Zeichen Press – Page 16 – Design & Letterpress for the people.

Teaching strange children

As we pulled up in the parking lot to our Pre-School Speaking Engagement, Jen reminded me not to swear in front of the children. I told her I would do my best but I wouldn’t make any promises and that sometimes I need to use strong language to really make my point… sometimes I need to use strong language when children REFUSE TO BEHAVE.

I’m kidding. I told Jen to stick it in a hole. She’s not the boss of me. Then she slapped me good and hard. I can’t say that I blame her.

It took a few minutes for the kids to warm up to me. My costume might have confused them. Anyway, I brought a chase locked up with wood type and set it on the floor.

When I was a kid, I saw a kid throw another kid’s shoe into the Primate Den at The Como Zoo. The monkeys approached cautiously but before long they were all over that shoe. They wanted that shoe. I was fascinated. But then I was distracted because of�another�kid. A�mischievous boy who met his match�while trying to climb over a spike-tipped, wrought-iron fence.

I love the zoo.

January 29, 2009
Voodoo

What in the ding-dang are these city-folk up to now??!! Putting pins in good folks and charging money for it?! I got myself some thumbtacks and I can put ’em anywhere you damn well please and charge you half ‘n what these quacks are taking. You mark my words, next there’s gonna be all kinds of potions and maybe even some of that herb smoking. I got news for you:

This ain’t California.

We like our doctors wearing stethoscopes and blue pants. We like our doctors to give us shots when we don’t feel good. We like being sent to the pharmacist. WE LIKE IT.

Oh, flibbity flam. I’ve got some noodlin’ to do. Have a look at some of Fran’s “work” for Performance Acupuncture.
Logos… What the?

January 23, 2009
The calm before the sh*t storm

One of my stalkers used to say, “I’ve gottalotta things in the hopper. A lot. In the hopper.” I often wondered if one of those things in the hopper was making a skin suit out of me. But I never asked – I love surprises. He once chased me on roller skates. I wasn’t even scared. Now, the cab-driver… the stalking cab-driver, he was a little scary. Although… he’d drive by an Old Country Buffet and�was so high he’d often forget he was stalking me. He just couldn’t resist the chicken-fried-chicken.�

But enough of these bedtime stories!

WE’VE got a lot of things in the hopper: A Logo, Oscar-luncheon-gift-bag-goodies, a show at a gallery, a speaking engagement in front of pre-schoolers, a bat mitzvah invitation, more stupid catalogs. I’m nervous about the speaking engagement. If I make eye-contact with any one of those children they’ll own me. The last thing I need is a room full of kids throwing lead type at my head.

In preparation for the upcoming events I decided that someone should clean our little shop of horrors. Someone did. Isn’t it cute? *Note the framed photo of Kelly Clarkson next to the hanging hammer.

January 22, 2009
Won’t you be my neighbor?

Hot Plate‘s�Mexican Omelette was again sending me messages. Who am I to ignore them? I just do what I’m told.

Exhausted from an earlier outing, I had my husband drive our team of horses. I was cozy warm because I stuffed hot potatoes in my pants.

While I devoured my second Mexican Omelette of the week I chatted with owner, Carrie Lewis. She told me a tale. A tale that reminded me of how dark the soul can be… a tale of the flawed nature of humanity. I openly wept as she about her passive aggressive neighbors. And, as I sipped my 9th delicious latte, I formulated a plan: I would counter the negativity directed at�The Best Restaurant on the South Side�by channeling the Prince of Peace, Mr. Rogers.

Who better to handle bad neighborhood karma than him? I can think of no one. I have created this card and will be making a plate asap. Reserve one (or five) today because they will be selling faster than Hot Plate’s pumpkin pancakes.

January 19, 2009
May my suffering bring you joy

Only my fellow Minnesotans and residents of�Chicken, Alaska�can truly understand what it means to be cold. I am intrigued by deadly weather. Cold that can freeze a limb solid. Cold that flattens your car tires. Cold that makes your eyeballs feel funny. I braved the extreme cold today.

Twice.

-21� is COLD. But a Mexican Omelette was whispering my name with such longing… I put on every bit of clothing I own and headed outside. The car actually told me to F – Off. I reminded it that we were both in this together and that if it cooperated I would fill it up with Premium Gasoline. Foolish car, choosing gasoline over Mexican Omelette!

When I was safely inside of�Hot Plate�I laughed… Oh, how I laughed – and saluted the outdoors for being a worthy adversary. Later that day (that SAME day) I went outside again. I actually ran to the studio. It took 1.5 seconds. Luckily my exposed body part (my bottom) was unharmed.

Where was I? Oh, yes. I risked my limbs (and bottom) to run to the studio and lay out previously written cards. Three birthday cards. The metal type was awfully cold. I wanted to lick it but I exercised restraint.

