Zeichen Press – Page 16 – Design & Letterpress for the people.

Where’s my unpaid intern?

WHERE??? If I have to work on this�catalog layout for�10 more seconds I’m going to quit my job. I will instantly rehire myself just so I can quit again. This could go on for days. Of COURSE I couldn’t just work with the catalog copy �in Adobe InDesign – I HAD to use a WWII era typewriter. A Smith-Corona Skyriter to type in each individual bit of information about all 100 products.�What is wrong with me?

�

I actually�cheated�in “keyboarding I AND II” in high school. Don’t ask me how. DON’T ASK ME.�

Jen is just dying to say, “I told you so.” Just shut up, Jen. Why must �you take the place of my underdeveloped sensibilities?

January 8, 2009
Waist-deep snow

Day Two. ��Snow fell through the night and drifted into the passage. The women and children are weaker today. Kenneth is ailing and must be dragged on a make-shift sledge. Robert appears to be delusional and only can speak of thick-cut bacon and death metal. The dogs are starting to look delicious, especially the fluffy one. We are, most certainly, in a predicament.

��

Um, here’s a new card – inspired by the men, women, and children that ventured West .

The Donner (Birthday) Party

January 4, 2009
I’ll tell you what

Uh. December is, like, over. I don’t even care. Good riddance you ungrateful pig. You think you’re so great with your Christmas and your Hanukkah and your Britney Spears’ birthday. I’ve had it. I think we all have. Even with all of these Feast Days I managed to squeeze in our long-awaited catalog creation. And don’t think I forgot about my�25-birthday-cards. Self-imposed deadlines are the only way to get anything done. You know what else works? Pretending someone is going to kill you if you don’t get something done. SO, I scrounged up some images and wrote some lines. Yeah, yeah – I’ve not set the type or done layouts or pulled any proofs – mere formalities. And anyway, my shop elves will do it while I’m ringing in the New Year in lovely Brainerd, Minnesota. Here are a few images/lines – they’ll be 15% funnier after I’ve had my way with them. And another thing: they’re not all birthday cards. I’m not some sort of one-trick pony.

You make this, you live.

Good luck.

�

�

�

�

�

�

�

�

�

Shhhh. Nobody’ll even notice us.

�

Eh? What’s that? Whose birthday? Who are you? Get out of my room.

�

��Happy Birthday, you tool.

…and in conclusion – quit calling me a pussy.

Sincerely,

Pevenshire Wiffynuts

x=get me the f*ck out of here.

Congratulations.

I said, CONGRATULATIONS!

If you’re old enough to remember this game
you are probably sitting in your own urine.

Thanks for coming to my birthday party, my tiny friends.

��

Alright, that’ll do. I’ll post more after the elves work it out. Oh, and if you see a woman running around Brainerd in giant underpants and Sorel Boots it’s not me. Happy New Year!!!

�

�

�

�

December 31, 2008
No-Coast and a stock pot

Good Lord, what a day! I got up at the crack o’ eight – Jen picked me up and brought me to the MidTown Market to hawk our goods. It was the No-Coast Craft-o-Rama! We were pretty much SiameseTwins – due to my crippling Math Anxiety, I can’t be left alone to make change for a twenty. I welcome your prayers. I smiled lots and said, “four�dollars” or “five�dollars” whenever I felt like it. Sometimes it was in response to a customer’s question. Here are some customers: notice their intense cheerfulness:

I did manage to step away from our table to find a crinkly cat bag for My Mother-in-Law. She’s gonna frickin’ love it. Those cats are gonna thank me by walking by me and not noticing I exist. It’ll be one awesome Christmas.

…Fast forward, like, eight hours and I found myself at a delightful Holiday Party. I think it was in Plymouth. Anyway, the halls were decked, the booze was flowing. The booze was flowing. In retrospect, I don’t think it all wanted to be in�my�body. I’m not sure why, at the time, I thought it did want to be in there. And honestly, there wasn’t a lot of �room, what with all the�spanakopita�. I was planning on giving it all up in a stock pot that Katie generously donated to the car. I felt the love. I did make it home, with a clean stock pot, and Kenny dumped me into bed. He was like a hunter and I was like a deer carcass. The bed was the pick-up truck. It was so much fun. I dragged my sorry arse out of bed this morning to for churching. The stock pot is a symbol of one woman’s redemption. So much can happen in a day.

PS: Did you know that 80’s glasses are back in style?? You crazy kids!

December 7, 2008
SO. MANY. WORDS.

Three 10″x15″ iron chases locked up with�Touchpoint�Buzzwords. Buzzwords and some other random cuts from the ZP collection – including a chunk from a newspaper insert advertising handy items for the ladies: A rubber-lined shopping bag available in gay plaids, a multi-tiered clothes hanger, a cap to protect the hairdo. What I wouldn’t give to have those items. My drab, rain-soaked groceries… My closet, crammed full! How could I be hanging my clothes on ONE plane? My hair, My God, my hair… I don’t even know where to start. I get a “do” and leave it�completely�unprotected. It’s like I don’t even care! Oh. Back to the Touchpoint Holiday Card/Disc Sleeve. It’s super sweet:

December 3, 2008
SO. MANY. WORDS.

