ?BECAUSE… YOU… CAN!!? Do you feel me? Knit, sew, draw, paint, print, cook, write – whatever your medium, do your thing – don’?t let the staggering, smelly, urine-soaked economy drag you down, don’?t be discouraged! This is your big chance to wear depression-era clothing and squeeze blood from a stone! Visit your local thrift stores for materials, scour Craigslist for deals, fish your local pond for dinner!

My brother, Zak, goes to great lengths to keep his money from The Man. (Offshore accounts, blee, blah, blah) Salvaging wood from broken-down barns, buildings, docks, whatever – and transforms them into stunning pieces of furniture, ornaments, frames, and toys. (Shameless, nepotistic plug: click here to be lathered in images of wooden beauty)

It must be genetic because My Grandpa was all about recycling WAY before it was even a thing. He made his living as a plumber and knew copper more than most men know their wives. (But who can�really�KNOW copper? Right?) Door pulls, garden arbors, oven racks… the whole damn house was held together by copper.

Are you picking up what I?’m laying down? I?’m giving you examples from my own life that you might find something relatable in yours. That makes you, the reader, feel closer to me. We should totally go have coffee and talk about how we?re going to rock 2009.

Right on.

February 13, 2009
****Star Struck****

Richard Jenkins,�Brad Pitt,�Kate Winslet,�Angelina Jolie,�Meryl Streep,�Danny Boyle,�Stephen Daldry,�David Fincher,�Ron Howard,�Gus Van Sant,�Robert Downey, Jr.,�Philip Hoffman,�Michael Shannon,�Penelope Cruz,�Viola�Davis,�Taraji P. Henson,�Marisa Tomei:

Are.

All.

Getting.

Our.

Cards

YOU HEARD ME. These celebrated people will be attending the MMPA Oscar Luncheon and will be receiving one of those fancy gift bags that everyone drools over in Entertainment Weekly.
Is it wrong that I am caressing the cards and calling them Sugar-Bush?
Good luck cards. Good luck and God-speed.
Oh, which cards did we pick?

These:

January 30, 2009

Youth Is Wasted

When my daughter was small (until she became a giant),she wrestled daily with Jungian archetypes… She was fascinated by the�Actor/Storyteller…�and the story of The Boy Who Cried Wolf was a favorite.

Oh, that Boy!! She was disgusted and fascinated!

August 5, 2014
Don’t Look Away!

Ahh, there is nothing like a Midsummer Night’s Homebirth!

Oh, and here’s a card. I’VE BEEN BUSY, OKAY??

August 1, 2014
Marinate & Ruminate & Distill & Purge

Don’t you hate looking at photographs when you’re not in them?

Me too!

Oh, and I made this for my gals.

July 22, 2014
Deja Vu

We bought our house on the Cape in 1982…

this was the same year that The Go-Go’s penned their masterpiece.

Coincidence?? I THINK NOT.

Summers on the Cape were filled with so much adventure! There were trees to climb, sea-creatures to discover, rocks to paint (it’s complicated), and cans to return for 5� � imagine returning an ENTIRE BAG of cans. Your very own money to spend on candy at the Barnstable News. I dragged a garbage bag of empty cans up Millway, past the dead bodiesto claim my prize. I did not anticipate this being such a great windfall… The Adult behind the counter counted all of my�(mostly beer)�cans (thanks Uncle Gary!) and the total staggered me.

“Two dollars and thirty-five cents.”

I gasped.

I walked past the wall of candy, right to the freezer full of ice cream treats. One box of six ice cream sandwiches, all for me. ALL FOR ME!!I was a girl on a mission: Eat all six, share with no one, and never breathe a word of this to any of my siblings.�I held the package to my (boyish) chest, and ran until I was sure I was alone. Across the street from the cemetery, and next to an abandoned house, I ripped open the box and started eating. 1…2…3… still going strong… 4… slowing down… 5… Five! Only FIVE! What a failure!�

I staggered home, and benevolently offered the final sandwich to my little brother. (What a fool he was for not even questioning my backstory!)

Present day: Southwest Airline’s Boeing 737: 40,000 feet.I made these:

July 13, 2014
July: Barnstable County

Would a plate-smashing scene make this trip more authentic?�Maybe.�Oh, but here we are bored out of our minds…It’s tiresome, really! Just ocean, ocean, ocean… day in and day out.And nobody even documents�my�joie de vivre! Sadly, I must document myself.Jen sent me�her�selfie all the way from Zeichen Press Headquarters:

July 9, 2014
When I was down beside the sea

A wooden spade they gave to me

To dig the sandy shore.

My holes were empty like a cup.

In every hole the sea came up,

Till it could come no more.

~ Robert Louis Stevenson

Back on the Cape again…

Aren’t the kids so sweet? They have so much fun… Wait…�WHAT?!�How did I miss that??

June 29, 2014
Mystery Solved!

With the warm weather comes mating animals and�flies covering the shop windows.And nothing else. NOTHING ELSE.

One might ask,�“I wonder why that window is so filthy?”�And another might respond,�“Shhh, just close your eyes while I slowly and firmly place this pillow over your face…”

There.

Now, onto the flies. I did all the research and learned that these are no ordinary flies. The internet told me that they are called�Cluster Flies, so I vacuumed them up and made this card:

June 23, 2014
Deadbeat Cat

I think Tib The Cat is pregnant. I could have (should have?) put a stop to the coitus, but who am I to stand in the way of true love? WHO AM I? Wait, was that really�true love??Hmm… Zoom… Enhance…GOOD LORD.

Speaking of Father’s Day…Oh, and did this Father’s Day card ever make it on the blog?�(Winky-face.)PS: Apparently my SEO success could be better if I mention letterpress-related words IN my blog posts. Words like: tactile, vintage press, printing, ink, paper, mangled hand.

June 15, 2014
Sleeping?

Sometimes (oftentimes) I wake in the middle of the night and tap messages to myself on my iPhone.

For example�(and I quote):�

“I just want to eat gobstoppers and take rearview mirror selfies… William Shatner in gladiator costume on 40′ stilts… A young Ben Franklin with a head full of dreams and a heart full of hate… Bromeo & Juliet… You Are Here –>brain…”

Upon thoroughly waking, my task is to decode this nocturnal rambling.

Sometimes I am successful.

June 8, 2014
Treading Water

In the Spring of 1990, I packed up a carton of cigarettes, a skillet, 4 forks, a sketch pad, and some Mexican jumping beans.�Graduating high school means moving into a dormitory on the campus of the college of your dreams. OR moving into�an apartment above a pizza place.

EITHER WAY, this card seems appropriate:SPEAKING OF APPROPRIATE, is gluten-intolerance funny?

June 2, 2014