January 16, 2009
Back in the shop

The low magenta toner has put a hold on the catalog production. I am really, really upset about it. I’d like to spend more time with the new laser printer. Understanding its quirks, its likes and dislikes. What makes it get out of bed every morning? Does it enjoy being my slave? Don’t worry, Brother HL-4070CDW – this is only temporary. Jen paid the extra $3.99 for shipping and your toner will be here Wednesday. Thank you, Jen. I mean it.�

So I spent the day in the shop. Despite my tears I was able to lay out some previously written cards. I think the anguish really comes through. I am, after all, an artist. My soul is appropriately tortured. Whoa is me.

January 12, 2009

Merry Christmas!

As is custom in our culture,�pi�atas will be stuffed with liver sausage!

December 24, 2013
Blog Post Meridiem

Nighttime is just like daytime but with fewer socks and more Professor Blastoff.

Who is Professor Blastoff??

Professor Blastoff�is a podcast/my gateway to dreamland. Not because it’s boring!�Shut your pretty mouth.�But because these three comedians lull me me to sleep with their soothing silliness.�How can silliness be soothing??�Just listen to it�and quit judging me.

Speaking of professors, a(n) (assistant) professor�(Alicia Erian)�at Northeastern University (Department of English and Tomfoolery) took such a shine to Zeichen Press that she is our new (virtual) intern! Responsibilities include (but aren’t limited to): Telling me how awesome I am.

She didn’t love this next card but�I�still love�her.

December 17, 2013
How two women spun straw into gold at the No Coast Craft-o-Rama

In this story, the ‘straw’ is paper-and-ink and the ‘gold’ is a cash box full of cash.

If only mortgage companies and grocery stores�accepted hugs and back rubs in exchange for their products and services! Alas, they do not, and so we are forced to peddle our wares.�Normally, shops around the WORLD (that’s right) peddle our goods for us, but once a year, we come out of hiding, and on horseback, to peddle our own goods at the beloved�No Coast Craft-o-Rama.

Is it because we love laughter and the spirit of the Holiday Season? Or is it because we love money?

Oh, the reformed Scrooge inside of me says it’s not about the money. IT’S NOT.

December 10, 2013
See You There!

Where?

AT THE MIDTOWN GLOBAL MARKET FOR THE NO COAST CRAFT-O-RAMA!!

Directions:

1) Put on all of your clothes and coats.

2) Hitch sled-dogs to sled.

3)�MUSH!!

4) Do ALL of your Holiday shopping. And eating.

Is there a better way to embrace the Holiday season??

NO.

December 6, 2013
Halls (Of The Midtown Global Market) Will Be Decked With Such Goodness

There is always SO MUCH TO DO this time of year! Jen has to print and fold about a million cards and I have to sit still so my daughter can do my nails.Yes, those are adorable pandas. And yes, that is stigmata.

The No Coast Craft-o-Rama has an amazing line up this year (as usual), there is�Miss Amy Jo,�Adam Turman,�glass|wares,�Cosmo’s Collars,�Moss Love Terrariums,�Oh Dier,�Soup Hunter Guitars, and… so… much…�MORE!!

SO, bring your money and your eyeballs and get ready to check everyone off your Christmas list!�AND send a belated Chanukah card (is that a thing??)

December 3, 2013
Eight Days of Thanksgiving

Postable asked me to create a card�that celebrates a very rare occurrence: Thanksgiving and Hanukkah falling on the�same day.�I don’t know much about the�Jewish Faith but I think that means�eight�days of leftovers.This mash-up won’t happen again for another 77,000 years.

It’s true.

In other news… Jen and I will celebrate Thanksgiving the way we always do: in period costume.�Twist: Jen will be dunked in the dunking chair until she confesses to being a witch.

Happy Thanksgiving!

November 27, 2013
A Winter Cocoon

Now that the temperature has dropped to depressing lows, I’ve turned to TLC reruns for comfort. …My Strange Addiction�is the best thing on television… Why wouldn’t I gorge myself on other people’s dysfunction?

But enough about women addicted to drinking their own urine. Here’s a card about perspective.

November 26, 2013
How To Be A Supercentenarian

It’s easy!

Old folks like Misao Okawa credit their longevity to poached eggs and whiskey.

Oh, I can do that.

November 18, 2013
Norway? YESway!

We’ve had some big orders come in from�a shop in Oslo… I’ve been trying to figure out how they heard of Zeichen Press…

Here’s how:�If you take a running start, and are a good swimmer, you can get to Oslo from Denmark, and Denmark is just Germany’s top hat… And Germany, as you know, is the birthplace of Gutenberg.And�of letterpress… Right? LETTER press??�ZEICHEN�Press?? Clearly Zeichen�Press is synonymous with letterpress in that part of the world. All they had to do was google letterpress to find this:

There you have it.

Mystery solved.

Takk�Liebling.

Oh, clearly they speak English, but I don’t speak Norwegian � and that’s where the interweb comes in handy:Translator says:Class dismissed.

November 15, 2013
Alexis and Martha Stewart DO Love Zeichen Press

I knew it!

They’ve only been pretending to not see me chase them down the street! Kidders!

Alexis just ordered all of her�Holiday cards from the Zeichen Press shop… which card will she send to Martha??

November 9, 2013