�Three 10″x15″ iron chases locked up with Touchpoint Buzzwords. Buzzwords and some other random cuts from the ZP collection – including a chunk from a newspaper insert advertising handy items for the ladies: A rubber-lined shopping bag available in gay plaids, a multi-tiered clothes hanger, a cap to protect the hairdo.

What I wouldn’t give to have those items. My drab, rain-soaked groceries… My closet, crammed full! How could I be hanging my clothes on ONE plane? My hair, My God, my hair… I don’t even know where to start. I get a “do” and leave it completely unprotected. It’s like I don’t even care!

Oh. Back to the Touchpoint Holiday Card/Disc Sleeve. It’ super sweet:

Touchpoint Cd Sleeve

Touchpoint Cd Sleeve

Touchpoint Cd Sleeve

Touchpoint Cd Sleeve

December 3, 2008

Merry Christmas!

As is custom in our culture,�pi�atas will be stuffed with liver sausage!

December 24, 2013
Blog Post Meridiem

Nighttime is just like daytime but with fewer socks and more Professor Blastoff.

Who is Professor Blastoff??

Professor Blastoff�is a podcast/my gateway to dreamland. Not because it’s boring!�Shut your pretty mouth.�But because these three comedians lull me me to sleep with their soothing silliness.�How can silliness be soothing??�Just listen to it�and quit judging me.

Speaking of professors, a(n) (assistant) professor�(Alicia Erian)�at Northeastern University (Department of English and Tomfoolery) took such a shine to Zeichen Press that she is our new (virtual) intern! Responsibilities include (but aren’t limited to): Telling me how awesome I am.

She didn’t love this next card but�I�still love�her.

December 17, 2013
How two women spun straw into gold at the No Coast Craft-o-Rama

In this story, the ‘straw’ is paper-and-ink and the ‘gold’ is a cash box full of cash.

If only mortgage companies and grocery stores�accepted hugs and back rubs in exchange for their products and services! Alas, they do not, and so we are forced to peddle our wares.�Normally, shops around the WORLD (that’s right) peddle our goods for us, but once a year, we come out of hiding, and on horseback, to peddle our own goods at the beloved�No Coast Craft-o-Rama.

Is it because we love laughter and the spirit of the Holiday Season? Or is it because we love money?

Oh, the reformed Scrooge inside of me says it’s not about the money. IT’S NOT.

December 10, 2013
See You There!

Where?

AT THE MIDTOWN GLOBAL MARKET FOR THE NO COAST CRAFT-O-RAMA!!

Directions:

1) Put on all of your clothes and coats.

2) Hitch sled-dogs to sled.

3)�MUSH!!

4) Do ALL of your Holiday shopping. And eating.

Is there a better way to embrace the Holiday season??

NO.

December 6, 2013
Halls (Of The Midtown Global Market) Will Be Decked With Such Goodness

There is always SO MUCH TO DO this time of year! Jen has to print and fold about a million cards and I have to sit still so my daughter can do my nails.Yes, those are adorable pandas. And yes, that is stigmata.

The No Coast Craft-o-Rama has an amazing line up this year (as usual), there is�Miss Amy Jo,�Adam Turman,�glass|wares,�Cosmo’s Collars,�Moss Love Terrariums,�Oh Dier,�Soup Hunter Guitars, and… so… much…�MORE!!

SO, bring your money and your eyeballs and get ready to check everyone off your Christmas list!�AND send a belated Chanukah card (is that a thing??)

December 3, 2013
Eight Days of Thanksgiving

Postable asked me to create a card�that celebrates a very rare occurrence: Thanksgiving and Hanukkah falling on the�same day.�I don’t know much about the�Jewish Faith but I think that means�eight�days of leftovers.This mash-up won’t happen again for another 77,000 years.

It’s true.

In other news… Jen and I will celebrate Thanksgiving the way we always do: in period costume.�Twist: Jen will be dunked in the dunking chair until she confesses to being a witch.

Happy Thanksgiving!

November 27, 2013
A Winter Cocoon

Now that the temperature has dropped to depressing lows, I’ve turned to TLC reruns for comfort. …My Strange Addiction�is the best thing on television… Why wouldn’t I gorge myself on other people’s dysfunction?

But enough about women addicted to drinking their own urine. Here’s a card about perspective.

November 26, 2013
How To Be A Supercentenarian

It’s easy!

Old folks like Misao Okawa credit their longevity to poached eggs and whiskey.

Oh, I can do that.

November 18, 2013
Norway? YESway!

We’ve had some big orders come in from�a shop in Oslo… I’ve been trying to figure out how they heard of Zeichen Press…

Here’s how:�If you take a running start, and are a good swimmer, you can get to Oslo from Denmark, and Denmark is just Germany’s top hat… And Germany, as you know, is the birthplace of Gutenberg.And�of letterpress… Right? LETTER press??�ZEICHEN�Press?? Clearly Zeichen�Press is synonymous with letterpress in that part of the world. All they had to do was google letterpress to find this:

There you have it.

Mystery solved.

Takk�Liebling.

Oh, clearly they speak English, but I don’t speak Norwegian � and that’s where the interweb comes in handy:Translator says:Class dismissed.

November 15, 2013
Alexis and Martha Stewart DO Love Zeichen Press

I knew it!

They’ve only been pretending to not see me chase them down the street! Kidders!

Alexis just ordered all of her�Holiday cards from the Zeichen Press shop… which card will she send to Martha??

November 9, 2013